So I have a job that requires me to go in at any point of the day when I am called in, and most of the time in whatever I am already in while I was out for the day.
Now I have a more of a boho type style but it’s summer and I’ve been wearing more crops or tank tops (which they do cover everything I’m not exposed). This has never been a problem until recently when my boss has been asking my friend to tell me to put a shirt on. Let it be known that I am wearing a shirt it is entirely covering my chest minus a small part of my stomach that gets covered up by my uniform after I put it on. The problem is when I get called in I don’t have enough time to go home and change so I have to go in what I’m wearing.
When I dress the way I do I do it because I feel amazing and it is really what makes me happy so I really don’t want to change the way I dress to make them happy. What really makes me upset is that my bosses wife actually works there too and she wears tank tops and short shorts half the time and she complains to her husband about me needing to cover up.
I’ve talked to some friends and they believe it might just be that I am one of the only other women that work there (there’s only four of us total). I just need to know AITA for not wanting to comply to his wife’s demands to change?
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So I have a job that requires me to go in at any point of the day when I am called in, and most of the time in whatever I am already in while I was out for the day.
Now I have a more of a boho type style but it’s summer and I’ve been wearing more crops or tank tops (which they do cover everything I’m not exposed). This has never been a problem until recently when my boss has been asking my friend to tell me to put a shirt on. Let it be known that I am wearing a shirt it is entirely covering my chest minus a small part of my stomach that gets covered up by my uniform after I put it on. The problem is when I get called in I don’t have enough time to go home and change so I have to go in what I’m wearing.
When I dress the way I do I do it because I feel amazing and it is really what makes me happy so I really don’t want to change the way I dress to make them happy. What really makes me upset is that my bosses wife actually works there too and she wears tank tops and short shorts half the time and she complains to her husband about me needing to cover up.
I’ve talked to some friends and they believe it might just be that I am one of the only other women that work there (there’s only four of us total). I just need to know AITA for not wanting to comply to his wife’s demands to change?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refuse to change the way I dress for a job because of my bosses wife
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If you put a uniform on when you arrive then it doesn’t matter a damn what you show up in because that’s not the outfit you do your job in.
NTA – this seems like a pretty dysfunctional place with the wife getting jealous of the employees. It’s also really weird that he is asking your friend to tell you, instead of just making a standard dress code. They are targeting you specifically, so I would try and find a new job as a soon as possible.
INFO – what does you uniform look like? Do you change out of your clothes to put this on or are we talking like, adding an apron or something where you can still see your clothes?
Generally, YTA – if your place of work has asked you to follow a more dress code-type thing, then you do what they ask.
YTA. Every job requires some dress code. Carry a t-shirt/uniform shirt/blouse and switch before you head into work. I used to work on-call all the time. I kept a go-bag with me that had a change of clothes and other essentials (body washing wipes in case I’m grimy, shoes, etc.).
NTA. If what you’re wearing is appropriate for being out in public and you’re fully covered when you’re in uniform, then this sounds more like a personal issue on their end than a professional one. It’s especially hypocritical if the boss’s wife wears similar or even more revealing clothes without issue. You’re being singled out and that’s not okay. If your clothes don’t break any actual dress code and you’re not showing up indecent, you shouldn’t have to change to appease someone’s double standard. You’re allowed to feel good in your own style.
NTA, but dont be surprised if they fire you (unfortunately)
NTA because the “dress code” isn’t being applied to everyone. You should follow general dress norms at any given workplace, so if the boss’ wife dressed business casual along with everyone else (or however people dress at your workplace), then you should dress that way too. Leave an appropriate shirt in your car, or your purse if you don’t drive, so you can change before going to work. But in this case it sounds like the real issue isn’t professional dress, it’s an insecure coworker, so NTA. But if you want to keep your job, you might want to keep a change of clothes somewhere anyway.
Employers do have the right to say what they believe is appropriate attire for your job. Sounds like you don’t care if you keep this job or not and if that is the case and be prepared to not have a job
It’s absurd for an employer to mandate your attire outside of working hours. If you change into a uniform and wear it during your shift, you have fulfiled your obligation.
This sounds like harrassment. Get documentation in writing like emails or texts. Then consult an attorney.
NTA. If they are expecting you to drop everything, then this sounds like an emergency type job. What you’re wearing is the least of the concern. And the fact that your boss isn’t even the one asking you make it so much worse. If he has an issue, he can talk to you directly. It’s childish and unprofessional to send messages through your friend
You change into a uniform before actually working? Then NTA, what you’re wearing when you come in doesn’t matter. If you were staying in the clothes you come in for the shift, I’d feel differently.
INFO: why is your boss not speaking with you directly if there is an issue?
Your manager has stated that he or she thinks a cropped top is not appropriate for the office. That’s all you need to know. You can leave 2 or 3 blouses or other tops in your desk, your work bag, or the truck of your car, so you will always be ready if you are called in — even if it’s at such short notice that you don’t have time at home to change your outfit.
No matter what your job, you don’t want to be noticed for the wrong reason. Easy peasy.
You’re definitely not an asshole for wanting to dress in a way that makes you feel confident and happy. Self-expression is important! However, workplaces sometimes have dress codes or expectations about what’s considered “professional” or appropriate, especially if you’re representing the company or interacting with customers.
If your outfit is truly within reasonable boundaries (covered and not revealing in a problematic way), it sounds like the criticism might be unfair or inconsistent—especially if the boss’s wife dresses similarly. It might be worth having a calm conversation with your boss about clear expectations so you’re not caught in the middle of personal opinions or double standards.
Ultimately, you deserve to be respected for who you are, but finding a balance with workplace expectations can also make your life easier.
Nta. They either have to accept your clothing or give you time to return home and change.
YTA. You can enjoy your personal style when you aren’t at work. Since you know they want you to dress more modestly, keep an extra shirt in the car just in case you get called in to work. It’s not that hard. If you worked for an airline you’d have to wear a uniform. If you worked in a restaurant you’d probably have to follow a dress code. If you worked in a factory, you’d have to wear steel toed boots. Get over yourself.
MORE INFO NEEDED: What’s the published dress code? I’d ask HR what the policy is. If it’s fine for one person it should be fine for everyone, and vice versa. Alternatively, why not keep an extra shirt in your car you can throw over your tank top?
NTA. If your manager wants to give you feedback they should do it themselves. Not thru some gossip channel. Tell your friend to stop passing on messages from your boss. It’s none of their business and you have no way of knowing what they said is really true or just them stirring shit.
Duh! Just leave a shirt at work that you can put on when you arrive. Get a life!!
Nta. If they want you coming in on demand, then theyll get you in what you were wearing when they called. They dont own you they dont dictate what you wear not on their time, just on the off chance theyll decide you should be at work. And even then you say you wear a uniform at work anyway so whats the big deal
It’s your job. They have a dress code (although laxed from the sound of it.) for a reason, and it isn’t to help or make YOU feel amazing.
Your boss should have either reported you himself or sent you to HR, rather than having someone else tell you.
If you are interacting with customers while the wife is not, there is a difference. As silly as it is, cleavage is more socially acceptable in a business setting than an exposed midriff. Maybe just keep a work shirt in your bag, or car, if you have to be on call. It’s not unreasonable for an employer to ask that you dress appropriately while working, even if a bit hypocritical given their wife. Different jobs have different standards, and our individuality doesn’t need to be expressed while working.
NTA sounds like the wife is jealous and threatened by you
What kind of job do you have that is on call like this? NTA and I hope you get paid well enough to put up with this
Are you a teenager?
What type of job do you do?
INFO: Does the boss’ wife have a customer-facing role, too?
NTA. If they expect you to be on call constantly, then their options are: 1, accept what you’re wearing or 2, give you time to go home and change before you come to work. If this is something that is really going to cause issues, is there any way you could either keep a shirt at work or stash one in your bag when you go out?
NTA.
For now. But it depends on a thing.
Do you have a time frame you can be called in, and do you get paid during that time to be ready? If this is so. You are the A. For not just taking an appropriate shirt with you. As croptops are not appropriate on the work floor. Yes. I sound like a boomer, but op asked for oppinions and this is mine. And yes. Boss wife is a huge A for doing it herself, demanding different from others, and coming away with it because she is the boss wife. But that was not OPs question.
If they dont pay you for standing stand by NTA. They cant expect you not to go on with your own life in your own time. If they want you dressed in a certain type of shirt, they need to pay you to bring that shirt wherever you go. So you can put in on just in case.
And if they say it is included in your normal pay. They need to give you a timeframe to do that. Im sure they are not paying 24/7.
YTA. You found a style you love and that’s great, but in an employment situation, your are expected to present a certain image in return for a paycheck- that is part of the deal.Most jobs have dress codes- this is no different, and just because you love what you’re wearing doesn’t mean customers or the company will or that it aligns with the climate of the business.
Yes, you get called in unexpectedly and you don’t want to change because you think you look cute and want to look cute at work, (or more generously, you don’t always have time to change) but if you want to stay at this job, it would easy to keep a work appropriate no-iron shirt either in your car, your bag or at work somewhere. Very few people get to wear whatever they want at their job, especially if the job involves a uniform. If you find that not wearing what you want at work is not worth doing the job, then you are free to find another place where you can wear whatever you want. ( And tell me what that job is because I’d love that myself!)
I would also avoid criticizing/comparing what the boss’s wife wears when she works- you are not his wife, you are his employee, and comparing you to her is not a good look. If your boss is an independent business owner, there are perks to being married to him that he is under no obligation to extend to you, a part-time employee. You also don’t know how much financial investment/elbow grease his wife has put into this business to get it up and running- for all you know, she could be a major financial contributor, which you also are not. This is not even close to an equal situation between the two of you and it weakens your argument and takes you from ” gently YTA” to ” solid YTA.
NTA – if you wear a uniform in front of all clientele/customers then who cares what you wear in your personal time.
Are you an ER doctor that is being called in for emergency surgery? If not, you have time to change and put on what the people who are paying you want you to wear.