I (21F) am in college, and I’m the “note-taker friend” of the group. I’m always in class, I take detailed notes, and I don’t mind sharing them when people ask nicely.
There’s this girl in my class, let’s call her Rio (21F). We used to be kinda friends, but she has this habit of acting like she’s above everything. She skips class often and brags about not needing notes because she absorbs information differently. But the moment a quiz or project comes up, she’s in my inbox asking for my notes, expecting me to just send them.
I usually share them, but it started feeling one-sided. So, one day, I decided to stop enabling it. I politely told her, “Hey, I think you should try coming to class more often. I noticed you’re missing a lot of details in discussions that aren’t in the slides.” She left me on read.
Fast forward to last week, we had an important lecture where the professor discussed extra tips for the upcoming finals stuff not in the official materials. Rio deliberately skipped that day and later posted on her private story saying, “Let’s see how well Miss Note-Taker does without people like me to challenge her. Sometimes people need to learn humility.”
That rubbed me the wrong way. She acted like she was doing me a favor by freeloading off my notes. So when she messaged me the next day, casually saying, “Send notes. Thanks xoxo,” I didn’t reply. I just left her on seen.
Now, she’s been telling people I’m being petty and gatekeeping class materials. Some mutual friends are saying I should’ve been the bigger person and that helping others is just what good students do. But from my perspective, this wasn’t about being helpful anymore it was about basic respect.
So, AITA for not giving her the notes after she purposely skipped class to teach me a lesson?
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I (21F) am in college, and I’m the “note-taker friend” of the group. I’m always in class, I take detailed notes, and I don’t mind sharing them when people ask nicely.
There’s this girl in my class, let’s call her Rio (21F). We used to be kinda friends, but she has this habit of acting like she’s above everything. She skips class often and brags about not needing notes because she absorbs information differently. But the moment a quiz or project comes up, she’s in my inbox asking for my notes, expecting me to just send them.
I usually share them, but it started feeling one-sided. So, one day, I decided to stop enabling it. I politely told her, “Hey, I think you should try coming to class more often. I noticed you’re missing a lot of details in discussions that aren’t in the slides.” She left me on read.
Fast forward to last week, we had an important lecture where the professor discussed extra tips for the upcoming finals stuff not in the official materials. Rio deliberately skipped that day and later posted on her private story saying, “Let’s see how well Miss Note-Taker does without people like me to challenge her. Sometimes people need to learn humility.”
That rubbed me the wrong way. She acted like she was doing me a favor by freeloading off my notes. So when she messaged me the next day, casually saying, “Send notes. Thanks xoxo,” I didn’t reply. I just left her on seen.
Now, she’s been telling people I’m being petty and gatekeeping class materials. Some mutual friends are saying I should’ve been the bigger person and that helping others is just what good students do. But from my perspective, this wasn’t about being helpful anymore it was about basic respect.
So, AITA for not giving her the notes after she purposely skipped class to teach me a lesson?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was refusing to share my lecture notes with a classmate who deliberately skipped class and mocked me for always taking notes. This might make me the asshole because by not sharing, I potentially affected her ability to prepare for class assignments, and some people believe I should have helped her anyway, regardless of her attitude, since withholding academic materials could be seen as petty or uncooperative in a learning environment.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
This has to be bait
NTA. How are they class materials if they’re YOUR notes. She’s been rude to you and now expects you to hand over your work. Just ignore her
How is she missing so many classes without getting dropped from the class? You can’t just miss class in college. You have to attend a certain amount of classes or you face academic punishment.
Regardless, fuck her. Stop giving your notes to anyone. Let them do their own work. You are not in school to benefit anyone but yourself.
NTA
Gotta sink or swim in college. She can’t live off of others work.
NTA. And NO. You are being the bigger and smarter and kinder person by NOT sharing gour notes. You are giving that girl a lesson on how she needs to take responsibility for herself and her life and how she needs to do her own assignment and her own responsibilities. That’s an important life skill and lesson.
DO NOT give her the notes. Ever again. She needs to start doing her own work, she’s old enough.
ETA. If the girl wants class material, she can ask the professor for slides. Your notes are NOT class material, they’re your notes.
NTA. if getting notes to be able to cram and pass tests are that important to her, then she can GO TO CLASS. you know? the thing she’s actively PAYING for? it’s college. you are both adults, she is not your child. stupid actions have stupid consequences. some people need to learn the hard way
NTA.
tldr she’s an ass, don’t entertain her.
Quit sharing your notes with Rio or anyone else that takes advantage of your kindness to help.
Thank you, everyone. Honestly, I thought I was being mean and acting like an asshole for pointing it out. I was worried that I might have come off as rude or insensitive, but I just wanted to be honest about how I felt. I’m really relieved that you understood where I was coming from. It’s nice to know that I wasn’t overreacting or being too harsh. I really appreciate your support and understanding.
NTA. You help kid people, people who are grateful. Why would you help someone who acts like a spoiled selfish snob with a stick up her ass?
At least when she fails the semester it won’t be your problem any more.
Maybe she should take her own advice… after all Sometimes people need to learn humility.
NTA. I don’t even know what that message is supposed to mean or how she is supposed to be teaching you a lesson!!! I would’ve responded with a “Let’s see how Miss absenteeism does without Miss Note Taker doing her work for her.” Also, stop being a pushover. Your job isn’t to help others through college.
NTA. There is someone here who needs to learn some humility, yes. It’s just her, not you.
What lesson could you possibly be learning from her? This makes no sense.
NTA. I remember getting notes for a class that I would habitually skip and I was always grateful. So, good students may help others if so inclined but the other needs to be appropriately thankful. It’s not about lording it over them, and you haven’t, it’s just about being decent people and Rio is failing that, just like her class. Sit back and watch her reap the rewards of assholery.
Actually, still wonder how I passed that class, even a few dreams over the years about how I still needed to complete that class. Fortunately, my framed graduation certificate alleviates that little piece of existential dread leaving more room for the rest of it.
NTA
There’s being helpful, and there’s being a doormat.
NTA absorbing information differently means not needing you.
Absorbing information differently means maybe you don’t even know what she is saying and maybe she doesn’t really get you. She seems socially untethered.
Someone telling you they are special, for no reason, and expecting special treatment, and actually making you ponder your assholeness, fucking ridiculous. Not you, people.
“Her name is Rio and she learns by osmosis.”- old song