I started subletting a room from my friend 5 days ago. On the day I moved in, one of the roommates had torn her achilles (which obviously sucks) and needed a lot of help around the place. Which I’m happy to offer help with here and there, but this girl asks without sounding very apologetic about it (can you wash my dishes/can you make me toast/can you help me with my laundry). I’d be super happy to help if this was a friend but this girl is a stranger and my life is very busy currently.
Whilst washing her dishes, I casually suggest how about going home for a little bit whilst it heals? Her dad drove up the other day to drop her at the emergency room and sounded lovely and then drove back, so I know she’s not estranged from at least one parent. She says nah, she’s lucky to have her parents close by (1.5 hour drive away) and that they’re retired, but she has an appointment to change the cast every 2 weeks or so. Plus, she wants to stay in the city where her friends are (she points out that she went to a party last weekend where her friends signed her cast).
I was confused at this- why would you want to inconvenience strangers/roommates into helping you for 6 weeks when you can get full-time care from your retired parents?
Sometimes I avoid going to the kitchen at the same time as her so I can avoid helping her when I’m working from home. Am I AITA here and just being really unempathetic and cold to her situation here?
I don’t want to say anything to cause problems because I’m so new to the house and don’t want anything to be awkward because the rest of the house are lovely.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I started subletting a room from my friend 5 days ago. On the day I moved in, one of the roommates had torn her achilles (which obviously sucks) and needed a lot of help around the place. Which I’m happy to offer help with here and there, but this girl asks without sounding very apologetic about it (can you wash my dishes/can you make me toast/can you help me with my laundry). I’d be super happy to help if this was a friend but this girl is a stranger and my life is very busy currently.
Whilst washing her dishes, I casually suggest how about going home for a little bit whilst it heals? Her dad drove up the other day to drop her at the emergency room and sounded lovely and then drove back, so I know she’s not estranged from at least one parent. She says nah, she’s lucky to have her parents close by (1.5 hour drive away) and that they’re retired, but she has an appointment to change the cast every 2 weeks or so. Plus, she wants to stay in the city where her friends are.
I was confused at this- why would you want to inconvenience strangers/roommates into helping you for 6 weeks when you can get full-time care from your retired parents?
Sometimes I avoid going to the kitchen at the same time as her so I can avoid helping her when I’m working from home. Am I AITA here and just being really unempathetic and cold to her situation here?
I don’t want to say anything to cause problems because I’m so new to the house and don’t want anything to be awkward because the rest of the house are lovely.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m avoiding my new roommates who has a torn achilles heel because I don’t want to help her do the dishes. I think that it’s weird that she won’t go home to let her parents look after her so on principle I don’t want to help her, so that might make me an asshole. Also it’s only an odd few tasks here and there but I don’t want to do them on principle, but I don’t know if my principle is correct
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Honestly, I think it depends a bit on how much help she is asking for , how many other people there are in the hosu etc.
Is she primarily asking you because you are WFH or is she asking all of the housemates? How many other people live in the hosue and have they al been there longer than you?
Personally I think I woud offer some help but only when it fits with what I’m doing. e.g. if she asked for help with laundry, then maybe say “I’m planning to do my own laundry at [time/day] – I can give you had carrying yours down then if you like”
Would there be space for a stool in the kitchen? If so, maybe suggest to her tht she buys one so she can sit to do her cooking, ashing up etc (I assume the issue is trying to do those things while on crutches?)
For washing up , I’d probably do a mug or plate if I was doing my own washing up, but wouldn’t offer to do hears separately or if she’s got a lot built up.
I’d say NTA for not doing it all, but I would help a little where you can without it interrupting your own work or activities. Id she is coming to your room or interrupting you when you are wrking or sleeping then I think itis fine to tell her no and not to sisturb you, if she is asking for a bit of help when you are already in the kitchen then I thnk you are a very slight AH of you do nothing at all, but it’s fair to limit it.
(Also, i would have thought that for a lot of tasks she shuld be able to stand on her good leg for long enough for things like making toast , the really hard thing if you are on crutches is carrying things that you can’t just put in a bag or pocket . Laundry you could put in a backpack but then it is harder to balance , and of course carrying a pate or other sishes can be quitte tricky.)
NTA There’s a happy medium somewhere between becoming her personal valet and ignoring all of her requests for help. That your roommate seems a bit ungrateful and quite possibly entitled shifts the needle towards the “ignoring all requests” end of the scale. But. it’s still good manners to help when asked.
NTA , she went to a party and yet she supposedly can’t wash her own dishes? Talk to other people in the house first, if she’s doing it to them too and how they feel about it if so. I get how you wouldn’t wanna be perceived as rude especially if you are new to living there but it sounds like you have a problem with generally saying no, I don’t know many people who would take that from a complete stranger- and esp as theyre not even nice about it. First plan of action is def to talk to other people in the house about it tho bc she might be acting the same way to them and they could be in your shoes entirely
NTA. Five days in and she’s got you doing laundry? Nope. She’s milking the “injury pity” as long as she can
NTA
If she can go to a party she can do a lot more to look after herself. Obviously there are things she will need help with but if she isn’t being gracious about it I would start saying no and you will be surprised about how quickly she manages to sort herself out.
Sorry I’m busy. But make her a meal or two along the way.
She can get some disposable plates, cups, silverware, order take out and laundry service. Or her dad can come stay on the couch. 🤷🏼♀️
YTA. If you want to help, help. If you don’t want to help, don’t. Her asking IS her being polite and not just assuming others will do for her.
Saying no is okay.