A few days ago, my fiancé and I received a call from my mom telling us that my dad was very sick in the hospital, and he likely was not going to make it. My parents live roughly 3 1/2 hours from us, and my dad was at a hospital that was only about 20 minutes from an airport to which our nearby airport had available flights into that morning. So, because of the distance, and because my fiancé and I were both pretty distraught, we decided to just fly out to the city my dad was in instead of making the drive.
The situation occurred after we had landed in the city with the hospital. Our seats were all the way in the back of the plane, which is fine and we expected to be waiting for everyone to get off the plane before we could. However, when the plane landed and the flight attendant opened the doors to get off, only a couple of people in the front stood up to start getting their stuff out of the overhead bins and de-boarding the plane. My fiancé and I decided to just walk towards the front, since no one in front of us was really attempting to move and we both wanted to get to the hospital as soon as we could. His mom was also already waiting outside in the car at this point to pick us up so we weren’t going to have to wait for transportation. Additionally, we only had brought our backpacks, which were already in our laps so we weren’t going to be shuffling around the overheads for our luggage, or having to wait in baggage claim after we got off. So as we are walking towards the front of the plane to get off, an older gentleman gets up from the aisle and begins collecting his stuff. At this point, we are in the middle of the plane and we are patiently waiting for him to collect his things. As we are standing there, we hear a lady behind us loudly exclaim “it’s so rude when people don’t wait their turns to get off, like we are all trying to get somewhere. Seriously like what are we doing people”. I turned around and saw this woman staring at me and so I replied “We are actually trying to rush to the hospital to say goodbye to my dad, he’s very sick”. I don’t remember what her exact reply was because by that point the gentleman in front of us had started moving and my fiancé took my hand and led me off the plane. Since this incident, I have felt guilty about the way I reacted towards that woman on the plane and have been wondering if I am TA in this situation. My fiancé says I wasn’t, as we only had gotten about an hour with my dad before he passed and every minute counted. Still, I feel guilty for snapping and not waiting for everyone before us to get up and de-board. Do you guys think I’m TA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
A few days ago, my fiancé and I received a call from my mom telling us that my dad was very sick in the hospital, and he likely was not going to make it. My parents live roughly 3 1/2 hours from us, and my dad was at a hospital that was only about 20 minutes from an airport to which our nearby airport had available flights into that morning. So, because of the distance, and because my fiancé and I were both pretty distraught, we decided to just fly out to the city my dad was in instead of making the drive.
The situation occurred after we had landed in the city with the hospital. Our seats were all the way in the back of the plane, which is fine and we expected to be waiting for everyone to get off the plane before we could. However, when the plane landed and the flight attendant opened the doors to get off, only a couple of people in the front stood up to start getting their stuff out of the overhead bins and de-boarding the plane. My fiancé and I decided to just walk towards the front, since no one in front of us was really attempting to move and we both wanted to get to the hospital as soon as we could. His mom was also already waiting outside in the car at this point to pick us up so we weren’t going to have to wait for transportation. Additionally, we only had brought our backpacks, which were already in our laps so we weren’t going to be shuffling around the overheads for our luggage, or having to wait in baggage claim after we got off. So as we are walking towards the front of the plane to get off, an older gentleman gets up from the aisle and begins collecting his stuff. At this point, we are in the middle of the plane and we are patiently waiting for him to collect his things. As we are standing there, we hear a lady behind us loudly exclaim “it’s so rude when people don’t wait their turns to get off, like we are all trying to get somewhere. Seriously like what are we doing people”. I turned around and saw this woman staring at me and so I replied “We are actually trying to rush to the hospital to say goodbye to my dad, he’s very sick”. I don’t remember what her exact reply was because by that point the gentleman in front of us had started moving and my fiancé took my hand and led me off the plane. Since this incident, I have felt guilty about the way I reacted towards that woman on the plane and have been wondering if I am TA in this situation. My fiancé says I wasn’t, as we only had gotten about an hour with my dad before he passed and every minute counted. Still, I feel guilty for snapping and not waiting for everyone before us to get up and de-board. Do you guys think I’m TA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not wait my turn to de-board a plane. Typically, people wait until the row in front of them has cleared and started to walk towards the exit before they begin to get their things and get off. But, given the situation, my fiancé and I didn’t wait until the rows in front of us had cleared. A woman on the plane called us rude for this and I yelled at her that we were trying to get off quick to say goodbye to my dying father. Generally speaking, it is not nice to yell at people and I believe it might make me an asshole.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Well….soft YTA because if you had told the flight attendants ahead of time they could have accomodated you by letting you deboard first.
YTA because you yelled at the woman. Regardless of what’s going on in your life, yelling at someone is uncalled for. You could have told her without yelling, and that would have been fine (as I said in my original answer).
I know emotions were running high in the situation, and I’m sorry for your loss, but yelling ain’t it.
(Edited after it was rightly pointed out that OP said “yelled” in the original post…thanks Chatbot)
NTA. You literally had a life and death situation, and if no one ahead of you was getting up, you did nothing wrong. It’s not like you were pushing ahead of people in the aisle. Please don’t worry about it. And I’m very sorry for your loss.
Probably could have handled it better, like telling the FA where you were going. They’ll make an announcement to let you off faster. A lot of people sit until the rows in front of them clear.
NTA generally yes it is rude but you know what? you had horrible circumstances where time was important. I would happily sit in my seat and wait a bit longer to let people like you off the plane. You weren’t rude you explained your reason and left. Nothing wrong with that.
No one knows anyone else’s story and everyone is quick to judge. Do not give this woman another thought and cherish your last memories you got to spend with your dad. Let this go. NTA.
YTA for yelling at a stranger. It’s uncalled for, I get that you were stressed but saying “sorry someone’s waiting or we have to get to the hospital” is fine or even letting people around you know before you push in “sorry I wouldn’t usually do this it’s an emergency” even then you’re not saving much time.
YTA for that formatting.
NAH. Yes, you were technically wrong about deplaning etiquette, but you were also experiencing an emergency. No need to feel guilty, and in the future just wait your turn.
It is okay to be impolite and break social norms in emergency circumstances. It’s why you don’t whisper “fire,” even in a library.
NAH.
I can understand her annoyance and she does have a point, but she should not have been so “loud” about her grievances. That’s an inside thought.
You should have communicated to the flight attendant that you needed to deplane quickly due to the circumstances and they more than likely would have accommodated you.
It would been better if you had clued tge flight attendant into your situation. They could have helped you.
NTA. I don’t know of this protocol and have flown a fair bit in the US only. If no one is making any effort to deplane and I am ready to go, I will go. However, it is my experience that everyone immediately stands to start collecting their bags rather than taking an intermission to have tea.
NTA – if you were pushing past people it would have been a different situation.
NTA, there’s no rule that says you have to get off in a specific order. You were nicer than I would have been
ESH, you broke the standard deplaning flow, and no one could have known why, because they can’t read your mind. They just assumed you were being pushy. Yes, you said something after, but how would people know otherwise? It just looks rude. However, bitching at someone who has already moved forward isn’t going to help anything, the lady could have just rolled her eyes, kept her mouth shut, and complained about it afterwards to her friends and family.
This is one of those instances where you don’t know what someone is going through so just be nice. The lady behind you did not do that. NTA.
next time the flight attendant could be requested to make an announcement asking people to wait for you to deboard first. No guarantees but, it can work.
I’m that person on the plane that gets super pissed when people don’t follow the proper protocol of letting the people in front of them go first. However, if the person cutting in front of me had an excuse like yours, I would apologize and say “please go ahead of me.”
NAH but you went about this the wrong way. I understand why you were pressed for time but that woman was not wrong for saying something. This is a good example of why Flight Attendants are there to assist.
NAH. In the future, inform the flight attendants so they can accommodate you upon landing.
I’m sorry for your loss but I’m glad you got that last precious hour with your dad.
NTA
The deplane front to back only works if the people at the front are ready to leave immediately. If they’re still seated when it’s time to go that means everyone else is held up waiting.
If they aren’t ready people further back shouldn’t have to wait. Just get off the plane.
NTA. You were way more polite than I would have been. I cannot stand a self-appointed hall monitor. It’s like people who complain when they’re in the ER with an ear infection and a heart attack victim gets called back first. Those people cannot comprehend that others are real humans with lives.
I guess I’m going to go with NAH? Leaning towards ESH because I do think she was rude and yelling isn’t cool.
Planes probably suck the most here to be honest.
I don’t blame you for trying to leave as soon as possible. I don’t think you snapped at her, unless my text-to-tone radar is off. Did you actually yell?
I also don’t think you really needed to say anything back. Is it rude? Maybe. But oh well. She has time to sit and stew in the back. It’s also none of her business what is going on.
Don’t feel guilty. It’s not like you were pushing people.
I don’t think she should be airing her rant off that loud to where you could hear her from the back. From her POV though it was rude. No one is a mind reader.
If I saw someone bolt from back of the plane to leave quickly, I would assume either potential connector flight or emergency.
As a tip, that you hopefully don’t need to use again, tell a Flight Attendant. They should ensure that you are one of the first to deplane. They will just say ‘We have a couple who had an emergency who will need to deplane first. Please be patient’ or something.
My parents and I had the same thing happen to one of my brother’s getting into a bad accident (he’s totally fine). We told the FA’s and swiftly exited. Thankfully all you guys had were carry-ons and your ride was already there!
I hope you got to spend time with your dad and I’m so sorry. Don’t worry about that stranger on the plane. Spend time with loved ones.
I slink around people if I don’t have anything to retrieve and get the heck out of the way of people. It is maddening how slow people are gathering everything and blocking the aisle like they are the only ones on the plane. Last flight the whole plane was held up by parents trying to convince their kid to get out of their seat ‘so the nice people on the plane could leave’.
I’m like a ninja 🥷 boarding and deplaning.
NTA.. and not because of why you may think. There is NO rule that states how to get off a plane. If there was the flight attendant would be the one to anniunce it, just like they do for boarding. She had ZERO business saying ANYTHING to you. Even if you would have responded rudely… still NTA.
NTA, honestly I get there are “rules” but they aren’t laws, you took action at a desperate time and id have said a lot worse to that woman.
NTA but your should have told the flight crew, they would have got you off first.
Another voice, was on a flight, landed, the flight attendant asked everyone to stay in their seats just a moment ment longer as a passenger was being escorted forward for an ill family member. Everyone stayed in their seats until the attendant and the passenger moved past and then we went about our business. I don’t know, or care, if it was real, it was announced and I’d want the same consideration. In future, tell your flight attendant, they can help.
You should have talked to the flight attendant when you got on the plane. Let them know you are rushing to a hospital when you land and they would have made sure you were first off the plane.
When I had to take an emergency flight to another state because my daughter was dying I let them know I needed off the plane ASAP when we land and she made it happen. Granted, I was highly beside myself because of the circumstances so it was obvious I was struggling.
Yea, you were an AH in this situation. But an understandable one. Now you know if you are ever in a similar situation, that there are ways to handle it.
I’m sorry about your dad.
NTA. They broke the regular deplaning procedure first by not standing in the aisle.
I would have done the same thing. NTA.
Sorry about your dad.
NTA, People need to learn that they shouldn’t judge when they don’t know what’s going on.
Gentle YTA. I fly a lot and a lot of people have reasons for wanting to deplane faster, and everyone thinks their reason is most important.
If every minute counted that much I’m having a hard time understanding the choice to fly. Driving the 3.5 hours yourself means you could have left as soon as you were packed, but you chose to wait for a scheduled flight. The only way that would make sense is if you also live very very close to your local airport and you managed to find a flight taking off less than 2 hours from when you booked. I live <10 min from my local airport which is small and easy to get through, yet even then I wouldn’t fly to the city 3.5 hours away instead of driving if i was on an extreme time crunch. Between getting to the airport, parking (or waiting for uber), getting through security, waiting for take off, the 35-40 min flight to the city, deplane, make your way through the airport, get to car, drive to hospital that would hardly take less than 3.5 hours.
NTA – but you should have addressed it with the flight attendant. I bet they would have gotten you off quicker.
NAH. It would have made things easier if you had told the flight attendant as others have said, or at least said out loud to all, hey, sorry for pushing through, but I have a very sick relative and we need to get off the plane as quickly as possible. Most people are very tolerant of other skipping the line if they have a genuine emergency, but they have to know it’s an emergency.
NTA – if this (hopefully never) happens again, let the flight attendant know it’s an emergency, and they are usually very cool about either making a “please let the passengers trying to connect to Conglomco Air #775 deboard first, as it’s a very tight connection” or “please wait a moment, we have passengers with a family emergency that need to deboard”
NTA, but next time let the flight attendants know so you are guaranteed a quick path off. This was just chance, and additionally perceived as rude because it wasn’t facilitated by the airline staff.
I’m sorry about your dad.
NTA if you aren’t pushing the others in front of you, you aren’t breaking etiquette
NTA it’s an example of how giving people a little grace is warranted. I always assume people are trying to make a tight connection or have some other valid reason to ditch protocol, and NOT just assume they’re AHs. Of course, some people are. But a couple of people getting off of the plane before me isn’t a huge deal and not a good reason for confrontation.
And yes, I fly often.
Let yourself off the hook for this one. You’ll never see any of those people again. I’m sorry about your dad.
NTA hopefully something like this never happens again but if it does, please notify the flight attendant when boarding to avoid confusion when exiting.
NTA I hope you made it in time.
NAH. Obviously this person didn’t have all the context about your father so I can see why she was a bit short with you. But you cleared up the issue in what seems like a pretty civil but still firm way. Nothing wrong with that either. If she was still a dick about it, then she’s TA. But as others have suggested, it’s always wise in these situations to let one of the cabin crew know you have a family emergency that you need to attend to so they can help you disembark first before the rest of the flight gets into the shuffle. Idt not doing that makes you TA though, you must have had a lot on your mind. I hope you were able to make it to your father smoothly and that your family is doing okay ❤️
NTA given your description of the other passengers behavior. I have to admit that part is awfully strange. I’m used to people springing out into the aisles often well before the seatbelts clearance is sounded, even before the plane has come to a stop.
We used to fly extensively with the whole family and we would wait to be almost the last people off of the plane because it took so long to gather up all our people and stuff.
YTA if you want special treatment you ask for it beforehand. All you needed to do was tell a flight attendant that you had an emergency and if they would let you deplane first. Otherwise yes you come off as rude and impatient to everybody else.
NTA. People without baggage in the overhead bins can leave if the aisle is clear, and it was. You weren’t pushing by people, it was clear that you didn’t have luggage, and your response was factual.
I’m only surprised that you had the opportunity, because in my experience, people unbuckle and stand up before they are supposed to and start rummaging in the bins immediately, so even when I’m fully ready to go, I can’t.
paragraphs are your friend
I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad.
As for the post, soft YTA. Next time, let the flight attendant know that you have a compelling reason to deplane early, and they’ll let you go first. I’ve had it done for me when I had a close connection, and I’ve seen it happen to others. People will generally be kind and understanding when they know the full picture.
NAH. but next time, explain the situation to the flight attendant. we had the same thing happen with my husband’s mother and the attendant got us out the door asap
No sweetie, you do what you need to do sometimes. It was more rude of the woman to make indirect commentary aimed at you that it was for you to book it off the plane. You don’t owe her or anyone else an explanation. I’m very sorry for your loss. I know from personal experience that any small interaction in the midst of a big personal loss like this one can feel a lot more amplified. You end up dwelling on those details, and maybe it’s just because it feels easier to focus on that than the overwhelming grief. I can’t promise that time heals all wounds, but they do scab over eventually.
YTA. Everyone needs to wait their turn. People who have a tight connection or an emergency like what you had can get off first, but you needed to inform the flight attendant so they can keep it clear for you to get off. No one is a mind reader. It’s a safe bet when you told the woman, she didn’t believe you.
YTA. Ask for special treatment beforehand.
Do you really feel guilty or do you just want to tell this story?
Esh
Everyone on the plane has some sort of excuse. Follow protocol or get a flight attendant to help you. Completely rude to jump the line.