I (22m) am a trans man. My parents have not accepted me, even tho I’ve been out to them to 8 years not and have been on testosterone for over a year now.
I have been with my girlfriend (21f) for 6 months now and things are going great. I spend most of the year at uni and a lot of weekends at my girlfriends house with her and her family. My parents know about my relationship and have been demanding I bring her home to meet them. I refuse every time with the explanation that to her I’m her boyfriend and to them I’m their daughter, so until they can accept me and respect my pronouns and name they wouldn’t meet her. We’ve discussed this with my gf and she agrees and says she doesn’t really want to meet them anyways since they’re treating me like this. My parents are calling me an asshole for “making them support my delusions” I don’t think I’m doing that at all, in fact I think I’m being a good child for even tolerating this behavior towards me. AITA?
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I (22m) am a trans man. My parents have not accepted me, even tho I’ve been out to them to 8 years not and have been on testosterone for over a year now.
I have been with my girlfriend (21f) for 6 months now and things are going great. I spend most of the year at uni and a lot of weekends at my girlfriends house with her and her family. My parents know about my relationship and have been demanding I bring her home to meet them. I refuse every time with the explanation that to her I’m her boyfriend and to them I’m their daughter, so until they can accept me and respect my pronouns and name they wouldn’t meet her. We’ve discussed this with my gf and she agrees and says she doesn’t really want to meet them anyways since they’re treating me like this. My parents are calling me an asshole for “making them support my delusions” I don’t think I’m doing that at all, in fact I think I’m being a good child for even tolerating this behavior towards me. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am not allowing my parents to meet my girlfriend. I think I may be an asshole for not allowing my parents to meet my girlfriend
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
But I hope you already knew that.
NTA, until your parents accept you who you really are, give them nothing. I’m glad your girlfriends family seems supportive
NTA. Never the AH for not giving in to bigots of any kind. Might even be time to consider going full no contact with your parents, my friend; it might save you some hassle and heartbreak.
NTA! Your delusional parents are! I am so happy you and your girlfriend are on the same page with your decision! Your parents do not even matter until they can accept you as you are. 8 years!? They can kick rocks, you’re making the right choice, OP. NTA!
Obviously NTA
Of course you’re not the AH
NTA another trans person here, you do not need your parents’ approval!!
NTA but for your mental health you should go very low contact or even cut them off if just for awhile. If I was your gf I also would not want to meet people who are this unsupporting, unloving and toxic to my partner. Nothing good will come of it. They do not deserve it to meet her.
NTA
If your girlfriend doesn’t want to meet bigots, she has that right.
NTA, but you are being one to yourself.
Ask yourself,
If it’s been 8 years and they still won’t accept YOU.
Do you think having a girlfriend will expedite that process?
Genuinely, do you want to waste time and energy on fighting a wall?
At what point do you let yourself breathe and not worry about what your parents say?
NTA – When they call you delusional, they are asking to go no-contact. I assume they are paying for uni & you’re living with them part of the year. So, do what you have to do to keep safe and prepare for independence. If your girlfriend wants to help push the family to fake acceptance (someday they might mean it, one hopes), making a visit conditional on using your real name and pronouns or she leaves makes sense.
NTA. They don’t get to tell you how to live your life. And if they can’t respect who you are as a person, they don’t get to have any part in your life.
NTA. Why would you bring someone you love to somebody who doesn’t love you. That’s an awkward situation for everyone involved. If your parents don’t stop disrespecting you and start at least trying to accept who you are and who you will become, they will see less and less of you and potentially be cut out of your life. That’s on them, you deserve to be loved as a whole and if they’re unwilling to cut their BS, I suggest that’s what you do as soon as your situation is stable enough to support yourself (and your gf if that’s where it’s leading).
I really hope they’ll come around tho. While they can’t change who you are, you can’t change how they view you either. They gotta work on that themselves and sometimes people just need time and the mental capacity to address their own issues.
I wish you all the best with your life!
So they’re okay with you being a lesbian but not trans? That’s some mental gymnastics
NTA Even if you were ok with your parents misgendering you and ok with taking your GF home to see that, what are the chances of them being happy to support (what they think is) a “”””””lesbian relationship””””””? Transphobes usually aren’t JUST transphobes, there’s usually a bunch of other fun prejudices hidden juuuuust out of sight, and you don’t need to expose yourself or your GF to any of that.
Don’t take your GF home, and if you’re able, please consider cutting your parents out. I cut my Dad out 8 years ago for just being kind of shit, and I’ve been way happier since. Cutting contact with your parents might do wonders for your mental health.
Never bend on this. They will be calling you female. Can only imagine the questions they will ask her and the way they will whisper when you leave the room. Baby they don’t accept a son so how on earth can they demand to meet your girlfriend???? They just want to embarrass you both.
NTA. They dont get to pick and choose what parts of your life are acceptable. Don’t invite that negativity into your life.
You know who you are, and your girlfriend knows who you are. That’s all you need.
NTA
oh noooo not the consequences of their actions!
NTA, you a person first, and you have agency over your gender expression. Your parents are de-personing you, and that’s unacceptable behavior in anyone.
Why have you not gone no contact at this point?
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find peace, and I’m sorry your family is not supportive. I pray that as the younger millenials etc become parents, this horrible trend starts to dissappear.
NTA. You know your parents best. Is it possible they are holding out an olive branch in wanting to meet your GF. Only you can determine if they are, but reading between the lines I think they want a relationship with you.
NTA. You don’t have to bring your partner home at your parents’ demand – they don’t seem to realize that she is not a trick pony that they can command to entertain them at will. After all, she is a human being and has a say in this as well.
And you certainly don’t have to go home until home becomes a place that supports you as you. With the attitude your parents have now, you can’t trust their motives why they want to meet her, nor can you trust them not to make a scene.
NTA. There is a good chance your parents will never get over their problems. Protect your GF
NTA. Meeting your gf is a privilege. They don’t get to enjoy the fun parts of having a kid if they can’t manage the basics, like respecting your identity. If they want to meet her, they need to first respect you enough to deserve it.
NTA. Your parents are the delusional ones if they’re insisting you’ll never change as you grow up. Finding your own sexual identity is part of that.
It’s sad they’re mentally stuck in the past and insist you be someone you’re not anymore.