My wife (28F) and I (29M) were supposed to go get dinner and do some things out of the house today. We both woke up a little late (her later than me) and she gave me an earfull about not waking her up. Personally I didn’t think it was my responsibility to wake her up and I didn’t think it was important as it was still early in the day. I knew we could still go out.
Fast forward 8 hours I had already gotten ready to leave hours ago and she got back into bed. At this point I’m at my whits end but I’m trying to not give in. I’m assuming she’s trying to get me to do something, but I’m not sure what. I came upstairs to the room and she asked me if I had anything to say, but I really don’t (she always expects me to start the conversations when something’s wrong)
She’s now crying and giving me the silent treatment. I’m not sure if this is some manipulation tactic or if I’m just mean.
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My wife (28F) and I (29M) were supposed to go get dinner and do some things out of the house today. We both woke up a little late (her later than me) and she gave me an earfull about not waking her up. Personally I didn’t think it was my responsibility to wake her up and I didn’t think it was important as it was still early in the day. I knew we could still go out.
Fast forward 8 hours I had already gotten ready to leave hours ago and she got back into bed. At this point I’m at my whits end but I’m trying to not give in. I’m assuming she’s trying to get me to do something, but I’m not sure what. I came upstairs to the room and she asked me if I had anything to say, but I really don’t (she always expects me to start the conversations when something’s wrong)
She’s now crying and giving me the silent treatment. I’m not sure if this is some manipulation tactic or if I’m just mean.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn’t get my wife out of bed.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She’s expecting you to “make up” for not waking her up by laying in bed and pretending to be asleep until you do. She’s a grown adult. It’s her responsibility to be awake in time for things.
Yikes!
NTA. She’s an adult, so she should be able to tell you what’s wrong using her big girl words. If she’s being cryptic, she cannot expect you to mind read what she wants.
NTA, and past time for some real, deep conversation about expectations in your marriage.
To you: It’s not your responsibility to wake her up (hey, adulthood, you’re here and a pain in the ass sometimes!) but as a courtesy and sign of care for your spouse when you know you have plans together, I’d still say it’s a good thing to do.
To your spouse: *sheesh* Games like these (pouting in bed all day because your spouse can’t read your mind about YOUR expectations of him, then silencing the convo) get people divorced on the regular. Own your part of this shit – including your responsibility to wake yourself or ask your partner to wake on special days.
Are you a team or just solo players? Your choice, sir.
Seems like you’re solo playing. It’s not going to work well when you don’t have each other’s back.
NTA. Is your wife usually this immature and manipulative? She needs to talk to you about what’s going on with her and not put all of the ones on you to fix things.
NTA, “do something” does not appear important, and an adult ensures setting an alarm if motivated. Have a discussion when she calms down.
NTA. she’s an adult and is responsible for herself. and she’s acting like a teenager by giving you the silent treatment and not communicating how she feels. expecting your partner to know what’s wrong with you is high school bs.
it’s 2025. we’re communicating our feelings.
NTA.
This could be so many things. Not enough info to conclude motivation.
Could there be something underlying that’s hard to address, manifesting over something illogical like this, if that makes sense? Or she’s mad at herself?
🙁 good luck
NTA. WTF? This is next level ridiculous. I’d ditch this mess & go do something fun. Leave her to it.
NTA. Wife has a major communication problem.
She should be able to get up on her own,
But I have a wife who has issues waking up due to medical problems. I usually get asked or ask if she wants to help wake her up. It’s called communication and I recommend it.
It sounds like she’s not getting enough sleep. Does she snore? Does she stop breathing in her sleep? Does she fall asleep or nod off at stop lights? Does she have brain fog? If she has any of that, have her ask her doctor about a sleep study. Sleep apnea is awful, but getting treatment can be life changing.
You’re NTA. What the heck? That’s a full grown adult you married .. sleeping in is fine but to blame you for this?? No
You both might need to communicate better about expectations and responsibilities in your plans.
Run.
You’re both the asshole. If you know you have plans and your wife tends to oversleep, it’s a nice gesture to wake her up. Maybe you don’t “have” to, but a partnership should be about taking care of each other. She is the asshole for giving you the silent treatment and going back to bed. You two sound like you have terrible communication and probably need couples counseling at a minimum.
She’s an asshole. Tell her to grow the fuck up. Jesus.
She’s pouting.
Like a child.
Tell her you’re leaving in 20 minutes and she can make an adult choice to come or not.
NTA
Life’s too short.
NTA. The only time my husband or I gets the other out of bed is either when we have a doctor’s appointment or we’re going on a trip and someone happens to sleep through the alarm. Otherwise, we get up on our own. As we’re adults and are therefore responsible for ourselves.