AITA? I (25F) have an older brother (36M) and he isn’t speaking to me about this. My grandfather passed away a few months ago after being sick for a while and was getting his will in order a while ago. I found out through my mom just a month before my grandfather passed away that my grandfather was planning to leave me not only my intended part but also my older brothers. My brother is ten years older than me in his thirties and for the past three years has been with this woman. She’s a single mom of three so my brother is their step father. They got engaged recently. I like his fiance and have met her a handful of times. They live in a different city hours away. My mom told me he’s not leaving my brother anything because he’s dating a single mom and he doesn’t want his money to go towards kids that are not our families. My brother doesn’t plan to have any kids.
When I found out I was shocked and upset. My brother and I are not close but it felt wrong. Just because he’s dating a single mom shouldn’t mean he gets punished. My mom supported my grandfather and said it’s not personal it’s logical, as his biological granddaughter my future children will be his lineage so he wants that money to benefit them. She told me not to say anything to my brother and reminded me of the conversation that we had with his fiance in the past where she warned me to not date men with kids and take on their “burden” so she would be hypocritical to be upset at this. My mom also told me that his fiance sent her links for tours to private schools for her kids and the money would be better off for us. I wanted to speak to my grandfather myself just to make sure those were his wishes and he doubled down. He said that he didn’t work his ass off for years to leave money for anyone other than blood. And that he already spoke to my brother about this when he started dating his fiance and warned him to at least have one biological child but he didn’t. I asked my roommate her opinion and she said that her dad is only leaving his assets to her and her sister not her stepsister and that’s it’s normal.
I didn’t say anything to my brother because I didn’t know how to bring it up but after my grandfather passed he’s obviously found out and livid. He said were disgusting for being assholes to kids just because they’re not our blood. He’s also mad my mom and I knew and didn’t say anything. I told him our grandfathers reasoning and he said it’s BS and doesn’t make sense and that my future kids are not any more my grandfathers blood than his step kids. He says I should still give him his part since it’s now mine not my grandfathers and I said no. I want to live a comfortable life and have kids that don’t have to worry about money and I just feel like him already being a homeowner and successful in his career, what would he need the money for? He said he wants it to provide for his family and I just said no again. He says we’re assholes and hasn’t spoken to me and our mom. His fiance also texted me saying that we’ve know alienated her and her kids from our family and we only have ourselves to blame.
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NTA at all. Make sure your brother can’t dispute the will. I’m sorry but the money is yours. Your kids are just as much blood as you are, his step kids are not. Respect your grandfathers wishes.
NTA
Somehow you don’t sounds shocked and upset any more.
You don’t have to give him any money since it was your gross grandfather’s gross choice not to leave his assets to both of his grandsons. But don’t expect you brother to be gracious about it to you or to your mother.
Now, what happens if you fall in love with someone who has kids from a previous relationship? Lucky you to not have to worry about losing your inheritance because it.
Legally NTA but morally good god i hope you understand I find this gross.
Who said either of you will have enough leftover to leave to kids? Both should have received as both of you will retire someday. Both will most likely need end of life care, medical care, etc. What if he gets cancer etc. There’s a million ways your sibling could have used this money for himself. Which would be used for his ” blood”. Not just some “step kids”. I think it’s a shitty thing to do. If you love your sibling do the right thing. If you don’t i hope he cuts off you and your mom.
You don’t have a very welcoming family do you? Your future ‘perfect’ life is worth more than your brothers current life? Hope for you that life doesn’t throw you any curve balls… what if the only children you can have are step children? What if your brother ends up having bio children? Will you still stand by your decision? Does it align with your values? It is your right not to give anything to your brother, but I doubt that you will have a good relationship with him. YTA.but it is your right. Hope it’s worth it!
Your grandfather wanted a family fight . You can do what you want with your money . If you want to give him some then find out how to protect him if they divorce or screw your grandfather and open university n bank accounts . What does your brother do ? And her ?
NTA. Your grandfather has no relationship with his step GREAT grandchildren. As a step parent people can be disillusioned and think their outside family views the step kids as their own. That’s not the case the majority of the time unless they’ve been in the step child’s life since childhood.
NTA
I was on brothers side until his fiance texted you in order to guilt you. She should have stayed silent. Her sending private school brochures and laying a guilt trip on you makes me wonder what she really cares about…your brother or money…
YTA. That’s a shitty reason to cut your brother out of the will, and it’s self-serving of you to go along with it.
NTA: Your grandfather’s wishes and his will were quite clear.
youre nta
but your grandpa certainly was
and an epic piece of shit.
I would give him his half.
NAH. You are allowed to keep the money. Your brother is allowed to be hurt. You may lose the relationship with your brother, and he’s not being petty to do so. Since you say you’re not close with your brother, you may not care too much.
I really don’t mean to sound judgmental. It’s a valid choice for both of you to make. You get to choose money and stability over a relationship with a distant older brother, who you might not love that much anyway. He gets to choose not to want a relationship with someone who would conspire with his grandfather to disinherit him because apparently imaginary descendants are more important than a living grandson.
However, you don’t get to blame your brother or think that he’s greedy over this. You’ve made your choice. You’ve cosigned your grandfather’s values. You’ve got to live with it.
Your grandpa was an elitist scumbag.
Do what you think is right with the money.
Honestly NTA.
I’m sure this is fake but so much YTA.
You should have taken the money and then given your brother his half.
It sounds like you were unhappy with your grandfather’s decision until you had his money in your hands.
YTA, he’s your brother, until grandpa decided he didn’t like his lifestyle he was getting half. Do the ethical & moral thing. You will lose your brother over money. It will be your choice.
Yes legally you don’t but your grandfather’s reason is shitty and it’s only going to cause a rift in the family. I would give my brother half
YTA.
You’re his blood and so is your brother. Scene.
Your relationship with your brother is likely over.
It’s your money, you can choose what you want to do with it. I just hope you don’t end up with fertility issues and are unable to have biological children.
I say this as a woman who was a single mom. My oldest was 3 when I married my spouse. I’m very glad his own family is very blended (his parents are both divorced and remarried) so there lots of step and half siblings in the family. I would be absolutely crushed if my spouse were to be intentionally excluded from something due to his choice of being with me.
I got pregnant fairly quickly after our wedding. His grandmother reached out to me herself while I was pregnant to get important information about me (maiden name, date of birth) and my oldest son, so that we BOTH could be added into her will. Along with our child together once they were born. Also, as someone who is NC with my mother, blood relatives aren’t the holy grail you & your family seem to think it is.
YTA. “Shocked and upset” turned pretty quickly into greed.
Money was being left to grandchildren, not great grandchildren. If he only wanted it to be for your children’s benefit, he could have set up a trust for them. But instead he left it to relatively young adults. Your grandfather did this to be vindictive, not because he didn’t want the money to go to your brother’s step children. That’s probably decades away, and who knows what will happen between now and then? He could get divorced, change his mind about having kids, squander all of the money, invest it wisely and create a return many times over, etc. This is about now, not the future.
You have no obligation to give the money, and your grandfather was the bigger AH for sure. But you’re keeping it for selfish reasons and will ruin your relationship with your brother and possibly others over it. Do you really imagine everyone who finds out about this over the rest of your life will be ok with it? What about your future spouse? If I found out someone I was dating would screw over a sibling for greed, I would be gone. I’m sure there are plenty of others who would too. It would be moronic to trust you.
NTA
Granddad already let the brother know he was out the will so idk why he expected anything lol girl keep your money and enjoy life your brother and his fiancé will be ok
YTA. Come on, you know this.
I was kinda on the fence until the finance started sending links for private schools for her kids. They’re not even married…. I would keep the money too.
YTA
I’m honestly surprised at the comments, the fact that he can’t sue you for this or press some kind of charges doesn’t make it right, ok, or any less disgustingly selfish.
>I want to live a comfortable life and have kids that don’t have to worry about money and I just feel like him already being a homeowner and successful in his career, what would he need the money for?
Why shouldn’t you selfishly rip him off when it benefits you so much, right?
Fucking gross. The comments supporting you are likewise kind of despicable. You ought be ashamed of yourself, but that would clearly require more of a foundation in basic decency and fairness than you’re capable of.
NTA. Its OP’s grandfathers money, he can leave it to who he wants. If it upsets anyone, they can work and make their own money.
The fact that the fiancee started sending links to private schools, yeah, thats most likely what Grandpa was trying avoid. His hard earned money being wasted by a gold digger.
NTA
The inheritance is yours.
You are a bit of TA for telling him “the reason” which you heard second-hand and likely didnt include the whole story. It may have been a way your mom was trying to set up you sending some his way rather than the actual or entire reason.
His partners kids aren’t your responsibility and the fact that she sent private school brochures to you, of all things, tells me the money wouldn’t be spent wisely.
If your country allows RESPs without a childs name listed, you could say you are opening a generic RESP to save for education for children in the family in the future. I would not list it specifically for the children because she may not be in the picture, but try to claim it later. If she fights that… tells you what she really wants.
Regardless, next time, dont contribute to the drama. You not contributing never had to have the kids involved or his partner. Now, its been made weird and to keep you two separate. If that’s fine with you, carry on!
NTA your grandfather was clear
Nta. I mean, your grandfather did ask for just one child from him. Thats a good damn deal. One child, that would be his blood of your grandfather. If he did, then he would got his inheritance. His fault, not yours. He knew the risks and was talked to and warned.
Your grandfather was wrong and you agreed that your brother was wrongly being punished. Yet when it comes right down to it, you say want a comfortable life. The name for that is greed. Legally, you are entitled to it. Morally, you have given up your sense of what is right because you want the money. You asked the question because you want validation for doing what you know to be wrong. Enjoy your money. Your greed will burn it up in the end and take you with it. I feel sorry for you if you stay that course.
You’re NTA for not giving any of the money that your grandfather left to you. That was what he wanted to do with his money.
However, now it is YOUR money. So if you chose to give him half of it, then you also would not be an asshole, you’d be a good sibling.
That doesn’t imply that you’re a bad sibling for not giving him the money, I’m just point out that now it’s yours to do what you feel with it. Not your grandfather’s, not your mother’s, not your brother’s. Yours.
Morally, yes you’re as much as an AH as your mom and grandfather. It should have been your brother’s to decide how he would spend it. Instead, you’ve chosen money and alienated your brother. Enjoy that loneliness after your mom kicks the bucket.
No the ass hole. Do you .
NTA. Your grandfather wanted it that way and I get it. Inheritance stays with blood and as he doesn’t plan to have his own children your grandfather didn’t want non blood to inherit. Sorry to say I get it.
Its so funny you think you will easily have biological children.
But you have your money and future divorce to pay for.
Your grandfather’s choice is his own.
The way I see it, your brother is marrying this woman and therefore he considers her children his own. Ergo, they are your family.
At which point nothing stops you from choosing to spend money on them. Or gift your brother your money. Or anything else.
If you decide not to, that’s also your choice, but it does show a lack of acceptance of them as family certainly and does smack of selfishness.
Private schools? How dare she think of her children’s future!
Your family are a bunch of weird assholes. The money is going to him not his kids. The fact that everyone would be cool with him spending it in hookers and blow, but not on his children is a level of insanity that deserves psychological study.
NTA: Honor you grandfather’s wishes and keep the $ for your kids. He made it crystal clear that his hard earned $ was for his blood.
Your brother’s step kids will never be blood.
Grandpa sounds like a great American Christian.
Your grandfather can leave his money to whomever he wants to. You can do whatever you want with your inheritance. So on your question, NTA.
However, when you keep the inheritance, you don’t get to pretend to be “shocked and upset”. You don’t get to pretend that you find it “wrong.” You are more than happy to take advantage of your grandfather’s biases, you just don’t want to be held accountable for them. Your brother and his family should definitely cut you off from all future contact. They don’t need someone like you in their lives.
My grandmother scrimped and saved to leave all four of her grandkids $10,000 each when she died. She didn’t have 4 biological grandkids, though. She had 3 biological grandkids and one step-grandkid. We each would have had an inheritance that was 33% larger than what we got if she just cut out the step-grandkid.
But if she’d done that, then I wouldn’t have had a grandmother I am so proud of nor would I have a relationship with my uncle (who found happiness in his second marriage) and his lovely wife and stepson.
YTA. no money is worth family and i think it’s wonderful that your brother has found wife and wonderful kids. my grandmother who has a lot of money has favored some people over others and it’s caused two generations of strife. you can set an example of what a healthy family looks like.
NTA. Your grandfather was within his rights. Your brother had a right to do as he pleased. You have a right to keep every dime and feel no guilt or pity for your brother. You’re absolutely right about your brother choosing to be removed from the will. You have 0 obligation to give him anything. Your grandfather gave him an option, and he chose the single mother, so grandfather cut him out of his will. There’s nothing left to be said or corrected. Your brother can be pissy all he wants, but he made his own bed. This is the consequence of his choice.
YTA!
Your grandfather decided money was more important than family, blood or chosen.
You decided money was more important than family as well, I hope your future family happens sooner rather than later for you so holidays won’t be so lonely. Good news now is you don’t have to worry about buying them a wedding gift 🤷🏻♀️
You should give him a share of the inheritance. Your grandfather may have been an unfeeling asshole but you don’t have to be.
NTA, but you obviously do not think it’s wrong if you are supporting it. I would split with my brother(s), but I like them. 🤷🏾♀️
My dad left me everything in his will because I was his only son. I have two sisters didn’t think twice about it. I split the money evenly. It’s only money family is everything.
NTA, you or anyone have any right to disrespect your grandfathers wishes. The wife sounds like a gold digger and when she said she wouldn’t be in a relationship with a single dad she comes off like very much a hypocrite like it’s ok for her not to support someone else’s blood but ops grandfather has to support kids that aren’t his blood?!?! Yeah op please respect your grandfathers wishes.
Tldr: I was shocked that my older brother had his inheritance revoked because of the woman he’s involved with. Thought it over. Fuck him.
I’m gonna go with this is a work of fiction aka rage bait. Unless the brother has been a prick to the rest of the family his whole life, no human with a shred of morality would do this.
I won’t tell you if you are or aren’t an asshole but I’ll give you a perspective I haven’t seen mentioned here.
One type of happiness comes from living a life that aligns with your core morals and beliefs.
As they grow, flexible people experience a fluid movement between whether they shift their beliefs, or if they shift their actions to align better with their current beliefs. The people who choose not to participate in this dynamic shifting, end up unhappy/anxious/depressed because they know their actions don’t align with their beliefs.
So right now, you are at a crossroads. Currently you believe that what your grandfather did was wrong. Will you change your beliefs and double down on your actions? Will you change your actions to align with how you feel? Or will you do nothing, and the incongruency of your actions vs your beliefs slowly eat at your happiness and conscience?
I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but I am outlining how these scenarios progress years later. You get to decide which destination you end up at, and I would say there are arguments for both of the first two options, but do try to avoid the third.
Wow….just…..wow.
NTA. It’s the part you added that his own partner a single mom advised you not to date single fathers so you don’t have to take on their burden. Is she saying her kids are a burden your brother took on. That’s being a hypocrite right there. She says that to you but then expects your grandad to pay for her kids private schools hell no. Hypocrites peeve me off more than I can stand.
YTA. So if your brother had been single he would have still received his share. He could have met the single mom after your grandpa died so grandpa’s argument is really stupid.
I don’t know how people like you can screw over your family. The money is yours now. Be a good person and give your brother his share.
Everyone sucks here but your brother and his family. In my honest opinion, you should give your brother his share of the inheritance. Just because he married someone with kids already before having kids of his own is morally wrong and should not be the reason that he doesn’t get his share of the inheritance. And you are also involved in this for keeping the money after your grandfather passed away instead of giving your brother his share because of a reason that is morally wrong.
I don’t understand why people are mad about your choice to honour your grandfather’s wishes…
Your grandfather stated he had already told your brother hed be leaving him nothing if he followed through with the idea of not having biological children… why is your brother mad? He made his choice…
As a stepkid myself, I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing I’m taking advantage of the life savings of someone who isn’t related to me OR has never had any significant relationship with me AND expressed in life he did not want his money to be used on me…
And then when asked what your brother would use the money for, he says he would do EXACTLY what your grandpa explicitly said he did not want his assets to be used for, a direct disrespect for your grandpa’s wishes…
NTA all around. Sucks to be your brother but there’s nothing wrong with this situation.
YTA.
What if you can’t have kids or end up not having them? Will you seek out someone else, that is of the same blood as your grandpa, and give them the money? If your brother ends up having a bio kid (things happen), will you then give him his half? Is it worth killing the relationship with your only sibling?
WTF is up with the obsession over blood relations!?
It does get more complicated, depending on how much money we’re talking about. If Grandpa left money to brother and sister were the executrix, she could give him the money from the estate. But in this case, if she gives brother half, the money would be a gift from her, not an inheritance, which involves different tax issues.
Grandpa’s reason for cutting out the brother is shitty, for sure, but no one is entitled to his money. Maybe sister could set up a college fund for the kids with some of this money to soothe everyone’s angst.
I have to say NTA but I recommend not burning this whole bridge.
NAH, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.
I think YTA. I understand that your grandpa had his reasons (crappy ones in my opinion), but I’d share the money with my brother. It’s totally your choice and it doesn’t sound like having a relationship with your brother matters to you. You just can’t be surprised if people think you’re being a jerk.
Your grandfather’s reasoning was lousy. Your brother is “ blood”. That’s bullshit to me. You can do what you want legally but don’t expect your brother who is “ blood” to buy that . I don’t.
I mean nta but yta if you know what I mean. Your mind sure switched up real quick. At the end of the day, you’re doing your brother a favor. He and his family dont deserve to be around nasty humans like you and your fsmily. As long as you are okay losing the relationship with him then do you. I hope he cut your mom off too. Just straight up gross.
YTA and I’m not gonna sugar coat it like the rest of these commenters. The only reason and I mean only reason I wouldn’t share an inheritance with my siblings is if they were gonna use it to harm themselves or others. You and your mom deserve your brother cutting contact with you. I really hope he never talks to you again. You and your mother will only ever be a drain on his life. People as greedy as you guys end up living lonely lives.
“…and that my future kids are not any more my grandfathers blood than his step kids.” So your brother failed pretty much every science class he’s taken in his life?
Im going against the grain but NTA. Every time there’s a question about inheritance on here people always say to follow what was written. I don’t think this is any different. Does it suck a little? Yeah. But y’all’s grandpa told him what would happen, he decided he loved her more than he wanted the money. But I also think it’s weird that she was looking at private schools before even getting the inheritance- makes me wonder if she was planning on them getting it this whole time.
NTA
YTA. Frankly, yes, you are. Lineage, my eye.
Your grandfather is a giant asshole for the reason he cut your brother out.
Your brother is right to be hurt, and just so you know, you are PROBABLY looking at making the decision between “have this money” and “have a brother”. Proceed with that in mind. I don’t think you can have both.
As far as judgment on you? I would NOT proceed as you are proceeding, because I find the reason he was cut out totally invalid, and bordering on spiteful. That said, I can’t quite render a Y T A post because there’s not necessarily a societal convention / expectation for how to proceed in your situation.
From a moral perspective, I think your grandfather was wrong, and you would be wrong to uphold his choice.
I will reiterate, though: proceed with the knowledge that your decision here WILL forever paint your relationship with your brother.
Sounds like you are looking for reasons to justify keeping all the money. Is the money more important to you than your relationship with your brother? Because trust me, keeping all that money for yourself is definitely going to destroy your relationship with him forever. Your grandfather’s claims that he only wants” blood relatives” to inherit money doesn’t make any sense.
Isn’t your brother a blood relative? Were there any other conditions for the money? Are you allowed to do anything you want with the money? If you donate 50 bucks to an animal shelter is the spirit of your dead grandfather going to haunt you because he is not blood related to those animals? Your grandfather’s decision is gross. Your decision is gross. Yes, you are the a**.
NAH, your grandfather had every right to do whatever he wanted with his money and you are not wrong to honor his final wishes, but your brother going no contact with you all is the expected consequence as well and he’s not wrong for that either.
NAH. Your brother can feel how he feels, but you haven’t done anything wrong either. Maybe give him like 10% of what you received to be kind.
I do find it interesting his fiancée was already planning to spend the money on her kids. Makes me wonder about her motivations.
It isn’t like Granddad didn’t want him to get the money because he was dating a black woman or something, I’m not saying I agree with the old man as far as philosophically but this isn’t some outrage that needs to be corrected by you. NTA
My daughter married is now a step mom to three kids ( don’t live with them ) and 1 of her own and one on the way .
I completely get were your grandpa is coming from . When my time comes my children will inherit money specifically to them and in my case to my grand children but not my step grandchildren .
Now what my daughter chooses to do with her inheritance is up to her but in the end my priority are my kids and grand kids
INFO: I’m curious about this part
> “that my future kids are not any more my grandfathers blood than his step kids.”
Why would your brother say this? Are you adopted, infertile, etc? Because if not, then any children you physically aid in making will be blood relatives of your grandfather.
Regardless, what your grandfather did was… Eh… Morally questionable… But he didn’t technically owe ANYONE money. He could’ve done anything with it, it was his. Now, the money you got is yours. You aren’t obligated to give it away either.
Blood doesn’t make family.
But these were your grandfathers wishes, which i usually advocate for respecting so ok, NTA. But you all sound like AH for the way you are treating him and his CHOSEN kids.
You suck. Your mom sucks. Your grandfather is a gigantic anal fissure.
Nope NTA, more of a complete dick. You’re gonna keep the money anyway though , because that’s what they do. You just want people to help ease the guilt you feel…because you wouldn’t have asked otherwise
I personally wouldn’t give my sister her share, but you do you.
YTA. Greedy much. You are rationallizing being an AH but you get it honest. As for giving up the inheritance, you are just following your AH grandfather and AH mother’s wishes. Your brother is better off without all of you in his life.
The gold-digger sent links to your mom for private schools for her kids. Brother isn’t even married yet.
Your grandfather made his wishes known. Follow your grandfather’s will.
You should be ashamed of yourself…
I’m a big fan of anyone can do with their assets in their will whatever they like and people should respect that. But if someone cuts someone out simply because they don’t like the persons life choices ie not having kids, being gay etc I don’t think those reasons are good enough to respect. I think you’re being greedy and morally wrong. If brother had met this lady and her kids after grandad had died he would still have been included in the Will. And he wasn’t leaving money to great grand kids but to grandkids which would be you and your brother.
My nana only gave 1 of 7 great grand kids anything and skipped us grandkids altogether for no reason except she thought that 1 kid would need it more. That kid wasted it and was also the only one who rarely saw nana except when she wanted money. There was a lot of tension in the family because of her singling out1 person. You’re going to implode any relationship with your brother because you and your mum are greedy when previously you didn’t agree with it.
YTA
NTA. You are not wrong to honor your grandfather’s wishes concerning his estate.
Your grandfather made his choices concerning the disposition of his possessions upon his death, as it is each person’s right to do. He wanted to keep his assets in the family and knew that your brother did not intend to have natural children to continue the family line, and thus chose accordingly in the face of those facts. Many people feel that way about their families and their lineage; it is not unusual, especially among the older generations.
No one did anything underhanded; your grandfather told you he had discussed the situation with your brother and warned him to have at least one natural child, and your brother wouldn’t.
You are under no obligation, legally or morally, to give your brother a portion of what your grandfather left to you. In your grandfather’s view, you are the only hope of continuing your family line and he wanted to give that hope the best chance of succeeding. Again, his viewpoint is not uncommon.
Your brother is not being punished for being with this single mother; he still has everything he had before Grandfather’s passing, nothing of his was taken from him. If anything, he was passed over for his refusal to continue the lineage, which was Brother’s choice to make just as it was Grandfather’s choice on the disposition of his estate upon his death.
Would it be a lovely, generous thing to share your good fortune? Of course it would. Are you obligated? No, you are not.
Legally NTA but morally, you’re an asshole and I hope you never become a stepmom.
Yuck. Your choice. Make is and live with the long term consequences. Money does ugly things to people.
Yeah, this kinda messed up. If it were me, I’d dispute the will in court and then go no contact.
Just because grandfather is short-sighted doesn’t mean you have to be.
Okay,let’s be honest: you are looking for comments that will support you and tell you that you are right.
Legally you are right. Morally – you are not. Kids, not kids – inheritance is a form of care. Like if I care about someone I include him. Your grandfather said – f u, bro. And now you are saying the same. I wish him to cut you off.
Info: did your grandfather spend time with these children? Did your brother make efforts for this?
Like was your brother and grandpa close and this came from nowhere? Because excluding the issue of the kids your brother would be TA if he is demanding money from a man he was not close with, full stop. Did he spend time with him, check on him, etc.
NAH. It’s your money ultimately to do with as you please. I ultimately need more clarification to confirm if I think you are morally wrong
NTA. I’m shaking my head at the arguments here saying YTA. Why? Her grandfather made his decision. The son was told by him before that this would happen. Why is he so shocked that grandpa went through with it? It may seem gross and morally wrong but it was his money to do with what he chose. He chose to leave it to his granddaughter. Clearly the grandfather didn’t consider the kids as his family. Why are people missing that point? Brother may see them as his family but grandfather didn’t. OP is well within her rights to not share. Is it right or wrong? Not my place to say. Only Op can decide if she’s willing to torch her relationship with her brother over this.
OP. If it felt off to you in the beginning, it’s because it is. I wouldn’t gaf what anyone said. The min that money touched my bank account I would give my brother half. One day when your parents are gone your brother will be all you have left and you just completely bombed that. And then to tell him that you want a “comfortable life”? It’s not about him being successful. Your grandfather sounds like an ass cause “only for my blood”
I hope you reconsider.
YTA
My dad (not the man who spawned me, but the man who raised me) fell in love with a woman who had four children. He made it clear to his family we were his children. (Toward the end of his life we found out he actually couldn’t have children but his identical twin did.) His father adored us, his mother less so. His father died, everything went to his wife. My father died before his mother. When Grandma died, my father’s “share” was divided between us four kids (it was the same with my dad’s siblings who died before him… Their children got their parents “share” split evenly). It wasn’t a lot of money. It paid my rent for 2 months, but it’s the fact that even if she didn’t see us as her grandchildren, she knew that her son saw us as his. And she was not going to violate his memory by treating us differently.
I am not in contact with most of my blood family because they’re garbage human beings. I’m not leaving a single penny to any of my siblings or their children because of the way they have chosen to treat me. I have four chosen sisters and I have a single life insurance policy that I’ve split evenly for them. They’re the ones who were there for me when my life fell apart. And they’re the ones who helped put me back together
NTA my grandmother had all 6 grand children in the will she also had the great grandkids receive a little something. Now my brother’s wife had a daughter that my brother raised since she was an infant. He was good big to adopt her but when my nephew was born he didn’t. Her biodad didn’t want her to be adopted so she didn’t receive anything from my grandmother. Her reasoning was she wasn’t adopted and her dad wanted to keep his rights so he can provide for her. When her dad passed he left her everything he had. She didn’t split with her half brother my nephew.
Everyone needs to remember it’s their money they worked hard for they can give it to whoever they want.
So your Schrodinger’s future kids gives you rights over a man that loves children despite them not being his “blood” and you since getting the money have convinced yourself that’s ok?!? YTA
YTA. You gave up a relationship with your brother for money. It’s a pretty asshole move imo.
You should be ashamed of yourself. If the roles were reversed, would you be okay with it? I seriously doubt it. You are so greedy that you are okay with destroying your relationship with your brother. Your grandfather is so afraid that children who aren’t related by blood might benefit from the inheritance that he destroyed your relationship with each other and you are okay with his view. It honestly doesn’t make a difference now. You and your mother have shown him who you really are and it is ugly. Enjoy your money.
you can use your grandfather’s wishes as a fig leaf, but now everyone in your life knows what the price is for you to sell out your relationships.
you’re not even in a solid relationship, and you’re bleating about hypothetical children? YTA.
You’re gross and no better than your grandfather and mother. Is this the moral standard that you will live your life ?
This is messed up. However your grandfather should have left the money in a trust with guidelines since you could be in the same situation as your brother. Your grandfather is no where close to being the only person that does this. Also your grandfather already told him, your brother must not have believed him.
If your relationship with sibling is important, I’d share the money. Grandfather’s value system aside, your relationship should be more important.
YTA
This isn’t a “he was never around while I did all the caretaking so he didn’t deserve it” kind of thing.
This is a “grandfather is a raging asshole and I support it and so does mom” kind of thing.
When your brother cuts you both off, realize it’s deserved.
So, what happens if you’re unable to have kids and you have to adopt?
This sounds so elitist and classist.
That is so wrong. You must not care or love your brother in the slightest to do this to him. I could never treat family as severely as you are, especially over money. That is disgusting. It’s evil how your family, from your grandfather to your mother to you, have treated your brother and his family. It’s so wrong. It’s evil.
Well that’s a jump since they’re not even married yet. Also grandpa could have set up a trust if he was that worried about the money going to children his grandson fathered but didn’t give his DNA to.
It’s honestly a shitty reason to cut him out, but you agreeing with it and following through with it is an absolutely valid reason for your brother to cut you out.
It’s one thing for a now dead man to say the kids he sees as his children not only don’t count as family but now make it so he no longer sees your brother as his grandson. It’s an entirely other thing for his sibling and mother to say the same thing.
You don’t see his family as your family – so why are you mad he’s not speaking to you? YTA
YTA and even that feels like an inadequate label. You, your mom and your grandad are gross.
Your inheritance is yours. If any relatives take issue with your inheritance, they need to take it up with the dead person. It is called a WILL, because it is that person’s WILL, what they wanted to happen to their stuff when they die. His options are to go to court and prove the will is somehow invalid. Do not be guilted, to give away what was meant to go to you would dishonor the dead. NTA
YTA – if your grandfather had died before your brother got into a relationship with his fiance, he would have gotten the inheritance. But because he has step children now, he is cut off? You do you. The money was left to you and it is your choice to keep it. It is up to you what is more important. The money or your relationship with your brother. You are choosing money. When your only child grows up and has no family around, you can explain they can buy family.
Yep, YTA
Wait, your brother’s fiancée was looking for private schools for her children? I can see why your grandfather didn’t want to leave money to your brother.
IF THIS IS REAL, YOU ARE A TOTAL TWATWAFFLE. Seriously, how do you not know that?!?!!!