Long story short. My hubby and I finally picked a name. We told my mother-in-law the name and she got very upset, stating that is the name of someone she knew in childhood that she hated. Not gonna lie, I do feel bad as I am a people pleaser and dislike conflict.
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Long story short. My hubby and I finally picked a name. We told my mother-in-law the name and she got very upset, stating that is the name of someone she knew in childhood that she hated. Not gonna lie, I do feel bad as I am a people pleaser and dislike conflict.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because mothers deserve the utmost respect. She is my elder, and I feel like I should have picked a different name. But then on the other hand, it’s my life and you only have one life to live. Kind of stuck in the middle.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Did they traumatize her, or was it just someone she disliked?
Why would you think you were an asshole? She got a chance to name babies. You ate 5 going to need some backbone to be a good parent.
Have you tried r/namenerds
1st rule never tell your baby name until after the birth.
I’d ask your spouse
INFO: why did she hate this person? Were they mean to her once? Did they relentlessly bully her all the way through school? Were they an adult who abused her or humiliated her?
There’s hating someone for petty reasons and there’s hating someone because they traumatized you. If it’s the latter, she probably does not want her love and delight in her grandchild to be tainted by hard or horrible memories.
You can name your child what you want. But if your MIL is traumatized, you can expect the name to impact how she feels about your child. It could even change how she treats him—even if she tries very hard to make sure it doesn’t. Do with that what you will.
The only people in charge of baby’s name is you and spouse. MIL will have to get over it.
NTA
It’s not your problem. It is hers if she can’t live with that..
Don’t change your child’s name because she doesn’t like it. That’s too much power you would be giving her there. It’s your child, you carried that baby for 9 months not her
Have your husband call her and tell her that you two didn’t realize the name was a trigger for her, but you have already picked the name. So unless she gives more information to explain why this person was SO bad she cannot get over it, this is the name.
I say if you have a decent relationship and want to keep it, give her a chance to explain. What if it was someone who did something horrific to her? Then would you actually want to reconsider? But if you open the door to this, then what if the reason isn’t “bad enough” and then she gets upset that you don’t care about her? It’s tricky and your husband needs to handle ALL of it, or you’re the bad guy forever.
You can’t veto every name that’s connected to someone who was mean to someone else. There would be no names left! Maybe share some positive people with that name who inspired it (just google it, they don’t have to actually be the inspiration lol)
Info: How common is this name? Because it’s different if the only person she’s ever known by this name was horrible to her, and a common name like Mark. (Mark is the real name of someone I hate, but obvious reasons I wouldn’t have an issue with a baby having the same name).
NTA. Better than naming them Kayleeigh or some shite
I never understand these situations. I get that a bad person can create a bad association with a name. But if a new baby is given that same name, surely that beloved new family member can heal the association and make the name good again. If name connotations are mutable, then it should go both ways!
After being sick of opinions when I was pregnant with my first child, my next two kids didn’t have names shared with anyone until after they were born. It made life a LOT easier.
NTA for not wanting to change the name you and your hubby like. And I think if your hubby wants to probe further with his mom about whether there’s some trauma-related aversion here, that’s up to him. But if it’s just a matter of Danny being mean to her in kindergarten… she can build some better associations with the name when your baby arrives.
NTA who cares what she thinks. This is why you tell people after it’s on the birth certificate, otherwise they feel entitled to have an opinion on it
My grandson has the same name as a guy I went to high school with that wasn’t very nice.
At first I thought ew, but now when I hear the name, I think of my grandson.
So technically, you’re helping your mother-in-law. Replacing her bad memories with good ones
that’s not your problem
NTA
Assure her that your child is not her childhood enemy. You checked the reincarnation certificate.
Seriously though, so what? She will get over it. She doesn’t get veto power over your child’s name.
NTA. The name we gave our baby is the name of the guy my dad was suing at the time. I didn’t know obviously, but ultimately did not care and my parents either. I think your MIL can get over it.