I just want others thoughts on this. There’s a lot of backstory to this. I’ve been working since 14 and had an account with my mom where all the money was deposited. My parents got their first house when I was 18 and they used my money for the down payment without asking me or letting me know until I asked about that money closer to college. I thought it would be used for my college. At that time, I didn’t have a car or my own phone, since they were very strict.
I’m now mid 20s. I’ve since moved out with my bf and saving up to get our own house. I only have a few grands saved since I got too spend happy with the financial freedom. I also furnished my room, got a car, a phone, and cats. Also have college debt so there’s that.
My parents asked me recently for a loan from my saved up money. I was on the fence but ultimately declined to help them. They also acted very desperate like they need it urgently. They claimed they would pay me back but I just don’t trust them. They also tried every trick in the book, saying I owe them and they raised me, guilt tripping and the whole nine yards. Since then, they haven’t contacted me and vice versa. Was I in the wrong?
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I just want others thoughts on this. There’s a lot of backstory to this. I’ve been working since 14 and had an account with my mom where all the money was deposited. My parents got their first house when I was 18 and they used my money for the down payment without asking me or letting me know until I asked about that money closer to college. I thought it would be used for my college. At that time, I didn’t have a car or my own phone, since they were very strict.
I’m now mid 20s. I’ve since moved out with my bf and saving up to get our own house. I only have a few grands saved since I got too spend happy with the financial freedom. I also furnished my room, got a car, a phone, and cats. Also have college debt so there’s that.
My parents asked me recently for a loan from my saved up money. I was on the fence but ultimately declined to help them. They also acted very desperate like they need it urgently. They claimed they would pay me back but I just don’t trust them. They also tried every trick in the book, saying I owe them and they raised me, guilt tripping and the whole nine yards. Since then, they haven’t contacted me and vice versa. Was I in the wrong?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole since I declined helping my parents when they needed help. I feel like I’m being selfish here instead of being a good daughter.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, you invest how you want. If the bank will not loan them the money, then not likely a good investment.
Have they paid you back the house downpayment they “borrowed”?
NTA. Never ever give your family money. It’s never a loan. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for even asking.
NTA and so sorry to hear your parents would try to guilt trip you; heartbreaking. It’s hard, but sometimes we have to distance ourselves from family for our own sanity and well being. We don’t get to pick our parents, but we do get to decide who we surround ourselves with as adults. Stay strong and good luck on getting your own house.
NTA!!! They stole from you.
NTA. Your parents have already shown that they are not trustworthy around money because they stole from you, and you didn’t mention them paying that money back so it’s fair to assume that they didn’t. If you made a loan to them now, they wouldn’t pay that back either. You do not owe them anything for raising you. They chose to have you and that cost was an obligation they took on, not you. Stand firm, and if they don’t like it, that’s for them to deal with.
NTA. Please don’t cave to this manipulation. They truly don’t see you as anything more than their own investment. You deserve better.
Your parents either can’t qualify for a bank loan, or they’d prefer to take money from someone who can’t make them pay it back. Either way, you’d never see that money again.
And that “we raised you so you owe us” horseshit is a blockable offense. You didn’t ask to be born; they chose to have you. Even attempting that guilt trip is a filthy trick and should lead to an immediate loss of access.
NTA. Don’t let them punish you for being more responsible than they’ve ever been.
Absolutely NTA! The thought of parents using a kids college fund without permission is INSANE to me, not even including the fact that it was legitimately YOUR money. Let’s be real, kids don’t ask to be born. They’re born because the parents had a fun time (usually- obviously there are exceptions). You don’t owe them for doing their duty as a parent and raising you, especially considering they’ve already stolen from you. If they don’t contact you because you won’t fund their restaurant then do the even actually love and care for you? You are so 👏🏽 much 👏🏽 more 👏🏽 than a bank account and you deserve better.
Edited to add: I hope you show them this Reddit post or at least send the top comments to them. They should know that they’re behaving like shitty parents.
Nta. Live your life. You don’t owe or have an obligation
NTA.
Restaurants have an abysmal success rate. They don’t want a loan, they want a gift. And that’s what they’ll call it if you ever try to collect on it.
NTA, go no contact with narc parents.
NTA. They already used your money once without asking and it sounds like they did not pay you back or even apologize for that. You are under no obligation to give them a loan now especially when you are trying to save for your own future and dealing with debt. They can guilt trip all they want but that does not mean you owe them your savings. You did what was best for you and honestly their reaction kind of proves why you were right not to trust them with your money again.
NTA – but freeze your credit for now.
NTA banks don’t lend to robbers, why should you?
They stole from you already why give them a loan they will never pay back. I’d tell them u already owe me money why would I give you more? So I won’t see that money as well?
NTA. I just hate it when parents take financial advantage of their children!! And then to have another go at it!
NTA
Sounds like your parents still owe you your college money that they took from you. You shouldn’t even consider loaning them more (not that the first was a loan) until they’ve paid you back. If they can’t pay that back, why would they be able to pay even more back?
They’d be able to get a loan from the bank if their business plan was solid and they’d be likely to pay it back. And banks have more power to go after debt than you would. If a bank won’t take that risk, you shouldn’t either.
NTA, keep saving.
And hopefully you already have, but close the joint account you had with your mom and move all your money to a new account at a different bank that would be under your name only.
No your not wrong
Your are the responsible one in the family it seems
Please don’t let them guilt you into helping them
You owe respect and love to them but not money
NTA, your parents are thieves. I have investment accounts for my daughter (that only I contribute to) and once she’s 18 it’s hers. I would never in the least imagine to take that money and use it a payment for myself for raising her, that’s insane! You earned that money and they stole your property. I don’t know how much money it is but I would try to consult a lawyer because I would say you should have equal ownership in the value of that house. I know it’s drastic but it’s either that, cutoff contact or some type of family therapy to mend that relationship. So sorry you had to deal with that.
NTA they planned on stealing from you again.
Watch Dave Ramsey videos on YouTube. So many such cases and he keeps saying that it’s not the child’s moral responsibility to give back anything. He would be calling your parents multiple names for using your money earlier for their house itself.
NTA
Well, have they paid you back for the money they took before?
Let me guess… no
Even the legal courts rule against parents who try to sue their kids for raising them. They should not have used your money. they should not place the burden of raising you on you.
You owe them? So the wages you worked for as a kid were something else you owed them so they took it all? You owe them for their choice to birth free labour? Yeah nah.
NTA You don’t owe them a damn thing, least of all any more of your future.
NTA
How can your parents steal your college funds ?
That was a red flag abour how much they actually care about you.
Then they ask for money again when u don’t even live w them anymore and have your own life ?
Parents should never ask their children for money. Any real parent would have some kind of self respect. Parents teach and help their children. Not the other way around.
Tell them to first pay u back for the money they took for their house . Then after a few years.. u will think about it.
Also.. Parents should never use..I raised u bullshit.. children don’t owe parents anything. The child didnt ask to be born and raised. They had sex and had you. It’s their damn problem.
Don’t ever give them a dime. Your intuition of them every paying u back. Is correct.. they WILL never pay u back. They will say it was for raising you 😆
“When you pay me back the money you stole from me tk buy your home, is when I will loan you money again.”
I very much dislike parents who steal from their kids. They knew damn well that was your money and were selfish AH to steal it from you. I hope you have a stake in that house.
I wouldn’t even show up for the opening if they ever get it! I will go eat at a restaurant once a week next-door to theirs lol
Definitely NTA. Stand your ground. Don’t let them get to you.
NTA. “I’m not in a position to lend money now, but once I get repaid by you for the money taken from my savings account maybe then it could be considered.”
NTA
As a mother of 2 teenagers who work, your parents suck! My spouse and I started accounts for both kids when they were born, for college, or trade school, or just life. They now both have spending and saving accounts. They have to leave the $50 that we used to open the accounts. Other than that……its their money that they worked for. We are the parents. We provide for them. We do not steal from them.
Your parents stole your money. They have not acknowledged or apologized for that. You do not owe them for being born and provided for. That was their job. Do not feel guilty. They were not good parents.
NTA. Tell them you might think about a loan once they pay you back for the house down payment. You don’t owe shit financially for them raising you,
NTA if you cave in, you know you’ll be hit with the “we’re family” card
NTA. If your parents don’t have a few grand in liquid cash… that restaurant is already dead. You need months of liquid operating costs to start a restaurant before it’s going to be making money… if you are lucky.
Have they ever paid you back for the money they took for the house? I’m going to bet no.
General rule: never loan money to family. If you want to give it as a gift, go ahead… but never loan.
NTA. If your parents were in a position to pay back a loan the bank would give them one.
NTA. They have already stolen money from you, why give them more?
Listen. If they need money for their new restaurant then they have a financial problem, if you ‘lend’ them anymore, you can say goodbye to it
NTA
Tell them the money they took from you as a teenager was all you could afford to loan them.
They were required by law to provide for you.
NTA . You can loan them $$$ when they have paid you back. The money they stole from you.
Please tell me that you have changed banks, and they are no longer able to access your money.
Tell them they already bought a house with your money and the bank is closed. Also a restaurant is one of the fastest doomed businesses that fail . NTA.
Tell them they still owe you the money they stole for the down payment and you will not be their ATM
Dont give the any more penny from want you saved up for your collage’s ,and your parents have been using you and your money that money you saved up for collage’s ,by taking your money with out asking you first and that is not okay and then the ask you for more money and that is not okay the parents is the A-hole her.so are you the A-hole for not give the money so the could open the restaurant you want.
I say NTA
You owe them? For what? They chose to have you, its their JOB to raise you. Then they stole your money! They owe you, plain and simple.
NTA, run as fast as u can. if the issue is just being supportive of their ‘dream’, then you could help out in other ways than risking your own future. dont give in!
That would be a solid no. You’re saving for your house, because they didn’t save for theirs. A sad situation, but don’t feel bad for them. Why can’t they save money like you do?
Fuck your parents, you’re better than me. I’m assuming they never paid you back that money… I would have actually went no contact with them.
Did they pay you back for the down-payment? You don’t owe your parents just because they paid for you growing up. That’s the responsibility they took on when they started a family. You are NTA. Keep your money for your future. Your parents don’t seem very fiscally responsible.
NTA. It sounds like your parents don’t understand boundaries or sentience for that matter.
NTA – you paid them back when they stole your money to buy a house
NTA “I already unknowingly gave you a loan that you still have yet to pay back so why would I give you more money?”
NTA. You’d never see that money again. And don’t let anyone guilt you over this. You owe them nothing. They already stole from you.
NTA. Odds are they would have made it a nightmare for you to get your money back if you had given them the loan.
NTA. There are lenders, who have the skills to evaluate a request for a loan. They can review their income and costs and accurately calculate the person’s ability to pay it back.
You don’t have that ability. And, they may not, either. It’s in everyone’s best interests that your parents get the benefit of an professional evaluation before they run up this debt.
If the deal goes south it will damage your relationship with your parents, even more than saying ‘no’ to them. Your relationship is more important than being a lender. Any bank can be a lender, but you are their daughter. That’s what’s important.
They are manipulating you and emotionally abusing you. This calls into question their love for you. and it suggests that they know this is a bad loan. And, it makes clear their interest in you is what they can get out of you.
They are adults and responsible for their own finances. They’ve stolen enough money from you. The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself, because you cannot rely on them.
NTA
You do not owe your parents anything. It was their choice to have you. It is their responsibility to deal with their own finances.
I never lend money to family or friends. I either give it as a gift or not at all. The stress of expecting payback for both myself and the receiver is not worth it. If they cannot accept being told No, that is on them. You cannot set yourself on fire to save someone else.