This is a doozy, stay with me please.
I’m 30. My mom is 46.
My brother (24m) wasn’t raised very well by my mother. This is relevant.
Mom my brothers off on me when I was 7. I didn’t do well, I didn’t know what to do. As we got older it was more and more rough on me. More chores while my mom partied with our alcoholic step dad or locked herself in her room. I moved out when I was 14, and it just got worse for the boys. I went no contact because she turned them against me and they were very cruel. Including telling me I’m a bad mom to my own children.
Because of this my oldest little brother, we’ll call him Drake, has an unspecified mental disorder due to neglect and abuse. It took months to get him diagnosed.
My mom and brothers moved into this house in my town owned by my mom’s friend, we’ll call her Candy. I saw my brother for the first time in a long time at the public library and he looked, not great. I can’t even describe it.
Drake looked broken. Apologized. And my heart shattered. I knew if I didn’t help him, then this will be his life. So I started the process with him to get a diagnosis and possibly assisted living since he’s not capable. There’s been inappropriate behavior due to his mental issues, so no employment.
I have a strict landlord who only allows so many people on t lease. It’s only me and my children, I’m not allowed anyone else and I cant afford the larger unit he has. Not to mention the of dangers of Drake’s behavior.
Anyway mom moved out, and Drake and I sat with Candy. After explaining, Candy told us Drake can live there until Jan. That gives us some time to get everything in order. So Drake stayed.
Candy called two weeks ago, knowing i wasnt in town bc of work, and told me that Drake has to leave now bc she was selling the house. Knowing Drake will be on the streets. No warning. Within the week she sold it.
Every shelter within 200m is full and if he leaves the county he loses his social worker. Months of work just gone.
Here’s where I maybe the AH.
I told Candy that they had to give Drake a 30 day eviction before he moves. She called the police and they agreed. He has literally nothing and nowhere to go. I can’t have my 2 infants on the streets or in danger of him. And mom is also homeless.
AITAH?
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This is a doozy, stay with me please.
I’m 30. My mom is 46.
My brother (24m) wasn’t raised very well by my mother. This is relevant.
Mom my brothers off on me when I was 7. I didn’t do well, I didn’t know what to do. As we got older it was more and more rough on me. More chores while my mom partied with our alcoholic step dad or locked herself in her room. I moved out when I was 14, and it just got worse for the boys. I went no contact because she turned them against me and they were very cruel. Including telling me I’m a bad mom to my own children.
Because of this my oldest little brother, we’ll call him Drake, has an unspecified mental disorder due to neglect and abuse. It took months to get him diagnosed.
My mom and brothers moved into this house in my town owned by my mom’s friend, we’ll call her Candy. I saw my brother for the first time in a long time at the public library and he looked, not great. I can’t even describe it.
Drake looked broken. Apologized. And my heart shattered. I knew if I didn’t help him, then this will be his life. So I started the process with him to get a diagnosis and possibly assisted living since he’s not capable. There’s been inappropriate behavior due to his mental issues, so no employment.
I have a strict landlord who only allows so many people on t lease. It’s only me and my children, I’m not allowed anyone else and I cant afford the larger unit he has. Not to mention the of dangers of Drake’s behavior.
Anyway mom moved out, and Drake and I sat with Candy. After explaining, Candy told us Drake can live there until Jan. That gives us some time to get everything in order. So Drake stayed.
Candy called two weeks ago, knowing i wasnt in town bc of work, and told me that Drake has to leave now bc she was selling the house. Knowing Drake will be on the streets. No warning. Within the week she sold it.
Every shelter within 200m is full and if he leaves the county he loses his social worker. Months of work just gone.
Here’s where I maybe the AH.
I told Candy that they had to give Drake a 30 day eviction before he moves. She called the police and they agreed. He has literally nothing and nowhere to go. I can’t have my 2 infants on the streets or in danger of him. And mom is also homeless.
AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the AH because I requested a 30 day eviction when Candy was nice enough to let Drake stay
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You’re right about evictions and good stop stopping her.
I’m really sorry, this must be very hard and your poor brother is dealing with a lot. But you’re right that you absolutely cannot risk your living situation and your children’s well-being for anyone.
Also, you were parentified and abused/neglected by your mom. None of these people have ever been your responsibility.
Do what you can for your brother – contacting agencies, etc. – but protect your home and kids first and foremost.
Wow nta
Candy knows the law. She can let him stay the thirty days or pay for a room at a motel. Her choice. I hope he gets a space. Call social services every day. Remind them if he goes on rge street and something happens to him or an innocent person, you will be forced to release your story. NTA
NTA. Because what even are you supposed to do in that situation? I think asking for 30 days is reasonable.
NTA.
Your kids come first. Always.
NTA
You have done your best. You left home to protect yourself. You needed to do that. And now you’re doing all the right things to help your brother. Candy has to obey the law. It’s not wrong to insist she do that.
You are a hero!