For context, I just graduated high school and my Dad wanted to give me a gift to spend time with me. Originally he wanted to take me to Israel and not inform me at all that he was going to just randomly fly us to Israel for about ten-ish days. My step mom was kind enough to warn me of his idea before he actually went through with it, I obviously had an issue of not being told anything about this trip since I needed to schedule and attend a few events for school, work, and plan things with my friends. We fought for a few days and settled on a short cruise to the Bahamas but my Dad kept trying to make me choose another trip which I refused because it just wasn’t possible with two trips already planned for that summer.
Fast forward to my graduation dinner with all my family, my Aunt and Nana gifted me a ten day trip to France in the middle of July right after visiting my home town. (Little context these two have made every summer of my life revolve around them, on multiple occasions they dismissed or ignore the opinions of others so they could do what they wanted with me and my sister. Going so far to practically kidnap us, and fly us across the country without either parents knowledge when we were little) I was appreciative of the gift, knowing it must have cost a lot, but I was worried about work, school events, and plans I had made with my friends. I fought with my Dad over this, he dismissed my concerns and just told me to think about it. Well I did, and in this process I learned they were very aware that I did not want a second big trip for the summer and ignored that fact and still planned this very long trip. Also taking me away from home just a few weeks before college starts would have put an unbearable amount of stress on me.
I kindly explained to them that I would not be going on the trip and I would be happy to pay them back, my reasoning was that they were making a trip that was for me about them and not even acknowledging my opinion. No activities were for me, or even in my interests which they were highly aware of. Of course they got really mad, I would be too, and I understood their frustrations, until they scheduled a FaceTime call with me. During that face time they made me reexplain myself twice, and then twisted my words to make it sound like I resented everything they’ve done for me. I told them that they were taking it the wrong way and they blew up. Crying, yelling, belittling me, going so far to tell me I needed to seek therapy. Atp I was fed up and ended the call asap. My Dad hears about all of this and thinks that I had been some ungrateful brat, we fought, saying that if I don’t go my aunt will cut me off and treat my little siblings worse and it will extend to my step moms side of the family and I would be ‘tearing a family apart’. This then turned into him trying to take my phone, car, and implying if I didn’t go to France I’d be essentially kicked out of my house. Aita for not going?
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For context, I just graduated high school and my Dad wanted to give me a gift to spend time with me. Originally he wanted to take me to Israel and not inform me at all that he was going to just randomly fly us to Israel for about ten-ish days. My step mom was kind enough to warn me of his idea before he actually went through with it, I obviously had an issue of not being told anything about this trip since I needed to schedule and attend a few events for school, work, and plan things with my friends. We fought for a few days and settled on a short cruise to the Bahamas but my Dad kept trying to make me choose another trip which I refused because it just wasn’t possible with two trips already planned for that summer.
Fast forward to my graduation dinner with all my family, my Aunt and Nana gifted me a ten day trip to France in the middle of July right after visiting my home town. (Little context these two have made every summer of my life revolve around them, on multiple occasions they dismissed or ignore the opinions of others so they could do what they wanted with me and my sister. Going so far to practically kidnap us, and fly us across the country without either parents knowledge when we were little) I was appreciative of the gift, knowing it must have cost a lot, but I was worried about work, school events, and plans I had made with my friends. I fought with my Dad over this, he dismissed my concerns and just told me to think about it. Well I did, and in this process I learned they were very aware that I did not want a second big trip for the summer and ignored that fact and still planned this very long trip. Also taking me away from home just a few weeks before college starts would have put an unbearable amount of stress on me.
I kindly explained to them that I would not be going on the trip and I would be happy to pay them back, my reasoning was that they were making a trip that was for me about them and not even acknowledging my opinion. No activities were for me, or even in my interests which they were highly aware of. Of course they got really mad, I would be too, and I understood their frustrations, until they scheduled a FaceTime call with me. During that face time they made me reexplain myself twice, and then twisted my words to make it sound like I resented everything they’ve done for me. I told them that they were taking it the wrong way and they blew up. Crying, yelling, belittling me, going so far to tell me I needed to seek therapy. Atp I was fed up and ended the call asap. My Dad hears about all of this and thinks that I had been some ungrateful brat, we fought, saying that if I don’t go my aunt will cut me off and treat my little siblings worse and it will extend to my step moms side of the family and I would be ‘tearing a family apart’. This then turned into him trying to take my phone, car, and implying if I didn’t go to France I’d be essentially kicked out of my house. Aita for not going?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to go to france, and i might be the asshole because my family spent money on it.
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r/firstworldproblems
ESH – them for making plans for you without asking, you for being unappreciative of their generosity
Has your family always been this manipulative? Are you considered an adult? You need to stick to your guns as this manipulation will never end if you don’t. You offered to pay them back. That is enough. Where is your mother on this? Your Dad is the problem here.
You’re not wrong for wanting a say in your own life. It’s exhausting when people give ‘gifts’ that are really just ways to control you, then call you ungrateful when you push back. You weren’t rude, you weren’t unkind you just didn’t go along with something that didn’t feel right. That doesn’t make you the villain. It makes you someone who knows their limits, and that’s something to be proud of.
NTA a gift is something that YOU want, on a schedule that appreciates YOU. This all sounds like everyone in your life just likes to throw big ticket items at you as a way to control you. And if you dare to say anything back, they use it’s cost to beat you down and label you as “ungrateful.” My graduation present to all of my niece’s were trips. One’s planned with their schedule and input. My niece, who just graduated, has a more up in the air timeline. So nothing has been planned, but she has an IOU from me that never expires. Why? Because this is HER gift and she gets to decide how this unconventional gift gets used.
yta divorce
NTA.
You can go about this 3 ways. One is to absolutely refuse. Find some friends or family willing to let you stay with them while you look for work, go to university as planned in fall and pay your own way while you attend college. Make up with your dad at a later date.
2 you can say “fine I’ll go” and be completely lying. Stay at home while you work to break their hold on your future.
3 you can capitulate and go.
Good luck with your decision.
NTA. Not at all.
Your family is being incredibly manipulative and dismissive of your needs, boundaries, and autonomy.
They ignored your plans and concerns. You had work, school events, and personal commitments. A 10-day international trip isn’t something you spring on someone without their input, especially right before college. They also knew you didn’t want another big trip but planned it anyway, proving this was about their desires, not yours.
Oh no people keep buying me trips, what a hard life. Seems like they also bought your car and phone too.
I dunno man, I can’t seriously make it through this post – you sound very spoiled. You’re NTA but you’re also not actually experiencing a real issue here.
It sounds like you should be going. Either to France or out of the house. Depending on who is paying for college and your ability to self support. If we can’t afford to live I. Our own cage we have to make the best of the gilded one offered.
Who’s giving whom? Your aunt and your Nana are very generously giving you a free trip to France, but it’s not exactly a gift. In exchange they want YOU to give THEM 10 days of your time, which it sounds like you’ve allocated to other things. They should have asked you first: “We want to celebrate your graduation by taking you to France for 10 days and spending time with you before you go off to college. Here’s when we would go, here’s where we would go, here’s what we would do. Would you like to come? If you can’t make it, we’d like to do something else that YOU want and would appreciate.”
NTA.
Not an asshole. They’re being manipulative block them stop talking to them.
YTA. If it cost 5 dollars to go around the world I wouldn’t make it out the driveway. Just go on the trip. Figure out a job after.
You’re trying to transition to adulthood and your parents are trying to keep you a child. I get it’s your last summer before college. And you would like to focus on your friends as you will be split up come fall. But your family really wants to do this. I would compromise. Go to France and while you’re in France make sure you are working on your plans for college. 10 days is not forever. You will be back home before you know it.
NTA. They’ll get over it.