The other day my partner came over to my house and just as he was about to leave he asked me to pick up his heavy equipment for him. I looked at him and chuckled because I thought he was joking by requesting that of me.
Except he wasn’t joking. He had a straight face and looked serious. He asked me again to pick it up.
I told him I’m not picking up that heavy bag when he could pick it up himself and he stayed quiet, looked annoyed, standing there looking at his bag waiting for me to grab it for him. I told him I’m not picking up the heavy bag when he could get it himself.
Later on as he was leaving he looked bothered and I asked him what’s wrong. He said it was because I didn’t pick up his bag for him. I told him I didn’t want to, my own dad and brothers don’t make me pick up heavy things for them so I didn’t understand why my own partner would ask that of me or expect that of me? Eventually he got over it and acted like everything was normal, but to me it was very strange of him to make me do that for him.
Idk AITA for not picking up his heavy bag as he requested?
EDIT: I left out some details regarding how heavy the bag was. It was full of work tools from his job. He was standing by the doorway of my room and asked me to reach for it and carry it. He was not carrying anything else. He was perfectly capable of carrying the bag. He is not injured. He’s stronger than me which is why I thought it was silly he would make me carry it for him. I would gladly help him with any task or request he needs of me I just thought it was weird for him to make carry his heavy work bag all the way to his car. I’m not sure why he was persistent on making me pick his bag either. It was out of character of him to make me do that for him.
EDIT 2: To answer who was closest to the bag. He was. The bag was on the floor by the entrance of my door. My partner was standing at the entrance of my door with the door wide open. I was sitting at the edge of my bed facing him. He was closer to the bag. I didn’t have an issue carrying the bag for him if he needed the help, if he were injured or if he had his hands full, but he had neither of these things. Nor did he say why I should get it for him. Not that I need an explanation, but he wanted me to get up and grab the bag for him and haul it to his car… while he carried nothing.
Also wtf is a manosphere test… because now I’m concerned.
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The other day my partner came over to my house and just as he was about to leave he asked me to pick up his heavy equipment for him. I looked at him and chuckled because I thought he was joking by requesting that of me.
Except he wasn’t joking. He had a straight face and looked serious. He asked me again to pick it up.
I told him I’m not picking up that heavy bag when he could pick it up himself and he stayed quiet, looked annoyed, standing there looking at his bag waiting for me to grab it for him. I told him I’m not pick up the heavy bag when he could get it himself.
Later on as he was leaving he looked bothered and I asked him what’s wrong. He said it was because I didn’t pick up his bag for him. I told him I didn’t want to, my own dad and brothers don’t make me pick up heavy things for him so I didn’t understand why my own partner would ask that of me or expect that of me? Eventually he got over it and acted like everything was normal, but to me it was very strange of him to make me do that for him.
Idk AITA for not picking up his heavy bag as he requested?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) I didn’t pick up my partners bag. I declined to pick it up and walked my partner out of my house. 2.) My partner was quiet the entire time and was bothered that I didn’t pick up his bag.
He didn’t outright call me an asshole. But I felt like one for not doing what he asked of me. I normally do what he asks but that request was ridiculous to me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA if he needed help and you are a physically capable person and refused just because he is a man
YTA
Maybe he needed your help. We don’t know why he asked you to pick up the bag.
You just showed him that you’re not much of a partner. Don’t expect him to help you with anything that you can do yourself.
Info how heavy is the bag? Are you physically able to pick it up without injury or strain?
YTA, who cares if your brothers/dad don’t expect you to pick up heavy things? Your partner asked you for help and you didn’t even try, you just laughed at him and basically told him that was his job. How would you feel if you asked him to get groceries or do laundry, or literally anything else and he did/said the same thing to you?
EDIT: some of y’all have genuinely never had a normal interaction with a real person and it shows jfc
Given OP’s edit: NTA and I would consider this to be a major red flag. Multiple red flags. Not only did he pull some kind of weird power move on you – he also got butt hurt when it didn’t work. He showed you who he is – you should be thinking real hard about things.
INFO: Why did he ask you to pick it up? Was he carrying something else? Is he hurt? I’m just trying to figure out if there was a valid reason for him to be in need of some help here or if this was some kind of weird power move on his part.
INFO: Why was he asking for your help?
If you are physically able to pick it up and just didn’t want to, then yeah, kind of YTA.
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INFO
Why didn’t he pick it up himself – why exactly did he ask you to pick it up for him?
Was the bag within your physical capacity to lift or would it have been too impossibly heavy for you to raise from the ground?
I’m trying to withhold judgement, but if he had his hands full already and you were physically able to lift the bag, I can’t think of a non-AH reason for you NOT to help him out.
NTA. If he needed you to pick it up he should have said why.
If this is the first time he’s made an unreasonable demand of you when he could have simply done the task himself then take it for the warning it is. He’s either extremely lazy or he wanted to domineer you. In no way should you be lugging his heavy work tools around when he is a grown adult and can do it himself like the big boy he is. Watch out for this behaviour. NTA
Without more info yes YTA. If he was needing help and you are an able bodied adult and you are just refusing because of what reason? I’d assume if you had a known injury your partner wouldn’t ask this of you, it’s obvious wasn’t heavy enough that he thought you couldn’t manage it, so is your only reason being female? I ask this as a woman myself who constantly will assist my husband packing and lugging his tool bag to his truck before he heads off to work.
What culture is this?
NTA. It’s not clear why he asked you to pick it up for him, but it seems like a test just to see if you’d do it (which is a jerk move).
I would never go to someone else’s home and ask them to carry around my things. I also find it odd when someone asks me to do something for them that they could easily do themself.
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Was it some TikTok challenge?
Lmfao, if you’re not willing to pick up a bag for your partner then you should find someone else. YTA obviously
There’s not enough information and too many questions to determine who is the ahole
YTA. As a feminist I say “tsk tsk”
It kind of sounds like you’ve had princess treatment your entire life and now you are with a blue collar guy who actually thinks girls can do the same things guys can when it comes to things like this.
NTA, based on your writing, at least.
He asked for something odd, insisted on it with no real explanation, then got sulky when you said no. That’s weird. Is he testing how much nonsense you’ll tolerate?
Or… are you leaving out something important? Because from what you’ve shared, this whole situation feels kind of meaningless otherwise.
. You could’ve just at least tried and then say it’s too heavy. Or tell him that you would help him with what he already had in his hands.
To not even try to help is definitely a 🚩
Edit: NTA didn’t see the update
haha how old are you guys? bickering like teenagers.
YTA – for how you handled it. I am sure it wouldn’t have been too heavy for you to carry a bit.
Are you not strong and independent? I bet you expect him to do things he ‘Doesn’t want to and you can do it yourself’.
NTA. Sounds like he tried some “THIS WILL SHOW YOU IF SHE TRULY LOVES YOU” challenge he’d seen on TikTok.
INFO: Why was he asking you to pick up the bag? And can you lift the bag?
If it’s difficult for you to carry and he can carry it easily, there’s no reason for him to ask you to do it – and it’s rude if he knows you’re going to struggle lifting it or be sore the next day from trying to carry it. If it’s not really difficult for you to carry, there’s no reason for you not to pick it up.
This whole scenario is weird.
I think soft YTA. If my bf asked me to help him with something, I would at least try. And if it was too much, I would put the task back on him, but at least I tried. Because I know he would do the same.
The fact y’all are both making this a bigger deal than it needs to be is crazy. Also, if he’s doing this out of turn and was a super weird request compared to normal, I wonder why he did it. All around, just super weird.
NTA. This request sounds silly, especially if his hands were empty.
As long as you’re fine with him refusing to ever help carry anything for you, I guess you don’t ever have to help him.
Weird ass relationship you’re seeking.
Nta, this was some kind of shit-test trying to see if you were appropriately submissive or something, good on you for failing it, be prepared to drop this loser.
He was probably trying to do some manosphere challenge or some shit. NTA
NTA…Oh please. Someone said you had princess treatment your whole life? They need to get off their soapbox.
I am not saying all women are weak. I am not saying all men are strong.
But I do have weak arms and not a lot of strength, especially with the development of arthritis.
My husband would never think to ask me to pick something up for him, that he knows might be too heavy for me, when he is standing right there with completely empty hands.
Now if his hands were full, I would have gladly done so and tried the best I could without damaging anything to get the bag where he wanted it to be.
In OP’s case, this comes across as a power struggle for the boyfriend. Asking, not explaining why when he could do so himself?
NTA
its a mental glitch
sometimes (perfectly healthy, taller and heavier than me) men wait expectingly besides doors for me (female) to open for them, which I do. I call it castration by politeness.
Edit: next time he asks you do it and whilst carrying the bag ask in a smug tone “so now i am the guy of us, right?!”
NTA – this seems like some sort of test, which automatically puts him in the AH category.
Even with the clarification it sounds like YTA because perhaps you were closer and picking up a bag of something heavy to walk it over is not a big ask for someone who is able bodied. Just because your dad or brother never made you help doesn’t mean you shouldn’t
Nta. Your partner is a huge red flag. Guarantee he (or one of his friends) saw something on a red pill podcast and decided to test you. Life is too short to be with someone who is going to test you with arbitrary tests
I get the responses of, if your partner asks for help, just try; but OP stated she knew the bag contained work tools and the partner didn’t have anything in their hands. My father has a tool bag that I literally cannot lift. And I know this; there’s no reason to try.
OP also describes the partner’s demeanor, not can you please help me but a straight-faced repeated command, pick it up. This feels like some kind of control test.
I’ll probably get ripped a part for this, but NTA.
NTA. Without any good reason otherwise, each person is responsible for carrying their own bag. This sounds like it was some kind of test or weird control thing.
As a girl who heaves PA equipment around on a regular basis I quite like being able to do it, but only if I’m helping my partner take stuff out to the car. It would be weird if he asked me to do that if he wasn’t doing it too, so I’d give you an NTA for that.
Sound like a Dom and Submissive test of control over OP
What kind of weird power move was this? He wasn’t injured, didn’t have his hands full of anything else, was standing near the bag. Just randomly wanted you to carry a heavy bag for no reason? NTA
Oh, is this the whole, make her do simple tasks and you’ll slowly enslave her technique?
Yep, totally.
OP, how long have you been together? How long have you been living together? Has he asked this or stuff like this before?
With info we have I’m saying NTA…
You said he didn’t have anything else in his hands, wasn’t injured, also he is considerably stronger.
NTA. Anyone want to take bets on that this was some kind of orange peel test? “Ask partner to do x thing and see how they respond, if they don’t do it they’re a bad partner” sort of thing.
YTA. Sorry that you feel the men in your life can’t ever ask you to hand them something. Grow up.
NTA, seems like someone might have been testing the waters after diving into the man-o-sphere of tate
NTA. I feel like it was rude for you not to even try, but this overall feels like a test and I’m against
Did you ask him why he wanted you to pick up the bag for him?
NTA. It wasn’t really a reasonable ask, especially in light of the edit that he had his hands free and was perfectly capable of picking it up himself. This sounds like some kind of weird loyalty test or attempt to see how much he could control OP. The repeated use of the term ‘make’ in OPs post rather than ‘ask’ or ‘request’ kind of comes across that this guy often tries to force/pressure OP to do things once OP has declined, which could be a red flag.
Nta. This feels like some kind of red pill BS.
Soft NTA. This seems like a weird power move on his part if he wanted you to carry it all the way to his car. If he wanted help with the leaving process he could have asked you to help with something less strenuous to you.
It’s a soft NTA because you could have at least brought the thing closer to the door, even if not all the way to the car.
NTA, and the posts calling you TA are weird because this was so clearly a shit test. I would never ask my partner to do something I can do myself, especially if it’s much harder for him than for me and I’m not incapacitated.
For people thinking this is some kind of sexism from OP, consider this: if you’re a man and your female partner asked you to go load her overnight bag in the car, even if it’s not heavy for either of you, wouldn’t you think that’s pretty high-handed? People shouldn’t treat their partners like servants just to see if they can.
Yikes, I’d get rid of this fuck. Is this some weird, fucked up test to see if you’ll “obey” him?? Girl, no. He doesn’t have fucking polio, he can carry his own heavy shit. What’s next? Get out
NTA.
I’m a man and I’m not asking ANYONE to carry my tools regardless of whether it’s a man, woman, or child unless I’m injured or my hands are completely full. You’re not his apprentice at a jobsite.
Is this like wanting your partner to carry your books in the hallway at school?
Edit: Why are people assuming this is a hetero M/F relationship?
This sounds like a “Make me two coffees.” type of test
NTA if it’s his belongings, he is more comfortable carrying that amount of weight, and he doesn’t appear to need help, it’s weird that he even asked you.
Did he ask you to carry it or hand it to him? You word it as pick it up but later imply carrying. Are you sure he wasn’t just asking you to hand him the bag as he was leaving?