I think I have lost a friend, he was important to me and he has been in my life for years we have been friends since past 15 years.
He is getting married to his fiance on this October, I was excited and I helped him with preparation like booking and stuff and I even lent him money and paid on his behalf and I asked him to not pay me back.
Also my ability to speak English is lacking so do forgive me.
His soon to be wife was kind to me and my wife and she would get along with her but she asked me to not bring my wife to her wedding and she tells me to come alone.
When I asked her why my wife is banned she said that my wife is a showoff and she will show up wearing jewelleries, I did ask her to not ban my wife and she will not ‘showoff’ but his bride said that she doesn’t trust her and she said ‘we are rich but they aren’t’ and she doesn’t want my wife beside her.
I said If my wife is not invited then I won’t attend their wedding either both of them are trying to convince with me but my decision is absolutely clear if my wife is not invited to their wedding or any occasion then I am not attending.
My friend tries to convince me that he needs me by his side and I am like if my wife is not invited then wtf am I supposed to do on his wedding, my wife doesn’t know about this drama yet but if she knew she would definitely get pissed and ask them to pay us back the money i lent them
Comments
NTA. Your wife is your partner. Excluding her should also mean not expecting you to be there.
Nah you aren’t in the wrong you stood by your wife. Feels disrespectful to say she can’t come because she’ll show off.
You and your wife are a complete unit. If one isn’t welcome, neither of you are.
NTA
I feel there is more context needed. Is there any other possible reason why they don’t want her to attend? Maybe ask your friend his thoughts on why he doesn’t want your wife not to go-aside from the fiancé’s reason.
You agreed to lend him the money without being paid back. How much did you pay?
Oof. Someone is insecure. NTA
NTA. Inviting a married person without their partner (or even a person in a long-time relationship without their partner) is an absolute breach of basic courtesy. You don’t have to agree to go without your wife.
Your wife needs you by her side, because she is YOUR wife.
If she’s not trusted by your friend and his wife, then you aren’t either.
She is your partner and the one who you are making your life with.
Your friend is not the same friend to you as you are to him.
Don’t tell your wife. Just drop the friend.
“I’ve seen a side to him and her that I don’t really like since the wedding planning and I can’t be friends with them anymore.”
NTA
You did the right thing, but you should talk to your wife and be honest about the money you gave away. She deserves to know the whole scope of the situation.
NTA. Just because she’s insecure doesn’t mean she should do that. Is she seriously thinking there will be no repercussions? I’d ask for the mo Ty back and tell him you’re not going and friendship is over.
NTA marriage comes before friendship, everyone knows that.
The bride’s reasoning has no evidence and is something that could create grave enmity.
Are you sure you’ve lost your friend already? Throw him a (token) bachelor party before you give up on him. This is not a marriage that may last long. You’re not going unless your wife is invited and that’s final.
(Edit:) You paid for the venue and food??? Is his future wife nuts?
The brides insecurities as well as your friends are their problem , You being rich didn’t stop them from accepting your money, That isn’t friendship , that’s convivence on their part, You are absolutely correct in not going
NTA
Your friend’s bride is being unreasonable. Don’t go to the wedding.
NTA – good job standing by your wife. Tell your friend that to fix this problem, he needs to talk to you less, and his fiancee more.
In my custom, anyone who donated to the wedding is considered a sponsor. The sponsor couple are held in a place of honor at the wedding. Your a–hole friend treats you like dirt.
NTA.
This “friend” doesn’t respect you. He wants your money but not your wife? It’s an expensive way to find out who he really is, but you have found out nonetheless.
If the amount of money isn’t a big deal to you, drop the whole issue. Cut him and his bride out of your life.
NTA. Ask for all the money you loaned back. Tell him you are disappointed you are letting his wife break up a great friendship and you will him all the best for his future.
Nta. I would be mad. There would be no reasoning with me and I would end the friendship over that.
It’s one thing to just ask her not to “show off” it’s another to outright ban someone so important to you. ESPECIALLY considering what you’ve done for them.
Send them the bill for the venue and food and if they don’t pay go to court
NTA
> if she knew she would definitely get pissed and ask them to pay us back the money i lent them
YOU should demand the money back RIGHT NOW
Grow a pair and TELL them
Why are you paying for a wedding your wife is not invited to ???
NTA. My bf has friends who don’t like me and I would be very angry if he wasn’t able to go because of me. Thats a choice of the friend, you should still go because that’s your friend though. Only my opinion but in my view, my actions or relationship, better yet lack thereof should never affect my bf or his personal friendships.
You paid for the venue. Time to tell your wife what is going on and ask if she wants you to cancel everything that you have paid for? He might have been your friend but as a couple they are not your friends. If your wife wants to cancel then cancel. Your relationship with her has to be more important than anything else. That their wedding day was jeopardised is entirely on them. Remove them from your life. Ingratitude is its own reward.
They are using you for your money and treating you poorly and with disrespect.
I’m petty. I would stop paying and or cancel whatever I could.
Info: does your wife know you paid for the venue and food?
Ask your friend in front of his fiance, if he will allow her to be treated similarly when they are married. It should either force them to lie about their view on the importance of unity in marriage or admit that their request is out of line.
Not inviting your wife is very, very, rude! Don’t lend him any more money!!
It’s ok to take your money but the fact that you’re rich and can afford fancy jewelry is the reason for getting band from their wedding? I’d be demanding they paid me back asap. NTA
If they are rich they can pay you back. Send an itemized bill instead of a congratulatory wedding card.
You are absolutely right to prioritize your wife, who has done nothing wrong but exist extravagantly.
NTA
How disrespectful of them. I can’t even imagine being this way. They should never have done that.
The fact that you lent them money, makes it even worse. Tell them you want your money back.
These are not your friends.
Good for you standing your ground. I wouldn’t go either, no matter how close of a friend he is.
NTA. Good job standing up for your wife. We love you got that! Don’t pay for their wedding. Refund what you can. Now that you know how she feels about your wife, quit hanging out with them. She might pretend she likes your wife so they can use you for your money. Only see your friend but not her.
Those people are not your friends. They are USERS. They took your money without any thought to repay. If you thought they would, as soon as they commented on status implications and attitude about your wife, that’s when you should have stood up for your wife and yourself and walked away. Nobody needs friends like that.
NTA
Tell them you want your money back or will take them to court and to eff off for banning your wife. These are not your friends they are users.
NTA. It sounds like a long time coming, that your household and his now has a class and wealth divide.
NTA! You guys are a couple! If one isn’t invited then I can’t believe they don’t understand that you don’t want to attend alone and without your wife! Like it or not stick with your life team mate, your wife.
Send them a bill or try to cancel what you paid and get a refund or partial at least.
Is this rage bait? Who pays for a friend’s wedding?
NTA but your friend and his bride most certainly are.
NTA. The bride is a walking red flag and your friend is blinded by love, or fear of loneliness, or both. Can you cancel the venue and the food? If so, simply tell the groom that since your wife isn’t invited, your help is no longer available and you’ll be cancelling everything you paid for. If not, since you told him not to pay you back, he has no obligation to do so. You’ll probably have to let that go.
Regardless of what happens, don’t go to the wedding. Even if Bride decides she likes your money more than she hates your wife, don’t go. I’m sorry to say that the friendship is over because there’s no coming back from this. Don’t hide it from your wife. Tell her everything.
So sorry this happened, but at least you know what kind of people they are.
They are petty and insecure…. If they can have “richer” friends that they can take help from but won’t invite to a wedding, then they are using you…
Well hate to break it to you but you’re the one that took the marriage but I was invited to make your wife first so there’s your answer. If you choose to do something else and dishonor her and that is also your choice but she is the one that you are supposed to be honoring first. At the end of the day it was a commitment that you made and agreed to if you’re unhappy about it now get a divorce so your wife can go find a man who stands behind what he says
NTA and now is the time to cancel anything you paid and try to get your money back.
NTA. Your “friend” and his fiancé are using you. It’s better to not have those types of people in your life. Your wife is your partner and you are a good husband for standing by her.
NTA. .She’s your wife not a gf. Bruce to be is just being insecure. She’s the “ main attraction“, someone else’s jewelry not going to detract from her. Sounds like jealousy is involved too.
Nta because she’s not even giving your wife a chance.
NTA – they want your money. I would ‘demand’ my money back and cut all contact.
Definitely ask for all for the money back. Demand it. You shouldn’t be helping fund a wedding for “friends” that are disrespecting and excluding your wife.
Do you have mutual friends and acquaintances? Tell them all why you aren’t going.
Bitch of a bride.
In my vows, and in all church weddings, the last line of the vows always said, “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”You are now one and anyone who tries to separate you is a threat to your marriage. You have no business going to a wedding that excludes your wife and that was really shitty of you to go behind your wife’s back and pay for this wedding. You aren’t acting like you and your wife are one, so your “friend” thinks it’s ok for him to disregard your wife. Clean up your act and don’t let anyone come between you and your wife. I feel sorry for her. You’ve been a really shitty husband to her.
a
Absolutely NTA, this is crazy stuff! I’m sorry your friend is marrying such an insecure woman! I agree with you for not going.
NTA, why even ask?
NTA your friend is an asshole and you need to ask for your money back. He is being very disrespectful after all you’ve helped him with, his wife to be sounds like a jealous bitch! Updateme
NTAH. Your friend’s bride is an insecure, envious witch. You are right in defending your wife. I should ask for my money back from him.
NTA! You are doing exactly what any partner should do. You said it perfectly in your last paragraph. How your friend or anyone would even consider this okay is mind blowing.if he really was your friend…a true friend, he wouldn’t allow this at all. It’s sad that you might be losing him but this is over the top.
Good for you!
It is really bad karma to ban a spouse at a wedding. At the very place that you are pledging to be one, to unite your life with someone else, and you are turning to some other person and asking them to disrespect their marriage vows?
Don’t go without your wife – simple.
NTA – well, they just lost your wallet. It also sounds like your wife may have a great personality, between that and her “jewels” that the bride feels would overshadow her. Jealousy. Without a great apology to you and your wife, that should end the relationship.
Does your wife overdress/wear over the top jewelry? Either way, time to cancel what you’ve paid for.
NTA! You took the correct stance. If your wife is not invited then you won’t attend. You’re a good husband.
I am 100% on your side of things. The bride to be is gross.
He needs to grow a spine.
NTA
I’d insist on my money back
Um, you gave away hella money without telling your wife? To ppl who care so little for you that they would ban your wife over something very petty?
These ppl are not your friends. Tell your wife everything and ask for your money back (they are assholes, so they will probably say no).
If your friend says he needs you by his side, then respond that they need to invite your wife. But honestly, they sound like users and I think you are better off without them.
Kinda YTA though for giving money away without telling your wife and seeming to care more about this so called friendship than your marriage.
So your wife’s money is good enough for the bride?
Some friends you have. Choose the wife and move on with your life. Nta
I wouldn’t go. You could ask for the money back but technically it was a gift. It sucks but he isn’t a very good friend.
‘my wife and I are a packaged deal. you want me, she comes. you dont want her, I’m not coming. wedding invites aren’t a legally binding summons. choose. me and my wife..or neither of us.’
NTA
So he’s ok with you being rich because you share your money, but your wife can’t be rich because she’s not writing any checks to them. I would cut them off. Your money is more important to them than your wife. And that’s not cool.
These so-called friends are using you as an ATM.
YTA on you though, for paying for the VENUE AND FOOD without discussing it with her?!!! Who the hell does that? You’re not his mom. Geez.
Do you think the wife will outdazzle the bride?
NTA. No amount of jewelry would take away from the bride on her wedding day. She will be the main focus. Even if your wife wore a jeweled crown. People may look and think it’s odd, but it wouldn’t diminish the bride.
I will do exactly the same thing, funny relationship, are they jealous?
Nta. Good for you standing by your wife.
Why didn’t you mention the money you borrowed to your wife? Do you think that just saying that if your wife doesn’t go, you won’t go either is enough?
It’s pretty obvious they don’t like or respect your wife. That’s more than enough to end the friendship.
They don’t sound like real friends he sounds like a user !
Please keep us informed of further developments.
NTA. The bride sounds insecure and petty af. Your friend needs to grow a spine.
NTA, it sounds to me that they want to keep their connection to you for one thing, your money. She is very clearly jealous of the life you and your wife have and feels insecure when in proximity to your wife. But none of her insecurities are your wife’s fault. You’re right not to attend if your wife isn’t invited and I would seriously reconsider gifting/loaning them any more money in the future as it seems like they only want to stay on your good side for the financial benefits its brings them.
Tell your wife everything. Get your money back. This man is not your friend. He is using you.
Sorry, you got used
Oh well, at least they got something out of you before it ended
NTA, why are you paying for part of the wedding? I would say that you didn’t realize your wife would be banned from the wedding you contributed to.. therefore, it’s a loan and not a gift. Ask him to pay you back and see what he says.
I would 100% not be friends after this, regardless. I would never be the ATM for someone else’s wedding.
Weddings are luxuries. I don’t think the wife would be wrong for expecting you to recoup the money!!
You’ll likely not get the money back, but true colors will show.
You are a good husband for sticking up for your wife!!! But why did you fund the wedding without her knowledge!?
Ask him how’ll he feel in the future when you invite him, alone, to hang with you and your wife?
You are making the right choice and his bride should say what is really going on with her.
Updateme!
Why did you pay for their wedding?
Be happy that you have a long and lasting marriage and theirs will crumble quickly.
And I would absolutely ask to be paid back whatever money I have lent them.
You did nothing wrong
NTA. DO NOT give this “friend” another penny. He obviously has used you for your money.
Man this is so sad, ask him if you did this to his wife how would he feel.
I just don’t understand people today.
How insecure can his soon to be wife be.
I’m sorry to say he is not a true friend.
I’m reading this in a Borat voice.
Is your wife willing to wear NO JEWELRY (other then a wedding ring assuming that is part of your culture)? If so suggest that. If the answer is STILL no, then you know this isn’t about your wife looking better and up staging the bride.
NTA. I don’t know if all marriage vows are the same around the world, but in English we promise to be with our partner “through better or worse” meaning to be by their side no matter how bad things get.
It was wrong of your friend to agree with banning your wife and passing the message on to you. I’ve had my best friend for 15 too and I’d be angry and hurt if he banned my partner from his wedding.
STICK with your wife. She’s your partner and she needs you right now more than your friend needs you.
This is the fifth post I’ve seen in the last two days about ppl spouses not being invited to a wedding