My (M23) brother (20) is getting married. Months ago, he said kids were not allowed. Fine, no problem. He mentioned my daughter (3) being a flower girl which would mean she could attend by participation. He said he discussed it with his fiancé (20) and she said no but my daughter could attend. We (my fiancé and I) purchased the (dress coded) attire for the 3 of us and traveled 10 hours for a weekend with our daughter. The day before, my brother calls to say that my daughter cannot come. I decided not to go. Not because my daughter was not welcome but because I was told the day before, after traveling 10 hours with a toddler. We did not have arrangements for a sitter and felt it was very disrespectful to expect that we could get one in a day, especially since we do not live in the area and haven’t since our daughter was born so while she has visited with people a couple of times over her life, she doesn’t KNOW them on an everyday basis. My whole family would be at the wedding and my fiancée’s parents live hours away from the event. Should I have went anyway and left my daughter and fiancé or did I make the right decision? For context, I believe my brother was afraid to tell me sooner because he thought I wouldn’t come if she wasn’t able to come but my fiancé and I had already discussed what we could arrange if she wasn’t able to go, whether that be going by myself or our daughter staying with her parents. So, AITA?
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My (M23) brother (20) is getting married. Months ago, he said kids were not allowed. Fine, no problem. He mentioned my daughter (3) being a flower girl which would mean she could attend by participation. He said he discussed it with his fiancé (20) and she said no but my daughter could attend. We (my fiancé and I) purchased the (dress coded) attire for the 3 of us and traveled 10 hours for a weekend with our daughter. The day before, my brother calls to say that my daughter cannot come. I decided not to go. Not because my daughter was not welcome but because I was told the day before, after traveling 10 hours with a toddler. We did not have arrangements for a sitter and felt it was very disrespectful to expect that we could get one in a day, especially since we do not live in the area and haven’t since our daughter was born so while she has visited with people a couple of times over her life, she doesn’t KNOW them on an everyday basis. My whole family would be at the wedding and my fiancée’s parents live hours away from the event. Should I have went anyway and left my daughter and fiancé or did I make the right decision? For context, I believe my brother was afraid to tell me sooner because he thought I wouldn’t come if she wasn’t able to come but my fiancé and I had already discussed what we could arrange if she wasn’t able to go, whether that be going by myself or our daughter staying with her parents. So, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I didn’t go to my brothers wedding.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA he made it complicated for you, he has only himself to blame
NTA It was a total d!ck move on your brother’s part to spring this change of heart on you the day before his wedding, after you traveled 10 hours to get to the wedding. If he’s disappointed you didn’t attend the wedding, oh well, he can live with the consequences of his own actions.
I would have done the same thing. You made sure to check with him prior to travel. He knew you were coming that far and it’s not fair to spring that on you last second
NTA. He is, for not sparing you 20 hours of travel with a toddler. Bride is, for her general b-zill behavior.
NTA I would have done the exact same thing as you. It’s not about their child free wedding it’s about they wanted you daughter as a flower girl and the day before she’s not allowed
Absolutely NTA. I understand the ‘no kids’ policies at the weddings, but that must be mentioned in advance, not 20 hrs before the event. Also, you are his brother, he could’ve been more transparent from the beginning.
Are you being criticized by anyone for the lack of attendance?
NTA, your brother screwed up. I would have went with my daughter and fiance.
Mta. That is terrible. After you traveled so far. They should of been upfront with you