A little backstory, my parents got divorced about 14 years ago after my dad had cheated on my mom. Both parents are now in new relationships. I (26M) have been able to move on from that and would say my relationship with both of my parents are good. Fast forward to today, I am getting married this year and it will be a small courthouse wedding, with immediate family only. I current live in CA and the rest of my family resides in NJ so my family will be flying out for the wedding.
I invited my moms current boyfriend of 10+ years because I do see him as family as he has always offered help no matter what. On the other hand, myself and my fiance do not have a relationship with my dads current girlfriend AND she is the woman my dad had an affair with so we did not want her there. On top of that, we did not even get a congratulations text/call when we first got engaged. I spoke to my dad recently and after telling him that we do not want her there, he took it rather personal. He began to question why my moms significant other was invited and not his, and then proceeded to say “F you and hung up the call.”
Am I the asshole for inviting my moms significant other and not my dads? I can’t seem to imagine a time or place where it would be appropriate to bring my dads mistress to my wedding.
EDIT: A few ours after our phone call, my dad proceeds to text me that he will no longer be attending the wedding and sent a text saying “wish you the best”
EDIT: Feel like I have left out some important details. My father has NOT been with his current girlfriend for 14 years, thats just when my parents divorced. Also, the women he cheated with was more of a family friend, so she knew my parents were together. Yes my dad was the one in a marriage but it takes two to cheat, especially when you are fully aware the other is in a relationship.
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A little backstory, my parents got divorced about 14 years ago after my dad had cheated on my mom. Both parents are now in new relationships. I (26M) have been able to move on from that and would say my relationship with both of my parents are good. Fast forward to today, I am getting married this year and it will be a small courthouse wedding, with immediate family only. I current live in CA and the rest of my family resides in NJ so my family will be flying out for the wedding.
I invited my moms current boyfriend of 10+ years because I do see him as family as he has always offered help no matter what. On the other hand, myself and my fiance do not have a relationship with my dads current girlfriend AND she is the woman my dad had an affair with so we did not want her there. On top of that, we did not even get a congratulations text/call when we first got engaged. I spoke to my dad recently and after telling him that we do not want her there, he took it rather personal. He began to question why my moms significant other was invited and not his, and then proceeded to say “F you and hung up the call.”
Am I the asshole for inviting my moms significant other and not my dads? I can’t seem to imagine a time or place where it would be appropriate to bring my dads mistress to my wedding.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I decided to invite my moms current boyfriend to my small courthouse wedding and not my dads girlfriend. I may be an asshole because I am only inviting one and not both of them.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Perfectly reasonable to not want her at the wedding. Natural that your dad takes offence to it however, but it’s not your problem really.
NTA, but you can hardly not have expected your father to like the exclusion of his partner of 14 years . I note you call her your ‘fathers mistress’ . Do you refer to you r mother as her partners mistress?
Info: what did you realistically expect your dads response to be when you told him his partner wasn’t invited?
YTA. 14 years! Say sorry and invite her.
Talk to your mom first, I’m sure there’s family dynamics at play. But it’s been 14 years, not 2, and I think at this point she should be invited.
It was your father who cheated on your mother and the family, not her.
YTA
Your wedding , your rules.
So how long have your dad and his GF been together? How often do you see/interact with them? What’s the relationship like? It really depends. Either way it’s your wedding and your decision. Sucks your dad can’t put it aside to support you but also I think most people would handle that news poorly
Yta.
NTA
You have every right to not want her there especially if it makes you uncomfortable. She is not your mother, and you really don’t owe this to her especially after what she did to split the family.
Congratulations!! You have now fucked up your life even more. YTA.
YTA. If you are inviting your father but excluding his significant other, you are not inviting your father. Just pretending to. Of course he saw through that.
Nta. Its your wedding. Invite whoever you want.
Info: How long has he been with his current girlfriend? How does your mom feel about her coming?
NTA but… I had a similar situation. My parents were married for 16 years when my dad left my mom for a family “friend” (she also left her husband a year or so beforehand). I was in middle school at the time. My mom was devastated obviously (the “friend” was her “best friend”). Dad ended up marrying my stepmom (same lady) about 2 years later. My stepmom was okay with me overall but not great with my brothers and her kids were always favored. Any hint of equality was for me and mostly because of my dad. I still invited them both to my wedding when I was 22ish (though it was much larger than yours). It never really occurred to me to not invite her because she’s my dad’s wife.
That said, it’s your wedding. How close are you to your dad? My dad would never talk to me like that. If this was out of character give him a bit. If he is normally this way it might not be much of a loss to have him not attend.
I don’t understand, You said she is the woman he cheated on your mom with 14 years ago but they haven’t been together for 14 years? And then you said the women he cheated on your mom with was a family friend. Is it the same woman or??
NTA, but you knew that not letting her attend would cause issues…and you act like you’re shocked that he’s mad?
You get to invite or not invite whoever you want to a wedding. In turn, you need to suck it up and accept the consequences of your decision (in this case, possibly lifelong estrangement from your father).