My friend (32f) recently got married, and I (32f) stayed at her place to help with her wedding because she didn’t have other friends or family there. My husband (31m) was supposed to join us for dinner that evening after flying back from overseas. We’d been together the week before, but I flew home earlier. However, he couldn’t/didn’t come because we couldn’t get assigned parking and he refused to street park.
Later that night, he called and asked me to leave my friend’s place and come stay with him instead. I felt it was important to stay as it was her wedding day, I’d promised her, and it was already late. Plus, I figured we’d see each other the next morning. Although I missed him and felt bad, I thought I was making the right choice and that he could manage one night alone for such an exceptional occasion. Still, I could tell he was upset that I didn’t change plans.
The next morning, he was supposed to pick me up, but we hadn’t set a specific time. I woke up around 6 am, saw no calls or texts, fell back asleep, and woke again at 9 am — still nothing. I didn’t call him either because I assumed he might be resting after his long journey. When I checked Facebook Messenger, I saw he’d messaged earlier that morning saying he wanted to come get me. My social media notifications are muted, which he knows, but he said he forgot. I called him right away, but he sounded cold and angry and told me to take an Uber to his brother’s place where he was staying.
I explained it would be hard for me to Uber with three big suitcases, especially since it was raining, and asked him to come pick me up. He was also supposed to say hi and congratulate my friend. But he said I’d slept too long, it was now too late, there was too much traffic, and he didn’t want to drive 40 minutes. So I managed to get an Uber with a big enough trunk and made it there myself. It felt like I was being punished for not following his plan the night before.
I hardly ever see this friend — maybe once a year — and this was her big day, preplanned well in advance.
Later, this turned into an argument. He said I prioritized my friend over him and felt hurt that I didn’t leave immediately when he asked, claiming he’d needed me that night because he was tired (which he hadn’t told me before). I felt torn because he’d originally agreed to the plan, and I thought it was unfair to leave my friend on her wedding night after I’d promised to stay. I felt like I was just trying to balance both relationships.
Since then, things have been tense. My husband still feels I chose my friend over him, while I feel he changed plans last minute and was inflexible. I apologized and told him that if I’d known it would become such a huge issue, I would’ve tried to leave that night. I also told him it was a big miscommunication on both sides. But he still won’t let it go and insists I admit I was completely in the wrong.
So, AITA for not leaving to be with my husband?
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My friend (32f) recently got married, and I (32f) stayed at her place to help with her wedding because she didn’t have other friends or family there. My husband (31m) was supposed to join us for dinner that evening after flying back from overseas. We’d been together the week before, but I flew home earlier. However, he couldn’t/didn’t come because we couldn’t get assigned parking and he refused to street park.
Later that night, he called and asked me to leave my friend’s place and come stay with him instead. I felt it was important to stay as it was her wedding day, I’d promised her, and it was already late. Plus, I figured we’d see each other the next morning. Although I missed him and felt bad, I thought I was making the right choice and that he could manage one night alone for such an exceptional occasion. Still, I could tell he was upset that I didn’t change plans.
The next morning, he was supposed to pick me up, but we hadn’t set a specific time. I woke up around 6 am, saw no calls or texts, fell back asleep, and woke again at 9 am — still nothing. I didn’t call him either because I assumed he might be resting after his long journey. When I checked Facebook Messenger, I saw he’d messaged earlier that morning saying he wanted to come get me. My social media notifications are muted, which he knows, but he said he forgot. I called him right away, but he sounded cold and angry and told me to take an Uber to his brother’s place where he was staying.
I explained it would be hard for me to Uber with three big suitcases, especially since it was raining, and asked him to come pick me up. He was also supposed to say hi and congratulate my friend. But he said I’d slept too long, it was now too late, there was too much traffic, and he didn’t want to drive 40 minutes. So I managed to get an Uber with a big enough trunk and made it there myself. It felt like I was being punished for not following his plan the night before.
I hardly ever see this friend — maybe once a year — and this was her big day, preplanned well in advance.
Later, this turned into an argument. He said I prioritized my friend over him and felt hurt that I didn’t leave immediately when he asked, claiming he’d needed me that night because he was tired (which he hadn’t told me before). I felt torn because he’d originally agreed to the plan, and I thought it was unfair to leave my friend on her wedding night after I’d promised to stay. I felt like I was just trying to balance both relationships.
Since then, things have been tense. My husband still feels I chose my friend over him, while I feel he changed plans last minute and was inflexible. I apologized and told him that if I’d known it would become such a huge issue, I would’ve tried to leave that night. I also told him it was a big miscommunication on both sides. But he still won’t let it go and insists I admit I was completely in the wrong.
So, AITA for not leaving to be with my husband?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I stayed at my newly wed friend’s place as planned before instead of leaving to be with my husband
2. It might make me an asshole because he travelled overseas and although he was supposed to join me at my friend’s place, he couldn’t do so because of the parking shortage.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your husband sounds selfish and manipulative throughout this entire story, beginning with refusing to come to dinner with you and your friend because he didn’t want to street park.
Ohhh he chose to use FB Messenger knowing you wouldn’t see it. He didn’t forget. This is super manipulative, petty bs. NTA.
He needed you because he was tired? The fuck?
NTA. He needed you home because he was tired? He is a grown man and can put himself to bed. You have done nothing wrong. There was no emergency, he wasn’t really sick or injured, he was fine at home alone.
I’ve been with my husband for 13 years, we have an 8yo. If I had a pre-planned night over at my friends, he would be fine at home alone. God, even if my besty called and it was an emergency and needed me to stay overnight my husband would be all about support us and checking if we needed anything as well. None of this bullshit your husband is pulling.
At best your husband is being whiny, entitled, and childish. At worst he is being manipulative and is continuously punishing you for not immediately dropping your plans the moment he demanded.
NTA
NTA
Let baby throw his tantrum. How unattractive.
Control, control, control 🤢
He needed you because he was tired? Are you his mommy? He’s an adult. If he’s tired he can go to bed. There’s nothing, outside of an actual emergency, that should’ve kept you from following through with your promises to your friend. He’s treating you like property and making everything about himself. It comes down to his inability to self regulate when he doesn’t get his way and instead of dealing with his feelings himself he’s projecting them onto you and punishing you. You aren’t his child, his personal assistant, his parent, etc. He can’t set expectations for you that he never actually communicates and then get mad when you don’t meet them. Definitely NTA and that whole man needs to be thrown away.
This story doesn’t add up for me. If it’s her wedding day, why did you not mention about attending. Haven’t seen your friend in a year, and magically, you’re there to help her on her wedding day. If she had been married the night before, why was OP staying to help her? You’d think her new spouse would be spending time with the bride. If she’s getting married the next day, why isn’t OP attending? This sounds like rage bait to me. I feel bad for the husband a little. He just got back from a long trip, and you expected him to meet you 40 minutes away for dinner just so he could come back the next day to pick you up. And was it really that difficult to find an Uber that will fit some suitcases?
Nta
You NEVER see your friend and it was her fuxking wedding day! Enough said. Him pouting and not picking you up is him not supporting you or backing you up. He knows how important this day is and he doesn’t care. Hes such a fucking baby dude
Do you really want the rest of your life to be like this? He’s extremely immature
NTA your husband sounds like a manipulative AH however.
Ew. What made you marry this guy?
Does he always demand your attention when you are doing something important to you? Is he a big ass baby all the time? Good grief.
NTA. You newly weds have your whole lives to live together. You can stay a night with your friend
NTA
imagine having a husband this manipulative….
NTA
He needed you because he was tired? Are you his blankie? WTF?!
And if he is so desperate to see you, he can come pick you up!
The only thing you did wrong was apologizing to this creature you married.
Is it legal for you to marry a 12 year old🙄
Very nta. He needed you because he was tired? Did he need you to change his diaper&give him a blankie too? He knew your plans so if he couldn’t handle it he should have stayed home. You don’t become attached at the hip when you marry.
NTA. So over men acting like children because the women in their lives don’t do literally everything they want immediately.
NTA but your husband is.
claiming he’d needed me that night because he was tired
Is he incapable of putting on his jammie wammies and getting into bed without you?
Absolutely not. Your husband is being a big baby
NTA. And I usually don’t like saying this and cringe when I see it posted, but….. LEAVE NOW! This is absolutely crazy controlling behavior. It’s your friend’s wedding. There’s no “choosing” her over you. It’s her special day. I can’t imagine doing this to my wife. What a selfish prick your husband is
‘You prioritized your friend over him’
Yes, you did. Rightfully so. Your friend you see once a year was getting married, and he was….tired? Like…what the fuck?
NTA
NTA. He only wanted you home because it’s a control thing. Is he always this manipulative? You are his wife not his child. This was an important day for you because you love and care about your friend. He sounds very immature and insecure. You might want to consider therapy if this is a common behavior.
Yes! You are most definitely an AH!
You did prioritize your friend over your husband!
Sounds like a selfish excuse.