At work one of my managers has a birthday coming up. Some of the employees are giving money to buy him a gift and some gift cards. I am not giving anything. I don’t like him at all. We’ve had arguments in the past. He’s just very negative towards me. I’m getting a lot of shit from my coworkers about this. Saying I’m being dramatic and too sensitive. I can’t stand the guy. It would be hypocritical for me to celebrate his birthday in any way. I won’t even sign a card for him. So AITA for not contributing any money for my manager’s birthday?
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At work one of my managers has a birthday coming up. Some of the employees are giving money to buy him a gift and some gift cards. I am not giving anything. I don’t like him at all. We’ve had arguments in the past. He’s just very negative towards me. I’m getting a lot of shit from my coworkers about this. Saying I’m being dramatic and too sensitive. I can’t stand the guy. It would be hypocritical for me to celebrate his birthday in any way. I won’t even sign a card for him. So AITA for not contributing any money for my manager’s birthday?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was not contributing money for a gift for my manager. I may be the asshole because other employees are giving money. I have had arguments with other employees aboutt my actions.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Gifts never flow up in the workplace.
Others might see you as the AH but you’re not the AH, Would they do the same if it was your birthday?
NTA- give $0.01 just to say you did.
NTA. Employees should NEVER be asked to chip in for a gift for the boss. That’s ridiculous.
NTA, but it definitely won’t help improve your relationship with your manager (if that’s something you want to try and do) and I’d be worried it would increase the hostility if it was me (but I’m an anxious weirdo)
I’m a “boss.” I absolutely do not want or expect staff or people I supervise to buy me presents at all for any reason. I personally buy things like gift cards to supplement the firm’s annual holiday gifts (separate from bonuses) for the people who work directly for/with me, but I make it clear that’s a one-way street. We have a tradition to celebrate birthdays with things like donuts, fresh fruit, etc. They do that for me as well, though again, not expected. Something everyone shares in seems different to me from buying an actual present. NTA. Might be time to discuss changing the tradition
Never gift up. Gifting down is fine.
NTA, and buying presents for bosses is mad anyway.
Never gift up to managers, it could be seen in trade for preferential treatment.
Are your coworkers fully aware of the extent to which your boss is an asshole to you? Or are they assholes as well cut from the same cloth? Do you chip in for others in the office? Do others in the office get gifts in general? I would honeslty just stick to your guns, tell your coworkers you dont feel comfortable chipping in with someone you dont get along with, and that on top of that you want to establish boundaries at work and dont find it appropriate to give gifts to your boss. Your coworkers giving you shit for not chipping in is kinda fucked, not sure why they would care so much
I can understand buying a card and signing it or having the company buy a cake or something. But to expect people to chip in for a present…. NOPE.
Definitely NTA
NTA. No one is required to give donations for a work present, but rather than make a big deal of it, just say “I am unable to contribute at this time” and leave it at that.
Nta, I was once asked to pitch in like $50 on a pair of Loius Vuitton glasses that cost something like $1200, for a higher up. I said no thanks. 1st of all, I was making barely above minimum wage whereas her salary was easily around $100k. Why are they asking us to chip in for something like that? I can understand cake and ice cream, but not for something so extravagant.
NTA- contributing to a gift of any sort is optional and it’s very toxic of your coworkers to make you feel guilty for your own choice.
This is totally inappropriate to ask for and expect you to chip in for this kind of gift. HR should get involved.
NTA. If you want to diplomatic about it say that you follow a strict budget and have already spent your discretionary fund.