So a feral cat colony lives in my neighborhood, and I often trap them to be spayed/neutered. In December 2024 I trapped an adult tuxedo cat. I was planning on neutering and releasing him but he was so loving. I brought him inside for a flea bath and he would not stop hugging me. Like literally putting both arms around my neck. After taking him to the vet I saw he wasn’t neutered or microchipped and had tapeworms. I assumed he was a friendly stray who lived in the colony and kept him.
Fast forward nine months and a friend sent me a Facebook post on a local community page of a woman claiming she was missing her cat. A picture showed a male tuxedo and she even said he loved to give HUGS. I knew it was him because he has a distinct white spot in the middle of his forehead. I was shocked. She said she knew it was a long shot since he went missing in December but she was not aware of the lost pet Facebook page, only the local shelter who was not much help since he never made it there… he made it in my house instead.
I feel so guilty because she is probably thinking the worst happened to him. I wish I could tell her that he’s safe, but I know if I did she would want him back. My friend thinks giving him back is the right thing to do but he has the best home with me and has bonded with my cat and I. In the ladies post she said her four yr old daughter misses him and that he was their beloved outdoor/indoor cat. I truly feel bad for the owner’s daughter, however the woman does not sound like a good cat owner. It is not legal in our city to let your cats roam and it is extremely dangerous for them. Also, he was in bad condition and not neutered so I think it’s very irresponsible she was letting him outside to reproduce and expand the colony near our homes. He is just so happy with me and I would hate for him to end up missing/dead as a part time outdoor cat. So, am I the asshole for pretending like I never saw the post?
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So a feral cat colony lives in my neighborhood, and I often trap them to be spayed/neutered. In December 2024 I trapped an adult tuxedo cat. I was planning on neutering and releasing him but he was so loving. I brought him inside for a flea bath and he would not stop hugging me. Like literally putting both arms around my neck. After taking him to the vet I saw he wasn’t neutered or microchipped and had tapeworms. I assumed he was a friendly stray who lived in the colony and kept him.
Fast forward nine months and a friend sent me a Facebook post on a local community page of a woman claiming she was missing her cat. A picture showed a male tuxedo and she even said he loved to give HUGS. I knew it was him because he has a distinct white spot in the middle of his forehead. I was shocked. She said she knew it was a long shot since he went missing in December but she was not aware of the lost pet Facebook page, only the local shelter who was not much help since he never made it there… he made it in my house instead.
I feel so guilty because she is probably thinking the worst happened to him. I wish I could tell her that he’s safe, but I know if I did she would want him back. My friend thinks giving him back is the right thing to do but he has the best home with me and has bonded with my cat and I. In the ladies post she said her four yr old daughter misses him and that he was their beloved outdoor/indoor cat. I truly feel bad for the owner’s daughter, however the woman does not sound like a good cat owner. It is not legal in our city to let your cats roam and it is extremely dangerous for them. Also, he was in bad condition and not neutered so I think it’s very irresponsible she was letting him outside to reproduce and expand the colony near our homes. He is just so happy with me and I would hate for him to end up missing/dead as a part time outdoor cat. So, am I the asshole for pretending like I never saw the post?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took a stray cat from outside and later found out it was somebody’s cat. I don’t plan on returning him because he was in bad condition, but my friend believes I should return him. The previous owner says her daughter misses him but they were irresponsible owners and I believe it is not in his best interest to go back to their home. Some people think I should return him regardless because he was their cat first
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s not about them, it’s about the cat and he is better with you. Microchip him
YTA he’s not a stray he is her pet. Giving him back is the right thing to do
you’re not the asshole you gave him love safety and care she let him roam sick and unneutered he’s thriving with you,just follow your heart
NTA. Microchip him. She is an irresponsible pet owner.
YTA. it was irresponsible of her to let the cat escape, but cats are crafty. it could just as easily happen to you. she shouldn’t be punished by losing her baby forever just due to a mistake. and it isnt up to you to decide who’s a ‘good’ cat owner.
NTA-if they actually loved the cat and had the inclination and capacity to look after him he wouldn’t have been in such a state when you found him. Owners who don’t meet basic veterinary needs or have a pet microchiped shouldn’t be responsible for an animal’s life and welfare.
NTA. If he was indoor/outdoor and unaltered he wasn’t their beloved pet, he was their negligently supervised roommate.
NTA. it’s irresponsible to let your cats roam ESPECIALLY if they aren’t spayed/neutered.
NTA way too many people think cats just take care of themselves and all you do is feed them. Cats are living beings not just property and they need proper medical care. She didn’t even get him neutered which is so terrible for an outdoor male cat as they will get into fights with other males.
NTA, anybody who has an un-spayed/neutered cat that they allow to free roam is not an actual pet owner, the cat is better off with you.
NTA, keep him. Letting your cat simply roam outside, especially your un-neutered cat is a really bad idea. There’s already enough stray cats, we don’t need to contribute more to that problem. Cats are also bad for the bird population, and it’s very easy for your cat to come up missing or dead if you allow them to just roam wherever. Considering that the cat had tapeworms and wasn’t in good shape indicates that it was neglected. The previous owner was a bad owner. Keep that cat.
NTA. If you could figure out a way to let her know her cat is safe without stirring up trouble, you should try. Unfortunately I can’t think of how that could be done.
Edit: While lack of microchip and spaying does indicate bad ownership, in fairness, it’s possible that heath issues happened while he was lost.
Illegally free roaming, unaltered and unchipped? Functionality, that cat was abandoned.
NTA. I was a child whose beloved indoor/outdoor cat disappeared. Now, I’m an adult who knows better than to let a cat roam, and who has seen a 7 month old kitten whose owner let her roam get hit by a car right in front of me (she had to be put down according to the nextdoor post i found afterwards).
I have no idea what happened to my cat. I spent years wondering. I sincerely hope someone kept him (any alternative is so much worse), and if i somehow managed to learn that they did, I would honestly be grateful to them for giving him a good life rather than giving him back, because he would have been allowed to remain an indoor/outdoor cat and may have died or experienced awful things because even at that age, I didn’t think it was right, and my mom insisted that no cat she owned would be an indoor only cat.
Someone who is irresponsible enough to let their cat roam free, unchipped, and intact and under whose care he had untreated tapeworms is not someone who should have a cat. I feel sorry for her child, but what matters most is the well-being of the cat, and the cat is much, much safer and better off with a responsible owner who takes care of him. He’s very lucky that you found him. If you give him back, he might not be so lucky next time.
Do not this poor excuse for a pet owner that kitty. You paid to have him fixed, which she couldn’t be bothered to do. Or to keep him in the house. NTA. Get him microchipped and tell your friend to mind their own business. They aren’t using their critical thinking skills
NTA it’s not about you or her or even her daughter. It’s about the cat, and the cat is better off with a non-neglectful owner who will keep it inside and get it proper medical care. Make sure you get YOUR cat chipped and keep your vet bills.
oooh… an ADULT male, un-neutered, with tapeworms, missing in December, found and vet treated in December… nuh uh. Do not engage.
eta: NTA
Unfortunate YTA because there is simply not enough info to conclude she is a bad cat owner, other than she lets her cat roam un-neutered (which is dumb). I understand where you are coming from and it sounds like you are taking good care of the cat but your guilt knows the answer…
NTA. The previous owner was obviously neglecting the car and being irresponsible. Her keeping the cat would make it miserable and unhappy, it’s better at a safe loving home 🙂
Look, it’s kind of an asshole move to keep the cat and not tell the owner, but I think it’s completely justifiable. You couldn’t tell her without her demanding the cat back. And I don’t think you should give the cat back. The cat has settled in as has a good life with you.
The woman was a bad pet owner for not neutering or microchipping her cat. Perhaps this will teach her a lesson because feral cats are a huge issue environmentally and her negligence effects the native flora and fauna, not to mention the poor cats themselves.
Ultimately, NTA. Good on you for the work you’re doing, and for giving tuxedo kitty a loving hand caring home.