I (22F) planned a weekend beach trip with a group of close friends. We’ve been talking about it for over a month, and everyone agreed to split costs equally gas, Airbnb, groceries, etc.
Now here’s the issue: one of my best friends, “Sara” (23F), has a history of being unreliable with money. She’ll say she’s paying later, then either “forgets” or disappears when the bill comes. We’ve had situations in the past where I covered her meals, Uber rides, and even her share of a concert ticket… and I never got paid back.
So this time, I quietly didn’t invite her. I told her after plans were finalized. She got really upset and said I’m being fake and punishing her for “not having money.” But honestly, I just didn’t want to be stressed or stuck paying again I wanted to relax.
Our mutual friends are torn. Some think I was right to set boundaries, others say I should’ve at least given her a chance to explain.
So. AITA for leaving her out of the trip?
Comments
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NTA. Financial responsibility is a part of friendship. It’s not about ‘having money’ but about ‘respecting others’ money’.
both.
YTA for not even offering and setting boundaries within that offer. Could’ve made it clear in the offer you’re welcome to come if you pay your share.
NTA for not wanting to pay for another grown adult.
I mean… play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You gave her plenty of chances in the past, and she didn’t respect you. That’s on her.
NTA. From now on, make some rules for group trips: everyone, without exception, pays their share UP FRONT of anticipated group expenses. If they don’t, they don’t go.
No exceptions.
Fairness ensured for all.
No miscommunication.
End of story.
NTA. She’s an adult. She can fix her habits if she wants to be invited next time.
ESH
If you quietly exclude her you have to be prepared for it to blow up when she figures it out. I don’t blame you for not wanting to open yourself up to her unreliability but doing it this way has opened you up to more problems than it would had you just tackled the problem with her honestly.
You say she’s one of your best friends but your actions don’t make it clear whether you intended to just exclude her from this trip or phase her out from being a friend completely
NTA
You don’t have any obligation to invite any particular friend to any particular event or activity.
Going forward, insist on separate bills at dinner and that she pay up front (before tickets are purchased) for shows and such. If she can’t pay before booking, don’t include her.
Tell your mutual friends that you knew she wouldn’t be able to afford it and she already owes you a lot.
My question is, you planned this entire trip, quietly not inviting her, and then told her you planned the trip and didn’t invite her? Why not just go on the trip? Why did you have to tell her after plans were finalized? Did she ask about it, or ask you to do something during a time that conflicted with the trip, or did you just say “Oh, by the way, me and the other girls are going out of town this weekend, sorry everything is already finalized.”?
NTA
When you don’t have money you don’t go on trips. You don’t mooch off friends or be an entitled bish.
If she doesn’t have money, how did she expect to come even if she was invited? Oh you mean by helping herself to everyone else’s money? So now she’s punishing you for her not having money? No thanks.
She had plenty of chances to explain. Every single occasion she flaked on payment was a chance. Nor is there much to explain for someone who says they’ll pay, but then neither pays nor provides a reason / new payment time.
You reap what you sow. This is not an issue of “not having money” it’s an issue of “forgetting “ or “disappearing “ when it’s time to pay.
I do think if you wanted to keep that friendship, speaking to her first would have been the best course of action. All this time she thought she’d gotten away with her behavior. A warning would have been the kindest way of expressing to her the boundaries she’s expected to follow.
If still possible, tell her she is welcome to join if she pays up front and also reimbursed you for some other things (like the concert ticket).
Trip up front, reimbursement over time with a payment plan.
If you do that, NTA. That would be a fair compromise.
Quietly excluding someone is not ok. Just be honest and up front and find a way to be fair that doesn’t mean you’d have to pay twice for one trip.
She needed that harsh reality.
NTA. but you should have told her off way earlier. She used you and you accepted it.
NTA
This “best friend” sounds like a typical user. She loves to use people to get free stuff because she thinks she’s owed things just for existing! I cut people like that out of my life for a reason…
NTA. This is the consequences of her never paying her share, not that she’s being punished. She is a mooch & needs to be called out.
If she’s “”not having money”” she should be grateful to you for not pushing her further in debt or for making her look like a freeloader.
She has had plenty of chances to “”explain”” and her explanation is disappearing and keeping her money herself.
She’s had her chances she now has to live with the consequences of her actions
OR you could ask the other friends who are saying you should have given her a chance that you will as long as they cover her none payments and disappearing because you have done it once too often.
NTA fuck her, her lack of money is her problem.
You’re not obligated to help someone who knows she has no money but goes along anyway. There are plenty of other low budget options to hang out. Travelling is expensive and she should stay out if she is broke
NTA. I had a friend like that who came on my Bach trip and literally refused to pay people back for months. It was so stressful and definitely not worth it.
NTA. The other friends can invite her along and cover her share of expenses when she flakes.
If she’s not paid you back in the past for anything, then no explanation required. She’s a mooch and you’re NTA.
Nta. Its not your job to fund other people. Who gives a flying rats ass if you are punishing her. Tell her to pay you back all the money she owes and maybe youll think of inviting her to the next one. Also you sure this girl is your bestfriend? Or does she just use you?
Lame ass Shit YTA
If that’s your best friend idk why you can’t just be honest and straight up tell her you ain’t got money to cover for her and shit and that she still hasn’t paid you back from last time. Pussy type activities
You can say ” I am not your Bank, your credit is no longer any good with me!”.
Question: Does she in fact pay all the borrowed money? Or not?
Yta. Quietly not inviting is an ass hole move. Just tell she’s not invited and why. One monthly be enough for save for it if she gets the wake up call not to smooch off ya and go. Might as well not be friends at that point.
Get money in advance before any bookings. Then you can tell her that she missed the deadline. That makes it her choice to not go.
ESH, Sara for not ever paying you back, you for telling her about the trip she wasn’t invited on.
NTA. Punishing her for not having money? That’s something an insane person would say. She can’t afford to pay, so she shouldn’t be expecting to go.
She needs to understand boundaries. Even within the same friend group people are allowed to do things without inviting everyone, especially when they can’t do it. Hit up your foolish friends with money requests to pay for your friend to be able to go. Leave it on someone else’s wallet for once.
How many more chances to explain does she need? Ask your friends. And when they give you a bullshit answer, have them take her out and pay for everything. And then invite them to have a conversation with you.
If she didn’t pay because she didn’t have the money it’s different to just ignoring payment. I do feel like you should have hd a conversation before now about not being paid. It could be broached respectfully such as, ‘hey I notice you haven’t paid for x and x, is everything ok?’ Which would have allowed her to explain her situation without being too embarrassed. You could have then brought up the new trip and explained that you can’t carry her expenses so if she wants to come she would need to pay, or you could offer to help her if she couldn’t afford it but you wanted to include her.
I might get voted down but as life goes on friendship groups can have different means and sometimes sharing the wealth is nice.
This is hard.
If “Sara” and you could have a candid conversation about $ (hard! awkward!) you could determine if she’s truly flakey, ashamed, manipulative or just broke or low-income.
Of course, she has to step up and quit it with the lying and evasive behavior.
I have some close friends who simply don’t make much money. We all kinda know each other’s financial situations in fuzzy terms. And there are quiet cooperations to partially cover for whomever is making the least or has additional hurdles right now.
Money conversations are hard. If this person is a best friend, are you willing to consider some shift from “equality” to “equity”? If she’s a best friend, couldn’t you have given her some advance notice and problem-solved with her to see if this trip was doable?
I mean, yeah, I guess it’s technically a punishment for not having money. If you can’t front the cash, you sometimes have to miss out on things. That’s life.
NTA for not continuing to be a moocher’s bankroller.
NTA – it’s never fun when you have the one poor friend and everyone has to plan around them. But I would just be honest with her – you can still be great friends who hang out on the cheap. But this trip required money and she doesn’t have it and you didn’t want to put her in a bad spot.
Why go straight to not inviting her? Maybe it’s best she doesn’t go, but the way you went about it seems pretty shady.
Not the AH. When there is a pattern of behavior that shows this level of disrespect to a friendship your actions are justified and this person is not a friend.
NTA and she reconfirmed who she is thus why she was not invited – she no money user that stay having others like you pay for her for food/Uber/concert ticket and now she not liking that the limit /boundary is no one is willing pay on her behalf for weekend beach trip that running few hundred dollars between everyone involved. Basically she FAFO.
Let your friends pay for her broke ass if they’re so bothered about it
If she gets a better job and would make more money, could she be your friend again?
Invite her but make sure she pays upfront / even before the reservations and with estimated part of food and extras.
Your friends should pay her stuff next time. NTA
NTA sounds like she owes you a ton of money. A real friend doesn’t lie and use their friends. She’s not a friend she’s a user.
Ask for money up-front and let her know there is no refunds at all.
Or better yet tell her about it and she can book everything herself if she closes to go.
Another post with the OP being called “fake”. We have another trend going.
Ask anyone who defends her if they plan to cover her portion of the bill next time. If they say no, they’re just as “bad” as you here.
Have everyone pay up front into an account everyone going can see the balance – if you can’t get the exact number for the trip bcs she hasn’t paid everyone else will do your job for you.
Explain what?
NTA. Why doesn’t she pay the money back for the previous trips? I don’t understand
No money? Don’t travel. Why would she expect friends to pay for her.