My sister and I will inherit 2 flats one day. They are similar and in the same city, but the one I will be getting is more central.
She told my parents that mine will be more expensive than hers and that we need to be strict about those kinds of things. They disagree and say we shouldn’t fight about money, also that it’s their own decision. However, she requests to hire someone who can estimate their exact value. The assumption here is that I should pay her the difference.
Now, here comes the funny part: she’s been living at the apartment that she’ll inherit for several years, rent-free, and can do this for the rest of her life. At the same time, I have been in another country. I’ve paid my own rent and tuition when I was studying, while she received a rent-free place, a major renovation from my parents, and free childcare once a week, a car etc. All of that are things I didn’t receive, and I don’t want because I’m an adult. A simple calculation shows they are worth a lot more than the difference in the price (3+ times).
AITA for not wanting to pay her the difference, either now or after decades?
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My sister and I will inherit 2 flats one day. They are similar and in the same city, but the one I will be getting is more central.
She told my parents that mine will be more expensive than hers and that we need to be strict about those kinds of things. They disagree and say we shouldn’t fight about money, also that it’s their own decision. However, she requests to hire someone who can estimate their exact value. The assumption here is that I should pay her the difference.
Now, here comes the funny part: she’s been living at the apartment that she’ll inherit for several years, rent-free, and can do this for the rest of her life. At the same time, I have been in another country. I’ve paid my own rent and tuition when I was studying, while she received a rent-free place, a major renovation from my parents, and free childcare once a week, a car etc. All of that are things I didn’t receive, and I don’t want because I’m an adult. A simple calculation shows they are worth a lot more than the difference in the price (3+ times).
AITA for not wanting to pay her the difference, either now or after decades?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that my sister is judging is not giving her from the difference of the inheritance and not agreeing to have the value of both flats estimated. That would make me the asshole because we’re brother and sister and inheritance should be equal.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You don’t owe her a dime.
NTA. Your Parents can distribute their assets however they chose .. Your Sister has absolutely no say
You chose to go overseas and do all that, you could’ve chosen the same option as your sister but you didn’t, you don’t get brownie points for “being an adult”. You sister actually made the wiser decision there anyway. Don’t be bitter, it’s not a good look. Yta
NTA. She’s already recieved a lot more than you. She’s just going to have to accept it. (Shouldn’t she be asking for half the difference?)
NTA
It is a gift from your parents, just like letting her live rent free for years. They may do with the flats as they please. That means they could just as easily given both to you and she could say nothing, or they could have given them to charity, again , that is THEIR right. So your sister is a greedy sibling but she has no right. You are NTA.
NTA. You could agree on the condition that her rent-free accommodation etc. is included in the calculations, though.
NTA; your sister is. You can send her an itemized list of what she has gotten so far if she persists.
NTA. So she has basically no expenses she has to pay on her own, and she is already worried about the hypothetical split of inheritance from your very much still alive parents?
She is either insanely greedy, has massive amounts of secret debt (addiction, gambling, etc), knows something about your parents health that you don’t, or all of the above. Regardless, she has no legal standing to make you pay the difference if your parents aren’t budging and you have no responsibility to do it either.
NTA but start putting together a list to compare side by side out of pocket. She’ll change her tune real quick
NTA. It’s up to your parents to distribute the properties how they wish.
NTA – I would go to mom and dad. I would say I would gladly give her the extra, but since I haven’t been living in the one I will get rent free, I think she needs to include that in my portion of the inheritance as she has had that “extra”.
Neither of you have any say in any of this. The properties belong to your parents and they get to decide what they want to do with it. Everything else money wise means nothing. They chose to no charge rent to your sister and not help you out financially now.
Just know that when your parents pass, you’re going to be in for a contentious estate fight bc it sounds like you both are going to be complaining about every little asset. So start saving money for lawyers fees.
NTA as a parent I can leave my assets to whomever I wish. The fact that your parents are leaving each of you a flat apx the same size is great! And she won’t even have to move. Should she wish a more central location she can sell hers and buy another
NTA. If she wants to play that game, I would tablet everything that she has received from your parents. Including free childcare.
Oh good grief. Y’all are both lucky to have this privilege! Most people don’t inherit homes free and clear, your sister needs to be thankful and stay where she’s at.
NTA
NTA
Sister can whine. Sister can expect. Sister can bean-count.
You don’t have to play her game. (Although I would have no problem with you warning her once that she might not want to play the bean counting game because she would – by her rules – need to add in the value of the renovations and free rent.)
The do not actually engage in counting money that does not belong to either of you at this time, money that – as your parents have rightly noted – is there a decision to allocate.
I can easily imagine that your parents have taken into account (1) the fact that your sister lives in the apartment she will inherit and (2) the money that she has already received from them. I can also easily imagine that they do not want either of you to get into nickel and diming their very generous gift or feeling entitled to something neither of you.
So, refuse to engage with your sister. When the time comes, you will each receive what your parents leave you. Is the will is as expected and the difference the property value is as expected… and your sister tries to come complain; you can ignore her. She cannot force you to give up anything and there is no legal claim she can make.
The decison have been made by your parent, not your sister. Your sister received hell of a lot more than you before.
She doesn’t like it? Too bad, so sad.
NTA
NtA. She feels entitled to more bc your parents are already funding her life.
Even if (and thats a huge if) she was to be paid the difference, it would only be at the time of both your parents death. Who knows when that will be, and what property prices will be like, maybe less central places will be more popular and worth more, maybe your building will be let go so the value decreases. Anything could happen that makes hers more valuable, so will she pay you if it swings the other way??
NTA It’s ridiculous and frankly money grubbing to demand this. Something might happen to your parents where they need to sell both apartments for money to live/pay for health care etc and then neither gets anything.
NTA – Because it’s your parent’s money to do whatever they choose. But is there a reason they plan to give you more but less to her. If that is because for eg. they do not trust her with finances – they may be right to make the decision. But if it is because of son vs daughter and they believe you are more precious than her, then they are not being fair. But either way, that doesn’t make you an ah.
Also, had you lived in your country, wouldn’t you too be able to live rent free?? If yes, it is not fair to hold that argument against her if you decided to move abroad.
Either way, whatever the reason, it is your parents make the decision on their money and not you. So you definitely, are not the ah.
NTA
If you want to be fair, put all that in the table. See what she says.
Yeah your nta and you should have a discreet convo with your parents where you say you will honor first and foremost their wishes but then outlay these exact arguments why your sister is over her ski’s
Isn’t she worried that if she keeps complaining about her inheritance while your parents are still alive that they’ll write her out of the will entirely?
You don’t owe her any potential differences. First world problem.
NTA. She wants it ALL.
She’s trying yo cut you our completely and your parents aren’t even dead.
Wait until they pass and see the real evil (GREED) appear.
Think you should present it as you have laid it out here. Also you can rent out yours to cover any renovations you want to do and then she won’t be paying half of it.
She will never agree with you but all you can do is present the facts on a logical way.
Not manipulated to her benefit