I (24F) live in an apartment building and have a neighbor, Kyah (27F), who’s friendly but a bit careless. Over the past six months, Kyah’s borrowed several things from me tools, a ladder, even my Wi-Fi password when her internet was down. I didn’t mind at first, but she’s terrible about returning stuff. My screwdriver set is still missing, she kept my ladder for weeks until I asked for it back, and she used my Wi-Fi for a month without offering to chip in for the bill. Each time, I’ve been polite and let it slide, thinking she’d get better about it. Last weekend, I ran into Kyah at the grocery store. She was at the checkout with a cart full of stuff but realized she’d forgotten her wallet. She asked if I could cover her $85 bill, promising to pay me back that evening. I hesitated because of her track record with my stuff and because I’m on a tight budget myself. I told her I could spot her $20 for essentials but couldn’t cover the whole bill, especially since it included things like expensive snacks and beer. She got frustrated, saying I was unneighborly and that she’d have done the same for me. She ended up leaving most of her items behind and only buying what she could with the cash she found in her pocket. Since then, Kyah’s been giving me the cold shoulder, and another neighbor said Kyah called me stingy. I feel bad because I know forgetting a wallet is stressful, and maybe I could’ve helped more since we’re neighbors. But I also feel like her pattern of borrowing without reciprocating made me wary.
AITA for not covering her full grocery bill?
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I (24F) live in an apartment building and have a neighbor, Kyah (27F), who’s friendly but a bit careless. Over the past six months, Kyah’s borrowed several things from me tools, a ladder, even my Wi-Fi password when her internet was down. I didn’t mind at first, but she’s terrible about returning stuff. My screwdriver set is still missing, she kept my ladder for weeks until I asked for it back, and she used my Wi-Fi for a month without offering to chip in for the bill. Each time, I’ve been polite and let it slide, thinking she’d get better about it. Last weekend, I ran into Kyah at the grocery store. She was at the checkout with a cart full of stuff but realized she’d forgotten her wallet. She asked if I could cover her $85 bill, promising to pay me back that evening. I hesitated because of her track record with my stuff and because I’m on a tight budget myself. I told her I could spot her $20 for essentials but couldn’t cover the whole bill, especially since it included things like expensive snacks and beer. She got frustrated, saying I was unneighborly and that she’d have done the same for me. She ended up leaving most of her items behind and only buying what she could with the cash she found in her pocket. Since then, Kyah’s been giving me the cold shoulder, and another neighbor said Kyah called me stingy. I feel bad because I know forgetting a wallet is stressful, and maybe I could’ve helped more since we’re neighbors. But I also feel like her pattern of borrowing without reciprocating made me wary.
AITA for not covering her full grocery bill?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole for not covering my neighbor Kyah’s full $85 grocery bill when she forgot her wallet, offering only $20 for essentials. Kyah was visibly upset, and her calling me “unneighborly” made me think I might have been too strict, as forgetting a wallet is a common mistake. I could’ve been more helpful, especially since neighbors often support each other, even if her past borrowing habits made me hesitant.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
> She was at the checkout with a cart full of stuff but realized she’d forgotten her wallet.
So she can tap her phone.
NTA…It was ridiculous of her to even ask you. Hopefully she’ll stop borrowing things as well. If she tries, be sure to mention how stingy you are.
Moral lesson: It is really important to Set Boundaries with people !
>Since then, Kyah’s been giving me the cold shoulder, and another neighbor said Kyah called me stingy.
You cannot be serious. You mistake someone being a mooch with being careless.
And has she even returned the $20?
Take being called whatever proudly. She should start borrowing from others and leave you alone. You are 24!
NTA
Since you are stingy, that means you no longer need to loan her things….
NTA
Unfortunately I’ve seen similar things happen to my friends before. She has found a ‘mark’ with you and will keep on asking because you’ve said yes.
I say this with love: sometimes people pleasing is just falling for a scam.
Now you’re not an easy mark, she’ll hopefully leave you alone.
NTA. Convenient that you were there when she ‘forgot’ her wallet. Especially with how digital things are nowadays.
NTA. She’s giving you the cold shoulder?
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
I do not think that you are even considering the possibility that you’ve been an asshole so you do not need a judgement.
It is time to stop thinking about Kyah. She is a selfish irresponsible person who will always imagine that anyone who doesn’t give her unearned help is the bad guy. So what? Don’t talk with your neighbors about her and don’t give her another thought.
Get a new screwdriver set and lose her number.
Nope, not the asshole. She could have put her cart aside and went home to get money
NTA. You know that Kyah has been unreliable in the past and fear she’d not pay you back as agreed, and you have every reason to think that based upon your past experiences with her. No need to feel guilty for not allowing her to continue to take advantage of you and then criticize you when you refused to comply.
Kyah’s obviously not a good friend or a good neighbor to complain about you to others like she did. She could have left her groceries, gone home and gotten her wallet and returned to pay for her things — but she didn’t. She’d rather use your money. Well, she’s not entitled to your money just because she asks for it.
You can’t trust her; it’s as simple as that. Please stop feeling guilty for setting reasonable boundaries going forward.
NTA
She’s a mooch and needs to return your stuff before begging for more
NTA. You’ve been more than generous already, and her track record speaks for itself. You offered what you reasonably could $20 for essentials which is fair, especially on a tight budget. Her frustration doesn’t make you stingy, just cautious with someone who’s shown they can’t be trusted to return or repay
NTA thank goodness she’s giving you the come shoulder now. Maybe she’ll stop stalking your stuff.
NTA- change the WiFi password and let her go silent. You owe her nothing.
NTA.
Your neighbor is a user and she’ll keep walking all over you if you let her.
Get all your stuff back and change your wi-fi password. Then stop ‘helping’ her. She’s just going to drain you.
NTA
You’re not a grocery store or a charity you’re a neighbor who’s already been more than generous. It’s not about the money, it’s about respect and reciprocity. Kyah has shown you time and time again that she takes without giving back. You set a healthy boundary, and she didn’t like it because she’s used to taking advantage. Forgetting your wallet sucks, sure but it’s not your job to bail her out, especially when she’s never returned the favor. Cold shoulder or not, you did the right thing.
NTA
NTA. You weren’t being stingy, your were being frugal and smart. She’s already shown herself to be a bad credit risk. So unless you have the money to lose, it’s unwise to “loan” he anything.
Why did she think you have the money? I certainly don’t have the money to cover anyone’s groceries. How rude to ask!!
COLD SHOULDER OR NOT, I DID THE RIGHT THING !
NTA
My neighbor was the same way. Forever asking for things (money, pain meds, cold/flu meds, food) but whenever I asked for something in return it was met with disdain or refusal…
I cut contact with her for several months after my husband died because I needed a break from her while I needed (and still need to) heal while also taking care of my bedridden mother and neurodovergent kids and having a bulged disk mid spine on top of all that….
Anyways. Rant aside. You did the right thing.
NTA- you’ve got no evidence to suggest that she would pay you back. I think of it like a bank, and she’s got poor credit but trying to take out a loan.
Girl, stop being such a doormat. This person isn’t your friend.
NTA. Not everyone has extra money to front someone else. Besides, why couldn’t she have the grocer hold her stuff while she ran home to get her wallet?
NTA she is mooching off of you. Be happy that you now have your peace 😁
NTA. Even if she truly did forget her wallet. You still were nice enough to offer a compromise. Which she refused. A surprise $80 bill far exceeds any expectations of neighborlyness. Add in the past “Leechings” I fully agree with others that you should just buy yourself a new screw driver set and move on. Don’t forget to change your wifi password. Ohh and try to go and borrow something easy to lose from the neighbor that called you stingy. 🙂
Congrats!!!! You’ve finally stood up to the moocher!!! Go to her and get ALL your stuff back, and then tell everyone how she leeches off of people,,, and be glad you cut ties with the leech,,,,
YTA for feeling bad, she is a scammer better to get her number first before you get totally scammed.
Please secure your WiFi password. It’s not community property.
NTA. But have you talked to her about these items that haven’t been returned? If you haven’t, she’s viewed you as this super helpful neighbour coming through for her in the past until you didn’t at the grocery store. Thats not on you, but you’re also not helping your cause if you didn’t remind her of outstanding loaned items that had to be returned before the next item was loaned (and make it clear when you expect it back).
Im with you though, on only spotting cash for essentials knowing she wasn’t likely to pay you back quickly for expensive snacks and beer.
NTA stop lending her stuff and change the wifi password
I learned a long time ago, DO NOT lend neighbors or friends and especially family ANYTHING.
You will never see the item or money again.
Users come in all shapes and sizes.
I wouldn’t mind losing someone like that. I don’t mind lending stuff, but it makes me feel awkward when I have to ask for it back. People should have more consideration.
NTA you need to have boundaries, and not lending money is a good place to start. At least a tool you lend can be handed back the same day (you might want to go to her door to get your things back, rather than letting her have time to forget them or lose them) but if you wouldn’t gift her $85, you probably shouldn’t lend her that amount either. That’s also such a large amount that she might start to go to you when she needs a bill paid or gas in her car. She needs to find her own support system.
NTA. Odds are, she’d never repay you. I’d make a point of asking for the rest of your stuff back and changing your wifi password too. Moochers will always mooch, and if they can get away with it, never pay you back or return things they borrow from you.
NTA. She has a bad track record and you offered to help with essentials. Beer is not essential. And she could have gone home. Please the entitlement.
NTA. Being on her crap list will save you a lot of money.
NTA.
What makes her or your neighbors assume you had an extra $80+ lying around?! That’s absurd!
This is a good time to ask for all your stuff back.
I knew someone like her. Generosity only flows in one direction and all of her relationships were transactional in her favor.
I suggest you cheerfully accept the role of Stingy Neighbor and welcome the cold shoulder because it means she’s not going to ask you for help if she knows it won’t get her anything. If another neighbor comments, you can respond with, “I have no problem with being called stingy if being stingy means I refuse to lend things to people who don’t return them.” That says everything they need to know. NTA
Kyah’s been giving you the cold shoulder?? She’s not talking to you? Not even to borrow your stuff??
YAY!! You win!
I recently forgot my wallet (thought it was stolen, but no – just forgot it) I called my dad, who lives right near the store.
He paid for me. Before we both left the store, he had the money back in his account. ‘Cause that’s how you do it when it’s really a mistake. You just pay the money over the internet – which most of us have on our phones.
So, I would have asked her to send me the money, so I could par her stuff with her money – just using my card.
NTA, but you probably could have helped. (and if she wouldn’t have been able to transfer the money – she didn’t forget, she banked on you)
Probably a made up story. People can also pay with their phones.
Six months? I would have stopped after the first thing she didn’t return.
Oh, you want to borrow item #2?
Bring back item #1.
You’re NTA and far nicer than I would be.
NTA. everyone has cashapp or venmo or PayPal and no one is leaving home without a phone. so.if she can’t use her phone to pay she could have sent you the money then asked yoi to pay.
NTA but stop people pleasing. You don’t know her and you don’t owe anything to her. No is a full sentence.
She’s not a neighbor, she’s a freeloader.
You’re not a neighbor, either – you’re a doormat. Do not give her so much as the time of day.
NTA. Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
Of course she’s been friendly. You’ve been giving her stuff. Time for polite, firm “no” any time she asks for anything in the future.
Bet Kyah is hitting up the other neighbor now, and calling you stingy as a “reason” that person should help out. Not your circus, not your monkeys, and other neighbor will figure out soon enough not to lend her anything. (Or feel free to tell other neighbor, “She asked me for 85 bucks at the grocery store! Who does that?”)
NTA.
NTA. You don’t owe her a thing. There comes a point in every parasites life that it has taken the max from one host and needs to move on the next to survive. This is that time. Let her find a new host to bleed dry. Do not let another parasite to use you as a host again.
no fault-she is using you! don’t lend, change wi fi!
One less freeloading, judgmental parasite in your life…
How do you “forget” your wallet if you know you are going to the store to buy groceries?
YTA. You only want to derive satisfaction from removing her lifeline to much needed resources. This is extreme abuse and you need to be prosecuted immediately
NTA. Hopefully Kyah cold shoulder becomes a block of ice and never thaws. There will be a lot more cool cash in your wallet.
Unfortunately your screwed on your screwdriver set.
She “forgot” her wallet when she saw you
NTA. She is not a friend, she is someone who uses people. And she isn’t careless, she is selfish. Don’t feel bad about setting healthy boundaries. And don’t worry about her giving you the cold shoulder – this just means she isn’t going to steal anything from you anymore.
If you want to see if this is a real friendship, ask to borrow something or some money from her and see how it goes.
NTA
Her ignoring you will save you in the long run! You should also change your wifi password!
There are hobosexuals and hobo-neighbors. We like to pretend that they don’t exist, but they do 🤷
nta not your problem
NTA and I have forgotten my wallet at home when I was shopping. Not sure were you live but for us, they can ring you up and hold the groceries until you come back and pay OR you can just put your cart to the side and tell them you will be back with your wallet. You don’t have to mooch off people.
What has she done for you above and beyond basic civility? Granted, if $85 was insignificant to my finances, I would likely give it knowing I may not get it back. NTA
NTA. She is grifting you. But if you let people walk all over you, they will walk all over you. sounds like you are finally coming to your senses. Forget about her and stop talking to her. And when others try and call you out, just laugh and tell them that they should be the one to start giving her stuff and giving her money.
No, NTA
ESH. Are you really surprised that without clear boundaries she would act this way? Stop enabling and then complaining.
NTA
You should be counting your blessings she’s giving you the cold shoulder.
Otherwise she’ll be asking for more and more.
Nta. You do not need to fund beggers lives. Stop talking to this person, its doing you no favors. Afyer you ask for all your stuff back of course. Find the spine. Shine it up and use it
NTA. To anyone who says your stingy ask them to then and there walk over to Kyah’s and immediately loan her $85. You’ve loaned her stuff and she either doesn’t return it, takes way too long to return it, doesn’t appreciate it nor is this a two way street. She has never done anything for you (such as bringing you a pie to show appreciation). She is a taker – not necessarily a bad person – but she’s inwardly focused.
NTA she’s a manipulator and probably leaves her wallet on purpose and finds suckers to pay her way every time.
The first time she didn’t return something would’ve been the last time I lent her anything. Your problem is you let this go on too long. Plus, she probably didn’t forget her wallet, she was trying to get more out of you. You’d never have gotten that money back.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry”.
William Shakespeare said it for you!
Honestly, this happened to me and the market did a special ring out and set the cart aside while I went home and got my wallet. When I came back they scanned the code on the bottom of the receipt and I paid and walked out. Granted that might be difficult if you have frozen foods in there, but most people go to a market fairly near their home. My local deli actually let me slide and told me to just get them next time, which I did. I don’t think the big chain supermarket could do that.
NTA, you are within your rights to decide where the line for neighborly behavior is.
How you handle the request can reflect on whether or not you want to shut down further requests or not. You could have stressed that you legitimately did not have that much money to spare and money was very tight for you. Or you could have said you just were not comfortable lending that much.
You do mention that she keeps asking for things without any reciprocity. Have you needed/asked for anything and she said no. You may not have taken her up on it but prior to the grocery store incident she probably would have given you anything you needed or helped out if something came up. She was a needy neighbor but would likely have paid back your kindness in spades when you needed it.
NTA
Just let people know you didn’t have enough money to cover her groceries and yours. You offered what you could afford ($20) but she wanted more.
She’s taken things too far, Since you’re “stingy” you need to reclaim everything you’ve loaned and adjust your WIFI password. All you need to do is change 1 character to fix it.
Apple Pay exist. She didn’t need her wallet she wanted what was in yours.
NTA. Paying for someone’s groceries is something that a person offers to do. Not something that another person asks someone to do for them. You have every right to see the tight spot your neighbor was in and tell them you’ll cover the bill, but you are never expected to get someone out of a situation. Your finances are yours.
I had an upstairs tenant and we shared WIFI. Too bad she’s a flake
NTA. You have been extremely generous with her and this time she asked too much. She’s probably just gotten used to getting her way. I would stop loaning her things because she seems ungrateful for the help you have already extended. For some people there’s just no limit to what they will ask. I have siblings like this and it took years for me to become comfortable saying no.