When I was living in the barracks away from home and couldn’t afford to go home for a holiday, I went with a friend to their family who lived relatively close. His family put out a big spread with all sorts of food.
His grandma apparently always makes this fruit salad that everyone tells her is so great. It’s just a fucking fruit salad with whipped cream on it. But, there were different types of melon in it. I have a minor allergy to melon. It won’t kill me, but it makes my throat and ears annoyingly itchy for a day or so.
She offered me the fruit salad which I politely declined and told her I was allergic. She got very offended and insisted that no one is allergic to melon and I should try it. Again, I politely declined.
My friend took me aside later and told me I had upset granny and was selfish for not eating the fruit salad despite my allergy since it wouldn’t kill me. Afterwards, he told me he wouldn’t be bringing me to any family functions ever again.
AITA for not sucking up a day of uncomfortable itchiness for granny?
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When I was living in the barracks away from home and couldn’t afford to go home for a holiday, I went with a friend to their family who lived relatively close. His family put out a big spread with all sorts of food.
His grandma apparently always makes this fruit salad that everyone tells her is so great. It’s just a fucking fruit salad with whipped cream on it. But, there were different types of melon in it. I have a minor allergy to melon. It won’t kill me, but it makes my throat and ears annoyingly itchy for a day or so.
She offered me the fruit salad which I politely declined and told her I was allergic. She got very offended and insisted that no one is allergic to melon and I should try it. Again, I politely declined.
My friend took me aside later and told me I had upset granny and was selfish for not eating the fruit salad despite my allergy since it wouldn’t kill me. Afterwards, he told me he wouldn’t be bringing me to any family functions ever again.
AITA for not sucking up a day of uncomfortable itchiness for granny?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I declined to try granny’s fruit salad due to an allergy
(2) Granny was offended
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your friend and his grandma are. Dump the friend and move on.
NTA, wtf, someone who puts your physical wellbeing under someone else’s emotional fragility isn’t a friend. The correct response (especially since you live in barracks, so, military of some form) would be “Fuck off or fight me” and then walk away. He’ll get over it.
NTA. Your body, your rules. Granny needs to accept not everyone can enjoy her fruit salad.
You’re NTA.
>She got very offended and insisted that no one is allergic to melon
Yet another armchair medical expert who knows more about someone else’s body than he does.
>Afterwards, he told me he wouldn’t be bringing me to any family functions ever again
Sounds like a win to me.
NTA. To be fair, it seems like this grandma deserved some ego damage if she’s willing to take a chance on someone else’s health, and an allergy she doesn’t know by claiming you’re lying. Only to show off her bits of combined fruit.
Her grandkid isn’t much better of course. You could tell them how google works if they doubt you. And bring an example of how some people become hyperallergic if repeatedly exposed, my friend’s been hospitalized 8 times in 2 years because of this.
Invite them both to some mercury pie and tell them how rude they are if they decline:)
NTA, at all.
You clearly explained your allergy, stayed polite, and didn’t make a fuss. That’s more than reasonable. You’re not obligated to eat something that makes you physically uncomfortable just to avoid offending someone’s grandma. A reaction might not be deadly, but discomfort is still valid and dismissing your health for the sake of someone’s pride isn’t fair.
Your friend calling you selfish says more about him than it does about you. Respecting your boundaries shouldn’t be optional. You didn’t go there to prove loyalty through an itchy throat; you went to share a holiday. Being disinvited over fruit salad is honestly doing you a favour.
You’re not the asshole, just a person with boundaries, respect those!
NTA. It is insane that your friend would be upset with you for not eating something you are allergic to.
NTA. No one should have control over your actions or what you consume. Quite frankly it’s a bit embarrassing for someone to be upset about this sort of thing.
NTA
Expecting you to eat something you are allergic to shows a complete lack of concern for your health.
This person is not a friend.
Absolutely NTA. You set a polite and reasonable boundary to protect your health, even if it’s a “minor” reaction. No one should be expected to endure discomfort just to appease someone’s pride, especially when you explained yourself kindly. You handled it with grace.
NTA. People are horrible, what the fuck.
Itchy throat and ears is an allergic reaction and allergies seldom get better, they get worse – so you never really know when it’s going to go from itchiness to full-on anaphylaxis!
I had one drug that caused me to have itchiness, and in the 30 intervening years I have NEVER ever taken that drug again. My younger brother had the same reaction and it carried over to other, similar drugs – so he now has allergies to a family of drugs.
I have no idea why some people insist that they know more than you about your own body. I was brought up with the fact that if a guest said, “No, thank you,” you let the matter drop. Otherwise, you were rude and pushy.
NTA
NTA. Allergies can get worse over time. You did the right thing in declining and even explaining why.
Nta.
Tell them thanks for the food and effort.
But im not going somewhere where I need eat and be uncomfortable to save an old persons feelings
Screw them if they couldn’t understand your allergy. Those kind of friends you don’t need.
NTA
NTA
Your friend, his granny, and the whole family are psychotic if they think that refusing to subject yourself to an allergen of any strength means that you’re rude. You are better off without that friend around.
Eating something you are mildly allergic to can trigger a bigger allergy. NTA every day of the week.
NTA. I’m also allergic to melon. There’s a lot of stuff you can ingest that will cause a reaction but not kill you. That doesn’t make it reasonable for someone to force you to eat it.
NTA – anyone who thinks that forcing someone to eat something that they’re allergic to, and will suffer from eating, is an awful person.
If your friend and his grandma would rather see someone suffering than politely decline their food, then they are sociopaths and you shouldn’t lose any sleep that you won’t be invited again.
NTA
There is no reason to get offended at someone politely declining a certain food dish, even if there really is no “real” reason, “I don’t want it” is enough. But it’s especially galling that you are allergic and your so-called friend called you selfish for not eating your allergen. He’s not a friend, and is an incredible asshole. Avoid your allergens, allergic reactions can get suddenly and unpredictably worse and nobody’s fruit salad is worth tempting anaphylaxis.
NTA
She’s not a doctor. She doesn’t KNOW that “no one is allergic to melon”.
And you shouldn’t have to make yourself sick for someone else’s approval.
I also sometimes react to melon, so I avoid it. I’ve never met anyone else who does but you are not alone!
You are NTA.
(In regards to your friend, “So I should experience several days of noticeable physical discomfort to make your grandmother happy? Is she a sadist? Are you?”)
What?? She’s nuts and my doc told me to avoid my fruit allergies bc they can turn anaphylactic at any time!
NTA.
I have a revulsion for bananas. Not an allergy, just pure disgust. I would rather eat a worm than a banana. If someone offered me a fruit salad with banana, I would politely turn it down. I would be happy to never be invited back to a place that wouldn’t accept my no as a no.
And no wonder “everyone tells her is so great”; she will try to kill you if you complain about it!
NTA – any allergy has the potential to turn deadly if you keep exposing yourself to it – literally any allergy. So many people are just fine with minor allergy symptoms until suddenly they’re going into full anaphylaxis and are very NOT fine. You should always treat a known allergy like it’s serious because it could always become serious and you might not get a warning before that happens.
You did absolutely nothing wrong.
NTA I get this reaction a lot because I’m Celiac and people often think that it’s a made up condition. No, ma’am, I am not going to eat that bread just because you are unfamiliar with an autoimmune disease. It’s not rude to refuse something that your body cannot process correctly.
NTA
His grandmother is an arrogant, ignorant moron. And her grandson has followed suit. If anyone says anything, tell them you made the decision not to be poisoned to make some brain-dead harpy happy.
It was decades ago, when attending my brother’s second wedding. Mom offered a beautiful but costume jewelry necklace it had a 6 inch half moon crescent of a floral design with filigree flowers and rhinestones and pearls. It was lovely. And made of material that causes rashes on me . I told mom. She suggested I wear it anyway. To prove the point. I wore it all night.
The next morning, I had a vivid red rash the size and shape of the beautiful necklace. I made sure to wear low neckline blouse the next day, so that EVERY TIME mom looked at me , she would realize that yes , she is allergic.
The point FINALLY sunk in that the allergy she was never convinced of was real. Next up? Wool and what chemicals they pour all over it.
Of his granny wanted him to roll around in poison ivy would he? It wouldn’t kill him.
NTA the band of potential assassins. If you had a bad allergy would you have to go to the hospital to please grandma? Pfff
NTA. I’m allergic to citrus and have received the same ignorant statement, that “no one is allergic to that”. It doesn’t have to be deadly to be dangerous, and the discomfort alone is reason enough to avoid it.