I have this friend, she is super religious, very devoted to Jesus Christ, and she likes to send bible quotes to our friend groupchat everyday, which I have no problem in. I don’t reply to them because I’m not that religious but I do put a heart or like reaction sometimes. (P.S Not all of us are Christian) Then suddenly she just left the groupchat. So I decided to reach out. Asking her if she was okay and all that
Then she replied to me, and her reply kind of ticked me off, she said something along the lines of “Ive made it my goal to try to convert you guys into better people by telling you the stories of Jesus, so I wont have to cut you guys off, but I don’t think you guys are taking it seriously.” I seriously thought she was trying to act as the good Samaritan, so this is where I start to think I was in the wrong. I told her.
“So we’re not devoted enough to be your friends? Is that what youre saying?”
We got into a small argument about that and well thats it, I feel like she had good intentions, so AITA?
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I have this friend, she is super religious, very devoted to Jesus Christ, and she likes to send bible quotes to our friend groupchat everyday, which I have no problem in. I don’t reply to them because I’m not that religious but I do put a heart or like reaction sometimes. (P.S Not all of us are Christian) Then suddenly she just left the groupchat. So I decided to reach out. Asking her if she was okay and all that
Then she replied to me, and her reply kind of ticked me off, she said something along the lines of “Ive made it my goal to try to convert you guys into better people by telling you the stories of Jesus, so I wont have to cut you guys off, but I don’t think you guys are taking it seriously.” I seriously thought she was trying to act as the good Samaritan, so this is where I start to think I was in the wrong. I told her.
“So we’re not devoted enough to be your friends? Is that what youre saying?”
We got into a small argument about that and well thats it, I feel like she had good intentions, so AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. When I texted her that if we werent good enough as friends because we werent as devoted as her 2. She probably had good intentions and just wanted us to feel more spiritual
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
as a pretty religious person myself, this person is being manipulative. You shouldn’t have to share the same religious beliefs as someone else to stay friends with them.
While I could see that MAYBE she just wants the best for her friends and her religion is the best solution for that, she is making it all about her instead. She has never accepted you or your other friends for who they are, and she will probably never. When she can learn religious tolerance, then maybe she can make real friends.
As someone who believes the Bible from cover to cover, what she said comes off as extraordinarily rude. The implication is that she would cut you off for having different beliefs than she does, which ultimately is not good unless the person is a bad or dangerous influence. You didn’t do anything wrong. I think she needs to adjust her attitude and read what Jesus taught. He didn’t avoid sinners like the plague. If he did, he’d have nothing to do with anybody ever apart from himself.
NTA.
If she was only being friends with you to make you into different people, is she really your friend?
My friends want me to be my best self on my terms. They expect I won’t do things that harm other people and will work to be a good human / not an asshole more often than not, but otherwise, it’s up to me what framework I want to put around it. This friend of yours sounds manipulative and unable to see the care you’re offering, and so long as she stays in a belief system that has her seeing you as her mission, it seems unlikely to change.
NTA, she sounds like she’s tipped over the line from religious to in an entire cult.
NTA. Religious people never have good intentions.
NTA.
I don’t care about her intentions. She sounds obnoxious. But she’s gone. Problem solved.
You call her your friend, but I think that word is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.
NTA
You might consider asking your friend what it is that makes you all ‘worse’ that she wants you to improve – if only to see if there’s an issue she has other than ‘you aren’t Christian’. If that’s her only beef with you, suggest that she ‘shake the dust from her sandals’ and see if she gets it. Oh, and the Good Samaritan wasn’t a Christian (or even Jewish, since Christianity wasn’t a thing until after Christ). That was kind of the point of the story – that even the ‘other people’ could be good people. For added seriousness, here’s another bit of historical support:
>
I think it’s presumptuous of her to send daily bible quotes to a non-religious group chat, and double-presumptuous to do so when not everyone there is Christian. I’m actually surprised no one in the chat asked her to stop. NTA. You might even say that your deeply held beliefs are entirely inconsistent with her judgmental behavior, and her intolerance makes you sad. But if she feels she needs to abandon your friendship on these grounds then you wish her well.
Actually, I just reread your post and think there may be an element of YTA here in that you didn’t have a problem with her sending her proselytizing texts to people of a different religion, even if you thought it was ok to send them to you.
NTA. It’s good that she finds purpose in religion but shoving her beliefs down others’ throats? There’s a boundary.
not the AH. you were respectful the whole time, and she basically said your friendship depends on converting. her “good intentions” crossed into pressure, and it’s okay to push back on that. boundaries go both ways.
That’s religious hypocrisy. Your friend is using religion to manipulate you guys.
NTA, she outwardly said she was trying to convert you to look the way she did, and you didn’t want to, you can’t make someone do something you don’t want to do. Changing your beliefs for someone isn’t okay
NTA. But I’m worried for your friend. It sounds like she’s getting into a cult. One of the things that makes a church a cult is discouraging members from associating with anyone who isn’t a member (unless it’s to convert them). Thus isolating people from their existing support groups.
https://culteducation.com/warningsigns.html
Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice on how to help her. In my experience, it’s been a thing that people have to realize for themselves. All you can do is offer your support and friendship.
You do not have an obligation to convert to her beliefs to continue the friendship. I suspect that your friend has good intentions, but is being mislead by the real asshole – whoever told her to cut off people who she can’t convert.
NTA. People with different beliefs can be great friends. Some people choose not to mingle with people of other beliefs, that’s their choice. Your friend has made that choice. That’s not on you.
I’m 34, I’ve had the same 3 best friends for like 20 years now. We met at a Christian school during high school. I am not religious. Friend A is not religious. Friend B is very religious, she teaches at a Christian school, and is very active in her church. Friend C is religious but more so just watching church stuff online and doing her own thing, she doesn’t go into church anymore.
We are all super respectful of each other and our differing views. If a friend is talking about church, her relationship with God etc we listen and support. They never ever push their beliefs on us, they respect that we don’t believe in that. Our religious views have never affected our friendship. Surrounding yourself with good people is what is important in my opinion, no matter what someone believes in.
NTA. Kick her out of the group chat if she’s not willing to stop proselytizing to you guys.
Nta. Your intent was caring.
I had a friend who literally gave me a new testament she had gone through and highlighted.
Then she told me she couldn’t be friends with a non believer.
I don’t know what church she was in, but that’s how it was.
So that was the end of that.
You have to keep in mind that some churches, and some cults, expect their members to recruit.
You need to just step away because there is nothing you can do.
If someone would start sending religious quotes, I would respond by sending quotes from Richard Dawkins.
She was never your friend. You were her cadence. She was missionary ing.
NTA
You shouldn’t be friend with people who make their life’s mission to convert you into something.
If they try to convert you or others it’s because they see you as flawed and wrong, therefore you need to be fixed. I hate religioust fanatics like these, instead of being content with their own stuff they have to force it down your throat and then be mad at YOU if they find you ”lacking”
If they can’t accept you for what/who you are, they never were your friend to begin with.
NTA. How rude of her to push her religion on your group, who never wanted it in the first place. It’s sad that she didn’t see you as anything more than a group of targets to convert to her way of thinking. I would say she wasn’t much of a friend – no great loss.
As a Christian, that is not how it’s done. She’s Pushing too hard and too far.
NTA.
She does not have good intentions.
Trying to convert people to other religions is not okay.
Cult behaviour. NTA
That sounds about right. Evangelicals will do that. NTA
NTA
This person is not a friend. She is an evangelist. She is uninterested in you guys now she knows that you are not into her religion. This is the worst kind of bigot.
NTA.
Religion is like genitalia – you should keep it to yourself unless someone else expresses an interest.
NTA, and I don’t think her intentions are “good.”
I’m an atheist and one of my good friends is an extremely conservative Catholic with some pretty bizarre beliefs. Once, when discussing good deeds, I said that my actions were not motivated by hope of a reward or fear of punishment in the afterlife. So my intentions were “purer” than those of people who did good deeds only because of reward/punishment from their god. (Or words to that effect.)
Belief in, and praying to, a deity is not what makes one a good person.
NTA a “friend” with an objective or a mission is only self-serving. It’s one thing to offer support or a blanket invite (once) to come join her one Sunday. She wanted only to change you.
I don’t know how you all met, but sometimes people meet out of convenience or proximity, and that’s not the foundation for a strong friendship. Real friendship is rooted in mutual respect and support and shared beliefs.
I recently read that the number one galvanizing thing in friendship is mutual dislike of the same people, things, and beliefs. She may have inadvertently made your bond stronger with the remaining group chat members. Enjoy your popcorn and tea with the others lol.
Nta being friends just to convert people is diabolical.
100% Nta.
It’s people like her that makes people dislike and avoid religion completely. Trying to force your so called faith on others are disgusting.
Yes, there’re some good religious people. But sadly the bad ones outways the good and she’s clearly one of the bad ones.
She obviously believes she’s better than others and even said she’s been trying to convert you guys.. People who she called friends? She doesn’t respect you.
NTA. She didn’t have good intentions. She wants to control you and brainwash you the same way she is.