To give some context, I ( M23 ) haven’t had my birthday celebrated since I was like 7. Okay maybe that’s not fair, I mean I haven’t had a party since that age. I will get wishes and there will be a cake in the fridge, a lot of birthdays recently I haven’t even really cut the cake? Or if I do it’s more ceremonial for a picture and I am usually on my way out anyway or maybe I just avoid that attention because it feels weird now. I mean it’s not like my presence was ever requested, more like ” He will be home whenever let’s just cut the cake when he’s here ” .
My mom doesn’t wish me or get me anything. I haven’t gotten anything for my birthday in like 10 years and it’s usually spent alone in a diner eating a little cheat meal. Yes I don’t have friends close enough to celebrate a birthday either. It’s not that sad, although it sucks to be alone. It’s not malicious I will get some wishes on my family group chat and like a Sims 4 task, a cake has almost always been there.
Yesterday my older half brother got really mad at me for not getting my mom anything. He showed up at 12am with a huge bouquet of flowers and all and he asked me what I got and I just looked at him puzzled. Ever since then he’s been getting on my nerves, bringing it up constantly. And I was approached by some extended family as well that since my dad passed early this year I should have gotten her something…
Which I still disagree… Maybe I am stubborn but you know… She doesn’t even wish me on mine and just makes a Facebook post about how old she’s getting now that I am whatever age and puts the cake on socials. I remember this one birthday I think I was 15 I begged her to wish me and she didint… And the only people to do something for me that day was my fortnite squadmates who stayed up on creative to make like a huge Happy Birthday ( insert name) sign and lowkey I was moved to tears.
I refused to get her anything… And I still probably won’t… AITA?
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To give some context, I ( M23 ) haven’t had my birthday celebrated since I was like 7. Okay maybe that’s not fair, I mean I haven’t had a party since that age. I will get wishes and there will be a cake in the fridge, a lot of birthdays recently I haven’t even really cut the cake? Or if I do it’s more ceremonial for a picture and I am usually on my way out anyway or maybe I just avoid that attention because it feels weird now. I mean it’s not like my presence was ever requested, more like ” He will be home whenever let’s just cut the cake when he’s here ” .
My mom doesn’t wish me or get me anything. I haven’t gotten anything for my birthday in like 10 years and it’s usually spent alone in a diner eating a little cheat meal. Yes I don’t have friends close enough to celebrate a birthday either. It’s not that sad, although it sucks to be alone. It’s not malicious I will get some wishes on my family group chat and like a Sims 4 task, a cake has almost always been there.
Yesterday my older half brother got really mad at me for not getting my mom anything. He showed up at 12am with a huge bouquet of flowers and all and he asked me what I got and I just looked at him puzzled. Ever since then he’s been getting on my nerves, bringing it up constantly. And I was approached by some extended family as well that since my dad passed early this year I should have gotten her something…
Which I still disagree… Maybe I am stubborn but you know… She doesn’t even wish me on mine and just makes a Facebook post about how old she’s getting now that I am whatever age and puts the cake on socials. I remember this one birthday I think I was 15 I begged her to wish me and she didint… And the only people to do something for me that day was my fortnite squadmates who stayed up on creative to make like a huge Happy Birthday ( insert name) sign and lowkey I was moved to tears.
I refused to get her anything… And I still probably won’t… AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. My decision to not really celebrate my mom’s birthday
2. Because I guess at least she goes out of her way to get me a cake?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA To mom: “Oh, I didn’t think birthdays were important to you since you haven’t said anything about mine in years.” To relatives: “I didn’t get her anything because birthdays aren’t important to her. She hasn’t mentioned mine in years.”
NTA!! Did you ever have a chat with her asking why she won’t celebrate your birthday with you? I’m a bit shocked your half brother seemed surprised since he probably has seen that you haven’t been celebrated over the years… but I wouldn’t feel bad. She is the parent and you should be celebrated ☹️❤️
NTA if indeed your mother minimizes/ignores your birthdays, as per your post. You can simply tell this to your brother and other family members who pressure you to celebrate HER birthday.
NTA.
I get it. My birthdays used to be the same for me. I relate to your mom making your birthday about herself.
The narcissism of it is frustrating. I never figured out a way to get her to understand, so I decided to stop trying. She wants her birthday celebrated, and I refuse to make her feel the way she makes me feel. She won’t get it. But you do. You wouldn’t be an AH if you refuses to, though.
You’ll get your birthdays celebrated by your chosen family, if you clearly communicate that it’s something you want. You’ll get there. Loneliness is something you experience, it’s not your identity.
NTA. Siblings can have the same parents, but the parents might not be same to them.
Maybe your experience with your mother is vastly different to how your sib relates to her.
I feel since your talking a lot about Social media this isn’t really about being wished, but the attention she gets from being upset that you didn’t wish her that she’s now telling everyone so they can give you hell.
If you think there is any hope of a better relationship with your mom, consider family therapy. No child should have to beg their mom for love and affection.
Just say I didn’t think we celebrated birthdays anymore since mine hasn’t been celebrated for several years.
NTA . Tell brother you Did get her a gift : the same thing she gave You😄However I do think everyone deserves a birthday acknowledgment ( form of “happy birthday, have a great day))
I get you. I have a feeling that somewhere along the way your mother managed to teach you that you weren’t important enough. Or maybe you didn’t feel loved or that you didn’t get the emotional support and love you should have.
NTA-
NTA
If anything is asked say that u thought bdays werent celebrated/not getting presents bcs thats what u get for yours
Nta. You don’t have to give more than you get.
What goes around, comes around 🤷♀️