This happened a few weeks ago but for context my boyfriend’s mum buys me chocolate for when I visit and sometimes we will share it but he doesn’t really enjoy chocolate (important to know that). Sometimes when I’m not staying over he will finish it off because he stress eats it (his words) but recently he developed a pretty nasty pimple on his cheek and blamed it on the chocolate we were eating, resorting to him saying “I’m going to tell my mum to stop buying it for you” my initial reaction was mild disappointment because I thought he could just not eat it, like he doesn’t even like it??!! rather than taking away a kind gesture that his mum was doing for me. He flipped out when he saw that I was more confused and upset and said that I wasn’t being supportive and was selfish for expecting the chocolate to continue, that I should just buy it for myself and he finalised his point with saying that actually he shouldn’t expect me to give up the chocolate because all I ever think about is myself. Anyway I slammed the door on him and walked off because I was in total shock that chocolate could cause a reaction like that. We talked it out maybe 30 mins later but I havnt felt the same since because as time went on he revealed that during that week of him having that pimple he also drank very heavily 3 nights in a row and wasn’t eating the healthiest of meals or getting a good nights rest. He still eats the chocolate too. And today (which is why I’m writing this) he still thinks that I am being unsupportive, when I have said I don’t mind if she stops because it’s a kind thing but not necessary.
I don’t really understand what I can do to make him see that his initial reaction disappointed me and in my eyes is an immature reaction but I feel he has the high ground because it’s his mum doing a kind thing that she doesn’t have to do.
UPDATE: I know this post hasn’t been up for long but all the comments lead me to start a conversation with my bf and the results are mild. I was telling him I felt it was unfair to blame me for being unsupportive because it places all the responsibility on me and I would’ve liked some acknowledgment over the fact he has no self control. He apologised and he did apologise on the night of the argument too. He said that he was having a stressful week with work and everything so his reaction was immature and he apologised for that. He’s still standing on the fact that i should hide it so he can’t find it which I’ve said that’s fine too. I feel somewhat unsatisfied because it doesn’t feel like he’s taking half the responsibility and it’s still all on me. I think we are in a different page because I’m mostly hurt by the words he used that night and the reaction he had, and I think for him he’s dealing with the fact that my immediate reaction wasn’t to support him but feel defensive over my chocolate.
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This happened a few weeks ago but for context my boyfriend’s mum buys me chocolate for when I visit and sometimes we will share it but he doesn’t really enjoy chocolate (important to know that). Sometimes when I’m not staying over he will finish it off because he stress eats it (his words) but recently he developed a pretty nasty pimple on his cheek and blamed it on the chocolate we were eating, resorting to him saying “I’m going to tell my mum to stop buying it for you” my initial reaction was mild disappointment because I thought he could just not eat it, like he doesn’t even like it??!! rather than taking away a kind gesture that his mum was doing for me. He flipped out when he saw that I was more confused and upset and said that I wasn’t being supportive and was selfish for expecting the chocolate to continue, that I should just buy it for myself and he finalised his point with saying that actually he shouldn’t expect me to give up the chocolate because all I ever think about is myself. Anyway I slammed the door on him and walked off because I was in total shock that chocolate could cause a reaction like that. We talked it out maybe 30 mins later but I havnt felt the same since because as time went on he revealed that during that week of him having that pimple he also drank very heavily 3 nights in a row and wasn’t eating the healthiest of meals or getting a good nights rest. He still eats the chocolate too. And today (which is why I’m writing this) he still thinks that I am being unsupportive, when I have said I don’t mind if she stops because it’s a kind thing but not necessary.
I don’t really understand what I can do to make him see that his initial reaction disappointed me and in my eyes is an immature reaction but I feel he has the high ground because it’s his mum doing a kind thing that she doesn’t have to do.
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> I think I might be the asshole because my boyfriends mum is doing a kind thing for me and maybe he has a point that I’m privileged and should stop eating chocolate so he doesn’t get acne
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. He sounds like a glutton. It’s wildly selfish to ask his mom to not get chocolate for you – does he have no self control at all? He doesn’t even like it, but is just compelled to eat it anyway? Yikes.
NTA, the boy (because he doesn’t act like a man) needs to grow up. Where does he even get off eating something that was bought for you? Look closely at this relationship, people do not change.
NTA. It’s not as if you’re going “yum! do you want a taste?” to his face. His lack of self control should not become your, nor his mother’s, problem.
NTA I would spend 30 minutes arguing over chocolate too. It’s a simple resolution. Tell him that he is not allowed to eat your chocolate.
NTA and the wrong person is writing in here. If it was your bf writing in, I would say Y T A for blaming your gf for your problems, she’s got nothing to do with your problems. If you can’t handle yourself and find yourself blaming people around you for it, get single so you don’t keep hurting people. And then get therapy so you can be a decent person in the future.
NTA
If it gives him acne, then… he should stop eating it?
>he revealed that during that week of him having that pimple he also drank very heavily 3 nights in a row and wasn’t eating the healthiest of meals or getting a good nights rest
Yeah, he has bigger problems than chocolate.
>He still eats the chocolate too
“Doctor, it hurts when I do this!” “Stop doing it then”
He needs to learn some self-control.
NTA.
His idea that he needs the people around him to not keep food around that he shouldn’t be eating is the root of his unhealthy relationship with food. He is claiming no responsibility over his own choices about what he puts in his body. He is saying that if it’s available, he will eat it, so it’s ‘on you’ to make sure it’s not available. That’s incredibly childish and a huge red flag.
If he refuses to claim responsibility for what he eats (one of the most basic human functions) then what other of his own actions has/will he hold you accountable for?
I didn’t catch how long you’ve been dating for but if you’re not head-over-heals for him then I would just move on.
NTA I wonder if it’s more about the fact his mom is buying you something, or buying you something that he “doesn’t like” than it is about the chocolate.
NTA His mom is giving you a gift. If he can’t control himself from eating your gift that he claims he doesn’t even like, that’s on him. This sounds a bit manipulative, though. Like he’s choosing something you love to blame for his problems instead of taking responsibility for his actions. Proceed with caution, OP.
Chocolate doesn’t trigger acne. NTA.
Are you dating a small child that doesn’t have the presence of mind to control what he eats and avoid what isn’t good for him? You need to tell him to grow up and police his own eating. His mom sounds lovely though. NTA
This sounds so controlling and manipulative… “you can’t have things I don’t like” that’s the kind of grooming an abuser does IMHO… alienating you from his mother – a kind support, stealing your things then blaming you, blaming you for problems he caused, he’s now isolating you bc you dared to disagree even though you’ve now conceded…. he’s saying “don’t disagree with me again or Ill withhold my affection, and only my happiness matters” you’re supposed to change what you eat, what brings you joy, what you keep in the house – because he cant control his inpulses?
A three-day bender would make someone depressed/reactive/unreasonable during that emotional hangover but… if this is normal for him I would run 🙂
Edit to add: NTA obvi
Chocolate doesn’t cause acne, unless you’re eating a bunch of it, and then it’s the sugar more so than the chocolate itself. We even knew this back in the 80s when I was getting pimples.
Also, he can just stop eating the chocolate.
Nta.
The drinking probably caused the pimple.
He sounds like a walking red flag and I would run!
NTA, is he a toddler? Tell him to stop eating your food and develop some self-control. Or drop him and buy yourself chocolate 🤷🏻♀️
Also it’s been known in the derm community for some time that it’s the sugar and dairy in the chocolate that can contribute to breakouts, so your boyfriend is not only a jerk, but he’s going to have to quit dairy and processed sugar as well. Tough break.
Nta
> I have said I don’t mind if she stops because it’s a kind thing but not necessary.
What. The hell. Don’t let him manipulate you like that. You’re right, it isn’t necessary, its a kindness. You’re a person. You deserve kindness. You may not be specifically entitled to chocolate gifts from his mom, but he’s attacking your worth after he let “you’re not allowed to get this gift anymore cuz i keep stealing it from you and that must be negatively affecting me” fall out of his mouth
>he finalised his point with saying that actually he shouldn’t expect me to give up the chocolate because all I ever think about is myself.
NTA. You don’t say shit like this to someone you like or even have empathy for and you shouldn’t date someone you don’t like. Do the math, honey.
He doesn’t have to eat it. Adults make choices. NTA.
Chocolate doesn’t cause pimples. Look at the research online and print it out for misinformed boyfriend.
NTA but that is a really big and scary reaction to you being disappointed about not receiving a gift you enjoy from his mom. He flipped out then convinced you that you should give up the chocolate.
Does he do that often? Yell at you about small things so you’ll do what he wants?
You’re going to have a miserable life with him. NTA
Why are you continuing to date a child who won’t take responsibility for his own choices?
And who berates you for “not supporting his own lack of accountability?
What a loser (him, not you). There are over 4 billion men on the planet — you can surely find a better one!
NTA your BF is making his lack of self control your fault.
NTA.. he has body autonomy and toddler decision making
NTA his lack of willpower and restraint is not your fault.
He stress ate your chocolate, blamed you for his breakout, then threw a tantrum? Bro doesn’t even like chocolate but still made it your problem?? Nah that’s wild. He needs to take accountability instead of trying to villainize snacks.
NTA; he can keep his hands out of the chocolate jar
NTA, but run girl. Do you really need someone that cannot exercise self-control and take the smallest opportunity to blame you for his own failures?
NTA, but maybe his mum should stop buying you chocolate since he’s not going to be your boyfriend any more on account of you found out he is actually a toddler and not a grown ass man.
NTA
NTA your boyfriend is an adult. He’s capable of a bit of self control.
It’s not like he’s a recovering alcoholic and you left a bottle of whiskey on the bedside table.
For the record, he does not have the high ground because his mom does nice things. He lucked out with his mom. NTA. He is demanding and childish. You did nothing wrong.
NTA, it’s on him to stop himself from eating chocolates if he’s so worried about his skin, not you. You shouldn’t have to give up receiving chocolates as a gift because he has no impulse control.
Omfg girl, DUMP HIM.
NTA.
Get rid of the man keep the chocolate. How he acted is not an appropriate way to treat friends let alone someone youre in a relationship with.
He has issues and wants to put the blame on you. A fight about chocolate???? He needs to grow up. Is this how you want to be treated in a relationship?
Time to make some decisions.
Y’all sound pretty young, are you underage? He’s mature enough to argue but not to have self control or to realise what to say or not say to your partner. Give him a timeout.
I went to find your ages, you didn’t list them. This just screams youth and immaturity.
NTA. Call his mom and tell her. Bet she’ll be pissed he’s acting like a baby and a control freak. And how will he get acne if you eat chocolate? He needs to learn restraint.
Just in general, don’t be in relationships where you’re being called names and the other person flips out. NTA.
The myth about chocolate causing acne was debunked years ago. Dump him, keep his mom.
NTA. He’s asking you to stop doing something because he cannot stop doing that thing. He’s asking his mom to stop doing something kind for you. It’s not your job to stop him doing something that causes him a pimple. If this is how he handles a small thing, a pimple, what’s he gonna do with a real life problem? You deserve better.
He doesn’t have to eat it!!!!!
That’s a hymn, problem! You can put boundaries on yourself, I won’t eat chocolate; but you can’t put boundaries on other people, you can’t have chocolate in the house. That’s controlling! He needs to just not eat your chocolate. And if he struggles with that, he should probably go to therapy or something and figure out why he is stress eating a food that he doesn’t like, that he knows give him a physical reaction he doesn’t like, and is something you actively like so him eating it takes pleasure away from you. And then he’s blaming you on it?! I would make an ultimatum about this to be honest. “ you need to figure yourself out in a way that isn’t negatively affecting me. You eating chocolate is a you problem, you’re not allergic to it in the house, you are consuming my treat. Stop eating my chocolate, and you won’t have any problems. If you stress out, buy yourself the thing that you want to eat, so it’s available to you. But if you continue to eat something that you don’t like that negatively affects your body, you might want to see a professional about that.”
NTA
Binge drinking/eating shows complete lack of self control. Blaming you for it is gaslighting.
NTA. But, do you really want to spend time with someone who makes their choices out to be your fault?
NTA. Your boyfriend sounds pathetic. My only advice would be to stay in contact with his mum after you dump him. She seems really nice
He had a pimple and it made him drink heavily? He’s that invested in his appearance?
He’s going to really hate ageing.
NTA, and this severe reaction is a red flag.
I’m thinking the chocolate is not the issue here
Does he know chocolate does mot cause acne? Not washing your face causes acne.
NTA. Send him a bouquet of those chocolates. Card should read, “For your future girlfriend. Hope she likes them.”
What like of a person tells their girlfriend that she can’t have something because he can’t control himself?
You don’t mention how old the two of you are but he’s pretty immature. Not sure he can really handle a relationship until he learns not to be so selfish.
NO, you are not the AH.
NTA just cause his mom is buying it and it’s in the fridge, doesn’t mean he has to eat it. If his mom brought home a slice of cake from a bakery for herself to eat later in the day/the next day, would he eat that when he’s ‘stressed’ too?
He’s either got no impulse control, period, or is doing this deliberately either because he wants to take away the time you spend with his mother or to control what you eat. Regardless, blaming you for HIS actions isn’t a good sign here.
This is absurd.
My wife has a host of food allergies and sensitivities- she has a stomach condition that limits what she can eat.
That being said, I’ve never had to remove or hide or not buy food I like just because she can’t have it. She knows what she can eat and not eat.
This is not your responsibility, OP. This guy sounds like whiny little tool with no responsibility
NTA. Why are you still in the relationship?
How old are you all?
This was so weird I actually wondered if it was some kind of setup for a bait and switch with a “my pregnant wife wants me to stop drinking alcohol” post.