I’ll try to keep it short. Two years ago, my dad (67) was caught cheating on my mother of 30 years, with his assistant nurse (35). (My brother is 30.) The same, boring old story. It had been going on for years already. He’s been a huge dick about the divorce, fighting against having to send my mother money, considering she hasn’t worked since they got married because he told her she didn’t have to. He also refuses to even attempt to empathize with us kids and why we think the whole situation is weird. ‘Why can’t you just be happy for me?’ Well, now, after buying her a new house and two years of being on vacation all the time, he finally told us they are planning on getting married. At this point, I’ve lost nearly all of my respect for him as a father and as a man, and none of us kids (there’s three of us, all above 20yrs) want to have anything to do with the wedding or his new family. And frankly I don’t care about that the fact that this is the stupidest possible thing he could be doing, because it just simply isn’t my problem anymore. Side note; the divorce hasn’t even been finalized. It’s gotten to the point where he even kind of grosses me out. Is it my duty to learn to accept this ‘new’ version of my father, because, well, he’s my dad? Or is it my right to still be upset about the things he’s done to my family and not want to show my support of it at a wedding?
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I’ll try to keep it short. Two years ago, my dad (67) was caught cheating on my mother of 30 years, with his assistant nurse (35). (My brother is 30.) The same, boring old story. It had been going on for years already. He’s been a huge dick about the divorce, fighting against having to send my mother money, considering she hasn’t worked since they got married because he told her she didn’t have to. He also refuses to even attempt to empathize with us kids and why we think the whole situation is weird. ‘Why can’t you just be happy for me?’ Well, now, after buying her a new house and two years of being on vacation all the time, he finally told us they are planning on getting married. At this point, I’ve lost nearly all of my respect for him as a father and as a man, and none of us kids (there’s three of us, all above 20yrs) want to have anything to do with the wedding or his new family. And frankly I don’t care about that the fact that this is the stupidest possible thing he could be doing, because it just simply isn’t my problem anymore. Side note; the divorce hasn’t even been finalized. It’s gotten to the point where he even kind of grosses me out. Is it my duty to learn to accept this ‘new’ version of my father, because, well, he’s my dad? Or is it my right to still be upset about the things he’s done to my family and not want to show my support of it at a wedding?
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> My dad is getting married to the woman he cheated on my mother with and i refuse to go.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, he’s her problem now.
You have every right to feel the way you feel and cut off all communication with your father and not give a rats ass about his wedding or future family. Since the divorce is not even final yet he may not have a wedding for a while. When a parent does something that is so abhorrent you have no obligation to be supportive of or even speak to that parent. He has offended your mother, you and your siblings by his selfishness and then wanting to fight your mother tooth and nail about supporting her, probably wanting all that money to go to his new ‘wife’ instead., Well, tough cookies daddy, you made your bed now you get to lay in it and if it’s uncomfortable you have no one to blame but yourself.
A wedding invitation is not a subpoena. You don’t want to go, and given your Dad’s behavior why would you? NTA.
NTA…As long as you’re comfortable with your decision, move on with your life. He can live with the consequences of his choices.
> He also refuses to even attempt to empathize with us kids and why we think the whole situation is weird. ‘Why can’t you just be happy for me?’
He probably does he is just near 70 so….out of fucks and what not.
NTA. Its absolutely your right to be upset. I think the “well, he’s my dad” just means eventually you’ll get back to speaking terms.
Your dad is an asshole, and you absolutely do not have to accept him as is. Tell him to pound sand.
NTA
Attending a wedding indicates to the couple that you support their marraige.
You don’t. He broke up your family by having an affair with another woman, and continues to be disrespectful to your mother for not helping her. I hope when the divorce is finalized, she takes him for every penny.
On that note, it is perfectly acceptable to cut toxic people out of your life.
NTA Your and your siblings’ feelings are valid. An invite isn’t a summons and you’re free to decline.
You are an adult, he is an adult, you both get to make your own decisions. You are not obligated to attend his wedding. Don’t argue or make a scene about it. Simply say: Dad, I cannot support your decision. I am allowed to feel the way I feel. I wish you well and hope that you have the wedding you deserve.
NTA. This whole thing is distasteful and disrespectful to you, your mother, and your siblings. I hope that all of the siblings are united and you can plan to spend the day with your mother.
NTA.
My dad ended up cheating on my mom during a mental breakdown. So my parents ended up getting divorced and he later married the woman he cheated with. My mom later got remarried, though she’s now widowed… And, for various reasons, I don’t/didn’t like either of their spouses. I never went to either of their weddings for their new marriages, and I don’t even know any of the details for my dad’s wedding aside from the date (12/12/12).
My dad’s case of cheating is a bit different from most since it was at the height of his mental breakdown, and he’s more or less “back to normal,” but most of the time, you know what they say, once a cheater… If your dad cheated with someone who’s about half his age, I wouldn’t be surprised if his new marriage doesn’t last when he cheats with someone even younger.
He wants to do whatever he wants without facing consequences. I have a 2 year-old granddaughter who acts the same, but we are trying to teach her better. Your dad still hasn’t learned this lesson.
NTA, no one is owed more respect than they give.
NTA. You’re not obligated to go, in any way. It is in no way your “duty” to accept the “new version” of him; it is totally within your right to be upset. It is up to you whether to forgive or accept him, and until you make that decision, you are not obligated to do anything for him.
NTA. You’re not required to forgive him or feel happy for him, even as a wedding gift. He doesn’t get to rip apart your family and then demand you do anything for the benefit of his new one.
NTA. Blood doesn’t make family.