A few weeks ago a friend of my was planning his 40th birthday. Quite a few guys confirmed they could attend but I was thinking it over as sometimes I struggle with these kind of things. He booked a house for where everyone would be staying and was looking into booking activities. Shortly after that I said I’d like to go and he asked if I could pay my share. I lent this guy some money back in 2017 and never got it back. I did chase it up a few times but he never paid me back. It’s always been on my mind but to be honest I just gave up, it became awkward to keep asking. The amount of money I lent him is more than what my share would be, so I asked him if we could just knock the amount off what he owes me. He said he didn’t remember owing me the money. I went back though my transaction history and showed him the screenshot of the money I lent him. He asked if the reason I sent the money to him was to pay for something (like activities we might have done), I said that I’m sure it wasn’t as we don’t do anything like that together. He went through his messages to me and said that he did owe me money but he said he had already paid me back £30 of it. He then asked me if I could pay him my share for the house and then when he gets paid (end of the month) he can pay me what he owes me. I spoke to my wife about the party and then she reminded me that we were going down to London for a few days that weekend. I messaged my mate saying that I couldn’t attend his party as we had already booked the London trip, I also asked if he could show me how he has paid me the £30 as I couldn’t see it in my transaction history and if he could still pay me back the rest. No reply. I asked again, still no reply. I can see he has read the messages and I can see he is active in a group chat that we are both in. This was last month so payday has been and gone.
I understand that saying I can go and then realising I can’t isn’t great, but he booked the house before I said I could go and I’m only asking for my money back that I lent him. AITA?
Edit: thanks for the comments so far, really appreciate it.
I did ask for the money back several times over the course of the first few years, but after a while I just quit asking as it was awkward and I don’t like confrontation so it would usually be when I’ve had a few drinks and it just comes out.
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A few weeks ago a friend of my was planning his 40th birthday. Quite a few guys confirmed they could attend but I was thinking it over as sometimes I struggle with these kind of things. He booked a house for where everyone would be staying and was looking into booking activities. Shortly after that I said I’d like to go and he asked if I could pay my share. I lent this guy some money back in 2017 and never got it back. I did chase it up a few times but he never paid me back. It’s always been on my mind but to be honest I just gave up, it became awkward to keep asking. The amount of money I lent him is more than what my share would be, so I asked him if we could just knock the amount off what he owes me. He said he didn’t remember owing me the money. I went back though my transaction history and showed him the screenshot of the money I lent him. He asked if the reason I sent the money to him was to pay for something (like activities we might have done), I said that I’m sure it wasn’t as we don’t do anything like that together. He went through his messages to me and said that he did owe me money but he said he had already paid me back £30 of it. He then asked me if I could pay him my share for the house and then when he gets paid (end of the month) he can pay me what he owes me. I spoke to my wife about the party and then she reminded me that we were going down to London for a few days that weekend. I messaged my mate saying that I couldn’t attend his party as we had already booked the London trip, I also asked if he could show me how he has paid me the £30 as I couldn’t see it in my transaction history and if he could still pay me back the rest. No reply. I asked again, still no reply. I can see he has read the messages and I can see he is active in a group chat that we are both in. This was last month so payday has been and gone.
I understand that saying I can go and then realising I can’t isn’t great, but he booked the house before I said I could go and I’m only asking for my money back that I lent him. AITA?
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> AITA for not going to my mates birthday after saying I would go and asking for my money back
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
If he owed you money and he already didnt pay you back…why would you expect differently this time?
So you just didn’t ask for any money back for eight years?
Awkward! NTA & nah, IMO. Don’t lend money to mates in future. It can get really weird. Is the friendship worth losing £30 over? Maybe, eh? I would let it slide & reassure him you genuinely have a thing in London & it’s a legit excuse
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You’ve left the issue all these years whilst still being friends. They brought it up again 8 years after the fact?
Wtf.
You’re not the AH for the trip. But it’s kinda weird to not say anything for years then bring it back up.
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NTA. He “forgot” he owed you money until you showed receipts, then suddenly remembered a partial repayment that magically doesn’t exist in your bank history? Yeah, that’s not sus at all. He having amnesia or something? Lol
Any time you “loan” money to friends, it’s likely a gift. I helped out a few friends over 10 years ago… one $5000, the other $325ish (it was an odd number).
Never going to get paid back. I don’t even worry about it now. They needed the money, I was happy to help and it just doesn’t matter.
How much money are we talking? I hope it’s enough to be worth losing the friendship over. On the other hand, are you even friends?
I had a friend once loan me $8,000. I paid him back. 🙂
He’s not your friend.
ESH He obviously should have paid you back. Yet, it’s weird to bring this issue up again after being silent for 5-6 years and complicate the situation further by mixing two separate issues.
NTA. He is never going to pay you back. He also isn’t a friend.
NTA but never lend money you can’t afford to lose or have the expectation it will be paid back. You can ask but too many people just don’t do it.
YTA.
He isn’t your friend.
He lied when said he would pay you back.
And you still wanted to go to a house celebrating his birthday and spend money on that.
He lied about not remembering and lied about paying you back.
Why are you feeling bad about the money? You learned a lesson, never borrow money without a contract.
You were used by that person and still think he is a friend?
If he was your friend he would pay you back. Or at least tell you he couldn’t and maybe even tell you why. Not just lie. And have a party to his 40th birthday.
“ Neither borrower nor lender be”…………
ESH
You spent 8 years stewing over £180. You are doing reconciliation of transactions and texts. Carrying this around, you’re being an AH to yourself.
He’s not going to pay (which makes him an AH) and you shouldn’t lend friends money if it’s such an emotional burden. ESH?
IMO he shouldn’t even be asking you to help pay for a house (even if it is for his birthday bash) if he owes you money. And sorry, but he certainly remembers borrowing it and never paying it back, especially if you’d asked for it back more than a couple of times. If anything, he should ask you if you’d be cool with not helping pay for the house as a form of repayment- that would be if you were going of course. NTA.
Send him a message. Tell him to “have a great birthday. Don’t worry about the money. We both know how it went down”. Then never say anything again. He’ll know that he’s an asshat. And every time you’re with him it’ll remind him.
I think it’s just brilliant that you actually can’t go, because it looks like you’re not going because he’s stiffing you on the loan. Which is a fair response anyway.