My fiance and I live in an apartment & condo community, and have a neighbor who we have at times wondered about her mental health and stability. On multiple occasions, we have heard her outside on her balcony, which is across from ours, yelling at someone. She has called this person a loser, a creep, threatened to call the police, and every time we look outside there is nobody there. It happens at all hours of the evening and night, and our units are situated so that if we look out our balcony door, we can see straight over to hers. We have been in our living room watching TV when she started yelling and look over to see absolutely nothing abnormal going on.
She finally stopped me one day and told me she has a stalker who climbs up on to her second story balcony. She claims this person disconnects both her security cameras and even her wifi prior to climbing up there. He does not attempt to contact her or enter her property. I asked her what he looks like, if she has any idea who he is…she said she has actually never seen him, but she knows he is there. She asked if we would be willing to put a camera up on our balcony, pointing in the direction of hers, to see if we can catch anything. I told her I would speak to my fiance but that I did not think was something he would be comfortable with, and for months she never mentioned it again.
Until the other night, when she stopped my fiancé while he was walking the dog to ask why we wouldn’t put a camera up for her. I heard them start to go back and forth and stepped outside to see what was going on. She basically thought we were terrible for not looking out for her, and could not believe we would not do anything to help her. We asked if she had ever spoken to the HOA or her property manager about this since she rents, and she admitted she had not. We tried to calmly explain to her that we were not comfortable with essentially setting up surveillance on her property and taking time out of every day to send her any footage, and that if she feels threatened she needs to speak with someone who can actually do something about it. The conversation ended with her telling us that we were what is wrong with the world, and that she is embarrassed for us and our lack of consideration for others.
Are we the TAs for admittedly not believing this stalker even exists, and not putting up a camera?
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My fiance and I live in an apartment & condo community, and have a neighbor who we have at times wondered about her mental health and stability. On multiple occasions, we have heard her outside on her balcony, which is across from ours, yelling at someone. She has called this person a loser, a creep, threatened to call the police, and every time we look outside there is nobody there. It happens at all hours of the evening and night, and our units are situated so that if we look out our balcony door, we can see straight over to hers. We have been in our living room watching TV when she started yelling and look over to see absolutely nothing abnormal going on.
She finally stopped me one day and told me she has a stalker who climbs up on to her second story balcony. She claims this person disconnects both her security cameras and even her wifi prior to climbing up there. He does not attempt to contact her or enter her property. I asked her what he looks like, if she has any idea who he is…she said she has actually never seen him, but she knows he is there. She asked if we would be willing to put a camera up on our balcony, pointing in the direction of hers, to see if we can catch anything. I told her I would speak to my fiance but that I did not think was something he would be comfortable with, and for months she never mentioned it again.
Until the other night, when she stopped my fiancé while he was walking the dog to ask why we wouldn’t put a camera up for her. I heard them start to go back and forth and stepped outside to see what was going on. She basically thought we were terrible for not looking out for her, and could not believe we would not do anything to help her. We asked if she had ever spoken to the HOA or her property manager about this since she rents, and she admitted she had not. We tried to calmly explain to her that we were not comfortable with essentially setting up surveillance on her property and taking time out of every day to send her any footage, and that if she feels threatened she needs to speak with someone who can actually do something about it. The conversation ended with her telling us that we were what is wrong with the world, and that she is embarrassed for us and our lack of consideration for others.
Are we the TAs for admittedly not believing this stalker even exists, and not putting up a camera?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refused to set up a security camera pointing in the direction of a neighbors home to see if they have a stalker on their property. 2 this might make me an asshole because I am not looking out for the safety of a neighbor
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Feeding into someones paranoid delusions is usually non helpful. Even if you put up the camera and it didn’t catch anything (because there is no stalker) she’d come up with something – they hacked the camera or the account that stores the images for example.
NTA, she sounds deeply paranoid, I would avoid engaging with her.
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NTA! This is like a soap opera and will cause nothing but drama and possibly a lawsuit. If your neighbor has not gone to the police or notified anyone of a stalker this needs to happen immediately. Never take anything like this with a grain of salt. If this guy can bring down her specific wifi he either has access(hacked or maybe someone she knows who she’s given the password to) I doubt she knows how to login to the router to see who’s on her network. There could be many reasons for what is going on. Including a family member maybe trying to get enough evidence to put her in a care facility against her will. Law enforcement needs to be notified, so does the HOA. Never under any circumstances setup a recording device pointed at another person’s property unless it’s for surveillance of your own property that also has to include theirs because of the angle.
NTA
She is already acting a bit nuts you don’t want her to suddenly accuse you of watching her or something.
NTA
It’s not your responsibility to invest time, money, and effort into security measures for her when she’s not even taking the first logical steps to protect herself. Calling her landlord or filing a police report would be the logical first steps if she really believed she was being stalked, not stalking her neighbors to figure out which ones live across from her to petition them to protect her.
The truly ‘good neighbor’ thing to do would be to call in a wellness check the next time she starts yelling at, seemingly, nothing. If there really is someone there, the police can look into it. If she’s hallucinating someone being there, the police aren’t the best at dealing with mental health crisis, but maybe they can contact family and it’s at least a chance to get her pointed in the direction of getting professional help.
However, you guys should seriously consider getting some security measures and documenting any contact she has with you in case she retaliates for you not helping her.
Honestly, this sounds like a narcissist whose trying to scam you into taking care of her more than a truly deluded/paranoid person hallucinating a stalker that isn’t there. I grew up with a mom who pulled this type of stunt; she was also mentally ill, but she wasn’t hallucinating. She’d tell people increasingly fantastical stories about an abusive Ex boyfriend who was stalking her and prey off of peoples sympathy. She’d ask for something small from neighbors to help protect her, then if obliged would start asking for more and more “help”; help with paying her bills because she was too scared to work, help cleaning her house because she’s too busy making a legal case against her Ex to clean, help by taking out loans for her because he Ex hacked into her bank account, etc. All the while being fully aware that her Ex BF had well since moved on from her, and moved out of the state, when they broke up 2 years prior.
NTA, Id be very intrigued if I was in your shoes though.
I’d be really concerned that your neighbor has schizophrenia or she really does have a stalker. Either way both situations aren’t ideal for neighbors lol. I’d get cameras to protect myself more than anything. Then perhaps show her hey, you should probably get checked out when you see she might actually just be yelling at nothing.
NTA. But you maybe should get cameras in case you ever need to protect yourselves.
NTA. You gave her helpful alternatives and it sounds like you were nice about it.
As I read your story it sounds exactly how a family member of mine behaves. Do not put up the camera, suggest to her that she install her own camera. Also recommend for her to call the police each time she encounters this. The police can’t take her in for observation unless she is posing a threat to herself or anyone else. But this will start creating a history of her issues. Once I got the crisis team involved they flagged her name and address in the 911 system so each time she calls 911 to report the intruder the crisis team is also notified and responds.
You may want to consider the next time she is flipping out over fictitious intruder record her and call 911 report it yourself and tell them you think she the crisis team also needs to respond
You need to be cautious she has mental health issues and if she is an adult and choose to not take medication for it that is her right. Unfortunately everyone else has to deal with the fallout. You need to protect yourself with videos of her antics. 911 and crisis team involvement. Record if possible all interactions with her. The family member I spoke of called 911 during one of her episodes. Her son ended up getting arrested. The charges were later dropped as unfounded but he still lost time from work, bail money and other court expenses
The crisis team was able to help my family member hopefully they can help your neighbor. I wish you a lot of luck and patience you will need both
I was thinking that if you had done that, she would have turned around and accused you of being the stalker to police, etc.