So me and my wife have been together since the beginning of 2021. She got pregnant one month into our relationship. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to be a father. Well when our daughter was born while we where still in the hospital she told me that she had to second guess if I was the father or not because of the hair color our daughter had and had to think about the last time she had sex with her partner before me. The inception date was a month after we got together so that made me kinda worried. But I brushed it off and let it be and tried to forget about it. Fast forward to the end of 2024 when I get home from work she tells me she’s pregnant. I didn’t say anything I just sat there in silence questioning if it’s possible she could have cheated and started doing the math in my head since we didn’t have sex for probably around 2 months before this point. She has a very low libido since our daughter was born and we only have sex 8-10 a year at max sometimes less. She got mad I wasn’t saying anything or excited that she’s pregnant. This lead to an argument and she was saying I should be excited about it no matter what. Then she said “you should be excited that I’m pregnant whether you’re the father or not.” She immediately tried to say that it came out wrong and I’m definitely the father and she didn’t mean it like that. So AITAH for not being excited that she’s pregnant?
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So me and my wife have been together since the beginning of 2021. She got pregnant one month into our relationship. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to be a father. Well when our daughter was born while we where still in the hospital she told me that she had to second guess if I was the father or not because of the hair color our daughter had and had to think about the last time she had sex with her partner before me. The inception date was a month after we got together so that made me kinda worried. But I brushed it off and let it be and tried to forget about it. Fast forward to the end of 2024 when I get home from work she tells me she’s pregnant. I didn’t say anything I just sat there in silence questioning if it’s possible she could have cheated and started doing the math in my head since we didn’t have sex for probably around 2 months before this point. She has a very low libido since our daughter was born and we only have sex 8-10 a year at max sometimes less. She got mad I wasn’t saying anything or excited that she’s pregnant. This lead to an argument and she was saying I should be excited about it no matter what. Then she said “you should be excited that I’m pregnant whether you’re the father or not.” She immediately tried to say that it came out wrong and I’m definitely the father and she didn’t mean it like that. So AITAH for not being excited that she’s pregnant?
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> For not being excited that my wife is pregnant and getting into an argument about it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Oh buddy.
You should be excited whether you’re the father or not’ is one hell of a sentence to drop on someone who’s already doing paternity math in his head.
Have you done a dna test on your first kid because both might need a dna test now
Uhh you never got confirmation (a paternity test) that the first kid is yours? And if she didn’t mean it like that then what else could she mean? sorry you’re going through this
Seems like you need to do a paternity test
NTA. It is very, very logical that you’re suspicious and that you can’t just move past that nagging feeling. Maybe a paternity test would be an option once the child is born?
What did I just read?? What??
Paternity test for every child.
I’d be getting a DNA test for the first one now
Dude, get both kids tested ASAP!
I’m not one to advocate for divorce, but there either needs to be reconciliation, or divorce here. She doesn’t sound trustworthy just from this story.
WTF? Unintentional honesty from her here. Sorry my guy but I don’t think you’re the bio dad of either of them.
NTA
NTA,
holy fucking shit run to get a paternity test then run away
What the fuck NTA
NTA this women seems to get around so much who knows if she’s even the mother
NTA. The way she said it is a huge red flag to me. I get that it may have been a Freudian slip, but its still weird.
End the messy situation by getting both paternity tests instead of living with doubts the rest of your life
When you say “the inception date was a month after we got together” do you mean the date of conception? And if so, do you mean the date of conception was a month after you got together and she wasn’t sure who the father was? Because if the baby was CONCEIVED after you got together and it might not be yours, she was cheating. If she FOUND OUT a month after you started dating, then that doesn’t necessarily mean that.
I wish I could erase the word sinew.
Yeah I think her comments are questionable. Paternity tests for both children, although I wouldn’t usually advocate for this. NTA
If this is true which I doubt it she should honestly be excited she didn’t leave on a stretcher 🤦♂️ not advocating for violence obviously but men can snap on some shit like that for real. Divorce her ass quick
I mean, the relationship is over whether the kids are yours or not, so you may as well get them
both tested.
Just to clarify, I mean because if there’s no trust, there’s no relationship and clearly you don’t trust her.
NTA
Why the hell haven’t you done a paternity test on the first child, also prenatel paternity tests are a thing
if the math ain’t mathing, then she cheated
also she got knocked up with you, one month into your relationship?
yeah, something isn’t right here
Normally I’m all for trusting the wife but Jesus if she’s saying that, get a paternity test for both…
NTA
Are you legally married? You say wife but don’t mention a marriage date in your story.
First you need to get a paternity on both. And second I’d reevaluate your relationship regardless. Your “wife” has said some seriously heinous things already and is firing red flags all over.
Why tf are you with her? This sounds like a miserable marriage.
Oh no.
Sir. What? No. Just no. NTA!!!!! DNA TEST TIMES TWO. Nothing else to say here.
( puts down nachos) I just made these, what is it? nta
NTA who the hell says something like that if they didn’t cheat? Yeah it will cause a fight but you should get a paternity test for the daughter and the new child. Maybe that statement would have made sense for the 1st kid since the timelines between partners is close but if you’ve been together since then and its not one of those poly or open relationships then yeah sounds like she just admitted to cheating
I think you need therapy to look at why you haven’t actioned the revelation your first child may not be yours. You are now confronted with her implying you could not be the father again. Why are you allowing this to unfold like this? Why are you allowing this woman to make choices that severely impact your life and you stay passive? Continuing to do nothing will only prolong and intensify your suffering. NTA
So your charming wife tells you she’s not sure you’re the father (while you’re still in the hospital) and you “brushed it off and let it be and tried to forget about it.”
Fuck is wrong with you buddy? Were you born a doormat or did you study to become one?
NTA I wouldn’t be excited either if I wasn’t sure if it’s mine or not specially after her response.
NTA, the line “you should be excited that l’m pregnant whether you’re the father or not”
Is deeply concerning.
I am not sure if she is telling on herself or it is the slip of the tongue. I can never imagine telling the father of my child this, especially if he is my one and only. Your concerns are valid.
Just googled Brood Parasitism. No reason.
I don’t think your the asshole. at first i was a little skeptical but after hearing her reaction, like most comments have said i would get a paternity test. her expectation of you to be happy is okay, but then even bringing up the possibility of the child not being yours is crazy. She seems almost like she’s trying to manipulate you in a way, and the mention of the kid almost makes me feel like the first kid isn’t yours and she’s hoping you just “go with the flow” so she has someone who will be involved, and not some deadbeat side. definitely get a paternity test for both children, NTY
NTAH
Whaaaaaaat? You should be excited whether you are a father or not? Who would ever be excited that their wife potentially cheated is now carrying some other dudes child…
That’s the most ridiculous statement I have heard in a while…
Your wife sounds like she thinks other people in the world exist for her amusement and her feelings are the only ones that matter.
Did you actually ever confirm paternity of your first child???
ESH. You, because you didn’t get a paternity test the first time, you couldn’t muster even a slight bit of happiness & for 2nd guessing her. Her for not easing your mind with a paternity test & for blurting out suck an insulting remark.
Bro, you should probably do a DNA test on both kids.
There are a LOT of red flags here 😬
Test to see if you are the father for any of the two. Then decide what to do. You are not TA here.
Holy shit. Please update when you do the paternity tests.
Wow. You would think someone whose faithful will respond with “I did NOT cheat on you!” Not “well, you should be excited regardless if you are/aren’t the father!”
Based on her response and her previous comment about your first child I would strongly request you seek a paternity test.
Normally, I’d you are an AH but “whether you’re the father or not” is alarming. Get DNA testing for your peace of mind.
Do you make a lot more money than your SO?
NTA but get dna for first and prenatal for this one .
A pregnancy should be planned between mom and dad. It shouldn’t be something sprung on someone,unless of course, it’s a an accident. You have a right to hesitate, especially when you weren’t in on the decision-making.
NTA it’s hard to have trust in someone that makes these comments. You should do the dna test on the 1st as doubts can eat away at you and your relationship.
Just..wow..
What a complete nightmare for you
Oh dang..you need to get paternity tests.
If ever there was a time to go on Maury
Bro, put those critical thinking skills to good use.
I’m sorry, but I’m too busy laughing at “you should be happy I’m pregnant, whether you’re the father or not.”
In what world are husbands supposed to be giddy that some other man knocked up his cheating wife?
Was that a Freudian slip on her part? Because I can’t see what other meaning she could have intended with such a ridiculous statement.
This is why paternity tests should be mandatory. Sounds like you need to rest both kids. If either of them aren’t yours, leave!! She wants you to be happy even if she cheated and conceived another man’s whole child. That’s diabolical.
Hate to say it, but NTA.
Your wife is throwing up some major red flags.
Asking for a paternity test is probably going to be the last nail in the coffin on your relationship, because it’s a concrete accusation of infidelity and distrust… but ask yourself if you want to continue living with this person knowing you can’t trust her. Ask yourself if you really want to put in the blood sweat and tears to raise 2 kids who aren’t even yours (on top of any more she has).
And that’s what we call a Freudian Slip. She’s not sure if it’s yours. Would also explain the “low libido”. Sorry this is happening and that it probably opens an old wound from the first child.
NTA.
get a paternity test on both kids and consider divorce 🤷🏽♀️
You need to test. Not for you but for your daughter.
NTA get a test
NTA – FFS she’s been cheating from the beginning and is likely still.. get paternity tests for both.
Because she started getting serious with someone she was dating. How petty ha? I can’t believe I stopped sleeping with her for something that had nothing to do with our thing.
these responses have me rolling but, ESH.
you’re reasonable to have timing concerns since you guys aren’t that active, but it is unreasonable within a marriage to have infidelity worry. your partner is definitely suspicious with that statement because why is she so comfortable with even the potential of you not being the father?
That is a big yikes, I’m surprised you didn’t get a paternity test done on the first child, after that lil comment I would want to get one as well. Did you have sex anytime recently where this second kid could be yours or has it been too long. Asking for a paternity test is definitely something that can end marriages, so either do a stealthily one on the first kid or you are going to have start with cheating accusations if you do not want to wait 7-9 months to get one done on the new kid.
Omg women, learn to control your uterus. NTA.
Nta- that isn’t something that just comes out wrong. It wouldn’t even be mentioned if she wasn’t feeling guilty. I could kind of understand the first because it was at the beginning of the relationship and she wasn’t entirely sure but this is way different. Get both dna tested!
OP seems like a very decent person who has accepted the first child as his own and is probably emotionally attached to this child.
The wife appears somewhat clumsy when it comes to getting pregnant and expressing herself.
OP, if you feel you need to put your mind at rest, you could get a paternity test on your first child. But you will need to weigh up what you will do in both potential scenarios.
Think about the child, their emotional and psychological health as this may negatively affect them into adulthood.
NTA
….. you should be excited if you’re the father or not?! What the hell else could she have possible meant?
Yikes. I’d say paternity test
So question, did you ever have a paternity test done? If not why not?
This is your wife and she’s not sure the paternity of your children? Have them tested and find a partner you can trust. She’s gaslighting and using you.
But all in all currently, not sustainable. You clearly don’t sound happy and don’t have a solid foundation. It’s up to you to have the courage to have honest conversations. Either you work through and stay together, or you work through and find out yall aren’t staying married. Honesty is the best policy, saying nothing isn’t really an option (or I guess shouldn’t be)
Regardless, those babies shouldn’t have to feel the conflict or consequences of the adults. Those babies deserve love. And if your love for them is dependent upon the results of those tests, that’s a red flag.
NTA.
Just leave this nonsense.
NTA
I would talk to a lawyer about your options. The fact that the first time around she didn’t tell your about the possibility of another man being the father until she saw the child’s hair colour tells me she’s just not been open and honest with you from the start.
I wouldn’t pay anything for a child that isn’t mine (but the law in your country may be different). I’d get some legal advice to see what your options are, and decide for yourself whether you want to still be with this woman, and if not, whether you want any part in these kids’ lives.
Definitely get a paternity test done on both these kids! You have the right to know!
Paternity fraud is sadly not that uncommon and you shouldn’t be tricked or pressured into raising kids that aren’t yours.
Dude what? It seems like she was just looking out last time bc it was so sudden and women can still get a kind of period during pregnancy. You also never followed up on the paternity thing. Sounds like she was trying to do right by you.
Now you cant be wxcited bc you think she cheated since she what? I mean.. you had sex 2 months ago, when do you think people find oit theyre pregnant?
DUDE use your brain and get a paternity test rolling
Why the heck did you no get a paternity test for the first child?
It is never good to try and rug sweep or bury your head in the sand for these things imo.
“Wherever you’re the father or not” is crazy.
NTA my dude that a HUGE red flag. Leave her.
NTA First, genes are wild – hair colour is not necessarily an indication of paternity. I was blonde for the first few years of my life before my hair turned dark. Second, she announced her pregnancy the first time after 1 month? Did you sleep together on the first date? Given the timing, why did you not get a paternity test?
After the first time, it’s not surprising that you are questioning this. And now she is suggesting it’s not you again. Get some tests done.
NTA, but come on man the paternity test should have been done years ago AND definitely now. You don’t just say something like that to your SO out of word vomit 😂😂 I’m currently pregnant and yeah I know pregnancy hormones are crazy AF but not that bad to say shit like this.
Getting excited is an emotion. Emotions come from within. You shouldn’t have to put on a show to convince your partner that you’re “having the right feelings”.
Sounds a bit sociopathic. NTA.
Get the test and don’t put your name on the birth certificate. You’re going to end up paying for all her infidelity in the long run unless you confirm paternity.
I’m not a jealous or insecure person at all but if a partner was saying these things to me I’d be very worried.
NTA. There’s so much none of us are gonna get about y’all either. You both made mistakes and due to emotions and hormones flying you two have turned on each other instead of TURNING TO each other. The new thing you make your goal is test your first child. Immediately.if you don’t have the money right now then call child support offices yourself and tell them you need to know if your daughter is yours so you can get rights to her and help your daughter financially. Cover your ass and act right until that happens. This is more than likely your child now she’s pregnant again. I hope your first is yours. I think she said she “wanted you to be happy for her being pregnant whether you are or aren’t the father” while she was thinking about y’all’s first baby not being yours due to the timing of y’all meeting and her leaving him. None of us really know cuz we aren’t there, stop going around her if y’all can’t stop fighting. Now. It split sides of the house And kid duty. Go out if you aren’t with the kids. Just stay away from other before y’all take a fight too far and itbe ones unsalvageable cuzyall say things that can not be taken back. Just get the test done, then when the next baby comes they will test in the hospital. Then you two need to have come to point of all this mess.. learn to TALK to each other. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it’s Awesome. After all the tests just look at her and ask yourself if you wanna stay with her. By the. You will know if the kids are yours too. See right now is not a good time to go further on relationship.. just avoid hurting each other and doing what needs to happen for DNA. Try to help and show up for everything for the baby not here yet as well. If it isn’t yours so what in the long run it’s ok because I bet at least one of your kids is yours,so if y’all divorce and you go to see one kid the other will always be there .. and the children should be treated differently over DNA. It won’t be wasted effort to show up the doctor stuff at all. Either way it’s a good thing. You are gonna love them regardless it’s already way too late think that’s not happening. I’m wishing you the best. It’s not so bad you can’t fix it. But it’s also to a shittty shitty place. Trust is goofed and tempers are too close. But take care of you and kids and stay away from her if you need to
Yta to yourself.
You should have gotten the test with the first child already. If there is a chance an unwanted result would crush you now then it would be exponentially more devastating for her to potentially learn about it herself as a questioning teenager or adult thanks to programs like ancestry or 23 and me. Finding an unexpected metaphorical skeleton in the closet by such a terrible way can destroy a family unit with resentment due to lack of transparency and trust. Just trying to forget and ignore the issue clearly has not worked well for op if it is still on their mind years later.
WTF? That shit is crazy!
Get a paternity test for the current child immediately. Once you have this information, then you can decide how to proceed.
I’d advise a paternity test for both children, for your peace of mind, & decide how you feel & want to proceed. There’s a lot up in the air, right now.
NTA but holy shit did your wife tell on herself. That’s fucking foul. Please tell her you’re getting a dna test on your child and you need one done on this baby. She can do it immediately while she’s pregnant. No need to wait. Please start planning your exit.
Updateme
NTA
NTA
You’re not shooting an instagram video.
Your reaction is what you feel. You weren’t actively trying to conceive, so it was a surprise.
HER reaction with the birth of your first baby was questionable. And now she’s saying weird things as well.
My advice?
Get it over with, and do a paternity test, for both.
As far as I know (but I don’t have experience personally) it’s a blood test for the mother, while pregnant, and a simple swab of the inside of the mouth for your firstborn.
If they’re both yours, you can focus on being a father. If they’re not, you can make informed decisions.
If you keep pretending everything is fine, it will fester, and you will always wonder, eventually resenting your family, when times get tough on no sleep.
Best to stay ahead of that, while you’re still catching some sleep.
Also, she won’t have sex with you but she’ll have sex with others. Yikes. Get tested just to be on the safe side.
Oh I’d be getting a paternity test on both kids
NTA. I assume this was an unplanned pregnancy? I think she has no one to blame but herself for your lack of enthusiasm here. You found out your daughter might not be yours only after she was born. And now she’s pregnant again and you hadn’t been intimate for a couple of months I can understand why that might make you question whether or not this is good news. I’m curious if you’ve done a paternity test for your daughter? And given your wife’s “whether you’re the father or not” comment, I’d be inclined to recommend get one for both children.
Not having a paternity test back then…
Was a veeery bad decision.
Honestly, it’s not so much a case of if you’re an AH or not. It’s more of a “is this the life you want to be living” question? To receive what should be joyful news, and feel the way you do isn’t what you would consider a happy healthy relationship. So I’d suggest taking some time to work out if this is what you want from a life time relationship. Also, obviously too late for this situation, but please learn about birth control. You shouldn’t be having unprotected sex unless you actually plan to have more kids.