i (32f) work in marketing at a hotel. every year, during festive season, it’s customary for someone from our team to come back to the hotel during christmas – usually to take photos for social media and also for internal documentation, i.e. christmas special buffets, high teas, santa clauses running around, bands and live music, etc. it’s a busy period, so it’s not unusual for annual leave to be denied esp if it’s submitted late.
for me, i always make it a point to apply for leave early. in fact, i do it as early as april/may. christmas is and has always been important to me. i don’t travel and i don’t have kids, but i always spend christmas with my partner and his family. they’re eurasian so christmas has always been a huge part of their family tradition.
it’s a bustling affair starting as early as the week before. for the past few years, i’ve always taken leave on 24 dec to help with pre-feast cooking, cleaning and decorating; on 25 dec for the huge all-day celebration (this year my boyfriend and i are tasked with the turkey, so that’s even worse!); and as celebrations usually end late in the night (as late as 3am), i usually take 26 dec off so i don’t have to wake up at 6am to head to work groggy-eyed.
not to mention, my partner’s birthday falls on 29 dec, so if my boss allows, i typically take leave all the way from 24 dec to 1 jan.
this year, one of my coworkers (she’s in her late 30s, has two young kids, one of which has special needs) asked if i could give up my leave so she can spend christmas with her family and kids.
i told her i already planned and applied for the leave months ago (and it’s approved and in the system), and i cannot give it up. she didn’t push it then, but a few days later, a co-worker came to tell me that she’s been going around complaining to everyone that i am “selfish” and “inflexible” and people with kids just “don’t get it”.
i get it that parents have it tough, but christmas also means a lot to me. just because i don’t have kids doesn’t make the holidays matter any less. AITA for the way i responded to her?
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i (32f) work in marketing at a hotel. every year, during festive season, it’s customary for someone from our team to come back to the hotel during christmas – usually to take photos for social media and also for internal documentation, i.e. christmas special buffets, high teas, santa clauses running around, bands and live music, etc. it’s a busy period, so it’s not unusual for annual leave to be denied esp if it’s submitted late.
for me, i always make it a point to apply for leave early. in fact, i do it as early as april/may. christmas is and has always been important to me. i don’t travel and i don’t have kids, but i always spend christmas with my partner and his family. they’re eurasian so christmas has always been a huge part of their family tradition.
it’s a bustling affair starting as early as the week before. for the past few years, i’ve always taken leave on 24 dec to help with pre-feast cooking, cleaning and decorating; on 25 dec for the huge all-day celebration (this year my boyfriend and i are tasked with the turkey, so that’s even worse!); and as celebrations usually end late in the night (as late as 3am), i usually take 26 dec off so i don’t have to wake up at 6am to head to work groggy-eyed.
not to mention, my partner’s birthday falls on 29 dec, so if my boss allows, i typically take leave all the way from 24 dec to 1 jan.
this year, one of my coworkers (she’s in her late 30s, has two young kids, one of which has special needs) asked if i could give up my leave so she can spend christmas with her family and kids.
i told her i already planned and applied for the leave months ago (and it’s approved and in the system), and i cannot give it up. she didn’t push it then, but a few days later, a co-worker came to tell me that she’s been going around complaining to everyone that i am “selfish” and “inflexible” and people with kids just “don’t get it”.
i get it that parents have it tough, but christmas also means a lot to me. just because i don’t have kids doesn’t make the holidays matter any less. AITA for the way i responded to her?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) i told my colleague that i won’t give up christmas holidays because i want to spend it with my partner & his family
2) she has family and her kid has special needs, and she says that i can easily take another day off because i don’t have kids
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, having kids does not affect her ability to submit her leave request on time
NTA – if its a first come, first served basis then its not your fault that you got in there first. Personally, i book all the important holidays on the first day of the year to avoid this situation (usually my birthday and Christmas). This is definitely a case where the saying ‘Failure to prepare on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part’
NAH, but any employer who is open 24/7 needs to distribute holidays off on a rotating basis, so it’s not always the same person. It’s true that it isn’t fair that you always get it, but you can’t be blamed for working a broken system.
I mean I’m not going to call you an AH for putting in your vacation early and requesting the time off, but your company kinda is.
If x-mas is a holiday someone MUST work then it should be more of a rotation than a first come first serve.
It sounds like you’ve been getting the holiday off which is great, but if I had to work every x-mas because my co-worker put in a request in January, that seems crazy to me.
Xmas is a big family affair for everyone so nothing you said is unique or special.
Doesn’t make you selfish though…
I’ll got with NAH except the company..
NTA
First come, first served.
A lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part.
NTA. You’ve done everything by the book – including applying for leave early enough – to have the time off so that you can spend the time with your partner and family. If your coworker’s leave request was turned down, then she should either appeal to her manager or, next year, apply early enough that she gets approved.
Her “having children” argument is becoming less and less convincing. First of all, that is no excuse for her bad planning. Secondly, participation in your chosen family’s rituals is every bit as important to you as is hers.
NTA. In terms of fairness and workplace etiquette, you’re in the clear.
Being child-free doesn’t mean being perpetually “available” to cover holidays. Calling you “selfish” behind your back is not okay. If she had just accepted the no and moved on, you might have felt some sympathy. But weaponizing guilt is a surefire way to lose the moral high ground.
You planned ahead. You got your leave approved. That’s exactly how responsible time-off planning is supposed to work.
NTA, you shouldn’t have to give up your leave just because she has kids and you don’t, I hope your co-workers stand up to her fir you, and dues she ask everyone who has leave to swap
How many Christmas holidays in a row have you had off?
NTA – but I kind of see a bit of unfairness that you are able to book all of it but that’s the way your work do it
Where I work noone is allowed a full week Christmas or new year weeks but everyone gets to take 1 or 2 days if they want them
Unless you are going away I probably would offer to work 27/28 for her to have those off
NTA. Lack of foresight and planning on her part is not your problem.
NTA. She knew she had kids all year.
NTA she needs to book her leave the moment she can to beat you to the punch. If she doesn’t, then that’s on her.
Nta it is first come first serve. However you’ll probably find she’s booking next year off in advance. So you’ll miss out.
I think your company is at fault tbh. If multiple people want Xmas off it should be based on rota so it’s fair.
NTA because your work allowed this but definitely not fair and rather selfish.
My work doesn’t allow this. The only way you can have holidays the same time every year is if no one else applies for it at all plus we can only apply in quarterly increments to make it fair for everyone. If others apply then you can have it every 2-3 years.
Yo, you’re totally NTA here! You’ve got every right to hold onto your Christmas leave, especially since you planned it like a boss back in April/May. That’s some next-level organization, and it’s not your fault your coworker didn’t get her ducks in a row. Christmas is a big deal for you and your partner’s family, with all the cooking, decorating, and that turkey you’re tackling—sounds like a legit full-on holiday marathon! Plus, with your partner’s birthday on the 29th, that whole week is your vibe, and you deserve to soak it up.
I always loved the entitled people who think having children places them higher on the priority list over those that don’t. Especially when it comes to holidays. News flash, most people want to spend time with their loved ones at the holidays!!!! Don’t shame others because they do not or cannot have children. They still have significant others and families too.
Maybe you get this year off but they get next year and have to work.
Sounds like you regularly take this time off and it’s unfair to other people. For the same reasons it’s special to you it’s also special to them. You took last year, maybe you could be flexible
NTA but she is. She is not entitled to skip common procedures to get what she wants only because she has kids.
Her talking bad about you is just disgusting. I’d probably complain to your supervisor about her throwing dirt behind you back.
NTA, but… usually Christmas leave is on a rota, so if you get Christmas Day off one year you work the other, that’s pretty standard in hospitality and feels pretty fair. Ok you can game the system and apply super early every year, great you always get Christmas off. Your co worker isn’t a poor planner, it’s only July. This is a weird and pretty unfair set up, it works out great for you but for no one else
Nta. You had the for thought to put in early for the leave. If she wanted leave she could’ve done the same.
Nta the company approved your leave.
That’s a frustrating system. If management is aware that coverage is required over Christmas, they ought to implement something more fair than a “first come, first served” approach.
ESH.
From your comment, it appears you were off last Christmas. I don’t think it’s right that you get to be off two years in a row.
Perhaps you and your team could discuss a balanced way to allocate days off, so everyone gets the opportunity to spend meaningful time with their families.
(I work in a role that requires working over Christmas. My colleagues and I divide the time up so everyone gets a break).
Your colleague is an AH for speaking about you behind your back. That’s not acceptable.
As for your employer, it’s disappointing that such a terrible system was put in place. They are the biggest AH in this whole story.
Edit – I think it’s stupid that you and your team are required to work to take pictures. Your company is the biggest AH by far.
nta, those kids did not pop up this year, she could have taken her paid leave earlier