One of my close friends hosted a dinner at her place last weekend. She called it a “potluck” and sent a group text saying we should each bring a little something, drinks, snacks, whatever. It wasn’t anything fancy, just casual. I asked her what I should bring and mentioned I’d be coming straight from work and might be a little rushed. She replied that I didn’t need to worry about it, she had plenty of food and just wanted me to come.
So I didn’t bring anything. I showed up, said hi to everyone, and honestly, the night was going fine. People brought stuff, a salad, some cupcakes, a couple bottles of wine. I was planning to just help clean up or do dishes since I didn’t bring anything, and I figured she meant what she said.
But later on, while people were complimenting the food, she made this offhand comment like, “Well, not everyone contributed… but we’re still glad she showed up.” Everyone laughed, and it didn’t seem super serious, but I felt my face get hot. I didn’t know how to respond.
I stayed polite and tried not to act weird about it, but I felt uncomfortable the rest of the night. On the way home, I kept thinking about it. I get that maybe she was a little annoyed, but she literally told me not to bring anything. And now I feel like she put me on blast in front of people for something I didn’t even do wrong.
I haven’t said anything to her yet because it feels small and I don’t want to be dramatic, but I also can’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t fair.
AITA?
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One of my close friends hosted a dinner at her place last weekend. She called it a “potluck” and sent a group text saying we should each bring a little something, drinks, snacks, whatever. It wasn’t anything fancy, just casual. I asked her what I should bring and mentioned I’d be coming straight from work and might be a little rushed. She replied that I didn’t need to worry about it, she had plenty of food and just wanted me to come.
So I didn’t bring anything. I showed up, said hi to everyone, and honestly, the night was going fine. People brought stuff, a salad, some cupcakes, a couple bottles of wine. I was planning to just help clean up or do dishes since I didn’t bring anything, and I figured she meant what she said.
But later on, while people were complimenting the food, she made this offhand comment like, “Well, not everyone contributed… but we’re still glad she showed up.” Everyone laughed, and it didn’t seem super serious, but I felt my face get hot. I didn’t know how to respond.
I stayed polite and tried not to act weird about it, but I felt uncomfortable the rest of the night. On the way home, I kept thinking about it. I get that maybe she was a little annoyed, but she literally told me not to bring anything. And now I feel like she put me on blast in front of people for something I didn’t even do wrong.
I haven’t said anything to her yet because it feels small and I don’t want to be dramatic, but I also can’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t fair.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn’t bring food to her potluck. 2 I didn’t bring food after she told me not to. Idk if she meant it or
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta. She’s not a nice friend. If you did help her clean or do dishes, you’re good. I would reevaluate the friendship since she put you on the spot.
NTA. You have asked her and she told you not to and made fun of you not bring anything. That’s a red flag in friendship.
NTA, you did what she told you.
Personally I would have left after the comment, she can clean up herself.
Personally I would’ve brought a bottle of wine
Nta. You didn’t do anything wrong. She shouldnt laugh at you at all. If I were you I would just leave since I’m being insulted for no reason.
NTA but you could easily have picked up cookies or cupcakes from a supermarket bakery BEFORE you went to work and left them in the trunk to bring to the supper.
Just something to remember for next time though..You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just nicer not to arrive empty handed.
Yeah, NTA. That was quite rude of the hostess. If this is someone you value, I’d recommend bringing it up casually. Ask if perhaps there was a misunderstanding bc you thought she said to come anyway. (From your description it doesn’t sound like a mistake.) Chances are they will get defensive, but at least you attempted to clear the air.
If you take a couple days and it doesn’t bother you as much, you can decide to not bring it up to the hostess. The good thing is that you now have more information. You now know that you can’t trust them to be honest in situations like that. (Imo, it is unreasonable to expect people to read your mind when you tell them the opposite of what you really want. Like requesting no gifts for a birthday, then pouting.)
NTA , HOWEVER I feel like your text to her may have been a bit manipulative. The whole ‘I’ll be rushed I’m coming from work’ was really irrelevant and wouldn’t have stopped you buying a bottle of wine, leaving it in the car and then contributing to the pot luck. It could have easily come across as you trying to get out of contributing.
It would have been so simple to say nothing and just bring something non perishable. In future just do this. It may be worth also looking over your messages to see if they could be interpreted as you trying to get out of contributing.
In saying all that, if she has told you not to bring anything then she can’t turn around and have an issue with it, hence the NTA.
NTA
You are overreacting I think. She was teasing you for a cheap laugh. Not ideal but not a reason to blow up a friend ship. If you want to have friends I have learned that people with lots of friends do not sweat the small stuff. She is not perfect and neither are you. reddit people telling you to end your relationship maybe act like you have to hold friends to the exacting standards you hold a romantic partner -but that is not realistic.