My stepmother is super into all natural things. So she uses only all natural things. I don’t even mean products that are labeled at the store as all natural I mean she will actually make her own deodorant from natural things. She also only use natural remedies for things unless absolutely necessary and she’s anti shaving because our bodies are supposed to like hair.
Thankfully she doesn’t force this stuff on my brother (m18) and I (f 16) and we can use our own toiletries. This is because my dad and her have an agreement to not interfere with each others kids. The only thing we kind of have to have is the vegan all natural foods only. Which aren’t actually that bad. Most of the time I don’t eat breakfast anyway and my brother and I will sometimes go out for lunch and during the school year we also buy lunch and sometimes sneak in snacks. So it’s really only dinner, which isn’t that bad.
It’s different for our stepsister (f13). She is absolutely not allowed to use any chemicals at all. That wasn’t too much of a problem before or at least I didn’t know if she complained about it. Now she’s started getting acne and she hates it. Her mom keeps trying only natural remedies that don’t work and thinks chemical will just do more harm than good since its not that bad.
Also there’s other things my stepsister hates like having to use natural deodorant and she wants to use tampons instead because she hates feeling wet when she has her period. Her hair is also not really good and feels crispy even if she uses oil on it. She also wants to shave because she gets made fun of for having hairy legs.
Because of the situation with our stepmother our dad sends me and my brother money to our accounts for things like toiletries. He also gives us an allowance. My stepsister doesn’t get an allowance, but she knows about the money we get and asked me if I can buy her some acne stuff, some hair stuff, razors, and tampons. That stuff all adds up though and I don’t want to spend so much of my money on it because then I won’t have as much for stuff I want. I already use up all my toiletry money every month on stuff I need, so it would have to come out of my allowance and would probably use it all up.
edit. Because people keep bringing it up. She’s already talked to her mom about it a bunch and even asked my dad for money. Stepmom is still not willing to get her these things and my dad refuses to get involved.
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My stepmother is super into all natural things. So she uses only all natural things. I don’t even mean products that are labeled at the store as all natural I mean she will actually make her own deodorant from natural things. She also only use natural remedies for things unless absolutely necessary and she’s anti shaving because our bodies are supposed to like hair.
Thankfully she doesn’t force this stuff on my brother (m18) and I (f 16) and we can use our own toiletries. This is because my dad and her have an agreement to not interfere with each others kids. The only thing we kind of have to have is the vegan all natural foods only. Which aren’t actually that bad. Most of the time I don’t eat breakfast anyway and my brother and I will sometimes go out for lunch and during the school year we also buy lunch and sometimes sneak in snacks. So it’s really only dinner, which isn’t that bad.
It’s different for our stepsister (f13). She is absolutely not allowed to use any chemicals at all. That wasn’t too much of a problem before or at least I didn’t know if she complained about it. Now she’s started getting acne and she hates it. Her mom keeps trying only natural remedies that don’t work and thinks chemical will just do more harm than good since its not that bad.
Also there’s other things my stepsister hates like having to use natural deodorant and she wants to use tampons instead because she hates feeling wet when she has her period. Her hair is also not really good and feels crispy even if she uses oil on it. She also wants to shave because she gets made fun of for having hairy legs.
Because of the situation with our stepmother our dad sends me and my brother money to our accounts for things like toiletries. He also gives us an allowance. My stepsister doesn’t get an allowance, but she knows about the money we get and asked me if I can buy her some acne stuff, some hair stuff, razors, and tampons. That stuff all adds up though and I don’t want to spend so much of my money on it because then I won’t have as much for stuff I want. I already use up all my toiletry money every month on stuff I need, so it would have to come out of my allowance and would probably use it all up.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m not using my allowance to buy toiletries for my stepsister. She doesn’t get any, except natural ones that don’t work, from her mom. She also doesn’t get an allowance so she can’t buy her own.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’ll say NTA because yeah arguably you aren’t required to help with anything but id encourage you to have compassion for your step sister and at least slip her a few dollars so she can get a razor or something. And maybe try letting her know the school nurse might have tampons she can have. I used to be like her and people made fun of me (my parents wouldn’t buy me shit), and it can be so hurtful to be made of for something you can’t control, esp if the other kids in the house still get what they need.
Talk to your dad. Maybe he can give you a bump to help her out on the DL.
NTA it’s not your responsibility to provide for your stepsister.
You don’t mention her father in the post, is he not in the picture at all? That would be the most reasonable next step to handle this situation since your dad and stepmom have the agreement to not parent each others’ kids.
The other option I see would be to have a heart-to-heart with your dad about your concern for you stepsister. It might be a good idea for all of you to come together as a family in support of your stepsister (without attacking your stepmom of course).
The teenage years are fucking brutal, and acne, deodorant that probably doesn’t work which leads to body odor, and body hair are HUGE places for bullying to come from. Maybe if you all kindly point out the situation from stepsister’s pov to stepmom she might have a change of heart and be willing to find some kind of middle ground.
NTA your money is your money. Your step mom being a nut isnt your fault.
But most of the items are a one time purchase over 2 maybe 3 months if she makes it last, hell most of it you can get at the dollarstore and it’ll cost you maybe $15 at max (3 for a big pack of razors, 2 for deodorant, 2 for shampoo, 2 for conditioner, 2 for acne face wash and 2 for a box of tampons and if you have a dollar tree, its even cheaprr), its not your responsibility but at 13 you would make a very big and positive difference in your sisters life at home and at school so IMO its a small price to pay.
NAH (apart from your step mum). However, I would help her by looking up local period poverty/food bank initiatives where sanitary products and perhaps even toiletries will be provided.
It may feel a bit strange if you as a family aren’t struggling financially. But this is a child who lacks the means to afford basic sanitary and hygiene products, and isn’t being provided them by her caregiver- this is what these charities are for.
I would be very concerned for this girl once she reaches her later things and is needing access to teens like birth control. If you can I would speak to your dad about at least trying to change your stepmom’s mind on medical things like periods.
I feel for your stepsister, 13 years old is awkward enough without a crunchy mother. I don’t think you’re an asshole (NTA) because buying the products she asked for will only cause a problem for both of you when your stepmother finds out she has them and how she got them. I suggest when she’s in school she goes to see the school nurse or guidance counselor if she’s worried about her hygiene and let them address the issue with her mother.
Don’t! Her issue not urs
You shouldn’t have to pay for the items but it sounds like you need to find a way to get them for your step sister.
Which means speak to your dad and see if he will either give you extra to quietly purchase the items required or he can broach the issue with his wife / your step mom..
Can I suggest a menstrual cup or disc as that’s easy to clean and hide and much cheaper as it’s a one time purchase.
It’s not fair to ask you to fund her toiletry needs especially because you’ll likely get in a lot of trouble if her mum finds out.
Maybe consider having a chat with your dad about it ??
NTA
NTA talk to your dad about the this insanity. It isn’t fair to her . Not you not buying her stuff but her mom imposing her own extreme viewpoints on her teen. Not letting a teen girl shave is downright cruel socially.
NTA. It’s not your responsibility and even if you did buy it for her, it would likely spark an argument with the Stepmother vs the rest of the family. That being said, if you want to help out your stepsister, you could try to help her persuade your stepmother to let her use non-natural remedies. Kids can be brutal to people that are different so it would be a shame if your sister got bullied because of it.
NTA. You are being put in the middle by your step sister, who is asking you to go behind her mother’s back. She’s only 13 so I can’t fault her.
Your stepmother is TA for putting your stepsister in a situation where she has unreliable feminine products, hairy legs that make her the object of bullies, and possibly less control of her acne, maybe health issues as you describe her hair. All totally unacceptable.
Despite your father and stepmother’s agreement, he has a responsibility to advocate for his stepdaughter, when he sees his wife’s willingness to sacrifice a 13 year old’s well-being on so-called principles. He is an adult in the household, witness to what I consider mistreatment, despite the lack of malicious intent.
Please talk to your father about this. But don’t mention that she asked you to buy products for her. That could invite punishment on your stepsister from her mother.
Your stepsister is going to have to learn how to debate and speak up for herself to her mother. You can be emotionally supportive of her, and you can back her up to your father. But you also shouldn’t be the one to be buying products for her.
Your stepmother has to come down from her detrimental idealism and stop ignoring the needs of her daughter.
At 13 I suggest she start babysitting so she can have some of her own money and agency.
NAH. It’s okay for her to ask and okay for you to say no. I feel bad for her though.
NTA. Her mom’s rules are the problem, not your wallet. You’re not selfish for saying no.
We’ve seen this one before.
NTA
Talk to your dad, urge him to talk to step-mom and urge step-sister to talk to her mom. They need to work this one out. Also, step-sister should start looking for babysitting jobs to make her own money so she can get the things she might want herself.