Hi Reddit,
I (18M) booked a group holiday months ago with three friends. I’m the main booker, so everything goes through me. We agreed right at the start: if anyone cancels for any reason, the costs are on them. Everyone said yes.
Now, one of my friends (18F) suddenly decides she doesn’t want to go anymore. Not because of an emergency, illness, or money trouble, but because of “tension in the group”.
She asks me to cancel her. I contact the travel agency and find out:
• It would cost her €471 in cancellation fees
• And me and the other two would have to pay €240 more each, since the total cost gets split over fewer people
So I say: absolutely not. I’m not making everyone else pay because she changed her mind.
I also contacted the agency to tell them not to make any changes to the booking unless I give written permission (which I haven’t).
She keeps pushing for the booking number and tries to contact the agency herself. I eventually give it to her, but I’m clear: you don’t get to bail and expect us to clean up the mess for you.
Now she’s mad. She’s acting like I’m cold and unreasonable for not just “handling it.” She’s being super passive-aggressive, playing the victim, and acting like she’s taking the high road — when in reality, she’s just making everything harder for the rest of us.
I’ve stopped replying to her messages at this point. We’re still going on the trip, and her spot is just going to stay empty.
So… AITA for not cancelling her and refusing to take on extra costs for a trip she voluntarily dropped out of?
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Hi Reddit,
I (18M) booked a group holiday months ago with three friends. I’m the main booker, so everything goes through me. We agreed right at the start: if anyone cancels for any reason, the costs are on them. Everyone said yes.
Now, one of my friends (18F) suddenly decides she doesn’t want to go anymore. Not because of an emergency, illness, or money trouble, but because of “tension in the group”.
She asks me to cancel her. I contact the travel agency and find out:
• It would cost her €471 in cancellation fees
• And me and the other two would have to pay €240 more each, since the total cost gets split over fewer people
So I say: absolutely not. I’m not making everyone else pay because she changed her mind.
I also contacted the agency to tell them not to make any changes to the booking unless I give written permission (which I haven’t).
She keeps pushing for the booking number and tries to contact the agency herself. I eventually give it to her, but I’m clear: you don’t get to bail and expect us to clean up the mess for you.
Now she’s mad. She’s acting like I’m cold and unreasonable for not just “handling it.” She’s being super passive-aggressive, playing the victim, and acting like she’s taking the high road — when in reality, she’s just making everything harder for the rest of us.
I’ve stopped replying to her messages at this point. We’re still going on the trip, and her spot is just going to stay empty.
So… AITA for not cancelling her and refusing to take on extra costs for a trip she voluntarily dropped out of?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) for not cancelling my friends seat for our group vacation to evade extra costs for the friends who are still going on the trip
(2) because im not cancelling her even though she asks me to
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. The terms were agreed to at the beginning, now she’s being forced to stick to her word. Full sympathy if it was for an emergency and I’m sure you’d have been accommodating then…but it’s not.
NTA. She can pay you what she owes you.
NTA…You can tell said friend, “sure you can cancel. But you still have to pay all costs that do not get refunded and that the group does not incur more costs because of your cancellation. You knew the deal going in and signed up for it”.
But, what is the tension in the group?
INFO- what tension in the group? I feel this may be important.
INFO: What was the total cost of her reservation? I.e. canceling would cost her 471 EUR and would increase the costs for everyone else (3 people left) by 240 EUR each, so that is a total of 1191 EUR difference. But if the total reservation is 3000 EUR or something, you can ask her to cover your 240×3 costs that are due to her cancelation and she will still get some money back?
INFO how much has she payed? If it is more than 950 let her cancel but the cost of the cancelation fees and the increased cost for you and the other friend are on her. If her total if she goes was less than 950 then tell her she would actually have to pay you more for cancelling.
What are the tensions? That also could really change things
I think it also depends on the timeline. Did she cancel last minute or with enough time to ask someone else to take her spot?
NTA – but personally I would not want her on the trip purely because she will make it he’ll and I would ask her to cover not only the cancellation fee but also the increased cost if she bails. But I would also concede to just pay more in her absence just to be done with the stupid drama she has caused.
NTA
the REASONABLE thing is: Refunding her everything possible that does not increase the other’s costs. – which won’t work here – so: tough luck for her.
NTA but what’s the cost at the moment for each of you. If it’s more than the cancellation fee plus each of your extra fees you should let her cancel but she has to pay the excess for each of you plus the cancellation fee. Tell her exactly how much she will get back (in writing) and if she still wants to cancel she needs to agree in writing.
NTA she knew from the beginning what would happen so that’s on her. Why should everyone else have to pay because she decided not to go? Her fault not yours
NTA, the financial penalties would be €1,180 although she’d be “up” as she would still save €310, but not fair on the other 3 of you to suffer her cancellation.
She agreed to the cancellation agreement between the 4 of you, she needs to eat the cost. If she’s dead set on not going, is there someone who could take their place? Would the travel agency allow it? May be the best option.
NTA. The cancellation policy was clear from the beginning and everyone agreed. I’m curious though, what did she say when you pointed this out? What is her rationale for only paying cancellation fees and not the amount she originally agreed to?
I know it’s hard to travel in a group when you have tension with at least one other person, but tbh from what you’ve said, it sounds like it is an issue she created by not communicating with B. So she accuses you of not handling this issue when she didn’t handle that issue. NTA.
NTA but question, is there someone else that you wouldnt mind taking her place that would fit in the group? If there is maybe that person would get the spot at a discount and “A” could get the refund less cancelation fee?
NTA Tell her that the only way she’ll get her money is if she sells her spot to someone else but the rest of you have to agree to who it is before you go.
NTA. This was explicitly covered in your agreement at the beginning. In the future, I always book separate from my friends to avoid stuff like this. And don’t travel with this friend again.
NTA.
Tell her that you are happy welcome to cancel if she pays you the €1,182 up front to cover the cancellation costs and the costs to eveyone as a result of her pulling out.
Presumably if you don’t cancel, she only loses the main costs of €711. Obvisouly if her total costs if you don’t cancel is more than €1,182 then it would be reasonableto cancel, smnf let her have anything over the €1,182 that yougot back, but I assume that the numbers don’t add up that way.
It’s clerly unreaonable of her to expect you and the others to pay more just becasue she has changed her mind,. Why should you pay for her indecisidiveness?
Plkus you all agred in advance as a group that anyone who cancelled was responsoble for the costs of that. Remind her of that, and that the cost of her cancelling is €1,182 , or she can just no attend in qwhcih case the cost of her cancelling is the €711 she’s already paid.