Me (32F) and my husband (37M) have been happily married for 7 years now. We got to know each other briefly for about 6 months before we got married. He stays away from his home country and I was ok with our relationship mostly because I will not have to stay with my in-laws.
I am an only child and have been brought up with lot of love, care and fun growing up. We didn’t have much money but we were always happy and I feel my childhood was blessed.
My husband on the other hand had a rough upbringing. His parents never got along and stayed only because of children (2) they had. They are still together but always fight and argue over the smallest things. And every fight brings up old fights, which obviously never resolves. My sister-in-law had a messy divorce, so that is another heated topic whin it comes to fights in their house.
My husband has stayed away from home from when he was 18. One of reasons he is with me is because of the peace and calm and love we have in our home. In all these years, I tried to connect with my in-laws, but they come from different school of thought. Its just arguments over the smallest things, which tick me off. I have kept my safe distance from them emotionally over the years. My husband has a deep bond with his mom (not so much with his dad and sister).
As I am growing old and thinking of kids of our own, I want to have a deeper connection with his side family. I will always take the brunt in their family drama crossfire (which happens almost everyday)
AITA for wanting to keep my mental peace by being away from my in-laws ?
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Me (32F) and my husband (37M) have been happily married for 7 years now. We got to know each other briefly for about 6 months before we got married. He stays away from his home country and I was ok with our relationship mostly because I will not have to stay with my in-laws.
I am an only child and have been brought up with lot of love, care and fun growing up. We didn’t have much money but we were always happy and I feel my childhood was blessed.
My husband on the other hand had a rough upbringing. His parents never got along and stayed only because of children (2) they had. They are still together but always fight and argue over the smallest things. And every fight brings up old fights, which obviously never resolves. My sister-in-law had a messy divorce, so that is another heated topic whin it comes to fights in their house.
My husband has stayed away from home from when he was 18. One of reasons he is with me is because of the peace and calm and love we have in our home. In all these years, I tried to connect with my in-laws, but they come from different school of thought. Its just arguments over the smallest things, which tick me off. I have kept my safe distance from them emotionally over the years. My husband has a deep bond with his mom (not so much with his dad and sister).
As I am growing old and thinking of kids of our own, I want to have a deeper connection with his side family. I will always take the brunt in their family drama crossfire (which happens almost everyday)
AITA for wanting to keep my mental peace by being away from my in-laws ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Action I took – keeping away from inlaws
2. This action might make me an asshole, as I am potentially not even making any plans in present/future to keep any contact with a family that might be important to my husband. Because I want my mental peace.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, I don’t blame you for not wanting to engage with them.
NTA. Just because you have a fantasy of what a family should be like doesn’t mean you can force your husband’s family to act that way. The reality is you can only take people at face value and think about if that’s worth exposing your children to.
NTA but if you still want to bond maybe tackle them one on one. As individual relationships they may be less argumentative. Also,, many people are different with their grandkids or the younger generation than they are normally.
I guess you don’t have to actively bond with them, but if they aren’t harmful don’t write them off. Especially, the relationship they may develop with your kids.