Let’s start off by saying that my husband and I have been married going on 8 years with two kids (7&3). He wasn’t raised by his mother, his maternal grandparents raised him from 3 days old. He never once lived with her, they’ve never had much of a relationship outside of her being invited to family events revolving his grandparents. I encouraged a relationship, until I realized how toxic she was.
First issue arose after they were playing at her house along with her friend’s kid proceeded to tell my son he didn’t want him over there, he was annoying and worthless. When I found out about this, I let her know my son was not allowed around the other kid at all. She apologized. The second problem arose after the first time they spent the night. We don’t use artificial dyes (my son has ADHD and dyes make it so much worse) and we try to limit sugar intake and no YouTube. Immediately upon pick up, my son is jumping off the walls and my daughter is glued to MIL phone watching YouTube. I asked my husband to say something, he did and she apologized and claimed she didn’t know. I told my husband they weren’t going to stay over there again. He agreed. Well a few months roll by and she’s begging my husband and getting my husband’s grandparents to ask if they can come back over. He promised if she didn’t follow our simple rules, this would be the last time. I was hesitant and I didn’t want to but I just let it go and agreed. This last time was a repeat, same thing except this time they stayed up all night watching movies and they were still sleeping at 2pm when we went to go pick them up. I was pissed, I will not be disrespected as a mother and have someone go behind my back. He agreed and that was that.
My kids are watched by his grandparents twice a week while I go to work, and I was informed a few weeks ago by my SIL that MIL had called and making false promises to my kids , including she was taking them to Disneyland this summer and the beach, without even running anything by me or letting my husband know either. She did the same thing to my husband growing up, always promising to do things and to go places then never show up or make excuses. Our kids do not deserve to have that disappointment when it’s unnecessary.
This past weekend, my daughter turned three and we had a small family gathering at our house for her. I explicitly said his mother wasn’t invited because she isn’t allowed in my kids life (husband agrees) as she only did when it was convenient for her or to post my kids on SM to make people think she was a good grandma. Well, my husband’s grandparents only stayed about 15 minutes (not even for cake or gifts). I go on my FB and the first thing on my feed was my MIL making a “birthday post” for my daughter, including she wasn’t invited to her party and wishes so much she could be there… since the party, my husbands grandparents keep making comments about it not being fair and it’s really bothering me.
AITA in this situation?
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Let’s start off by saying that my husband and I have been married going on 8 years with two kids (7&3). He wasn’t raised by his mother, his maternal grandparents raised him from 3 days old. He never once lived with her, they’ve never had much of a relationship outside of her being invited to family events revolving his grandparents. I encouraged a relationship, until I realized how toxic she was.
First issue arose after they were playing at her house along with her friend’s kid proceeded to tell my son he didn’t want him over there, he was annoying and worthless. When I found out about this, I let her know my son was not allowed around the other kid at all. She apologized. The second problem arose after the first time they spent the night. We don’t use artificial dyes (my son has ADHD and dyes make it so much worse) and we try to limit sugar intake and no YouTube. Immediately upon pick up, my son is jumping off the walls and my daughter is glued to MIL phone watching YouTube. I asked my husband to say something, he did and she apologized and claimed she didn’t know. I told my husband they weren’t going to stay over there again. He agreed. Well a few months roll by and she’s begging my husband and getting my husband’s grandparents to ask if they can come back over. He promised if she didn’t follow our simple rules, this would be the last time. I was hesitant and I didn’t want to but I just let it go and agreed. This last time was a repeat, same thing except this time they stayed up all night watching movies and they were still sleeping at 2pm when we went to go pick them up. I was pissed, I will not be disrespected as a mother and have someone go behind my back. He agreed and that was that.
My kids are watched by his grandparents twice a week while I go to work, and I was informed a few weeks ago by my SIL that MIL had called and making false promises to my kids , including she was taking them to Disneyland this summer and the beach, without even running anything by me or letting my husband know either. She did the same thing to my husband growing up, always promising to do things and to go places then never show up or make excuses. Our kids do not deserve to have that disappointment when it’s unnecessary.
This past weekend, my daughter turned three and we had a small family gathering at our house for her. I explicitly said his mother wasn’t invited because she isn’t allowed in my kids life (husband agrees) as she only did when it was convenient for her or to post my kids on SM to make people think she was a good grandma. Well, my husband’s grandparents only stayed about 15 minutes (not even for cake or gifts). I go on my FB and the first thing on my feed was my MIL making a “birthday post” for my daughter, including she wasn’t invited to her party and wishes so much she could be there… since the party, my husbands grandparents keep making comments about it not being fair and it’s really bothering me.
AITA in this situation?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My MIL was not invited to my daughter’s birthday party. I am being called the AH for keeping my children from her and she believes she has “grandparents rights” and she doesn’t see why her only showing up when it is convenient for her can affect our children and destroy trust.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA
I grew up with a bio mom who made huge promises and never followed through. Once I grew up I had a very surface relationship with her. When I had kids it took me a long time to let her watch them and she knew if she didnt follow my rules for my kids I would cut her off. She followed them.
You have to protect your kids, they don’t deserve to be constantly disappointed.
NTA. Tell the grandparents that what isn’t fair is that MIL had no respect for boundaries, lies to children repeatedly, and refuses to cooperate with the PARENTS of said grandchildren. She has no rights here, and they need to lay off.