Throwaway also, English isn’t my first language, so sorry if anything sounds off. I just need an outside opinion.
My friend Beth recently turned 18 and had a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant. There were about 15 or 20 of us. She is really close with two girls, Lia and Kat. They have been best friends for years and have this very intense, no-boundaries type of friendship. They go through each other’s phones, eat off each other’s plates, that kind of thing.
I met them last year when uni started. I am not used to that. Even with friends I have known forever, I ask before I touch their stuff or try their food. They tease me and say I am too formal or act like we are not close.
At dinner, Lia, told everyone to order whatever they wanted and that it was all covered. I asked if she was sure and she said, “Me saying it is the same as Beth saying it.” It felt a bit off, but I let it go.
I just ordered a Coke and shared some of what was on the table. I asked Lia if I could get a beer and she gave me a weird look and said, “Idk” So I asked Beth, and she said I could but that her parents do not like alcohol, so I would need to pay for it myself. I said that was not a problem but still was getting dirty looks from Lia (maybe she wanted a beer too but didn’t want to pay idk) so ended up not ordering it to avoid more awkwardness.
Meanwhile, Lia and Kat kept ordering a lot of sushi. I love sushi too, but for a group that size, it did not seem practical. I just ate whatever was already there.
Later, I saw Beth sitting with my friend Millie and she looked really upset. Her mom had called and was angry because the bill was much higher than expected. Beth said Lia went overboard with the ordering and now she had to deal with it. I felt really bad said maybe next time she could plan a set menu or do the ordering herself. We stayed with her, comforted her, and tried to help her feel better. Lia was across the room laughing acting like nothing happened.
The bill got paid and we all left. Millie and I just gave each other that look like, “That was wild,” and moved on.
A few days later, Lia sent me angry texts. She said Millie and I were stirring up drama and trying to come between her and Beth and ruined her rep infront of Beth’s parents. She also said that if we felt so bad for Beth, we should send her mom the money.
I was honestly shocked. We did not say anything bad about Lia. We just tried to be kind when Beth was upset.
I told her no. Respectfully, we are broke uni students & we were not the ones telling people to order freely.
Now everything is awkward and tense and I hate it. I want to sort it out, but I do not think I should be blamed for all of it right? Sorry if this all sounds like petty high school drama.
Should I have just paid to keep the peace?
TL;DR: Friend’s birthday dinner got out of hand. I barely ordered anything, comforted her when she got upset, and now another friend says I caused drama and should help pay. I said no. AITA?
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Throwaway also, English isn’t my first language, so sorry if anything sounds off. I just need an outside opinion.
My friend Beth recently turned 18 and had a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant. There were about 15 or 20 of us. She is really close with two girls, Lia and Kat. They have been best friends for years and have this very intense, no-boundaries type of friendship. They go through each other’s phones, eat off each other’s plates, that kind of thing.
I met them last year when uni started. I am not used to that. Even with friends I have known forever, I ask before I touch their stuff or try their food. They tease me and say I am too formal or act like we are not close.
At dinner, Lia, told everyone to order whatever they wanted and that it was all covered. I asked if she was sure and she said, “Me saying it is the same as Beth saying it.” It felt a bit off, but I let it go.
I just ordered a Coke and shared some of what was on the table. I asked Lia if I could get a beer and she gave me a weird look and said, “Idk” So I asked Beth, and she said I could but that her parents do not like alcohol, so I would need to pay for it myself. I said that was not a problem but still was getting dirty looks from Lia (maybe she wanted a beer too but didn’t want to pay idk) so ended up not ordering it to avoid more awkwardness.
Meanwhile, Lia and Kat kept ordering a lot of sushi. I love sushi too, but for a group that size, it did not seem practical. I just ate whatever was already there.
Later, I saw Beth sitting with my friend Millie and she looked really upset. Her mom had called and was angry because the bill was much higher than expected. Beth said Lia went overboard with the ordering and now she had to deal with it. I felt really bad said maybe next time she could plan a set menu or do the ordering herself. We stayed with her, comforted her, and tried to help her feel better. Lia was across the room laughing acting like nothing happened.
The bill got paid and we all left. Millie and I just gave each other that look like, “That was wild,” and moved on.
A few days later, Lia sent me angry texts. She said Millie and I were stirring up drama and trying to come between her and Beth and ruined her rep infront of Beth’s parents. She also said that if we felt so bad for Beth, we should send her mom the money.
I was honestly shocked. We did not say anything bad about Lia. We just tried to be kind when Beth was upset.
I told her no. Respectfully, we are broke uni students & we were not the ones telling people to order freely.
Now everything is awkward and tense and I hate it. I want to sort it out, but I do not think I should be blamed for all of it right? Sorry if this all sounds like petty high school drama.
Should I have just paid to keep the peace?
TL;DR: Friend’s birthday dinner got out of hand. I barely ordered anything, comforted her when she got upset, and now another friend says I caused drama and should help pay. I said no. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I comforted my friend Beth after she was upset but mentioned that she should next time not let other people like Lia order for the table while doing so.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I wouldn’t be involving myself with Lia any longer, if I were you. She sounds, to be honest, like a total brat. She went ape shit spending a ton of someone else’s money, told everyone else to spend a ton of that person’s money, and then when it came back to bite her in the ass, she lashed out at people who had nothing to do with it.
To put it bluntly, this chick is a total drama queen. She causes problems then thrives off the ensuing chaos. That’s not someone you need in your life. You’re NTA, and did nothing wrong here. Beth could easily have told her friend to chill out with the ordering, and absolutely should have taken control when the situation was getting out of hand. You didn’t participate in the ordering, you barely ate anything, and you didn’t even order a single drink you wanted.
If you want to, you can try to compensate them for what YOU ate, if you can remember, but then I’d never go out with these folks as a group again.
NTA. You weren’t hosting this party. You weren’t the one who went wild ordering stuff. It sounds more like Lia was upset and needed/wanted to take it out on someone rather than to accept the consequences for her (and her friends’) failure to keep things under control.
So severely not the asshole I kind of feel like you came here just so you could tell this story. Come on now.
NTA and I’d cut Lia out. She spoke for Beth and told everyone it was essentially a free for all. She continued to hijack the dinner and order more food than needed. And now that Beth’s parents are mad and you provided comfort she’s lashing out cause she knows she’s the issue.
NTA. It sounds like Lia expected to get away with it because someone else was footing the bill. She FAFO’ed and is now finding out. It’s on her to deal with the consequences, not you.
NTA. Lia is deflecting to avoid accountability.
NTA. Telling people to order whatever they want when they’re not the person footing the bill is WILD. Clearly, she got embarrassed and was taking it out on you. I’d stick with Beth and protect my peace when it comes to the other two
nta. you didn’t cause drama, you literally just existed. lia created the mess and is mad someone saw it. not your job to pay for chaos you didn’t order.
YTA. You need to pay for your mistake. You ruined this special day
Lia is the asshole. How presumptuous!
NTA. Lia is the bad apple
Of course NTA. You did nothing wrong. Lia is just facing consequences of her actions and is lashing out. Her behavior is sooo weird, starting with the ‘Me saying it is like Beth saying it.’ which OBVIOUSLY was quickly proven false. You were super mindful of your ordering, and did not contribute to the egregious overspend. As long as Beth knows that, you’re good. If Lia is so worried about her ‘rep’, she should make better choices. As for the call to pitch in financially to ease the strain, that’s laughable. I probably would not even reply with anything other than like a cry-laughing emoji, or “Your over-ordering and taking advantage of another person’s generosity is not my problem to solve.”
NTA and I don’t think Beth will be close to Lia for much longer. Wait it out.
NTA, but i would probably give her a little money – whatever you felt like you actually ate.
NTA. Lia was so in the wrong here.