So I’m M29, and I live with 4 other flatmates (24–29) in a flat share. We’re all students and I’m moving out next month after my holiday. Last Sunday I cooked for my flatmates as a last supper before moving out. I informed my flatmates in WhatsApp group that I would cook dinner for us, all were invited, and asked which date everyone would be home. I also said I would invite 2 friends (ex-flatmates) if they were free. One confirmed. None of us have any dietary restrictions, so I planned a 5-course non-vegetarian meal for 6 people (4 FM, me, and the CF). I brought groceries and wine beforehand and prepped the starter, freezing it so I wouldn’t have to rush on the day.
We live in Germany, so everything is closed on Sunday, including supermarkets. On Saturday at noon I started marinating chicken and preparing dessert.
Dev (M25) DM’d me asking if his girlfriend could join. I know She’s vegetarian. So, I said it was fine but I hadn’t planned anything vegetarian except salad, bread, etc., and dessert already had egg (6 rice puddings for each of us in separate bowls). He said she could eat the chicken sauce with bread. I said that’s fine. I also wanted to make something for her but I was tired and didn’t want to go buy groceries again walking 20 mins so I didn’t have much stuff at home we usually buy food only for 1 week as supermarkets are close from home, plus I was going on vacation next week so just wanted to finish whatever food I had.
Everything went well on Sunday. I started cooking at 14:00 for 18:00. Flatmates helped set the table; I declined help in the kitchen. Everyone arrived on time, we had music, and started dinner: starter, soup, main course, salad, dessert.
But Dev’s GF declined appetiser and soup and asked if she can start with salad instead. She had to wait for main course as we were finishing our first 2 courses. As the main course was still in the oven I kept it warm there. And I didn’t want to go kitchen again to serve her food separately. I thought it would be great to all finish together. We later started with main course and she had just gravy, from the main course with bread. Which I also felt bad about but I couldn’t help with that as it was already agreed. She didn’t complain at all. We finished our meal with dessert which was again for 6 of us, but her boyfriend and I shared with her. She asked if we want to have espresso after dinner, we all said yes and she made it for us.
After dinner, all 7 of us sat on the balcony with wine. Later the couple went inside, and Fabio said: “The food was great, but you should’ve made something for her so she has more than bread and sauce.” I reminded him I had informed them beforehand. We argued a bit; I was tired, had spent effort and money, and wanted good memories. He said people might agree to the food but you should respect dietary preferences. I got annoyed and went to my room.
Later he apologised, I accepted. But the evening, which was supposed to be nice, ended on a sour note.
AITA for not cooking something vegetarian?
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So I’m M29, and I live with 4 other flatmates (24–29) in a flat share. We’re all students and I’m moving out next month after my holiday. Last Sunday I cooked for my flatmates as a last supper before moving out. I informed my flatmates in WhatsApp group that I would cook dinner for us, all were invited, and asked which date everyone would be home. I also said I would invite 2 friends (ex-flatmates) if they were free. One confirmed. None of us have any dietary restrictions, so I planned a 5-course non-vegetarian meal for 6 people (4 FM, me, and the CF). I brought groceries and wine beforehand and prepped the starter, freezing it so I wouldn’t have to rush on the day.
We live in Germany, so everything is closed on Sunday, including supermarkets. On Saturday at noon I started marinating chicken and preparing dessert.
Dev (M25) DM’d me asking if his girlfriend could join. I know She’s vegetarian. So, I said it was fine but I hadn’t planned anything vegetarian except salad, bread, etc., and dessert already had egg (6 rice puddings for each of us in separate bowls). He said she could eat the chicken sauce with bread. I said that’s fine. I also wanted to make something for her but I was tired and didn’t want to go buy groceries again walking 20 mins so I didn’t have much stuff at home we usually buy food only for 1 week as supermarkets are close from home, plus I was going on vacation next week so just wanted to finish whatever food I had.
Everything went well on Sunday. I started cooking at 14:00 for 18:00. Flatmates helped set the table; I declined help in the kitchen. Everyone arrived on time, we had music, and started dinner: starter, soup, main course, salad, dessert.
But Dev’s GF declined appetiser and soup and asked if she can start with salad instead. She had to wait for main course as we were finishing our first 2 courses. As the main course was still in the oven I kept it warm there. And I didn’t want to go kitchen again to serve her food separately. I thought it would be great to all finish together. We later started with main course and she had just gravy, from the main course with bread. Which I also felt bad about but I couldn’t help with that as it was already agreed. She didn’t complain at all. We finished our meal with dessert which was again for 6 of us, but her boyfriend and I shared with her. She asked if we want to have espresso after dinner, we all said yes and she made it for us.
After dinner, all 7 of us sat on the balcony with wine. Later the couple went inside, and Fabio said: “The food was great, but you should’ve made something for her so she has more than bread and sauce.” I reminded him I had informed them beforehand. We argued a bit; I was tired, had spent effort and money, and wanted good memories. He said people might agree to the food but you should respect dietary preferences. I got annoyed and went to my room.
Later he apologised, I accepted. But the evening, which was supposed to be nice, ended on a sour note.
AITA for not cooking something vegetarian?
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> I think I should have cooked something vegetarian for my flatmates gf, which i didn’t as it was already agreed what I will cook
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta but you should have just said she could not join, or could only join for dessert and have made her an extra dessert. Dev may have decided not to come but that would be better than not feeding a dinner guest.
NTA, but he pushed because he felt he needed to stick up for her even though nothing was done to her that wasn’t already agreed to. It’s the kind of macho thing some guys do that they shouldn’t. You were transparent. Is it possible that he didn’t tell her about the lack of vegetarian options beforehand?
NTA you had talked about it the previous day. If he wanted to have something to eat; he should have shopped for her and had you make it. Ya’ll had a convo about it; and he only gave you a days notice!!!!
NTA-she was told ahead of time what would be available to her.
NTAH. Given the late notice, and constraint that stores were closed, understandable.
People with diet restrictions sometimes need to bring their own food. It’s actually smart to be prepared and do that just in case.
There is no conflict to judge here as Fabio apologized for initially being AH. Otherwise you communicated clearly what would be available. NAH.
NTA. They could have picked something up or brought something from home. But if in future you’re in this situation, just use another vegetable (potatoes, cauliflower, carrots whatever you have) bake it or grill it and serve with the sauce. If you have dried beans, you could use those with the sauce. That being said I can tell you like hosting your friends and put a lot of effort into giving them a great experience. Kudos to you on caring so much and don’t overthink this one dinner event.
You’re NTA
>Fabio said: “The food was great, but you should’ve made something for her so she has more than bread and sauce.”
Yeah… or he could have prepared something for his girlfriend who he invited on short notice.Edit: Fabio should have minded his own business. And I should have read more carefully before commenting.
NTA. As a vegetarian last minute plus one – she could have brought something herself to share that she could eat. Side note – I don’t know a single vegetarian who would eat gravy from a chicken. I’m vegetarian and would have brought a dish to share. You don’t have to change your menu because someone wants to add a girlfriend to the dinner. He could have brought something for her as well. You were generous enough.
You can’t do something you don’t know about.
How are you supposed to read into the future and prepare for guests that weren’t invited?
NTA
NTA. She invited herself to your dinner on short notice and agreed to make do with what you had on hand. IDK why a third party felt entitled to give you a dressing down about it.
I’m confused – as a vegetarian myself, chicken sauce and gravy are not vegetarian options. The rice pudding would be more doable than those (many vegetarians eat eggs and dairy, but meat and meat based items are no gos).
So why would she be eating chicken sauce and/or gravy?
NTA. It was not Fabio’s place to reprimand you. The GF said she was fine with the offerings – likely she ate ahead of time so she wasn’t starving.
It WOULD have been nice if you had given her the salad rather than force her to watch you all eat appetizers and soup. She could have had a second serving while you all ate your main courses.
The couple were NTA. They knew she was coming at the last minute and they accepted the limited food choices for her.
NTA. You weren’t enough in advance. So it’s not on you that there wasn’t more for her to eat.
NTA. If Fabio is so concerned he should have made something vegetarian for her himself.
NTA. It was a nice gesture from you in the first place and you made your intentions known. It doesn’t mean it was wrong of him to ask you, but don’t feel bad saying no.
The correct response when someone asks if they can bring someone with dietary restrictions is “sure, but the meal will be xy and z, and it’s too late to change it, so bring a main that’s appropriate for them”. It’s fair to accommodate invited guests, but last minute add-ons need to accommodate themselves.
A little YTA. You shouldn’t have said it was okay for her to join if you didn’t want to host her, and you clearly didn’t if you couldn’t find it in you to serve her separately…. Or ask her if she was comfortable waiting…. Or split 6 desserts into 7…. Don’t agree to be a host to someone you won’t consider.
NTA the boyfriend agreed to that on her behalf. If anyone is the AH, it’s him.
”But Dev’s GF declined appetiser and soup and asked if she can start with salad instead. She had to wait for main course as we were finishing our first 2 courses. As the main course was still in the oven I kept it warm there. And I didn’t want to go kitchen again to serve her food separately. I thought it would be great to all finish together. ”
So, there was food in the kitchen she wanted to eat, but you didn’t feel like going to the kitchen to get it until you were all going to eat it? Seriously?
massive YTA
Y T A for not letting her eat what she could eat when she wanted to. Making a guest you accepted sit there watching the rest of you eat is incredibly poor hosting.
Everything else, NTA