Hey guys, so I’m 16 over the last year I’ve gotten myself a job and worked very hard at $13/h to save myself $9000. My parents are split and dad is living comfortably and decided to buy me a car which was $2000 meaning that I still have my 9k in my bank. Mum has asked me for multiple loans over the the year including a $2000 one, $1500, $750 and now a $2500 while she still owes $700 and is repaying roughly $100 per fortnight. She asked for the loan and I replied ‘do I have to say yes.’ She then got upset said she was going to bed. I texted ‘love you’ and she replied saying something like ‘I don’t think you’s really care at all’ and put a post on Facebook saying thy technology and laziness has taken over?
I work two 8 hour shifts every weekend over the morning and day along with a Friday shift and also do sports on Thursdays. When I come home there’s nothing, no backyard, no lounge, only a tv and my Xbox so obviously that’s the only thing to do. If I ask to go to a friends house she complains saying she’s not good enough so I never invite people over or go to their houses.
She makes stupid financial decisions like buying a car she can’t afford then selling it 2 months later, buying a French bulldog and comparing she has no cash and owes people money then comes to me for my help with repayments being the last of her priorities. She says I don’t spend time with her but there’s nothing to do other than watch tv and she goes on her phone. The money she asked for was to buy a lounge which she sold for quick cash and now want to buy a new one and wants my money saying she will repay me $100 per week meaning I will be repaid by jan-feb next year if she doesn’t ask for another loan which she definitely will around Xmas time.
She also gets jealous that we enjoy being at dads house and that he’s living comfortable, but she throws her life away making stupid financial decisions, saying she has no money but works minimal hours and I know she gets plenty of cash from child support + Centrelink. Then she says we don’t love her and comes begging for my money which i worked so hard to save for giving away every weekend and Friday to work for minimal wage.
I feel like I’m the asshole because I have the cash and it’s true that I don’t spend lots of time with her, but I guarantee I won’t be paid back until a few month into next year IF she doesn’t ask for more and follows repayments.
AITA for not giving her my money every time she asked which I have done up until now and not spending much time with her because of work, sports and because there’s nothing to do other than as I said watch TV which is boring.
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Hey guys, so I’m 16 over the last year I’ve gotten myself a job and worked very hard at $13/h to save myself $9000. My parents are split and dad is living comfortably and decided to buy me a car which was $2000 meaning that I still have my 9k in my bank. Mum has asked me for multiple loans over the the year including a $2000 one, $1500, $750 and now a $2500 while she still owes $700 and is repaying roughly $100 per fortnight. She asked for the loan and I replied ‘do I have to say yes.’ She then got upset said she was going to bed. I texted ‘love you’ and she replied saying something like ‘I don’t think you’s really care at all’ and put a post on Facebook saying thy technology and laziness has taken over?
I work two 8 hour shifts every weekend over the morning and day along with a Friday shift and also do sports on Thursdays. When I come home there’s nothing, no backyard, no lounge, only a tv and my Xbox so obviously that’s the only thing to do. If I ask to go to a friends house she complains saying she’s not good enough so I never invite people over or go to their houses.
She makes stupid financial decisions like buying a car she can’t afford then selling it 2 months later, buying a French bulldog and comparing she has no cash and owes people money then comes to me for my help with repayments being the last of her priorities. She says I don’t spend time with her but there’s nothing to do other than watch tv and she goes on her phone. The money she asked for was to buy a lounge which she sold for quick cash and now want to buy a new one and wants my money saying she will repay me $100 per week meaning I will be repaid by jan-feb next year if she doesn’t ask for another loan which she definitely will around Xmas time.
She also gets jealous that we enjoy being at dads house and that he’s living comfortable, but she throws her life away making stupid financial decisions, saying she has no money but works minimal hours and I know she gets plenty of cash from child support + Centrelink. Then she says we don’t love her and comes begging for my money which i worked so hard to save for giving away every weekend and Friday to work for minimal wage.
I feel like I’m the asshole because I have the cash and it’s true that I don’t spend lots of time with her, but I guarantee I won’t be paid back until a few month into next year IF she doesn’t ask for more and follows repayments.
AITA for not giving her my money every time she asked which I have done up until now and not spending much time with her because of work, sports and because there’s nothing to do other than as I said watch TV which is boring.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I being called an asshole because I didnt give my mum a loan when she asked for it and I feel like the asshole because she’s saying that I don’t love her or spend time with her even though I’ve given her loans every time she has asked and she’s paying me back less and less per week and asking for more
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You don’t owe her your money.
Holy crap i hope you are investing that money. Put it out of reach and to work for you! You are so young and obviously a hard worker.
NTA, and make sure you put away your money securely.
NTA!!!! That is YOUR money, not hers. YOU earned it. Listen friend, you’ve done something awesome here! You are setting yourself up for the future!! I couldn’t have done something like this at your age, so good job!! Keep your money, make sure she does NOT have access to it and don’t feel bad (no matter how hard it is). Please do not let her steal from you.
NTA but I don’t see this getting any less uncomfortable.
My mom used to ask me for loans, and it felt like I couldn’t say no. I started lying and hiding my money. Maybe tell her that your dad forced you to invest the money in a closed account to gather interest. Might as well do it for real, BTW haha
First of all, congratulations on saving $9,000 at your age, that’s really impressive.
I would use that money to save up for moving out when you’re 18. It’s not normal or healthy to give loans to your parents imo.
You can love you mom but she is a mess and is being financially abusive if she wants to borrow your money all of the time.
I would start paying her a small rent, something like 100-200 a month. This takes some edge of off her and offsets what you cost her. More importantly it limits things to a set amount and moves the target away from your savings. BTW, don’t have a joint checking or savings with her. She could get desperate and drain your account.
Subtract the loan payment from the rent until she is caught up.
Depending on a country, at 16, your parents probably have a legal duty to support you. Nothing to say about moral obligations. Not the other way around.
Focus on building your own life. Keep your money protected. Ask your father for support (including legal) if you are ever attacked.
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This is a terrible thing to tell a teenager but lie.
Tell your mom the car you received needs maintenance. It will by the way, and that you don’t have any money right now.
Make sure her name is not on any of your accounts. Also, if you have a good relationship with your dad, make sure he has your social security card, passport, birth certificate. If you don’t get a safety deposit box for those things.
Have your dad lock down your credit, so she can’t take out loans in your name.
I know too many parents who have done this. Legit if you met them, you would not believe they would do such a thing. They did.
Again, if your dad won’t help you, go to the school and find the finance /economics/ math teacher and ask them for help.
NTA. Stop giving your mother money. She is financially abusing you.
I hope your money is in an account with just your name on it.
NTA!! At 16yo, You are your parents’ responsibility and not the other way around. To guilt-trip you for a loan is absurd. She sure does not make sound financial decisions. That’s your hard-earned money and she can’t dictate what you do with it. Don’t tell her how much you earn or how much you’ve saved up. Congratulations on saving up that much! I couldn’t have done it when I was your age. That is awesome of you!
No more loans. Saving like that at your age is IMMENSELY impressive! I sure couldn’t have done it! I hope your mother doesn’t have access to your bank account, if so maybe change that ASAP.
NTA
Your mom is an asshole and is trying to guilt trip you. Move in your dad and ignore your mom. She’s using you. NTA
And as someone else said, lock down your credit so she doesn’t open accounts in your name.
Will your Dad help you invest your money?
Move in with your dad
NTA. I think you may want to ask the courts for your dad to have full custody
In my opinion:
I would probably go to live with my dad if that’s an option.
NTA. Your mum will keep wasting your money for as long as she can get it from you. Keep saving, only help her if it’s really necessary, like a medical bill. Or pay for more of your own stuff or give her some board every week if you feel guilty.
Your mother is a manipulator and not a role model you should learn from, and you should tell her this. Request she stop asking you for money, or you’ll go live with your dad and her child support goes with it
NTA – you may need to move to dad’s (if possible). Mom needs to learn to stand on her own 2 feet. If she is getting child support that will end very soon. Unless you plan on supporting mom for life.
So what would she be doing if you did not have a job. Who will she get$$ from. It is not your job to be moms ATM NTA
NTA. You’re not obligated to loan anyone money, especially someone who makes bad financial choices. Is there an option to stay with your dad full time if things get too awkward?
I love that she’s saying “laziness has taken over” when she’s the one mooching for a loan off her child 🤣 The lack of self awareness is top notch.
NTA. Dad’s gone so now you have to handle her refusal to manage finances appropriately? No. Tell mom she needs therapy, and keep your funds locked down. And, start making her sign repayment agreements, and no loans get issued while money is still owed. Run it like a bank
NTA. It sucks that she’s borrowing money from you, that needs to stop. What I find most concerning is where you say she complains you don’t spend time with her/gets jealous of you spending time with your dad. I say this to you as a mum myself; it is not your job to make her happy. It is not your job to keep the peace for her. You deserve to feel safe and loved, not manipulated and taken advantage of. It sounds like you’ve been working super hard, and you should feel proud of your achievements. Im proud of you, internet stranger! It also sounds like spending time with her is draining, and that is not your fault. I can’t tell you what to do, but I hope you’re able to make decisions that bring you peace.
for real tho, mom’s a whole mess. gotta do what’s best for you.
NTA. Unfortunately, you are dealing with a toxic, narcissistic mother. It won’t get any better. She will go out of her way to manipulate you. Do not lend her another penny. Are you able to move in with your dad? Because she will get worse.
NTA. I’d never borrow from my kids. I’m in my 40s and my mom still buys me things even though I don’t need her too, haha.
A for her manipulative texts- you’re a teenager. You’re supposed to be out with your friends. Learning how to make amd keep friends. Navigate complex relationships and find a place in the world. I too feel like I rarely see my teen. But he’s happy, healthy, with a great work ethic and large friend group. This is part of the way life is. Spend more time with your dad if you need to get away from the manipulation.
Dole bludger complains of hardworking son hating her for not being financially responsible 😂 NTA, run far away when you’re 18 and also flag it to your dad she’s begging
There’s something unusually good happening here: your mother is repaying your loans. That often doesn’t happen.
It does sound like she’s irresponsible with money, and it is good you are resolving not to live that way. Well done. At the same time you’re concerned about her and that is also good.
You’re right to refuse to loan her money. I respectfully suggest you ask your father, her ex-husband, for advice about how to navigate this. Not “listen to this crazy story about your ex”, but in a problem-solving way. If your mom’s household is legitimately short of money, maybe you and your dad can figure something out. At any rate he’ll give you an understanding ear.
Stop giving your mother money. It is downright shameful she’s even asking you. She’s the adult and she needs to grow up, stop making stupid choices and manage her own life. She can work more hours. She can stop making stupid decisions and above all, stop looking to her teenaged child to bale her out.
When you’re 18, she can ask for a reasonable rent but you can also choose to move out. Your money is for your future. You did the work to earn it and you have every right to keep it. Just because you have savings it doesn’t mean you can afford to “loan” it, especially when it’s. Likely you won’t be paid back. You never know when you’re going to need your savings..
Do not discuss how much money you have with anyone, especially your mother. Ask your Dad to intervene if you have too. Or, maybe better yet, tell her your Dad has invested the money for you so it’s unavailable.
NTA you owe her nothing. Stand your ground and learn to become comfortable saying no every time she begs. She’s a manipulator. Guilt tripping your own child is horrible!
NTA. It sounds like your parents split up due to your mom’s spending habits and impulsively… Congratulations on your hard work and financial discipline. Please see if you can live with your dad full-time. Good luck!
You don’t have to loan your mum money, but how much do you care for relationships with her? Because while you are in the right as she doesn’t get what she wants she sure as hell will get bitter and resentful towards you, and at some point will start badmouthing you left and right and making your life difficult. It’s sadly not unique.
If all you wrote is true and she spends frivolously and beyond her means, loans would hardly help, or rather they will prevent the resentment until you go broke and then she will start being resentful that you don’t work and help more.
You will not win it alone. It there any mediators among relatives she would listen to, to show her it’s not a normal situation and perhaps push her towards ways to be healthier in money matters? Maybe her parents, siblings?
If there’s virtually no way to change the situation frankly I’d try to minimise resentment by minimising contact and making sure she doesn’t know about your finances. Move to dads if you can? It will still be shitty but better than open warfare in your home.
Good luck, it’s a tough one. Be smart.
NTA. No parent should be guilt tripping their 16yr child in to loaning them money, especially large amounts. Your incredibly mature saving up your money when many your age would be spending it as soon as it hit the bank. Honestly you sound more mature than your mother. Look if she can’t save up and purchase the things she wants on her own she shouldn’t be buying them. You are not responsible for stumping up the money for her, even if she pays it back. You worked for that money, it’s yours she is not entitled to “borrow” it from you just because she’s your mother.
NTA. Please be kind but firm with your mum.
Tell her you can’t loan her money until shes paid back the outstanding one and tell her she needs to save towards whatever hse wants. Then you might be able to loan her half, not all of it.
I know you are the child, literally at 16, and she should be the mature one, but seems like you take after dad. Learning to save is such a huge life lesson, I’ve only just learnt myself.
Also, can you find things to do with mum so you get some quality time? Ask if rhe two of you can go out to eat. Enjoy a movie maybe? She knows you are pulling away as you grow and this money issue might be another way to keep you close.
Good for you for being so level headed!
NTA parents should not be dependent on their minor children for money. Your mom is failing to adult.
NTA. My parents never would have asked for such a thing and it’s not like they couldn’t have used the help, which I didn’t even realize at the time. It’s crazy to me to ask an16 year old for money as a parent. I will say this, when I loan money, I always go in expecting not to get it back. Doesn’t matter who I’m loaning it to.
NTA, first of all if no one has said it, I’m proud of you. Not a lot of 16yr olds have a job or a good saving plan. She’s the adult. Tell her you don’t have the money that you used it for maintenance on your car. Let this be a lesson, never tell family how much money you have. I’m 36, just paid my house but I have my mother and adult brother living with me and my mental health is hurting. I make over 100k a year and because of them I’m struggling
NTA – you have no requirement to give your money to her especially so frequently. If you really want to give her the loan, I think signing some sort of contract would make sense. Or do it through the bank. Anything to make sure she has to pay it back.
NTA. Most of us reach a point when we choose to establish boundaries with our parents, and unfortunately you’re experiencing that at an earlier age, which is really tough. As some other folks have said, it really sounds like it might be time to talk with your dad about more lasting solutions. At a minimum, I would ask him if he could open up an account under his name in which you could protect your money from your mom. And there may even be grounds here for asking the court to revisit the joint custody agreement. I’m sorry you’re going through this.