I coach a 11 year old soccer team. We had a full team today with 2 substitutes. We have won 2 games all year despite the kids trying hard and never giving up.
Today we played another team who are from the same club as ours. Their coach came to me before the game and said they may possibly be short 1 player. He said another player might turn up closer to the start of the game so we’ll wait and see. I said cool. Whatever you’ve got, that’s fine. They started the game with 1 player short.
At halftime, the other coach came to be and said “hey, I thought we agreed too play with even numbers?”
I said,”that wasn’t my understanding, your team is winning 3-2 anyway.”
He said,”well that’s not very fair and I thought we had an agreement.”
We parted way and the second half started.
At the end of the game we had another chat. He said “it’s an inter-club game, it should be even numbers. We have a responsibility as parents to set a good example and play with fairness.”
I said,”we’ve won 2 games all year. We had this situation a couple of weeks ago where the other team was short, we gave them a player to even up and they beat us 6-0. I’m sorry you were short but you still won the game.”
We agreed to disagree and shook hands.
During the week, one of the boys in my team lost his mother to cancer. He turned up today to play with his friends. Like I said, we haven’t won many games. I wanted to give the boys the best opportunity to win the game, score some goals and put some smiles of their faces.
AITA for playing with 1 extra player because the other team was 1 short?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I coach a 11 year old soccer team. We had a full team today with 2 substitutes. We have won 2 games all year despite the kids trying hard and never giving up.
Today we played another team who are from the same club as ours. Their coach came to me before the game and said they may possibly be short 1 player. He said another player might turn up closer to the start of the game so we’ll wait and see. I said cool. Whatever you’ve got, that’s fine. They started the game with 1 player short.
At halftime, the other coach came to be and said “hey, I thought we agreed too play with even numbers?”
I said,”that wasn’t my understanding, your team is winning 3-2 anyway.”
He said,”well that’s not very fair and I thought we had an agreement.”
We parted way and the second half started.
At the end of the game we had another chat. He said “it’s an inter-club game, it should be even numbers. We have a responsibility as parents to set a good example and play with fairness.”
I said,”we’ve won 2 games all year. We had this situation a couple of weeks ago where the other team was short, we gave them a player to even up and they beat us 6-0. I’m sorry you were short but you still won the game.”
We agreed to disagree and shook hands.
During the week, one of the boys in my team lost his mother to cancer. He turned up today to play with his friends. Like I said, we haven’t won many games. I wanted to give the boys the best opportunity to win the game, score some goals and put some smiles of their faces.
AITA for playing with 1 extra player because the other team was 1 short?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I may be the asshole for not giving the opposition team a player to even up the numbers. I also want my kids to have a win because they rarely win games.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, your team clearly was not on a winning streak and the other coach needed to understand that your kids were’t obligated to play with his team
NAH. The other coach was right to ask and expect. And given your team’s situation, you were right to refuse.
NAH but maybe should have just sent one over to avoid the drama, it doesnt seem that big a deal.
As a kid, sometimes we would play the older boys but many of us compared to fewer of them. It makes sense when theres a skill gap
YTA. You didn’t have to give him another player but playing with more players was an asshole move. It’s 11 year olds its not that serious. Plus your teaching the kids that it’s more important to win at all costs as opposed to have fun playing together as a team.
NTA
So, suppose you send one over to play on the other team, and he plays so poorly even you think he’s still playing for your team? Misses shots, passes so bad you team gets it, finds himself in the way of the players on the other team…
Actually, lending a player to the opposing team increases the playing time for your players. I think you should have accomodated.
They’re 11 years old, not professionals…YTA
YTA. You could have given your kids more playing time, demonstrated good sportsmanship, and made a buddy in the other coach. But ya chose to do the opposite. And these kids are 11.
Sounds like you wanted to teach them “resilience” but I doubt that is the message they would take away.
All that said, good on you for stepping up and coaching youth sports, it ain’t easy!
Soft YTA because of your rationalizing, not because you were duty bound to give him a player. Your record is irrelevant to the morality. It doesn’t even sounds like he’s asking for one of your kids, just for you to play with even numbers. A win with an unfair advantage isn’t a wain. It should just be a bye if a team is short handed, but if that’s not what your league does, It’s not your fault they’re short. But justifying with win over all is kinda lame.
Hmm. The point of playing youth soccer is to gain experience. NOBODY records, or even cares, who wins. If you loan a player (maybe your worst?), then all the kids would get extra playing time.
NAH
So rather than giving more kids the chance to play, you wanted to win so badly that you played with an extra player. This is not professional league it is kids playing. You are not a good coach if you cannot show kids that participation and taking part is what matters not winning.
NTA. Like, c’mon… the whole “fairness” thing is backwards here. The fair thing is to show up with a full squad. That’s not on you as a coach, that’s on them. You’ve got kids who actually made the effort to be there, so why should they get punished because the other team couldn’t coordinate?
This is literally part of the lesson sports teach: responsibility, commitment, teamwork. If you sign up, you show up, whether you start or sit on the bench. That’s life. I’ve played games with 9 guys against a full roster of 14, and guess what? Nobody gifted us players just to be “even.” That’s not how it works.
And comparing it to pros: imagine if a team got a red card and was like, “uh hey, can you take one out too so it’s fair?” Yeah right. Absolute nonsense.
You did the right thing, your boys deserved the chance to play, compete, and smile, especially with what they’re going through. The other coach trying to guilt-trip you into handicapping your own team is what’s actually unfair.
YNTA, the other guy just sounds salty.
INFO: Is this a recreational youth league or a pay-serious-money developmental league?
NTA. It is the responsibility of each team to field players for their team.
So NTA!! I was a soccermom/team mgr for 14 years. They are 11!! I watched my oldest play “star” forward in those years. Got her into a premier travel club, burned her out.
These are the parents/coaches that ruin the whole experience!!
Nope NTA they won, and it sucks when for the kid*s) borrowed to be in a way traded and made to play against there friends, its not a good feeling for them.
NTA. You didn’t play with an extra player. You sent the standard number of players out. The other team was one short.
NTA, to have even team you would have to either force some9ne to play against their own team or bench an extra player meaning less playtime for the kids.
NTA. I DO think this would have been a good time to ask the PLAYERS how they felt. Not making one go to the other team, but how about we rotate you guys and use the same number they do? It would have taught them a little, still kept up their morale, made sure your kid who lost his mom STILL got to play, etc. I also think you are doing a VERY difficult job with very little thanks, and I want to THANK YOU for doing it!
Can I ask why you have so many 1st year kids? Is it just the way your team worked out because of where people live or what? It seems extremely unfair for these other teams to have experienced players while you play with almost all new, young players.
Just keep working with the kids, talk to the parents of your kids of how THEY feel something like this should be handled — make sure everyone is on the same page, so the parents can’t come back later and complain about how you chose to handle further possible incidents.
Next time send one of your players to the other team with specific instructions to try and help your team still.
12 v 11….becomes 13 v 11
boom