So a bit of backstory, I (22F) and my boyfriend (23F) moved in together last year. I moved away from the city where my mother lives with my 2 younger sisters (15F and 21F). After many years of emotional, psychological, verbal, and even physical abuse I finally went no contact with my mother. I won’t go into too much detail, but from the time I was about 14 to 17 the police were always at our house, dealing with mine and my mother‘s domestic disputes. We had a lot of conflict. After my parents divorced, she had a lot of misplaced anger that seemingly found its way to me. I understand that I wasn’t perfect, and I did do some bad things, but I was a child that didn’t have her life skills yet and I have grown. She hasn’t. After many years of being no contact with my father, I ended up moving in with him for three months at about 18 because of mine and my mother’s newest fight. It only lasted three months because my dad is not a very good person, and his girlfriend, now wife, was somehow worse. Think the stereotypical, younger girlfriend of a deadbeat dad.

I got an apartment, but my mother needed to cosign since it was my first place, however, she never failed to use it against me when I didn’t tell her or give her exactly what she wanted, threatening to cancel my lease and basically make me homeless since I couldn’t afford a new damage deposit. However, everybody in my family says that she did this out of the kindness of her heart, that cosigning was something most parents would never do while conveniently forgetting about the fact it was used against me for years. that’s why I’m here looking for unbiassed opinions.

Now onto the more recent events.

A year ago we finally had a big blowup fight while I was looking to move in with my boyfriend. And finally let her break the lease. Moving in with him has been so unbelievably freeing and we are so happy. It was even more peaceful because my mother decided to give me the silent treatment hoping that would drive me insane when in reality it was extremely peaceful.

About six months later, she finally stopped, giving me the silent treatment and instead made a group chat with me and my two sisters trying to coordinate a family picture, I said yes, for my sibling’s, and since me and my boyfriend, we were going to be taking some couples photos anyway we decided we would go together and get some photos as well, which she was OK with it was actually her idea. She told me she wanted everyone to wear brown, so I ordered a brown dress and found my boyfriend a brown sweat sweater. After a couple weeks, she decided to change the colour scheme and ordered herself, and my sister’s matching dresses and me and my boyfriend did not match, making me the only one that didn’t match in the family photo. And she went right back to ignoring me after this. This kind of thing was common. But I let it go And got some really nice photos with my boyfriend however I’ve somehow only gotten about 20% of my photos back.

Now for the recent events

There was a lot of family drama back in 2020, my grandpa was hospitalized and had open heart surgery, and the family constantly fighting and kind of fell out of contact. But after four years, about 2 1/2 months ago, my grandparents decided we should all finally get together for a family barbecue. The entire time my mother would shoot daggers at me, every time me and my little sisters were laughing. She’d shoot me a dirty look, whenever I wasn’t in the vicinity, she’d start talking about me. Basically, she was the bestest friend to everybody there and was my biggest hater.

Two months ago, I completely cut Contact because one day she messages me out of the blue demanding I give her her login information for a digital marketing course that her and my aunt bought and let me use over 16 months ago. Accusing me of changing the password and a whole bunch else. I was unfortunately working and told her I would look for it later. She then got extremely upset with me for not helping her when she needed help and not answering her after she ignored me for a year. I told her that she needed to be respectful or I wouldn’t help her and of course she started making threats. She told me that she would delete my phone number and have my phone number deleted. She put my phone number on her data plan four years ago after I asked her not to because I wanted to switch it to my own, however, she insisted on Getting me a data plan that would end up saving money. I told her that if she put my phone number on another data plan instead of helping me switch it over I wasn’t going to pay for it and she said that was fine, but now suddenly she can use it as a threat. So after multiple days of stalling, I was able to get my phone number transferred over to my account, she kept the data plan and it will not mess with her rates, and my phone number is still mine. After telling her this, she absolutely lost it, so I told her to not contact me anymore unless there was an emergency or somebody was in the hospital. She sent me a couple angry texts with loose threats like “I hope you won’t need me, but I know better” and I haven’t heard from her since.

Now here’s where I need help figuring out if I’m the asshole. A couple days later I went to the hospital to have a minor surgery scheduled, instead the doctor did it immediately, but completely butchered this minor surgery on my leg. Five days later I go back complaining of severe pain and this doctor continues to brush me off and ignore me. Five days after that I was hospitalized with a staff infection. I had a whole bunch of other issues happen and arise, and I was in the hospital for 10 days. And it’s not like I didn’t tell anybody, my boyfriend’s entire side of the family knew I was in the hospital, even family that I wasn’t close with. I decided that somebody on my side of the family should probably know so I called my grandma. She asked me if I was going to tell my mother, and I told her no and explain why it was so complicated. She told me I was being silly and I needed to be an adult and tell her because that’s what adults do. After a bit more back-and-forth, she dropped it. I asked her not to tell them since my little sisters (15) birthday was the next day and I didn’t want her to worry on her birthday. She argued and told them anyway. Throughout my hospital stay I was constantly giving my grandmother updates every time she would tell me I needed to contact my mother and tell her I was in the hospital. And when I told her that talking to my mother was the last thing I wanted to do while I was high on pain medication, and the argument was still fresh. She told me I needed to be an adult and do the adult thing. She would not let this go. But that’s why I called her, I did inform somebody. I did do the adult thing and told people I was in the hospital. And because she told my mother and my sisters, they already knew. But for some reason, I guess I didn’t tell the right people? I understand that my condition was serious. Three CT scans, on oxygen, had a tube put into my back and into my kidney, staff infections and E. coli etc, so maybe I should have contacted her despite everything? So AITA for not breaking no contact with my mother to tell her I was in the hospital?

UPDATE: so before and after posting this I was debating telling my family group chat about my hospital stay since my uncles wedding is in a couple weeks and I don’t want the shock of seeing my cane to take away the attention from his wedding. I did not want that attention on his day. And I love my uncles. Im not crazy close with them but never had an issue with them or their partners but We have no drama. So I sent a short gist of my hospital stay, recovery and mentioned the cane. I didn’t mention crazy details just that my doctor sucks, I was there 10 days and im better. My uncles, cousins and auntie in laws all said they were sorry to hear I was sick. Yes my mother and sisters are in the chat. My mother hasn’t said anything. My nana sent me and my boyfriend a private message in a group chat with just the 3 of us to say she doesn’t agree with the way I announced it. And that the “right thing to do” would to be to message my mother and tell her the details and I’m sorry I didn’t tell her sooner, and said I didn’t have to answer again if she replied while making it clear she still thinks it’s stupid I’m cutting off my mother. I am going to stay NC with my mother and am considering who I should put on low/no contact with me since depending on who I choose would effect all my other family relationships. I already have to see my mother at family gatherings which is fine since they almost never happen. But I’d almost definitely never see anyone if I extend the list. It’s a lot to think about.