I (27F) planned a small birthday dinner last weekend with my close friends and immediate family,, just 8 people total. My sister “Lily” (25F) has been dating “Mark” for about 4 months. I’ve met him twice. He’s fine, but we’re not close and he can be a bit… hmmmm… intense in group settings. lol
When I made the reservation, the restaurant could only take 8 people for our time slot. I prioritized my parents, my brother and his wife, and my best friends who I’ve known for over a decade(!!) I figured Lily could come solo.
When I told her, she semed upset and asked why Mark wasn’t invited. I explained the table limit and that I wanted it to be just close family and friends. She said he’s “basically family now” and that it was rude to exclude him.
She ended up coming to dinner but was quiet the whole time, and now she’s barely talking to me. My mom hinted I “should’ve just made room” to avoid drama. I feel bad she’s hurt, but it was my birthday and I wanted it small.
AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (27F) planned a small birthday dinner last weekend with my close friends and immediate family,, just 8 people total. My sister “Lily” (25F) has been dating “Mark” for about 4 months. I’ve met him twice. He’s fine, but we’re not close and he can be a bit… hmmmm… intense in group settings. lol
When I made the reservation, the restaurant could only take 8 people for our time slot. I prioritized my parents, my brother and his wife, and my best friends who I’ve known for over a decade(!!) I figured Lily could come solo.
When I told her, she semed upset and asked why Mark wasn’t invited. I explained the table limit and that I wanted it to be just close family and friends. She said he’s “basically family now” and that it was rude to exclude him.
She ended up coming to dinner but was quiet the whole time, and now she’s barely talking to me. My mom hinted I “should’ve just made room” to avoid drama. I feel bad she’s hurt, but it was my birthday and I wanted it small.
AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t invite my sister’s boyfriend to my birthday dinner. She felt hurt and thinks I was rude
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your birthday, your rules.
An 8 person limit is an 8 person limit. It’s not like you could have “just made room” because the restaurant wouldn’t have allowed it. You would’ve probably had to find a different restaurant…just for a guy you’ve only met twice and your sister has been dating for 4 months.
She’ll have to learn to live with disappointment.
Did your sister and mother not understand the 8 person limit? Next time you should ask if your mom or sister wants to stay home. It was your birthday and you invited who you wanted. I live with my boyfriend and he and my brother are good friends, but if my brother wanted to just invite me because they could only fit 8 people, we would all understand! NTA. Your sister is a brat- 4 months? please. He wasn’t invited and she chose to pout. LOL. I would’ve sent her home.
NTA as long as you remember turnabout is fair play… So that if and when you have an SO if she excludes them you have to be okay with it too
Edit to ask question: who was the 8th 1)OP, 2) OP friend, 3) mom, 4)dad, 5) brother, 6) brothers wife, 7)sister
Remind me, whose birthday dinner was it? NTA.
NTA
Your sister’s BF of four months is ‘practically family now’? I don’t think so.
Well you got what you wanted. So either she remains your friend or not. Now you aren’t the one in control. She gets to decide if you are a good friend or selfish. I hope she chooses well.
People you date for a 4 months are not “basically family now”. After a year or two we can talk. All these people who make one relationship the same as another in order to force people to invite them…eek.
I guess your Mom could have skipped to make room
nta
NTA. “My mom hinted I “should’ve just made room” to avoid drama.” Oh, your mother is one of THOSE.
But he’s not family….
How were you supposed to “just make room” when the restaurant had an eight person limit? Your sister dating someone for all of a hot second doesn’t make him family or obligate you or anyone else to automatically include him in everything.
She needs to grow up.
NTA.
Four months isn’t long enough for automatic “family” events.
Four months is long enough for an abusive person to try to isolate her from family.
NTA but… even though Inviting him was not required, it would have been the kinder and generous thing to do. You made a point of not inviting him knowing it would cause issues. Because of that, even though you are technically not in the wrong, it was a shitty thing to do and I understand your sister being upset. Hope it was worth it.
NTA. It’s not like you’re having a huge party where capacity isn’t an issue. A boyfriend of a few months is not “part of the family” and if she can’t spend a few hours away from him to celebrate her sister at a small gathering, that’s just pathetic.
It was your birthday dinner? Not hers or your mums. You invited the people most important to you, your sisters current squeeze didnt make the cut. Also, they could only take 8 people, would they have preferred one of them be left out for him? NTA.
NTA. He isn’t anywhere near “family”. She is acting entitled. It’s your birthday, your choice.
When your mom ‘makes room’ for the bf in Lily’s bedroom she can expect you to do the same.
NTA generally, but it sounds like you didn’t want to invite him anyways and the table limit was an excuse. So good luck if your sister keeps dating him. This isn’t an excuse you’ll be able to use multiple times.
Unless he’s already knocked her up, a 4-month boyfriend is in no way shape or form anything even close to resembling “family now.”
NTA.
NTA He’s not basically family if they’ve been dating for only 4 months. Too bad, you don’t have to invite him to your celebration. Lily is acting childish, grow up.
YNTA, hmmm.. mom and sister are.
Ask your sister and your mother who they
didn’t feel like deserved to be there more.
Is your SIL not family? What about brother? Surely not your parents, they only made you…and I KNOW your 2 friends that you have been friends with for 10+ yrs are not less familiar than some bloke you met 2x. Maybe you should have skipped to make room…or she could have skipped and you could have invited him instead.
Given the 8 people allowance- I want them to explain, in detail, who at that table shouldn’t have been there so he could have been?
NTA.
Edited to add, how old is she that she is bringing some guy around after only 4 months? That seems SO FAST!
NTA, 4 months isn’t a long time. Let her be mad. It was your day to invite whomever you wanted to invite. Her under 6 months boyfriend didn’t make the cut. Let her cook…
NTA. It’s a small dinner for your birthday. It’s crazy to expect you to invite a guy you’ve met twice. If your sister wants goat family dinners with her new boyfriend, she can arrange them herself. Four months isn’t partner territory.
Basically family after 4 months? Your sister is a fool.
NTA, maybe text mom and sister, “It’s been on my mind as my sister wanted her bf to come and mom feels we should have made room. So to clarify, the table seated eight, and the restaurant doesn’t allow more people, so I chose you two and other close family and friends. Her bf is not close family as he’s only been in her life four months. In the future, I might have a large party somewhere and include everyone who might like to come if it’s affordable, but if there’s a table limit, if it’s better to only invite my sister if her SO can come, let me know.”
I’ve got ice cream in my freezer that’s four months old. It’s not that long term of a relationship. NTA
NTA
Your birthday, your guest list.
>My mom hinted I “should’ve just made room” to avoid drama.
If she feels so strongly about making room she should’ve offered to be the one to make room.