I (25F) got married last month, and while it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life until my mother got involved
Let me take you back a year ago. I had just gotten engaged to my fiancé (now husband, 27M), after dating for three years. He’s everything my mother hates: kind, quiet, emotionally intelligent, and not rich. My mom is the type of person who measures your worth in money and status, and if you don’t meet her standards, you’re beneath her.
She smiled at our engagement at first, but two weeks later, I found out she had invited my fiancé to “lunch to talk.” I thought maybe she wanted to bond or get to know him better.
Turns out… she offered him $10,000 to break up with me.
Let that sink in.
She literally tried to bribe the man I love to leave me.
He told me about it immediately. I was so shocked, I didn’t even know how to react. I called her, and she didn’t even deny it.
I was furious so I cut contact for a while.
But then she started gaslighting me. Calling family members and lying saying my fiancé was abusive, that I was “brainwashed,” that I had “changed.” She even said we were rushing the wedding because I was pregnant (I wasn’t). She made up lies so convincing that my own grandmother asked if I was safe.
By this point, I had made my decision:
She was not coming to the wedding.
When I told her, she exploded. She said I was “turning my back on the woman who raised me,” and that I would “regret this forever.” She even threatened to show up anyway in a white dress to “remind me who the real bride is.” ☠️
We hired security just in case. (No joke.)
The wedding day came. She didn’t show up, thankfully. But the aftermath?
My aunt posted a rant on Facebook calling me a “disrespectful, ungrateful daughter.”
My cousin texted me and said, “Family is family no matter what.”
I even got messages saying I was “cruel” and “heartless” for not inviting the woman who gave birth to me.
But here’s the thing:
She didn’t just “make a mistake.” She tried to sabotage my future and paint my fiancé as a monster. She didn’t want me happy unless it was on her terms.
So now I’m wondering…
AITA for banning my mom from my wedding after everything she did? Or did I take it too far?
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I (25F) got married last month, and while it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life until my mother got involved
Let me take you back a year ago. I had just gotten engaged to my fiancé (now husband, 27M), after dating for three years. He’s everything my mother hates: kind, quiet, emotionally intelligent, and not rich. My mom is the type of person who measures your worth in money and status, and if you don’t meet her standards, you’re beneath her.
She smiled at our engagement at first, but two weeks later, I found out she had invited my fiancé to “lunch to talk.” I thought maybe she wanted to bond or get to know him better.
Turns out… she offered him $10,000 to break up with me.
Let that sink in.
She literally tried to bribe the man I love to leave me.
He told me about it immediately. I was so shocked, I didn’t even know how to react. I called her, and she didn’t even deny it.
I was furious so I cut contact for a while.
But then she started gaslighting me. Calling family members and lying saying my fiancé was abusive, that I was “brainwashed,” that I had “changed.” She even said we were rushing the wedding because I was pregnant (I wasn’t). She made up lies so convincing that my own grandmother asked if I was safe.
By this point, I had made my decision:
She was not coming to the wedding.
When I told her, she exploded. She said I was “turning my back on the woman who raised me,” and that I would “regret this forever.” She even threatened to show up anyway in a white dress to “remind me who the real bride is.” ☠️
We hired security just in case. (No joke.)
The wedding day came. She didn’t show up, thankfully. But the aftermath?
My aunt posted a rant on Facebook calling me a “disrespectful, ungrateful daughter.”
My cousin texted me and said, “Family is family no matter what.”
I even got messages saying I was “cruel” and “heartless” for not inviting the woman who gave birth to me.
But here’s the thing:
She didn’t just “make a mistake.” She tried to sabotage my future and paint my fiancé as a monster. She didn’t want me happy unless it was on her terms.
So now I’m wondering…
AITA for banning my mom from my wedding after everything she did? Or did I take it too far?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I didn’t invite my mother to my wedding
2) Because she gave birth to me, does that mean she’s supposed to be at my wedding even though she did all that stuff
Am I wrong for trying to protect my peace?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. And you didn’t take it far enough.
NTA. Unfortunately your mother is a major AH. Too bad your husband didn’t accept the $10,000 and take you on an expensive vacation. Like you said, he’s not a money grubber.
You are most assuredly NTA. Your mother is a toxic narcissist and, when it comes to them, there is no such thing as taking it too far. If you can, cut contact altogether. Especially if you are planning on having children. Your mental health will thank you.
NTA and the best thing to do is cut contact with all of them.
Nta but also mom is an A for the offer both in doing it but also in this economy 10k isn’t that much so she’s clearly not THAT wealthy.
NTA – it was a day to celebrate your relationship and you didn’t want someone who disrespected it and tried to break it up around you! Ignore the messages!!
Definitely NTA
Minimize contact with your mother, aunt, and whoever else who has tried to diminish or sabotage your relationship with your husband (congrats btw!)
Nope. Your mom is the AH for not just trying to bribe your fiancé to leave you, but for telling lies to your entire family. Your wedding should be a happy day, and if having your mother there would disturb that, she doesn’t belong there.
If it were me, I would compose a message that explained that your mother tried to bribe your fiancé to leave you and detailing each of the lies that she told family members leading up to the wedding (don’t forget her threat to wear a wedding dress to your wedding). I would send it to every single family member and anyone who is not on your side, you go NC with. ANYONE who doesn’t think what she did is wrong or believes her over you, is not someone you need in your life.
I cannot even begin to explain how much you are NTA. Your mother is unhinged and would have made the wedding a nightmare if she was allowed to come. She’s furious because she can’t control you, so she’s resorted to controlling the narrative around you.
If you want to set the story straight, sit down and draft a catch all email to send to the people who believe her stories, with receipts if you have them. However its very likely these people have been manipulated so many times by her, no matter what you say, it will never be enough.
Come up with a better story next time. This is such telenovela nonsense.
Respond to the criticism on social media with facts. “Anyone who would offer my fiancé $10,000 to break up with me is not family. She deserves neither respect nor gratitude.”
NTA. You do need to block the flying monkeys though.
If your mom had shown up for your wedding, she probably would have tried to sabotage the wedding. In any case, if she is so against this marriage, then she had no business being there.
When your mom tried to buy off your fiance you should have gone public with it. As is the only thing you can do is let things cool down as time passes. Your mom is a disaster waiting to happen so just be ready for next thing to happen.
Of course NTA
I don’t know why people take private affairs on social media. Do they need public recognition that badly?
I will make a Facebook post saying “Family is family, but what will you do if your own mothers offers 10 k to your fiance to leave you? And when he doesn’t accept, threats to come to the wedding in a full white gown? Will you invite her to your wedding????”
Let the hunger games begin! LOL
“She said I was “turning my back on the woman who raised me”
—You were and rightly so.
“My cousin texted me and said, “Family is family no matter what.””
—The BuT iT’S fAmIlY crowd NEVER says that the family member who is the perpetrator.
NTA. She would have been a disruptive presence in your wedding guaranteed. You and your now-husband deserved to have a drama-free wedding. And if you want a drama-free life, a good step would be to keep your mom in the NC-zone.
As for your relatives acting as her flying monkeys, I’d send them a simple message explaining how you feel about your mom’s past actions and that her being your mom is not a hall-pass to do whatever she wants to control or wreck your life, especially now that you’re an adult. Let them know that continuing to blast you on her behalf means they get cut off too until they can at least be civil.
This is straight out a k-drama lol
Your mom, aunt, cousin are lunatics. No defense for what she did. If “family is family” you are now married and your husband is your #1 family member. The rest of them can pound sand.
Idiot. He should have taken the money and then told mom to fuck off. Cash and deny it even happened. Definitely not a legally binding agreement.
NTA though
NTA. The people in your “family” who trash your choice need to be cut out of your life.
I think you need to post why you’ve cut your mother out of your life, and tell anyone who has a problem with your choice to kick rocks and then block them.