We (my husband and I) host game nights at our house. Recently, one of the members (let’s say Bob) has made a new friend (John) that wants to join us, which is usually fine. Except this friend is so large that he can’t safely (or comfortably) sit in any of our chairs. The first (and so far only) time John came over, he sat on an ottoman and ended up leaving early because his back hurt from sitting without back support. Bob is saying that as good hosts, we should buy a chair that will support John’s weight. But I think it’s unreasonable to expect us to buy him a special chair.
I suggested to Bob that he buy the chair if he cares so much, but he seems to view it as why should he have to buy me furniture for my house.
I also tried to tell Bob that he could suggest John bring his own chair. He could even leave it if he didn’t want to transport it each time. But apparently that’s “humiliating” and “insulting.”
There’s a couple other heavier members of the group that are kind of siding with Bob, saying that I should just get stronger chairs. I said I’d rather cancel game night than have to spend several hundreds of dollars on new chairs. Now everyone’s mad.
The chairs I have are comfortable but more petite, and say they hold 275lbs. John is probably around 400lbs.
I’m really not trying to leave anyone out. AITA?
Aita for not buying a “special chair” for an overweight visitor?
r/AITAH
Comments
This reads like ragebait, but I’ll say NTA.
NTA. If they have issues with your furniture they can (1) bring their own chairs or (2) host game night at their own place. Are you supposed to put in ramps in too, in case they cannot climb stairs? This is failure of themselves not having self-awareness and that not everyone is able to cater to every person that comes to their home.
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>but he seems to view it as why should he have to buy me furniture for my house
Why should OP have to buy furniture for their own house that they don’t want or need, and probably won’t use?
NTA
A good host provides reasonably for their guests. You provide reasonable seating, it’s not as if you’re offering him an antique chair that holds 15lbs.
He has a special needs that needs special consideration from him because it is not reasonable to expect everyone to have seating for 400+lbs.
Maybe Bob should start hosting games nights? Since he already has appropriate chairs at his house, if he’s suggesting that it’s no big deal.
Rage bait
Bob needs ozempic and an attitude change
No. You do not have to buy special furniture for guests. That’s absolutly ridiculous.
But. Yta. For inviting someone over when you know that you didn’t have the right space for them.
You can buy a 1000 lb capacity folding chair through Home Depot online for less than $50. Lighter people can sit in it too so you have an extra chair for whenever.
Maybe you think that would be worth it or maybe not but you wouldn’t need to spend hundreds of dollars for a chair for him. Maybe the group would like to chip in. Look up Hercules Series chairs, there’s a few options.
Their demands are unreasonable, entitled, self serving, and downright rude. “As good hosts” in his book completely leaves out the “as gracious guests,” which is what everyone is apparently overlooking. That takes all the fun out of game night. If it were me, I’d take a break from hosting and open it up for someone else to host. Perhaps Bob would be willing to buy a chair for John or even all new furniture that will make everyone happy. If you’re taking orders, put me down for an Italian leather wing back with mahogany trim. Check mate.
NTA
LOL, people can be such self-absorbed assholes. Don’t spend your money on a chair when you already have chairs. The big guy should buy his own chair and bring it when he comes to your house… and then take it with him when he leaves. Sigh!
I’m fat and think they’re being ridiculous.
If you want to keep a friendly dynamic and make things work, you can get a really nice camp chair on Amazon that holds 500 lbs for about $50. My boyfriend just got one a couple months ago (for camping) and it’s actually super comfortable, so still very useful for other people too, if he’s not there. It might not be the exact asthetic for indoor furniture, but could be folded up and put away when it’s not a game night. And for $50 you’re saving the friend dynamic and making him feel welcome. Technically it should be on him to get the chair, but is that really worth the fight?
And just wait till John does a header and falls at your house and then soon as your homeowners insurance. If I were you I would shut this off completely and disinvite both of them.
Dang Kelly you’re right
NTA. If he needs a special chair then he should bring one.
Looks like Bob shouldn’t be welcome anymore.
Attention Game night attendees…Bob will be hosting Game nights and will accommodate everyone…sign up
NTA. You cannot reasonably make accommodations for each and every unique situation. Just as someone in a wheelchair couldn’t reasonably expect you to have one for them, this person can’t expect furniture meeting unique requirements to be available everywhere they go. There are also portable options with higher weight limits available, that he could easily purchase and solve this problem entirely whether he is at your house or elsewhere.
You don’t mention John complaining at all, so I think Bob is the real problem. He seems to have a lot of opinions about a situation that doesn’t affect him, and a house that is not his. Sounds like he needs to take over hosting game night since he clearly has all the answers.
Its absolutely ridiculous to think that you should have to buy a piece of furniture for your home that you yourself don’t need or want and will not use. He’s not even directly your friend, just a friend of a friend, and is only coming over on occasion. If he’s so uncomfortable, he should bring his own chair or offer to host the game night at his place. It’s not fatphobic to refuse to buy a chair for an acquaintance who won’t even be staying over at your house.
NTA. You hosting game night is a choice, not a requirement. If they have issues with how you host, or in this case, the location’s amenities, they can host it instead. However, a simple solution, given that the ottoman seems to hold his weight, is to find a way to have it with its back to a wall so he can have back support. Maybe include a cushion for him. I don’t know what the layout of your space is but that was just my first thought as someone who can’t sit in seats without back support.
They make folding and camp chairs for people who weigh 300 pounds or more. He should bring his own chair and your husband should STFU.
NTA
I would send out a group text:
It’s recently been brought to our attention that my husband & I have been less than gracious hosts to this group. We are both very sorry that we have made you all feel unwelcome in our home. Unfortunately, we are current unable to financially to make the changes we’ve been told are needed to properly host game nights. Please let us know who will be hosting the next game night. We’ll be happy to bring a dish to contribute to evening.
NTA. Stop game night with this crew.
I think you should change game night into fitness night for a few months.
I see a very simple solution: disinvite Bob.
Who the f does he think he is?
He should be happy he’s invited to these game nights.
NTA
NTA
If a guest knows THEY have special accommodation issues, it’s up to that person tondeal.with it
You are correct in that the solution is that he bring whatever special custom seat he needs to use, and you have gone above and beyond by offering him to keep it there
It’s like if a person needs a wheelchair. THEY have the wheelchair, and bring it with them…they don’t expect every single personal residence they go to to have a wheelchair
Or a person who needs to purchase a second airline seat because they are morbidly obese…they don’t change every seat in the world for that…
That’s absolutely absurd
Tell Bob that if the requirement is that the host has to it new furniture that either he host form now on or you’re out for games night. My guest requires a special kind of food? No problem. My guest requires special furniture? Their problem.
It’s funny how the people who require the special furniture all expect you to buy for them.
I’m fat and I keep a heavy-duty fold-up camp chair in my trunk in case I encounter dainty chairs or anything like that. The chair was probably $50? I wouldn’t expect a friend to buy new furniture for me. I think the chair I have is good for up to 500lbs. I got it on Amazon. It sits pretty high up, too. John should just search Amazon and he’ll find it easily, and then he can keep it at your house if he wants.
People need to be realistic about their own comfort, no matter what size they are or what their issue is. If John were a vegan and insisting that only vegan snacks be served, I’d feel the same way.
NTA. My brother is quite overweight. He knows this. He brings his own damn chair and doesn’t make a fuss. It’s not even a thing. You shouldn’t have to spend money on furniture for someone who doesn’t even live there.
NTA at all. I’m a bigger guy and would not say anyone has to buy me a chair.
The furnishings in my home are rated for about 250 pounds each, with the three seat sofa rated for 750. My grandsons are north of 300 and for them, I have heavy duty camping chairs that fold up and fit in the closet, which they purchased and brought over. Asking you to purchase a chair for John is ridiculous.
NTA
I’m close enough to John’s size that I have difficulty sitting in some chairs. I would never expect anyone to *buy* a chair just for me (…I mean, if your regular chairs can’t hold most people, that’s an issue you should fix, but if John is the only one having difficulty, then they’re probably fine). I note that it’s Bob, not John, asking you to spend money on him. I’m not even particularly self-conscious about my size, but I’d still be pretty embarrassed if someone felt they had to buy new furniture just for me.
You can ignore Bob’s suggestion, but it would be nice if there was a way to set things up more comfortably for everyone. Where do you hold the game nights in your house? Would it be possible to arrange the table/other chairs in something like a living room with a couch or recliner that John could sit on? Since it’s game night, I’m guessing moving outside isn’t likely to work, but any excuse to ask everyone to bring a camping chair would work too – John can just buy one that fits him better. If you have any folding chairs without arms (or Bob could be talked into donating a few), then those can work.
NTA
These are some really entitled people you’re socializing with. I’d tell them all to blow and find a new group of friends.
I weigh 330 and I would definitely bring my own chair. They are a camp chair and cheap from Walmart.
I feel like I already saw this one
Nta. My hubby weights about that and frankly he would be so embarrassed and ashamed if you did that. He would gleefully take the ottoman and shut up while hoping he doesn’t break anything. As a host it is not your job to cater to your friend’s friend. You gave him an option in the ottoman. If he doesn’t like it that is purely his problem and frankly I would be embarrassed if I were him for kicking up such a fuss. Sounds like walking drama to me. Not worth your time.
Who doesn’t have a folding chair or camp chair? Surely he already owns something appropriate for his weight?
NTA. As a fat person, they should chip in to pay for sturdier chairs with better back support or offer to host instead.
It’s totally reasonable to express the need for seating that will allow them not to be in pain. It’s not at all reasonable to demand you pay for it.
NTA. Adding that if a guest breaks a chair at your house because of excess weight, normal courtesy says they should at least offer to repair or replace it as you see fit.
Yes, that does single out the hefty guy, and sure he may have some kind of metabolic disorder, but that’s the way it goes.
NTA. Around my town, we have a “loan closet” for those who need help with disabilities. They have knee trolleys, crutches, shower chairs, even wheelchairs. Do you have something similar? 400 lbs is in fact a disability. It’s hard to find furniture for that weight class. And I am sure it’s expensive!