My friend asked me about 3 hours beforehand if I can come see her and go out, but I already promised my dad that I’d help him with a task, and told my grandma that I’ll give her a ring so we can chat for a bit, both of these were in the time frame she wanted me to see her.
I told her, and offered an earlier time but she didn’t respond…she did this last time when she changed plans last minute where we were suppose to just have a chat with some wine, and then about 30 minutes before she messaged me saying she’s ready to go out. That was never the plan in the first place, and I told her that I can’t be going out tonight and she didn’t respond.
I have also rang her to let her know after messaging but she didn’t even pick up.
AITA for not trying to changing my plans/being more flexible for my friend, I guess I could have just gone along with it or cancel phone call with my grandma/dad, but I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel right.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
My friend asked me about 3 hours beforehand if I can come see her and go out, but I already promised my dad that I’d help him with a task, and told my grandma that I’ll give her a ring so we can chat for a bit, both of these were in the time frame she wanted me to see her.
I told her, and offered an earlier time but she didn’t respond…she did this last time when she changed plans last minute where we were suppose to just have a chat with some wine, and then about 30 minutes before she messaged me saying she’s ready to go out. That was never the plan in the first place, and I told her that I can’t be going out tonight and she didn’t respond.
I have also rang her to let her know after messaging but she didn’t even pick up.
AITA for not trying to changing my plans for my friend, I guess I could have just gone along with it or cancel phone call with my grandma/dad, but I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel right.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t try to change those plans, and I could have potentially made some time, so I guess I could be the asshole for not being flexible with friends.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s ok for her to ask to change plans at short notice, but you’re under no obligation to be flexible about it. And it’s rude of her to be cold to you when the answer is no.
NTA, I had a friend like this and i just got tired of it. We would make plans to go somewhere and at the last minute she would change plans to go here because she wanted it or other friends will be there. I stopped engaging and saying since you want to do that have fun. She waited till the last minute to find the best plans for her I think. The last time we talked she wanted to tag along with me to IKEA (I started at that point meeting her at places) and then she changed the plans as I was in the IKEA parking lot. I went inside did what I had to and went home. I never called her back I just froze her out. Never heard from her again.
NTA. You had already made prior commitments. The right thing to do is to honor those commitments. There’s nothing wrong with saying “sorry, I’d love to, but I already have plans today.”
Some people are spontaneous and like to do things last minute. And if you’re free and feel like going out, great! But anyone asking a friend to hang out on a short notice shouldn’t be surprised if that friend can’t make it.
NTA.
You made plans with your dad and grandma first, honouring those is fair. Your friend gave short notice and has a pattern of changing plans last minute, then going silent when things don’t go her way. You even offered an earlier time. That’s more than reasonable. Your friend is swaying to be an A for not responding and expecting you to drop everything
Advice: It’s okay to say no and set boundaries. Don’t feel guilty for keeping your word to others.
You already had plans and she never returned your call. Grandma won’t be around forever–enjoy her company while you can <3 NTA
NTA, I know someone who will do this to test people, and then get mad if they don’t accommodate her.
I had a different friend years ago, we had plans. She called and canceled at the last minute with “I know we have plans, but my boyfriend just asked me out, so I’m canceling.” I never spoke to her again.
All you’re doing is honoring prior commitments, like a good human.
Nta.. just no. She is though since she thinks that you need to adjust your schedule to fit her desires.
It’s ok to have personal boundaries and say you’re busy with family tonight. If she’s mad she can get over it. And if she doesn’t then she wasn’t a friend worth having anyway.
Some people like to have plans and back up plans, but if something better comes along 🤷♀️
NTA. You had already made commitments to your dad and your grandma, and it’s completely reasonable to prioritize those plans, especially when they were made in advance.
Your friend’s last-minute requests and changes aren’t fair to you, especially since she didn’t respond to your alternative offer or communicate clearly. It’s not unreasonable for her to ask if you can adjust your plans, but she should respect it when you can’t – not ignore you or make you feel guilty.
Good boundaries mean keeping your word to others (like your family) and not bending over backward for someone who expects you to drop everything with little notice. If this is a pattern with her, it might be worth addressing how her lack of communication and last-minute changes make it hard to plan things fairly.
You did nothing wrong.