My wife and I are currently a thousand miles apart because I work out of state.
She is insistent that I help her cover a tattoo she’s had for years because she now hates it and refuses to wear shorts or skirts because it shows.
I am trying to move her and our kids to where I am working which was her idea to begin with.
It’s been almost a year of me trying to make this move happen but she is not helping me at all except in the form of being with our kids. I spent thousands traveling back and forth
I send thousands a month to her for whatever she needs/wants but it’s come at a price and that price is I haven’t been able to afford the love in costs for a place all while renting a room here and paying rent there. I’m working my ass off and trying to get her to see that the OT this month is more than enough to afford everything we need to move. But not if she keeps asking for more and more money
AITA for telling her she’s dramatic and that she will have to wait ?
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My wife and I are currently a thousand miles apart because I work out of state.
She is insistent that I help her cover a tattoo she’s had for years because she now hates it and refuses to wear shorts or skirts because it shows.
I am trying to move her and our kids to where I am working which was her idea to begin with.
It’s been almost a year of me trying to make this move happen but she is not helping me at all except in the form of being with our kids. I spent thousands traveling back and forth
I send thousands a month to her for whatever she needs/wants but it’s come at a price and that price is I haven’t been able to afford the love in costs for a place all while renting a room here and paying rent there. I’m working my ass off and trying to get her to see that the OT this month is more than enough to afford everything we need to move. But not if she keeps asking for more and more money
AITA for telling her she’s dramatic and that she will have to wait ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Also telling her no to paying for childcare so she can work a dead end job to afford said tattoo
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA- tell her it’s just not a priority and if she wants it so bad to earn the money herself.
You could be an ahole if you worded it as “being dramatic”. Not so if you could point out the two choices she has – the family is together again, or she covers her tattoo, and see which she goes with. If she wants to do the tattoo before reuniting your family it’ll be a real eye opener about her priorities.
NTA. Your wife’s priorities are not in order.
No. Not at all. It’s a vanity issue. While it may be important to her, she can wait.
She made a bad choice at some point, so she can live with her bad choice for a little longer until you have the extra money to have it removed.
It feels to me like her priorities are out of order also
Mind you I didn’t post to shame her or anything just for third party unbiased opinions on whether the core issue is really a big deal or if it’s as wild as I feel like it is
This sounds like deeper issue than just covering a tattoo. It sounds like you are getting burnt out by traveling and working so much to save towards a goal while wife seems to just be living as if nothing is an issue. Finances are already tight, why is this a priority
As long as you don’t start with “your being dramatic”, NTA. Ask her if finances are already tight, why is this a priority over moving to be together? Tell her unless its lifesaving, no cosmetic procedures until after the move, then there will be lots of income to cover a tattoo that isn’t being used for travel.
NTA. Honestly it sounds like your wife doesn’t want to move. If she were motivated to move she wouldn’t be wasting money on a tattoo. Additionally it sounds like she worried about attracting other people since she knows you don’t care about the tattoo.
I didn’t start with “you’re being dramatic” but I did get there after being told she “can’t wear shorts because of it”
And that it’s simple that I need to shell out the money for childcare so she can go to work to cover whatever she needs and wants
Which would basically be giving up on moving
She doesn’t seem to understand that the only reason we haven’t moved yet is our budget is non existent and spending is through the roof
I’m paying rent in 3 places
The OT for this month of me working everyday for 12 hours will make it happen
I’m just asking for patience
It depends. Is she able to work? Because if she is trapped where putting the kids in daycare would cost more than she would make, you are not exactly being fair either
NTA for trying to be fiscally responsible and get your family all in one place, but calling her dramatic won’t help solve anything. You both need to schedule a time (don’t just spring it on her during a normal call) to actually talk about your goals as a family and make a plan that works for you both.
NTA
My husband makes the money and I still tell him to slow the F*** down on buying stuff we cant afford.
Why not just move and get the tattoo covered like… next pay? You’ll have more money to spend. I think she doesn’t want to move. Delay tactic
This isn’t about the coverup and you know it.
You left your wife solo with kids for a year. The comment “hasn’t helped except being with the kids” bothers me to no end.
You either resent her for not working and costing money. Or she resents you for leaving her as a “single” mom. Or somewhere in between.
NTA. Tell her to wear pants.
NTA at all. Her priorities are showing.
NTA
Seems like she wants the cake and all the things. You provide for her and she doesn’t have to live with you.
Yall need to get on the same page about how you see the living arrangements for your marriage.
Buyers regret. 🤷♀️ How is that yours to deal with? NTA.
Maybe she wants the tattoo gone (covered) before starting a new life in a new city. Is the tattoo something really offensive? A gang symbol? A Swastika? A pentagram?
Maybe you can compromise and tell her you will pay for it a year after she moves with the money you save from traveling back and forth. If she has a date to focus on, it might serve as light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, there are cosmetics that offer complete, temporary coverage.
Honestly I have several tattoos I want to get but it’s not in the budget and might never be. Great Tattoos are a privilege. Looks like she will be wearing pants for the near future. NTA
nta the tattoo isn’t a necessity
NTA on the tattoo, but the phrase “…but she is not helping me at all except in the form of being with our kids” is a bit of a problem.
Brother, what you’ve just told me is that your wife is solo parenting at least 2 children 24/7. That’s not because you’re being an absent dad or anything, it’s just a result of your current situation, but that’s the reality. That’s not an “except.” That’s enormous. Like, more enormous than any other regular thing. It sounds like you’re frustrated with her for not helping with the move, but you might need to consider that she’s frustrated with you because she’s single parenting your 2 or more kids. Even if not, your phrasing is a red flag, and if those sentiments (“she’s not doing anything except being the sole parent to our multiple kids”; even dismissively calling it “being with our kids,” like it’s a passive babysitter) are making their way to her when you interact — either explicitly or implicitly — then if I were her, I would not feel as though it were my job to also coordinate the move. Also, “sending her thousands of dollars a month” isn’t a gift, you wouldn’t call it that if you didn’t have to actually send it.
It’s completely fair that now isn’t the time for an expensive tattoo, and I think it’s fully reasonable to not want to pay for that right now. But I sense you might feel as though you’re the more aggrieved or put out party right now, in terms of fair and equitable distribution of marriage labor, and I think you need to consider that you have miscalculated this.