I (18F) have a sister (32F) who started working in early June. Since I’m currently off school for the year and usually wake up late, I’ve been helping her out by picking up my 4-year-old niece from school in the afternoons.
Recently, my other sisters (30F and 16F) have been pressuring me to take more responsibility with my niece like dropping her off and picking her up more frequently because I’m at home and not working. On top of that, I’ve been attending all her school meetings and taking full responsibility for her after school, even though she’s not my child.
What really frustrates me is that my 30F sister keeps lying to our 32F sister, claiming that I don’t pick my niece up on time even though I’m the one doing nearly everything for her. She acts like she’s the one taking care of my niece, when in reality, she does nothing!
One day, I was in the middle of sorting out and cleaning all my old school stuff when it was time to collect my niece. Since 30F was home, I asked if she could do the pickup. She agreed then at the very last minute, she backed out and started making excuses.
I decided to finish what I was doing because I didn’t want to leave a huge mess halfway through. An hour went by, and no one left to collect my niece. The school ended up calling my mom (54F) because no one had picked her up . My mom picked her up, and when she got home, she was furious at me, not at my 30F sister who had agreed and then flaked.
Everyone in the house called me immature and selfish, saying I brought my niece into “petty drama” and that I should’ve just gone and gotten her. They also told me to just accept that my 30F sister is like this and be the “bigger person.”
I feel like I’m being taken advantage of and blamed unfairly. AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I (18F) have a sister (32F) who started working in early June. Since I’m currently off school for the year and usually wake up late, I’ve been helping her out by picking up my 4-year-old niece from school in the afternoons.
Recently, my other sisters (30F and 16F) have been pressuring me to take more responsibility with my niece like dropping her off and picking her up more frequently because I’m at home and not working. On top of that, I’ve been attending all her school meetings and taking full responsibility for her after school, even though she’s not my child.
What really frustrates me is that my 30F sister keeps lying to our 32F sister, claiming that I don’t pick my niece up on time even though I’m the one doing nearly everything for her. She acts like she’s the one taking care of my niece, when in reality, she does nothing!
One day, I was in the middle of sorting out and cleaning all my old school stuff when it was time to collect my niece. Since 30F was home, I asked if she could do the pickup. She agreed then at the very last minute, she backed out and started making excuses.
I decided to finish what I was doing because I didn’t want to leave a huge mess halfway through. An hour went by, and no one left to collect my niece. The school ended up calling my mom (54F) because no one had picked her up . My mom picked her up, and when she got home, she was furious at me, not at my 30F sister who had agreed and then flaked.
Everyone in the house called me immature and selfish, saying I brought my niece into “petty drama” and that I should’ve just gone and gotten her. They also told me to just accept that my 30F sister is like this and be the “bigger person.”
I feel like I’m being taken advantage of and blamed unfairly. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> for leaving my niece in school for an extra hour over a petty argument with my older sister
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Time to stop picking her up at all
NTA. They’re using you as free childcare. Time to make them pay up or not help
Info: who was supposed to pick her up that day ? What is the agreement with her mom ?
Edit : NTA
Tell them all you will no longer do any of the responsibilities for your niece. She’s not your kid, and her actual parent needs to figure it out.
>Everyone in the house called me immature and selfish
Well, yes. But NTA though. Mature people scheme behind everyone.
ESH. I do think it’s necessary to in general set more boundaries and expectations, but I’m concerned specifically that multiple people seem to have known that no one was going to pick her up and yet no one acted on it. I think the most responsibility does fall on the sister who had agreed to pick her up and flaked without making alternative arrangements, but that everyone who knew and just hoped someone else would step up is also responsible to a degree
ESH….You all need a sit down to communicate on what is going on g on with pick ups, who is doing what, etc. You all are adults leaving a child caught up in your disarray.
Why must you be the only one to take responsibility? There is a 16 year old and a 30 year old in the mix, the child’s mother and the grandmother. This would not be a problem if everyone communicated.
Decide what you will do and don’t do and tell the mom. It is up to her to figure out the rest.
“Just accept I’m like this” I would be stepping back, not up
The fact that your other sisters and parents were the ones pressuring you to basically be a part time nanny, and not your nieces actual mother, just makes me think like they dumped it all on you bc they didn’t want to. Unless you had a clear cut agreement with the MOTHER (everyone else is itrelevant. (It’s not their child and certainly not yours) that you will pick her up every day or she confirmed with YOU that you were picking her up that day then they can all gtfo. If that wasn’t he case, then you never agreed to this arrangement and it’s 100% on them if they just assume you would get her in a specific day when you never agreed. I would say I joined some club/ class/ meet up etc that just so happens to overlap with pick up times (even if just a couple days a week) and just leave the house and let them figure it out. Not your fault your sister had a baby.
NTA. Get some space away from them and you’ll see the situation better. If possible.
NTA, not even a little. Did you ever agree to this or were you voluntold you would be Mom #2? Everyone else’s opinion does not matter (mother or other two sisters) if they’re not actually going to help. If you want to help her a few days a week, maybe talk to your eldest sister about realistic expectations and then maybe have a family meeting to see how everyone else can help with the other days. If they don’t want to help and would just rather keep telling you what to do, then they can chip in for an after school daycare program or sitter. You should not be expected to arrange your life and schedule around a child your sister chose to have.
Also, the being the bigger person thing is such BS – notice that the person who is acting like the AH is never told to be the bigger person, it’s always the other person basically being told to shut up and continue accepting someone else’s terrible behavior.
It was your responsibility to pick up your niece, but you passed that off to your sister, who flaked – just like you did. You knew she wasn’t going, so you didnt leave to go get your niece, you stayed doing whatever you wanted to do, that was not urgent or important, it could have waited until you were back.
YTA. If you dont want to care for your niece tell her mother you will no longer do it. Why arent you working or in school? If all you are doing is lazing around sleeping late, which as you havent said there’s anywhich is all you’ve said youre doing, yes, step up and help. No, i dont think you should do that for free, it’s not your kid, but God, grow up and do something.
NTA. This falls into “it’s easier to bully the victim than change the bully.” Your 30F sis is being a basic bully.
NTA. Where’s her father? Why can’t 16F do it? Tell them all to fuck off, you helped & were taken for granted, you aren’t the parent.
ESH. If the burden of responsibly originally on you to pi, up your niece, then the second your sister made excuses that was when you should have gone to get your niece. It is Your responsibility because you agreed to do it. Idc if you wanted to finish what you were doing. Your mom i right to be angry with you over this.
Are you being taken advantage of, yes. And you allow it. No is a complete sentence. You agreed to pick her up from school. The rest was you just not saying no.
As for your sister who made excuses, it is what it is. If you knew she was like this, why try to dump your task on her?
RUN, don’t walk away from those people. You didn’t have that child, you’ve done what you could to help out, and yes, you are being taken advantage of. Make sure the nieces mother understands that you have been picking her up, going to the meetings (school can verify it was you not sister) and that you are doing what you can to help, and maybe she could ask the other sisters to pitch in some. If all you get is hassle, stop doing what you’re doing and let someone else do it.