I (25F) have been dating my fiance (26F) since we were 15 and we’re so excited to get married after all these years. I love my fiance more than I could possibly say, she is gorgeous and such a good mother to our 2 kids. My mother, however, has her reservations about my fiance and hasn’t been afraid to voice these opinions even when we first started dating. My mother is the type of person who is never appeased and quick to anger no matter the situation. I don’t hate my mother but she had made it very difficult to love her.
When I was growing up she would constantly insult me and my girlfriend. She also seemed to never have anything nice to say to me and would never praise me for anything that I had done good ; for example would gloss over any art or poetry I’d show her and leave me to doubt myself. She has once even admitted that she finds herself unable to praise me even if she thinks it in her head. There was a period when me and my girlfriend were dating where she wouldn’t let us see eachother or text eachother (would take away anything I had to send her messages on, even going as far as taking away my school laptop which I would use alternatively) she would also villainize me for crying when she would do these things, and call ME the emotional manipulator……
tldr, she was an awful mother and since I’ve been able to be independant I’ve been distancing myself from her. She had this big dream she would go on and on about where shed go to my wedding and see my kids and yadayada.. I still havent let her meet my kids as I dont trust her around them and I’ve decided I’m not going to invite her to my wedding.
My mom has been calling me nonstop when she figured this out, I’ve even considered blocking her because she genuinely wont stop. Everytime she says the same monologue “I took you and her in and this is what you guys do to repay me? This outrageous blahblah..” I feel bad because I still care about my mom deep down and it makes me sad that it has to be this way. Am I the asshole for not inviting her to my wedding?
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I (25F) have been dating my fiance (26F) since we were 15 and we’re so excited to get married after all these years. I love my fiance more than I could possibly say, she is gorgeous and such a good mother to our 2 kids. My mother, however, has her reservations about my fiance and hasn’t been afraid to voice these opinions even when we first started dating. My mother is the type of person who is never appeased and quick to anger no matter the situation. I don’t hate my mother but she had made it very difficult to love her.
When I was growing up she would constantly insult me and my girlfriend. She also seemed to never have anything nice to say to me and would never praise me for anything that I had done good ; for example would gloss over any art or poetry I’d show her and leave me to doubt myself. She has once even admitted that she finds herself unable to praise me even if she thinks it in her head. There was a period when me and my girlfriend were dating where she wouldn’t let us see eachother or text eachother (would take away anything I had to send her messages on, even going as far as taking away my school laptop which I would use alternatively) she would also villainize me for crying when she would do these things, and call ME the emotional manipulator……
tldr, she was an awful mother and since I’ve been able to be independant I’ve been distancing myself from her. She had this big dream she would go on and on about where shed go to my wedding and see my kids and yadayada.. I still havent let her meet my kids as I dont trust her around them and I’ve decided I’m not going to invite her to my wedding.
My mom has been calling me nonstop when she figured this out, I’ve even considered blocking her because she genuinely wont stop. Everytime she says the same monologue “I took you and her in and this is what you guys do to repay me? This outrageous blahblah..” I feel bad because I still care about my mom deep down and it makes me sad that it has to be this way. Am I the asshole for not inviting her to my wedding?
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> I didn’t invite my mother to my wedding and that might make me the asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. My immediate thought was saying something to her like “Mom, you always act like you don’t even LIKE either of us, individually or as a couple. Why would you want to come to our wedding, and why would we want you at our wedding, when you act like that?”
Ynta, This is one of those threads where you ask other people what your favorite color is.
Only you know what your favorite color is.
You know your relationship with your mother, if she is a destructive force in your life you can talk to her, you can set rules since you have your own life now, but when there is no compromise, you limit contact with those who negatively impact your life.
I say that as someone who was raised by a psyco of a father. It took me more or less 20 years till i realized that i was not the one with a problem, so i do not believe any of these “family over everything” themes.
No. You are not required to ruin your own life because someone within your family has an attitude or mental issue. If you think you are, if you think you owe your entire future and the rest of your life to that person then by all means go ahead. Its your decision even if the outcome is obvious.
TL;DR: You have to decide for yourself where the line in the sand is. Communication is key. You shouldnt lock someome out of your life without a warning, or trying to talk to them first, but afterwards if it cannot be avoided you are absolutely within your right to push them to the fringes.
NTA You do not need her negativity on your special day. Good for you for having your wife’s back, too. I’m sure she loves that this woman will not be there.
NTA. If you don’t want her in your life, why would you want ther at your wedding?
NTA.
OP, you KNOW you are not and would not be TA (NTA).
You are just still about susceptible to feeling bad when she howls about how it’s your fault she feels bad.
I’m guessing that it’s getting to you now because you have heard all the stories of mothers and daughters bonding over wedding stuff. You may wish that you could experience that. A tiny portion of you may believe you are denying your mother that experience, but you are NOT. OP. Your mom is not capable of feeling those feelings because she is not capable of sharing any of those potentially bonding moments with you in even close to a positive way. She only knows how to inflict her negativity onto you.
Take that in, please: you are not denying her this magical experience that she claims to dream of. She and her nature are the reason she won’t ever experience it. Your whole life is proof of that.
The part of you that still loves her can be sorry for her, but the rest of you needs to release yourself from feeling responsible for the holes in her life, this hole in particular.
I hope that helps you.