I (32F) have always been pretty careful with money. I budget, save, and live below my means. I’m working toward buying my first home, which has been a long-term goal of mine.
My younger sis, “Jess” (28F), is the total opposite. She loves spending, always chasing trends, designer stuff, fancy trips, etc. Over the years, she’s made fun of me a lot for not “living a little.” She calls me boring, cheap, no fun. I usually brush it off but honestly, it hurts sometimes.
Now Jess is planning this super over-the-top wedding. Recently, she and our parents asked me to contribute $10,000 to it. Their argument is basically: “family helps family” and since I’ve saved money, I should help. I said no.
I told them I’ve been saving for a house and that I’m not gonna spend that much on one day—especially after being mocked for years for not spending like that. I said I love Jess and want her to be happy, but my priorities are mine. I didn’t think it was rude, just honest.
Jess flipped. Said I’m selfish and trying to ruin her big day. Now my parents are upset too, saying I’m tearing the family apart and making Jess feel bad. They’re acting like I’m keeping money that should go to them.
So… AITA for not wanting to pay for my sister’s lavish wedding, especially after how she’s treated my financial choices?
Comments
As with everytime this story is posted, NTA
Want more in depth? Read the replies from the last 10 times this same nonsense was shared here
NTA obviously. Is this common in your culture? I can’t even imagine a person having the balls to demand a sibling contributes financially to their wedding or any other life event. So weird.
NTA. Ask them to each sign a contract pledging 5k each toward your house, since family helps family. Tell them they’ll be tearing the family apart if they don’t.
Really though, NTA. After all she’s said and done, it’s ridiculous they think you should just hand over that amount.
NTA, of course.
Anytime someone makes that “you’re selfish” accusation, my skin crawls. Invariably, it is some undeserving people demanding they be given something just because they want it for themselves and are unwilling to pay for it. Who are the selfish ones? THEY are.
The very suggestion that your carefully-saved down payment money should go to spendthrift sister’s lavish wedding is an OUTRAGE!!
NTA and feel proud of it. Good for you!
NTA. Amazing how “boring and cheap” money turns into “family money” the second they need it.
What? Where I’m from the people who are getting married pay for the wedding. Maybe the parents buy something as a gift (my parents paid for the DJ/band at each of my siblings weddings). I’ve never heard of being expected to pay as a sibling. I’d be fucking broke if each of my siblings had demanded money from me. I bought my brother a gift and for my sisters I paid for all their hen party activities instead, not paying for their wedding.
Also (depending on what currency that is) $10000 is a ridiculous amount to spend on a wedding at all, let alone that this is only a “contribution”. What the fuck is the total bill then?
NTA and the only time you should feel obliged to help family is if they need food or shelter. No one needs a wedding, let alone one this extravagant.
NTA
No one is owed a big wedding. You not giving Jess $10K is NOT breaking the family apart. Jess treating you horribly for years and your parents enabling her is what broke the family apart. Sounds cruel, but I would mute or block them and any flying monkeys they send after you.
That is your money, not theirs. Period.
The balls on some people. She is the AH just for asking.
NTA. You are not responsible for paying for someone else’s wedding.
oh JEEZE! Tell her to pick up a PT job. Its her wedding. What makes her think her wedding is more important than your future dream (House). SOOOOO entitled. Its your money. Is she gonna pay $10000 towards your home or a wedding for you? NTA!!!!
Funny how your ‘boring savings’ became everyone’s emergency fund real fast.
NTA. Your money, your priorities. It’s a bonus lesson in respect for your sister’s lifestyle choices.
Obviously NTA. She can get a personal loan. Bank of you is closed. By the way, there is no reason to ever feel bad about saying no. They don’t pay your bills nor do they contribute to your housing fund.
NTA, if sis can’t afford the wedding, sis needs to tone it down, not expect family members to fund it. Heck no, you are most definitely NTA in this situation.
You aren’t tearing your family apart. Jess is making unreasonable demands on YOUR money.
Want a lavish wedding? Start saving up and working hard.
Yet another fake ai bot story. Has all the hallmarks,
Get a life
NTA – unless Jess was planning on contributing $10K to your downpayment? Which I assume she was not. “Family helps family” only works if it goes both ways.
Offer to gift her in cash for whatever you were planning to spend on a wedding present, and refuse to discuss further.
If there’s money there’s someone wanting it. As usual, when the person with the money says no, the one who is selfish and tearing the family apart accuses the one with the money of being selfish and tearing the family apart. Not to mention, in general, the more expensive the wedding the shorter the marriage. What you’ve worked for and earned is yours to do what you want with.
Sounds like she can’t afford to start a family. Are you going to have to pay their rent after they are married? Nta
NTA. I’ve literally never heard of a sibling (especially when the parents are alive) being asked to chip in for wedding expenses.
Don’t even explain your reasons to such irrational circus monkeys. Not a dime. Skip the “wedding”, and keep saving for your house, and buy something FAR away from them.
You’ll have more to lose than gain with them emptying your pockets .
NTA
“family helps family” I wish people would stfu with that bs
For the 1 millionth time I’m asking – why are siblings pay for siblings’ weddings?
How many times do we have to read the exact same post?
Bad bot.
Who in the hell expects a sibling to help pay for their wedding? That is fucking insane to me.
NTA. I wouldn’t drop one dime into someone else’s wedding, unless it is my kid’s wedding.
Your sister is going to still be paying off this wedding, or your parents, long after she’s divorced. NTA
Not your responsibility.
Perhaps you could sit with Jess and go through the options she has selected for her wedding day and tell her how she can get the same look for less? Give your time but not your money. After all ‘Family helps Family’ and that is exactly what you’d be doing.
Don’t give her a penny towards her wedding day.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Family helps family if it’s an emergency. A lavish wedding doesn’t sound like an emergency to me. NTA
NTA.
If your sister wanted a party it is her job to pay for it
NTA
She can postpone the wedding to give herself and her fiancé time to save for the wedding they want.
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Good for you! It’s not your responsibility. Whoever says it is tell them to xxx xxxx .
NTA
Are you married, have a boyfriend/fiancé?
If yes, did they/ will they help you pay for your wedding?
The money is for your future, not hers.
Tell them to plan the wedding they can afford.
I don’t understand why you parents don’t see how messed up asking you for money is. Let them fund it. If they can’t afford it, they can’t have it. Simple😊
NTA. Tell your parents to pony up if they think family helps family with something so frivolous.
Keep your money, OP. You were correct when you said you don’t want to spend it on one day. A wedding is a party and if the people getting married can’t pay for it, other people should have to shoulder the burden.
NTA! Tell her to sell some of her designer stuff to raise money.
NO. Even if she treated you better it’s still not your problem your sister is EXTRA.
NTA- do not give any money toward the wedding other than what you planned as a gift. Not your circus, not your monkeys!
NTA.
I don’t care if you’re not giving her money because you don’t like her taste in shoes. It’s YOUR money. You do not owe it to her because you share genes.
Tell your family that if this “tears the family apart,” then it wasn’t much of a family to begin with.
Don’t give her a dime. It’s just a party, for God’s sake.
Help family by helping her stay within her budget that uses her money.
Nta. About time she felt bad.
“Sis, stop being so selfish and entitled, trying to help yourself to my savings!”
No. You’re not. If family is family, your folks can pay. It’s not your job. Tell all to go jump, they’re not getting any money from you. Go low or no contact for a while and see how it goes. Maybe don’t attend the wedding either
Nta this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.
NTA … Jess is a spendthrift. Hope fiancée knows. You shouldn’t spend your hard earned savings on her one day of frivolity for a marriage that might not even last if she keeps spending up a storm. NTA
NTA. Now we see how Jess got so Jess.
Tell them they’re tearing you apart and the matter is closed
Go on saving, sister.
Just like general society – those who don’t have the maturity, will power, and adult-like behaviors somehow seem to believe they are the victims and that the responsible, adult-like, financially mature people owe them something in return.
I feel bad for your sister, she has lousy parents who have enabled her (sort of like child abuse in a way) to believe that being irresponsible is acceptable.
Be the parent she doesn’t have. Just say NO.
But at the same time, I would offer to help her in two ways. #1: help her and her fiance create a budget based on their income, and #2: based on that budget and the amount that they can save between now and the wedding (by not going out for dinner, cancelling all streaming services, etc. ) show her how much her budget is for her wedding. And if you really want to be nice and supportive – tell her and her fiance that if they stick to the budget you helped them create to live within their means and save for their own wedding – you will give them $500 on the night of their wedding.
NTA. You should warn her financee what he is getting himself into.
i’d say oops! i just booked a 2 week european vacation. “got to live a little” i’ve been told. of course you “cancel” but don’t have the spare $
NTA – what is wrong with people thinking they are entitled to other people’s money?? Regardless if she saved or not, or made fun of your frugalness, it’s YOUR money not hers.
Your family kinda sucks to be mad at you. 100%NTA
Ha! Yeah right, clearly NTA. So they get to spend their money but you save it, then when things get real they want what you didn’t spent. Do they also take your food if you eat slower than them?
I’m latino, so family is a big deal to me because of culture, but I would never allow someone to demand help or to tell me exactly how and when to help. It’s not assitance if it’s imposed.
NTA. And using “guilt” shows your family dynamic is kinda f’d. Assuming sister is Golden Child. It is your parents, and sister’s obligation to pay for that wedding, not you, a young person saving for their first home. Perhaps a comment of “Perhaps you wouldn’t be asking for $ if you’d been ‘more boring” and saved your $” Keep your boring $ to buy yourself a boring house. I’d have them sign promissory notes of $5K each to pay for your home but I know they’ll come up empty pockets when it’s time for family to help family
NTA – Why do people always insists on having a wedding they can’t afford🥴
Did your parents contribute?