Im a 17 year old student with no job or any kind of income, all my stuff is payed by my mother (father is out if the picture). I can’t ever buy anything on my own it always has to be approved by her first. On the occasions when I do have my own money and its mostly because my uncels gives us when they come to visite like once or twice a year, I always pay for all my stuff, give some to her and sometimes for the home too and because of that im always unable to save for anything. She makes me pay for everything until I have no money left and then she nags me about how I buy useless stuff and waste my money.
Last week my uncel from the UK came to visite and gave my siblings 200 euros and me 215 euros (it was in pounds), its the most I’ve ever received. From that money I gave my mother the 15 euros and also payed for my school books for next year, it was 80 euros and my mother is still mad at us and saying that she should’ve received that money instead of us because she’s struggling with money right now and she pays for everything. I wanted to talk to her and tell her that i don’t want to give all my money to her and that I also want to buy stuff for myself and I might have been a bit aggressive with it but she got so angry and started saying that this situation is making her off herself, its not a surprise this is her reaction to every stressful situation she’s in.
I just don’t get it because she is mad at me because her brothers give money to me instead of her? Like please tell THEM don’t be angry at me because THEY did something you didn’t like. She also says that this is making us not good with money because we won’t know how to handel it but she never teached us about money either. She never gave us our own money or pocket money and im not saying like 50 euros a month, just enough to know how everything works. Its always 0 euros and then suddenly it goes to 100-200 euros so OFCORSE Im overwhelmed and want to buy stuff and don’t know how to handel it.
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Im a 17 year old student with no job or any kind of income, all my stuff is payed by my mother (father is out if the picture). I can’t ever buy anything on my own it always has to be approved by her first. On the occasions when I do have my own money and its mostly because my uncels gives us when they come to visite like once or twice a year, I always pay for all my stuff, give some to her and sometimes for the home too and because of that im always unable to save for anything. She makes me pay for everything until I have no money left and then she nags me about how I buy useless stuff and waste my money.
Last week my uncel from the UK came to visite and gave my siblings 200 euros and me 215 euros (it was in pounds), its the most I’ve ever received. From that money I gave my mother the 15 euros and also payed for my school books for next year, it was 80 euros and my mother is still mad at us and saying that she should’ve received that money instead of us because she’s struggling with money right now and she pays for everything. I wanted to talk to her and tell her that i don’t want to give all my money to her and that I also want to buy stuff for myself and I might have been a bit aggressive with it but she got so angry and started saying that this situation is making her off herself, its not a surprise this is her reaction to every stressful situation she’s in.
I just don’t get it because she is mad at me because her brothers give money to me instead of her? Like please tell THEM don’t be angry at me because THEY did something you didn’t like. She also says that this is making us not good with money because we won’t know how to handel it but she never teached us about money either. She never gave us our own money or pocket money and im not saying like 50 euros a month, just enough to know how everything works. Its always 0 euros and then suddenly it goes to 100-200 euros so OFCORSE Im overwhelmed and want to buy stuff and don’t know how to handel it.
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> 1. I had fight with my mom about not wanting to give her my money.
2. I might come across as not caring and being mean to my own mom.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – Your uncle gave it to you, not your Mother. It’s kind of you to help her out with what you’ve already given her. I’m a single Mom too. I ask my oldest who lives here and works fulltime for room and board. He buys a lot of his own groceries because he eats three times as much as everyone else and I simply can’t afford to feed him – he works out everyday and is on a training diet. The second oldest goes to school, and then I have two younger ones. I never ask them for money, it’s their money while they are in school and working to just get extra items that they want.
Put a little bit of money aside for you, for what you need later on. Don’t spend it all in one place and certainly you don’t need to give your GIFT to your Mother.
NTA
your uncles can definitely tell that this kind of thing is going on, and that will be why they give you the money rather than her. when she won’t spend her money on necessities for you she is being a very bad parent, she is neglecting you. i know it might be hard to see her this way, but from your post it is clear, and your uncles can see it. they are trying to correct some of her wrongdoing by giving you access to money so you can get the things you need. they can tell that if they give it to her, you will not get any benefit from it. perhaps you should tell your uncles that your mom always tries to take the money from you, ask them if there is something they can do to help you.
You are a child and not responsible for your mother’s financial decisions. At the same time she is responsible for providing for you. None of that means she gets to take your money and then guilt you.
When you turn 18, and get yourself a job, get a bak account your checks can go into and only give your mom a set amount for room and board. DO NOT let her help you get a bank account or have anything to do with it. Also do not let her have more then ¼ of it, so you can pay for your own necessities and save money to move out one day
NTA
This is a difficult question because I don’t know quite how desperate your mother is for money – and she is paying all your basic living expenses. On the other hand, if you’re spending the gift from your uncle on things like textbooks, it doesn’t sound like you’re wasting the money, or spending it on things your mother wouldn’t have to pay for anyway.
Normally, I would say you don’t owe your mother any part of your gift, but if you’re, say, 18+ and your mother is paying all your living expenses, you should be contributing to that in money or in kind (eg doing some of the housework). But it sounds like all your money is disappearing, some of it by your spending and some by your mother’s spending. If you need to learn to handle money – and you do – you need more control over it. It’s a bit worrying that you’re just accepting being overwhelmed by the size of the gifts and then spending it unwisely.
So, overall, I’d say NTA – the gift is yours. I would say that you might contribute some to your mother for household expenses and keep the rest, but you and your mother would have to agree on the amounts. No more of “You’ve got money, I need it and will take it” from your mother! That’s no way to learn to handle money – not for you and not for her.
In some countries there are free (non-profit) credit counsellors who advise people of all income levels how to manage their money – you and especially your mother might benefit from seeing one of them. There are also more resources online, but as with any online resources, you have to be careful which ones you pick.
The less money you have, the more important it is that you learn to manage it well. That includes putting some aside on a regular basis, even if it’s only a tiny amount, rather than spending it all. Also – it’s important to avoid debt, especially credit card debt with its high interest rates.
NTA…Caring for her children is your mother’s responsibility. Yes, that can be difficult, but that doesn’t mean you owe her every cent given to you. You bought your books for the next year, which is a very reasonable use of money.
Your mom allegedly “pays for everything” yet you pay for your schoolbooks yourself? What the hell is she paying for then? And she says you won’t learn how to handle money (while she clearly can’t herself, lol), yet takes it away basically instantly if you do get some? How would you save up and learn how to be responsible with it if you don’t even get the chance? NTA.
NTA. Your mom is bad with money. And she is mooching off her children at this point. If possible try to get your own bank account (you will need it when you start working) and DON’T give your mom any access and don’t tell her about it. Put your saved money there or if that is not possible, hide it. Buy yourself something you like from a marekt place that would cost new about 100 € but used much less but tell your mom you spend all the money on that item. So she thinks you are broke again but you still have some of the money to save
Your mother chose to have children. It is not your fault that she picked a man who won’t take responsibility. I feel sorry for her because she is clearly stressed, but her behavior is wrong.
Like another commenter said, your uncles will have given the money directly to you because they must know your mother takes advantage of you.
It is incredibly hard for kids to say “no” to their parents, but that is what you need to learn to do. If you don’t, your mother will take everything you have and you will never be able to save for a life of your own.
You need to learn to ignore her complaining. I repeat: it’s OK to feel sorry for her that her life is hard. It is NOT OK to feel responsible for her. SHE is the parent. Not you. Do not listen to her when she asks for money. Don’t have a discussion with her because the more you say, the more she will argue and beg. Just walk away. Do NOT engage. Save your money for your education or a house or travel or a rental deposit. Good luck.
NTA. Your uncles are giving the money to you because they know if they give it to your mom you’ll never see a penny. Buying school books, clothes, food is your mom’s responsibility not the kids. You can buy whatever you want and it’s not “wasting” it just because your mom would use it for bills.
NTA. When relatives give money to a kid rather than to their parent, it’s because they want the kid to get to use the money to meet their own wants and needs. Growing up, the only way my parents ever “took” any money gifted to me was putting it in a safe place until I had figured out how I wanted to spend it. It was only for safekeeping, everyone still thought of the money as belonging to me.
Figuring out how to manage money is a combination of planning and delaying gratification. The only way to learn it is to practice it.
One of the best ways to start is to set yourself a “thinking period” for anything you don’t need right away. When you get the money and start thinking of all the things you want, make a list in order of priority and wait 30 days. Then go through your list and see if you have wanted the things on the list just as much as you did when you first got the money. That lets you establish whether a thing is a passing fancy that you only want in the moment or something you have a lasting desire for.
The other thing that is big is planning. When you know you might get money, stop and think about the likely expenses/things you will need or want money for that you know will be coming up before you are likely to get money again. Projecting your future financial needs is a hugely important part of managing money, because it’s easier to spend money wisely when you plan out where it needs to go. When you’re an independent adult, it mostly goes to the cost of living, and you have to budget all of your needs before you start spending on wants. Obviously you‘re not there yet, but you should still be doing the same kind of analysis. Are there things coming up where you’ll need to have money? Once you get through the needs, you start prioritizing the wants. Maybe a big want is buying your favorite musician‘s next album when it drops. Maybe it’s having some money to buy a birthday present for someone you love whose birthday is coming up soon. Etc. And then you figure out what is most important, the things you’ll really be bummed if you can’t afford them.
The third thing is to pay attention to where you end up frittering away money without meaning to. For a lot of people, this ends up being small things, like the odd takeout/takeaway/fast food or buying convenience store snacks or impulse buying random cheap things online that you don’t really need, etc. Things that feel good in the moment, but use up money that you find yourself regretting when you go for a big want and don’t have enough left. Figuring out if you’re doing that and if so, on what is the first step to not doing that and having money for the things you really want. (Then you just have to work on the self-discipline side, reminding yourself that giving in to your impulses means not getting what you really want, and passing up the impulse buy. That‘s the hard part for most people.)