A few months ago, I (22M) moved into a new apartment. I didn’t have a ton of stuff, but I still needed help with some of the bigger furniture. I asked my friend (23M) if he could lend a hand since he had a truck, and he said he’d help, no problem.
The day of me moving he completely bailed. No text, no call, just ghosted me. I ended up scrambling to find someone else and had to pay a last-minute moving service.(Very expensive for a college student moving across the country) he apologized but said he just “forgot” and had other things going on. I let it slide, but I was definitely p*ssed off.
Now my friend (24m now) is moving and asked if I could help. He even mentioned needing my car to haul some stuff. I told him straight up, “Nah, I’m busy,” even though I didn’t actually have plans on my day off. He got p*ssed and said I was being petty over something that happened months ago. Our friends think I should just let it go and help, but I feel like if he couldn’t be bothered to show up for me even after reminding him up until the date, why should I go out of my way for him?
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A few months ago, I (22M) moved into a new apartment. I didn’t have a ton of stuff, but I still needed help with some of the bigger furniture. I asked my friend (23M) if he could lend a hand since he had a truck, and he said he’d help, no problem.
The day of me moving he completely bailed. No text, no call, just ghosted me. I ended up scrambling to find someone else and had to pay a last-minute moving service.(Very expensive for a college student moving across the country) he apologized but said he just “forgot” and had other things going on. I let it slide, but I was definitely p*ssed off.
Now my friend (24m now) is moving and asked if I could help. He even mentioned needing my car to haul some stuff. I told him straight up, “Nah, I’m busy,” even though I didn’t actually have plans on my day off. He got p*ssed and said I was being petty over something that happened months ago. Our friends think I should just let it go and help, but I feel like if he couldn’t be bothered to show up for me even after reminding him up until the date, why should I go out of my way for him?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Is it appropriate for me to act this way, especially towards a planned event, that had been talked about a month before my current lease had ended.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I hate when people think they can be rude and act like it never happened. What comes around goes around. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD PEOPLE.
NTA. If he wants to reimburse you for the moving expenses you incurred when he blew you off, then I might think about helping him.
You ATA…to yourself.
Learn to not be vindictive now and your life will be much better. Don’t be like your friend, be the bigger person. It pays off later in life.
BUT…always remember, give someone one chance, and one chance only.
NTA. He said you’re being petty for not wanting to help him move on your day off? I can name a hundred things I don’t want to do on my day off. And spending the day helping a someone move is on the top of that list. Especially when that friend proved to be a total flake and forgot about you when you needed his help.
Wait a minute – moving across the country?
ESH both of you are acting immature. You should have talked to him about how much of an inconvenience it was for him to bail last minute without a good excuse. I don’t even see why you’re still friends with him if you’re holding this grudge.
NTA. Is it petty? Yes. But you’re entitled to distance yourself from a person who’s shown you little respect.
“I’m not being petty… If I was being petty, I would have told you that I was available, then ghosted you on the day, leaving you in a potentially expensive lurch. Instead, I’m letting you know that I’m not available, with enough time that you can make alternate arrangements. Actually, I’m a bit baffled by your reaction: you are making it seem like helping someone move is the most important thing that someone can do in a friendship, the kind of thing where you would expect people to drop everything else that’s going on in their lives. But at the same time, I know it’s such a low priority for you that you just forgot about it when you made a commitment to someone else. I mean, I took you at your word that you genuinely forgot, but now I’m having to second guess whether that is what happened…”
NTA. You have no obligation to do a favor like this for a friend anyway (it’s a nice thing to do, and a good thing if you care about someone and want to help, but it’s not an obligation). But even if you did have an obligation in general, you still wouldn’t have it in this specific case given that your friend literally bailed on doing the identical favor for you.
And all of those other friends who think you should show up to help? First, it’s nice of them to volunteer to help him (and you should make sure that he knows their numbers so he can follow up on their generous offers), but second, where were they when you needed help?
There’s a whole lot of hypocrisy going on with these people… Perhaps it is time to expand your friend horizons
Nope, tell your friend to call Fuck Around and Find Out Moving Co.
NTA
NTA Let the other friends help him.
NTA. He ghosted you during a cross-country move and now wants to use your car? The audacity is wild. He can forget about your help the same way he forgot about helping you.
Nah u good homie karma a biatch
NTA. I once agreed to let my friend use my truck to move. I made it clear I was there to help move, not pack, not clean, just move. Got to his place at the agreed-upon time and nothing is packed. Nothing at all. So I went and parked myself down and started playing on my phone. His girlfriend, after a while, started screeching at me that I was there to help so I needed to help pack stuff. I said I was there to help move, not pack her nasty shit up. She just started screeching more. I told my friend I was out and to figure it out themselves. He called me the next day asking if I could come round as they were all packed up to help move to the new place. I was like on the condition that he pays to fill up my tank at the end of the day and dinner and drinks because of my wasted time the day before. He agreed. Well, guess what happened? Yep the girlfriend started screeching at me the second I got there. I didn’t even have time to turn the truck off. I just said good luck and drove off. For months after that every time I saw my friend and his girlfriend was there she would bring up how much it cost them to get movers to move their stuff all because I was an asshole and should have just done the job I was being paid for. Paid? I dunno where she got that shit from. I actually wasted about $40 in fuel driving backwards and forwards from their place over those 2 days.